Apr. 10th, 2017

rachg82: (Default)

I got six months clean this week from all non-prescribed, mind-altering substances (and from abusing any prescribed ones, which was perhaps even more difficult), and my sponsor surprised me with flowers again to celebrate. It was kind of funny, because she gave them to me at a meeting for queer women, so I got a few "is that her girlfriend???"-type looks. But it definitely made the day more special. As pathetic as it may sound, she is actually the only person who has ever bought me flowers.

I also finished step 4 this week (cue chorus of Hallelujah), and I'm pretty proud of that because it wasn't easy. Writing down my resentments, fears, and relationship history (basically all the could have beens since I've never truly had one), and actually analyzing them, turned out to be super depressing & anxiety-inducing. And, ironically enough, pretty triggering as far as urges to use or self-harm go. But I got through it, and I'm ready to start processing its millions of pages of hot-messitude with my sponsor, starting next week.

Also, now that I have a bit of sobriety under my belt, I'm going to look into what they call "H&I", which is where you bring meetings to people who otherwise couldn't make it to them, such as treatment facilities & jails. I really appreciated the people who did that for us when I was in detox, and I'd like to do the same for others. After all, as they say all the time in recovery, you can only keep what you have by giving it away. (Slogans like that sound super fucking cheesy, I know, but they are true in my experience)

Anyway, moving on to some other RL stuff: Health stuff, family stuff, and general life-related stuff )

Last thing before I go: thanks to a $35 arts tax I had to pay this month (which I didn't know to expect, having always lived outside of Portland before), I only have $20 left until the end of the month. I'm pretty stressed about it, and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, so I thought I would at least ask for help. Even $20 would be a big deal right now. So if you can help at all, even if it's less than 20, please just follow the donate link below (and thank you in advance!).

August 2017

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