rachg82: (roslin bitchface)
Ugh, worst part about being on my period? Even worse, perhaps, than the uptick in depression, irritability, and anxiety? The increase in my freaking "Good morning! Not! Muahaha" migraines, that's what. I HATE HORMONES.

Anyway, I'm tired of lying down with an icepack, so I'm in one of those "Y'know what, pain? I can't even hear you. La la la"-moods, trying to distract & detach. Ergo, spam for you lot. Enjoy.

First, another meme (P.S. I plan to answer your questions from yesterday's meme soon, promise):

Lyric Meme

Give me a character or a ship and I will give you a lyric (or a few) that reminds me of them.

And now for rambling:

1. Let me get this straight, this guy gets the death penalty amidst all the controversy (eyewitness testimony? Really, people? Do I need to point out the studies indicating how effing unreliable that shit is?), while these cruel bastards get 4-15 yrs? It's certainly not news to me, but it just sucks to be reminded how frakked the justice system in this country really is, not to mention the safety net for mentally ill/homeless people. My schizophrenic uncle's just lucky to have been in halfway homes & on proper medication for so much of his life, including the medication he takes now to deal with all the side effects from the shock therapy he received back in the day.

I like the comment too from the person who was all, "His dad ~let~ him be homeless and now wants to sue the police?" Yes, because A. his son's life ceased to matter after becoming homeless, apparently, and B. it's super easy to control a mentally ill adult, force them to live where you want, force them to stay on the right medication--or even have good access to it--and get them the help they need after most of the old hospitals got shut down & shelters/ERs across the nation became understaffed & overloaded (I still remember talking to ER nurses & listening to them vent about the system while my mom slept there on a gurney for days, waiting for a single bed to open up in the psych ward). I'd like to invite that guy to actually be related to a seriously unstable individual for a decade or two & then get back to me on that. God. Someday I will learn to stop reading Yahoo comments, but apparently that's still a work in progress.

2. I have several ignorant cooking questions to ask. Fortunately, I have you all to answer them (lookin' at you, especially, Jas) )

3. I haven't talked about Parenthood yet, so I should probably rectify that: cut for spoilers )

4. I watched "When We Were Kings" this week. It had a lot of clips I'd already seen (my dad had a vid of the entire Rumble in the Jungle match when I was younger, which included various bits of news footage from those years. I watched it with him once), but there was stuff I'd never seen too, and it was very entertaining overall. I'd listen to Ali talk all day. We're gonna get it on because we don't get along! Haha. Love him.

5. Facebook continues to be the devil. What's worse than obligatory friendships with people who really aren't your friends anymore? Seeing them talk to each other like BFFs & not include you. It's my fault though. For one, this is why I hide them (then occasionally look on their wall anyway, like some kind of masochist. It's like the Yahoo comments thing), and for two, it's not really obligatory to keep them as "friends" at all. It's just hard to defriend. You know people make such a big deal out of it, will probably tell the others, "Oh, you know, Rachael actually defriended me this week" (cue: "What's with her?" bla bla bla gossip), despite the fact that for all intents & purposes they haven't BEEN my friends for a good year now. It's just so annoying.

6. The guy I talked to at unemployment yesterday said his records showed that I called on the 13th, so the form's deadline shouldn't be an issue. Of course he also kept being like, "They'll honor the date of the postmark, don't worry" and was obviously not paying attention to my question. But I broke it down for him AGAIN, and was like, "The form is going to be postmarked LATE. L-a-t-e, late. But it also said I could call, which I did. And you show that, correct? Which means I'm okay?" And he said yes. So…I guess it's okay. I didn't really trust him though. We'll see. Either way, it still leaves the problem open-ended because I don't know if they'll reopen my claim, but I at least don't want it to be denied because of a postmark date of all things.

BTW, I wasn't really that rude to him, heh. But I'm feeling venty today, so just go with it.

7. I have a phone appointment with the SNAP people this Friday to determine my eligibility for food assistance & state health care. Fingers crossed, folks.

8. My first appointment with Luke Dorf is Monday. The intake lady told me that the crisis team already gave me a preliminary diagnosis of major depression, which didn't surprise me (I've been diagnosed with it before + Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Social Anxiety Disorder). It sounds like I'll be getting a full assessment next week though. The one I got with the psychiatrist wasn't one of those "let's diagnose you" deals, more so a medication check up with a short series of questions. The person I'll be seeing is only listed as a QMHP, though, I think, so I don't know what level of experience to expect or how relevant it'll be to my situation. But I hope it works out.

9. As for a RL update on how I'm doing, the last few days have been somewhat hard, emotionally. Not just for the financial stuff, but thoughts & dreams of family, friends, loneliness, etc. But it is helpful to know I'll be talking to someone soon. I did take a walk yesterday as well, for the first time in a while, which was nice. Sometimes it makes me sad now to be in nature, because I used to spend so much time outdoors with my nephew (we'd go for what we called "expeditions" and what-not, make it into a whole big thing, wandering in the forest, looking for bugs & animals, stuff like that), but it's still soothing to me, and brings my spirits up when I pass by toddlers driving their parents crazy with non-stop questions & the like. Heh. "Why is the dog sniffing that?" "Because that's what dogs like to do." "Why do they like to do that? Moo-oom? Why? Why do they like to sniff? Why--" "Because they just do." "Where'd the sky go? Where's the river?" "We can't see it because of the trees. It'll be back." "When?" Seriously, non-stop, this little girl was. I had to fight myself not to laugh.

10. For my Vid of the Day, here's some more purty music:

rachg82: (rizzoli matching puke outfits)
1. Just made a rice protein smoothie with those blueberries I bought at the Farmers Market, plus added rasberries, bananas, honey, & a combo of rice & almond milk. It was pretty much the biggity biggity bomb. Just so y'all know.

2. It's about time for an icon meme, methinks. Taken from [livejournal.com profile] torigates:



my answers )

3. Since tomorrow is Labor Day, I won't be working. As for today, I worked 6 am - 1 pm instead of the normal 6:35 am - 5:05 pm Sunday shift I would've had. It's amazing how short a seven-hour day feels when you're getting used to ten. Unfortunately, I won't get holiday pay since I don't qualify yet, but I'll be working a full day on Tuesday & a half-day on Wednesday to make up for it. I'll even get something like two hours of overtime pay, technically. I'll probably exhaust myself in the process, but whatevs. I really need money. Currently, I have something like thirty-odd dollars to last me the next two weeks. GOOD TIMES.

4. Speaking of work, behold my favorite customer quote of the day (re: the increasing absence of pay phones on the streets due to everyone getting cell phones): "I mean, where's Superman gonna change his clothes?"

Also, gotta love the 90 year old woman I helped get signed up today, who, when asked if she had an email address, was like, "What's that?" Cue me answering, "Email? You know, on the internet?" And her shouting (they always shout, haha), "Internet?! What?" And me again, like: "Um, internet…like on a computer?" And then her final response of, "OH, I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE. I'M LUCKY IF I CAN FIGURE OUT MY TV, HONEY." Hee!

FYI: I heard yesterday that the oldest customer we have is 106. Apparently he's pretty with it, too. *106* (it bears repeating). I can't even. He would've been three when the Model T came out. And he has a cell phone before I do. Haha.

5. A lot of my flist has been doing this, most recently [livejournal.com profile] keenai, so I'll jump on the bandwagon. Here's my Fall/Winter TV Schedule )

That's all for tonight. For my Vid of the Day, let's celebrate the upcoming return of Community this month (not to mention season 2 coming out on DVD) with some awesome Abed quotes, edited together by tvgirl17:



ETA: I can't resist:

rachg82: (rizzoli/isles llbffs)
1. Two hours cleaning = I iz tired nao. No mas, por favor. Still need to do laundry though, ugh.

2. New icon, check it. I bet you feel gayer already. (Feel free to swipe as long as you give me credit.)

3. Speaking of R&I, I rewatched this week's ep last night and couldn't resist jotting down some of my favorite lines & moments this time: cut for spoilers )

4. I told y'all this tag of picspams would never end. Three new categories, ahoy )

5. Current finished its "50 Documentaries To See Before You Die" series last week, and the complete list can now be viewed here. I watched "Trouble the Water" and "An Inconvenient Truth" yesterday, both of which are on the list. Most everyone's seen An Inconvenient Truth, so I'll skip talking about it in detail, but I will say that I enjoyed it. As for Trouble the Water, it was really, really good. Great timing for seeing it, too, what with the six year anniversary of Katrina this week.

For my VotD this time, let's go with a Bones pick. This one's by BONESgeek & contains spoilers through season 6:

rachg82: (community my brain is crying)
1. What a way to spend my last day before starting a new job -- getting my ass thoroughly kicked by an all-day migraine. I guess that's my body's way of showing me who's boss? (And here I thought it was Tony Danza.)

It's not surprising, what with the heat + being at the tail-end of my period, but it's still disconcerting. I had to just acknowledge to myself this afternoon that I'm not fully in control, y'know? I can't just *will* my body to be healthy & functional all the time, even if I try my damnedest to help it along. As much as it would suck, there's a chance I could lose another job due to this, and that'd just be how it goes. I'd simply have to deal with it. Hopefully that DOESN'T happen, but bottom line is that it could. And it's very stressful. As it is, all my plans today were totally thrown off. Nothing got accomplished. No laundry, no walk to the store, nothing. And it's okay, because I can work around that (I mean, I can find something decent to wear tomorrow, I have enough to eat for breakfast & lunch, etc), but I'm still in kind of a lousy mood as a result. I think I'm a bit nervous about tomorrow as well, which doesn't help. Not massively so or anything, at least not in comparison to the panic-attackstravaganzas that I used to go through with new jobs/anything people-related, but enough to be noteworthy. I really want a new start, and, just for once, to have that new start go smoothly.

2. I mentioned yesterday that my niece's birthday is coming up (on the 30th), and I feel like it's probably something I should talk about, and need to talk about, but it's hard. I'll admit that I had a good cry over it yesterday. Beyond that, trying to put my emotions regarding family right now into words (especially, re: my niece & nephew) is like trying to pour an ocean into a tiny paper cup. There's just too much there. Though I suppose saying that is in its own way at least articulating something. But I think you guys know what I mean.

3. I worked on my fic a lot yesterday, and a tiny bit today (when I wasn't bed-bound from pain), but only managed to add the equivalent of a drabble, basically. I'm still gonna pat myself on the back for that, though. Every little bit counts, and I am starting to like (read: accept) what the whole thing is turning into, finally.

4. I finished season 4 of Friday Night Lights this morning. As always, I have thoughts: cut for spoilers )

5. I checked two more docs off the list this week -- "Paris is Burning" and "Bus 174." Both can be watched on YouTube (here and here). Paris is Burning is one of those films that makes you grateful someone turned on the camera when they did, because it captured such an important (yet often overlooked) part of recent American history, especially if you're lgbtq. I'm really glad I didn't miss it.

As for Bus 174, it's one that'll stay with you. Just so sad. But it does a great job of not only telling the story of what happened that day, but also the hijacker's life leading up to that point.

For my Vid of the Day, I've got to swipe a rec from [livejournal.com profile] trust_your_hart. This one (by TheDreamhunter72) is just brill, especially the ending.

rachg82: (FNL dancing)
1. The Energizer Bunny of Picspams continues. We've got another brand new category AND an update to #46. clicky )

2. I checked another doc off the list this week: Roger & Me (link to watch on YouTube + the trailer). Michael Moore before he was Michael Moore, alll the way back in 1989. I really enjoyed it, especially the editing. The juxtaposition at the end between Roger Smith quoting Charles Dickens and the family in Flint being evicted on Christmas Eve? Genius.

3. I renewed my icon package/paid account a few days ago, & it actually gave me three additional icon spaces for free, which: yay. Hence the adorableness above. I love themmm.

4. Speaking of FNL, I checked out season 3 from the library last night & am already done with the first disc. I'll probably have more to say after I get a bit further in, but for now I'll just reiterate my undying love for Eric & Tami, Landry, Tyra, Matt (and his grandma!), and basically everyone. Though I still sometimes want to smack Lyla & Julie upside the head, but that's okay. Heh.

5. I've made it my mission to do all the laundry sitting on my bedroom floor by next Friday. If possible, I'd like to also go through my wardrobe for items to give/throw away, because seriously. My dresser is full of shit I haven't worn in years. It's ridiculous. Whether I'll actually be successful in this endeavor is another matter, but we'll see.

For my Vid of the Day (this time by narvinek), I have some amazeballs shiznit for y'all. This was recommended by Coda on facebook the other day, so I have her to thank for my not missing it. Definitely one of the best BSG vids I've seen. I seriously cannot stop watching it. THIS is the show I love. Right here. SO intense, so good.

rachg82: (abed is my homeboy)
1. The job is a go, people. I'mma make it rain! (In Portland! Which neverrr happens otherwise. Y'know. Heh.) cut for more boring job stuff )

ETA: Ooh! And I almost forgot, the job includes free cell phone service (not sure if they literally give you a phone, too, or if you pay for that. We'll see). Kind of hilarious because, really? A free cell phone was probably the only possible way to make me willingly own one.[/curmudgeon]

2. Speaking of money, buying a blender is probably one of the best things I've ever done. SO MUCH FUN. Even when I was a kid, we didn't have one; my best friend & I would hand-stir milkshakes, haha. We thought we were brilliant at it though, like we were gonna go out & have a milkshake stand & get filthy rich or something.

3. I put season 3 of Friday Night Lights on request at the library yesterday, so I should be getting that soon (it needs to be moved from another location). Fingers crossed it arrives today. I need some Eric & Tami Taylor in my life.

4. Current has been airing some of the docs from that "50 Documentaries to See Before You Die" series I mentioned the other day, and yesterday they played "One Day in September" (about the 1972 Munich games/attack), which I'd never seen before. I have to say I agree with its placement on the list. Tense, disturbing, & frankly heartbreaking (the Philip Glass music doesn't help, heh. My tear ducts have like a pavlovian response to him). The whole thing is up on YouTube, too (Part One), in case anyone wants to watch. Here's the trailer as well.<--I know, I'm so helpful.

5. My sleep schedule is getting closer to normal--I'm going to bed in the evening, not the morning--but I keep waking up way too early. Like, 2 or 3 in the morning, completely opposite to my normal problem of konking out for 10-16 hours at a time. Cut it out, body!

And that's it. For my Vid of the Day, here's some random funnyness:

rachg82: (serenity booth)
It feels like I haven't done a normal entry in forever, but in reality it's only been since Tuesday. Still. Now I have a bunch of stuff piled up to talk about.

Cue randomness:

-Current is doing a three-part series titled "50 Documentaries To See Before You Die," and I've been enjoying it. I love documentaries, and while I've already seen quite a few on their list, there's some I've never even heard of. I think, if possible, I'd like to make it a goal to watch the rest on the list.

-On a similar note, I watched a couple docs on hulu.com today (Motherland and Children of god), which were both really moving, Motherland in particular. It's about a group of mothers who've lost a child (and one sister who lost a brother), none of whom know each other, making a trip to South Africa together to volunteer amongst those affected by AIDS, poverty, etc. They spend a lot of time with children--some whose parents have already died or are going to--and I spent a lot of time tearing up, ngl. This little girl started crying when one of the mothers pointed at a page of facial expressions & asked which one she felt like, and I was like, "OKAY. TISSUES. GONNA NEED 'EM." I just wanted to hug these kids so badly.

The second doc followed kids living & begging on the streets outside the crematorium in Kathmandu (Nepal). It's mainly centered around a 12 year old boy who plans to be dead by 13, his older brother who's not really around, his very young sister (whom he's basically raising), and his alcoholic/damn near useless mother. I thought it'd be a pretty unique story, because of the element of kids living outside (and relying on -- they eat & make money by scavenging food & coins left in the river for the dead) a crematorium, but between the kids rapping & the universal nature of addiction, it ended up being extremely relatable. I only wish I could find out how the kids were doing later & especially whether the 12 year old ended up all right. That's one of the best things about the series I mentioned above -- the host periodically does interviews with former doc subjects throughout the ep, updating you on where they are now, etc.

-So You Think You Can Dance had its finale this week. After much hand-wringing, I voted for Sasha, though I also think Melanie earned it. More thoughts on the finale, this season overall, and a few leftover fave dances )

-My hayfever allergies have been CRAZY the last few days. I mean, miserable, utterly. So much so that I was like, "Whaaaat is going on? Did the pollen count just explode or something?" And to a degree, yes, it did; weather.com lists the weed pollen count in my zip code as high, which makes sense since it's late summer, and that's when ragweed does its thing. Then I thought about the chamomile supplement my doctor gave me, realized it's also from the ragweed family, and immediately became annoyed because HELLO, why would you give that to me when I'm allergic to it. Damn't. Like, I think I'm usually okay if I take a few sips of chamomile tea or whatever, but taking it in capsule form is something else entirely. ANNOYING.

-I didn't want to be one of Those People, gullibly following whatever they're told without second thought, so I've been trying to learn more about the test they did for my food sensitivities. Especially because the change is stressing me OUT, I'll admit. cut for rambling )

-I cancelled my counseling appointment today, because I felt awful (physically); I straight-up could not stop sneezing/blowing my nose, and it would've been embarassing on the bus. I'm also feeling a little stressed about so much spending, between the $30 for the doctor's appointment & the $40 for the blender & changing my food budget etc, so that played a role too. My rent is going up next month, & I have a follow-up appt with that doctor, and yeah. I just don't want to blow my cash all at once, however good it might be to do. I'll feel less stressed about it if I wait a bit longer & stagger the spending out.

-Remember how I was supposed to get together with that friend a week ago? Yeah, apparently she forgot or IDEK (I'm talking after she forgot & said so, the second time. She was all, "How about next week?",then never got back to me). People are so flaky.

Anyway, I think that's more than enough for one entry. For my Vid of the Day, have some Jeff/Britta action by xbucketx.

rachg82: (Default)
As promised in my long-as-hell flocked post, here is the meme [livejournal.com profile] filledusoleil86 tagged me for[/ending with a preposition. WHAT].

clicky )

For my Vid of the Day, I'll share another S-themed song. The Portland Rose Festival has begun--cue: sailors everywhere--so it's about that time, y'all:

rachg82: (fanfic turns me on)
All I've been able to eat for days, folks: peanut butter & honey sandwiches. Oh, and the occasional nutra grain bar. That too.

I know I'm not the healthiest person in the world when it comes to this sort of thing, but for frak's sake. Come on. Enough with the douchery, stomach. I'm trying to put food in you. I know you're not used to it anymore, but what's up with the bloated bowling ball of acidy burning-action? That shit ain't right. I feel like I need a pin to pop the air out. That, or someone to go in there & disarm the knife-wielding ninjas. One or the other.

Who knew there was so much room in one's GI tract for acrobatics & sword swallowing? Not to mention nuclear experiments.

(The ninjas made friends. Isn't that nice?)

It is getting better though. I know it's just a result of my period ending + acute stress (everything with my friends & family recently/the SI. It all equals life change & subsequent meltdown in my brain) + not treating my body right in the first place. My skin is all itchy & rashy as well. These things take their toll; I know the drill--though it still somehow manages to always surprise me when it happens ("You mean the nervous system actually affects the body? WHO KNEW?" *rolls eyes*). It'll pass, regardless.

In the meantime, I'm distracting myself with a new endeavor. Blame Thank [livejournal.com profile] fourth_rose, as she's the one who gave me the encouragement. I was talking with her online yesterday about last week's episode of Bones, and the fandom's curiously small selection of PWP fic (we x-philes put you all to shame back in the day, for serious. It was a non-stop smutfest), and voila, now I'm writing a story about Booth spankin' the monkey.

OF COURSE.

Y'know, because what else would I be doing on a Monday? Looking for work? Jigga, please.

I'm still working on my Brennan fic, don't fret. This is just a detour. It's a fun diversion though, especially because it's good practice for writing something shorter than Anna Karenina-ish in length. (Aw, hyperbole. I heart you.)

There are people outside mowing grass & hammering things, however, and I don't think they have their priorities in order. BOOTH WANTS TO FANTASIZE ABOUT BRENNAN, OKAY? STFU SO I CAN FOCUS.<--this is why I usually write at night.

Also: JESUS FUCK, MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS ARE LOUD. I think they're dropping tanks on my ceiling. It goes beautifully with the honking car & garbage truck that just joined in with the cacophony.

Remind me again why I bother getting up during daylight hours? I need a soundproof panic room for moments like this. I can stock it with a computer, a TV, a sofa, maybe a book or two, some music, and curl up in a cocoon-like blanket of PEACE & STILLNESS & DIMLY LIT VALHALLA-FILLED WONDER.[/secret hermit gang-sign]

Anyway. (ngl, I just put headphones on because the noise was agitating me so bad, haha. My dream one of these days is to just peek my head out the door at the world & yell, "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THINGS? BE QUIET!" Totally rational.)

The story itself isn't that cracky so far though, to be honest. I'm still going to call it PWP though, simply because of the basis for the story. The whole point is Booth rubbin' one out. Ha. Pretty words or not, it's still a porny excuse for a plot.

If the monster truck rally outside decides to move their show elsewhere, I think I should be able to finish the story & post it tonight. Then I'll get back to my longer fic. And look for work & go to the store & attend an ACA meeting & do important things, bla bla bla. Eventually. At least I'm out of bed for more than a few hours at a time. That's something.

For now, I'll entertain you all with the following:

Three songs I'm listening to today )

For my Vid of the Day, I'd like to share this lovely tribute to River (by Mq112358) that I found the other day while wasting time on YouTube. As I've said before, she's the newest addition to my list of Fave Female Characters, and I just wish the show had gone on longer so I could see more of her. This vid uses a song that I adore as well, so it gets extra points for that.

rachg82: (Bones therapy)
Damn period. It's making my head hurt. I kind of want to try my hand at a drabble fic in response to tonight's ending, but I don't think I can properly focus on one with the whole fire-in-my-eyes deal goin' on. We'll see.

In the meantime, here are my thoughts on the episode )

Since I'm clearly in a music-y mood, my Vid of the Day will be another song I'm enjoying right now. Very appropriate in tone to my B/B babies at the moment:

rachg82: (serenity booth)
1. I've got such a bad migraine right now that the only way to tolerate it is to pull a "pain is only a sensation. I don't mind it. My head is separate from me. It's my body feeling the pain, not me"-detacharoo mindfuck and even that is only slightly working. Otherwise I'm just trying to distract myself, because I'm plain tired of lying down now (you can only do it for so long. Seriously, by 2:30 or 3 in the afternoon, it's like "I HAVE A LIFE, CRANIUM"). So, lights are off, I'm pretending the glare from the computer monitor doesn't bug me, Cheerios are to my right, and we're gonna write an entry. How 'about that, migraine? Why don't you put that in your pipe & smoke it? *throws gang sign*

(I like how my own head is my arch nemesis. Totally healthy)

2. Probably didn't help that I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning last night though, huh? But, like, I had REASONS. Curing cancer & what-not. Knitting mittens for visually-impaired Romanian orphans. Saving puppies. (I'm like a hero of my time) Okay, not really. More like drawing a comic. Which I will now share with you all as it's a good sign of ennui lifting in my opinion. )

3. Speaking of new shows, I have now officially added Lie To Me to my DVR. )

4. As I said to [livejournal.com profile] jasminelily already, I thought Parenthood last night was, and I quote, "full of rainbows & fluffy-tailed bunny rabbits, as per usual." In other words: A+. God damn, I love me some of that show. It's like a giant bowl of happyface. "You're black!" Haha. Maaaaaaax.

5. Southland, meanwhile, was fantabuloso. And yes, that's a word, because I say so. "Guess what? You're arrested for murder, asshole!" Hey, Regina King, I'd like to present you with this award for HBIC of the evening. You can put it with all the others.

6. As if all that weren't enough, did you guys know Jersey Shore has a new season starting this week? I just about lost my shit. Haha. (NOT A WORD. We don't need no hateration in this dancery, yo! I love my trainwreck documentary, hee) P.S. I hear there's a grenade whistle this season. *laughs & laughs*

7. To make up for my guilty pleasure downfall above, I would also like to remind you all of another TV show I adore )

8. Modern Family tonight! I love TVVVVVV. Hey, when does Parks & Rec come back?

9. I've written down a mess of songs to include in my 1994 soundtrack & will probably post it either tonight (if my migraine gets better) or tomorrow. I have a problem, I know. Hopefully you guys enjoy it though. Heh. You all should've seen me when I came across a Portishead song I hadn't heard since I was twelve. Hot damn. If I'd had popcorn on my lap, it would've been comically tossed up in the air. (for those who don't want to wait to find out, it was Sour Times. Nghhh, I was crazy about that song. And totes in love with her, won't even lie. Still am. I ended up listening to Portishead all night afterward)

10. Vid of the Day. As a preview to my soundtrack, let's get Bjorky up in here. This song won't be on the soundtrack, but best believe my girl here will be. "Debut" was the third CD I ever owned ("Music Box" by Mariah Carey was the first, given to me for Christmas when I was eleven in 1993; and Gloria Estefan's Greatest Hits was the second, given to me for my 12th birthday in 1994. "Debut" was bought later that same year, and it was the first album I ever bought for myself, actually) and I used to just sit on my bunkbed listening to it, over & over. Back then, all I needed were seven things to be okay: my TV, my video games, my discman, my art, my violin, my keyboard, & my books (all of which were in my room). That's it. Sometimes my best friend & my bike, so I could literally physically escape. But otherwise that was it. And every night, this was the song I listened to as I fell asleep. Take it away, Bjork. BFFs 4 Life, y'all:

rachg82: (roslin operahouse)
So. Christmas. Ho ho ho & what-not.

It's really hard to explain what I'm feeling, because I'm not sure I even know what it is. My head hurts & it's kind of just too much, you know? Sometimes you don't even want to expend the energy to think about it. You've got an ache in your chest and you know something is bothering you, but you don't want to deal with it. You spent the day with your uncle, aunt, and cousin's family, & that's fine. It's more than fine. It's far better than many other holidays you've had, that's for damned sure.

So it's like--why even bother dwelling on anything else? Just push it down. Push it away.

It doesn't matter that the only gifts you got were the manipulation bombs from your loca-ass drug addict mother (which got donated), a $100 check from your father (included in a card with no personal note--same as every year), and a plant-watering chia pet-lookin' thing from your schizophrenic uncle. That's okay.

It doesn't matter that no one called you.

It doesn't matter that your grandma doesn't send you a card anymore.

It doesn't matter that your dad couldn't think of more than two things to say to you when you called him, despite only talking to you on holidays. It doesn't matter that neither your stepmom nor your brother asked to speak with you.

It doesn't matter that your nephew never called to thank you for his present.

Does any of this surprise you? No.

So, get over it.

This is what I'm telling myself. It's partially working, for what it's worth. I know the drill: one foot in front of the other. This is just another day. At least I didn't have to spend the day with my mom & stepdad, right? Even though that's depressing in its own way, due to what it represents, it does have its perks. No drama. No crazytimes. I mean, would I like to have a mother I could spend today with? Yes. Would I like to have a dad who acts like he loves me? Yes. But oh well. It could always be much worse. Would some of the traumatized refugees on Yemen's Beach of Death like life to cut them a break? Duh. My apartment looks pretty spiffy in comparison. Of course it's not a competition though, but my point remains. I didn't ask for any of this, it does suck, and I have a very legitimate right to feel sad; however, in response to the big bag of dicks life handed me, I made a choice--at least as far as my mom, stepdad, and sister were concerned--and it was the right choice. All I can do now is listen to what the Serenity Prayer says: accept what I can't change, change what I can, and do my best to learn the difference.

Doesn't mean it's easy though. Especially on days of cultural/familial significance.

I am glad I was able to see my uncle & them though. That was nice. I admit I felt a bit like a stray dog/pity guest--there were a few random "no one should have no place to go on Christmas. That's ridiculous. . .there's always an extra setting here. . .keep family close!" comments & then everyone was all noddy & I felt very on the spot--but I do think my uncle genuinely enjoyed having me there, so it's okay. As for how he's doing, re: the lung cancer, he was in the hospital for a few days again this week due to coughing & a low blood count (no one told me until today though), and honestly it just seems like things are slowly getting worse. My aunt mentioned something about how they'd cook the turkey "next year," and all I could think was, "he won't be around by then." Because really. I just don't think he will be. I'm trying not to think about it, because there's really just no point--we all know he's terminal & all you can do is live day by day in that case--but yeah. It's sad. All afternoon my cousin's baby (who is frakking ADORABLE, by the way. Happiest baby ever) was waving at him and clapping, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how he won't be around to watch him grow up. I hate it. It's a horrible thing to think, but he deserves to live so much more than either of my parents. He's so much nicer. It's really, really not fair.

. . .and I think that officially makes me an evil person. I probably shouldn't admit to thoughts like that on Christmas, huh? Oh well. I'm nothing if not honest. It's just, he smiles at me, you know? He smiles, and he watches Firefly, and BSG, and offers me chocolate, and he's not mean. He's never been mean. Not ever. I don't want him to die.

Okay, I think that's enough for today. On the bright side: I made it. Christmas is over, finally, and it wasn't even really that bad. It was actually decent & fairly nice-ish. Even though I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. Such is life. As Micah said to Bones, it's better to feel sad than dead, right? At least it means you care.

And on that note, I'll leave you all with a Vid of the Day (this time by PsychotiicSlayer). Let's let the cast of Bones kiss the boo-boos and make it all better, shall we? If nothing else, at least Christmas gives me an excuse to rewatch my favorite episode every year, "The Man in the Fallout Shelter". ("Woman in Limbo" just barely misses a tie & earns the silver).

rachg82: (dollhouse sierra shadow)
Have any of you guys read "The Bad Seed"? *nodding to current music selection* It's a disturbing book. I know the expression originally comes from the Bible, but whenever I hear it, it's this book I always think of. I bet there's a lot of people who don't realize what a large role it played within America sociologically, not to mention culturally (hello, "The Good Son" and tons of other plots. Way to be rip offs.)

Anyway.

(The origins of language/tropes interest me. I digress.)

Thanks to those of you who read my flocked entry yesterday & to those who commented. I totally understand if some of you couldn't read it (long-ass & full of triggery-ness, especially) or weren't able to comment. Looking at it objectively, if it had been someone else's entry, I might've been almost afraid to say anything. "Is it okay to say 'I love you & hope you feel better soon'? That's trite, right?" So, yeah, I get it. So I just wanted to make that clear. But I do really appreciate those of you who were able to read & comment anyway. It means a lot.

As for today: I went to bed last night at like 12:30 am, which is totally unusual for me. I took it as a good thing though, because I need to get to bed earlier anyway. Unfortunately, I woke up at 4:30 from a bad dream AND with a stomach-ache. Whatever, life. At that point I gave up on sleep & went out to my living room, watching a Current TV documentary on cooking in Cameroon & Ethiopia. Because I'm me, my reaction was "YES. BOMB." when I saw the topic. Heh. Not because I care about cooking, but because documentaries + cane rats, chimps, & gorillas + tribal warfare + famine + huts & refugees = Rachael on the edge of her seat.

Afterward, I put in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", which was on my mind since mentioning it last night. I've long said "When Harry Met Sally" was my favorite movie, but I might have to change that now that I think about it. Or at least create a tie. cut for spoilers, in case people haven't ever seen it and still plan to )

I had the chance to watch the Community christmas ep this morning too and, wow, definitely a new holiday fave. I've never related to Abed more. His Christmas Train settings are Aloof, Detached, Distant, and Bjork. I can't even. . .the writers need an Emmy for that alone, seriously. Whole thing was amazing & kinda made me feel a lot better about my own crazyness.

Anyway, I did end up falling back asleep eventually, and consequently accomplished pretty much nothing today. I really, really need to go shopping, do laundry, and clean before [livejournal.com profile] dradiscontact arrives on the 16th. (Which, P.S., if you're reading this, Coda, we needs to converse on the details/time of your arrival & what-not.) Oy. I hate doing things. I'd prefer to do nothing and/or have a robot maid like on the Jetsons. That would be excellent.

I should get going though, so I can eat at some point & try doing *something*. For now, I'll leave you all with one of the poems I promised to share (there'll be more to come) and a Vid of the Day. Aforementioned old-school Rachael poem )

My Vid of the Day comes from ans99 and is all about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Have I mentioned how much I love this movie? Because I do. (Also: COULD THIS SONG BE ANY MORE BEAUTIFUL OF A MATCH FOR IT?)

rachg82: (Adama/Roslin arm in arm)
Couple bits of randomness for you all today:

1. So far there are only six people who say they're down for participating in the Shipper Showdown this weekend. [nag voice]Now, come on people, are you really gonna let down your ships like that? Don't you owe Mulder/Scully, Adama/Roslin, Booth/Brennan, (insert millions of other ships here), etc, a few minutes of your time? THAT'S RIGHT, I THOUGHT SO.[/nag voice] Hee, okay, I'm done with the fake guilt-trip now. But seriously, if you'll be able to at least drop by to vote & leave even one campaign-y comment, that's cool too. Let me know if so. I just want to gauge whether it's still worth doing, or if I should plan it for another day entirely because not enough people will be able to show. 'Cause really, I want a ~crazy shipper smackdown~ up in here, yo. And so do you. C'mon, you know you do. All the cool kids are doin' it.[/peer pressure]

(But if people really can't do it, or not a huge amount of people are interested, that's okay too. Hee. I'll still do it anyway for the people who are into it. But guilt-tripping is fun! Plus, it burns calories)

2. Here's a sign that it's time to go shopping: you have to roll over the waistband of your jeans to keep them from falling off. Damn. I mean, I know I've lost weight and all (must be all that guilt-tripping, hee), but still. It's a good thing my sis and I are hitting The Gap tomorrow night.

3. Have I mentioned lately how entertaining my coworkers are? Because seriously. Here's just one example of a conversation we had today:

Coworker 1: Why won't you go to trivia with me tonight?
Me: He's got LOST, dude.
Coworker 2: Hell YEAH.
Coworker 1: JUST RECORD IT.
Coworker 2: ANY TRUE FAN WATCHES IT LIVE.
Coworker 1: You can just leave at 8:40! *knowing he'll refuse*
Coworker 2: Hello, commute! I have to get home & get ready!
Me: He's gotta get in his costume, yo. His LOST outfit.
Coworker 2: And I have to make dinner! It's my night!
Me: What will you have for your LOST-y meal this time?
Coworker 2: I don't know yet!
Coworker 3: What is LOST about, anyway? Isn't it, like, an island? And people are lost on it or something?
Everyone: *laughs at her*
Me: IT'S A ~MAGIC ISLAND~. With polar bears. And smoke-monsters. And time travel.
Coworker 1: Polar bears? TIME TRAVEL? Really? Really? *looks at him judgmentally*
Coworker 2: Uhhh, yeah. HEY, WE ALREADY FIGURED OUT THE SMOKE-MONSTER A MILLION YEARS AGO. WATCH & YOU'D KNOW THIS.
Everyone: *laughs at him*
Coworker 2: YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN KNOW. Plus, the polar bears are gone now.

Hahaha. I LOVE SCREWING WITH HIM ABOUT LOST. It's the bestest best thing ever. (P.S. To the LOST fans on my flist, ILU. Hee.)

4. On a much more serious note (I warned you this post would be random), I found out my grandma has breast cancer tonight. MAN, LIFE, WAY TO DISH 'EM OUT. God damn. But on the bright side, she says they caught it really early and doubts she'll even need chemo. She's supposed to go in for surgery in the next two weeks, and then it's possible she'll need radiation but doesn't even know for sure yet. But the important thing is, she told me she should be okay. She was more bothered by it hurting right now, and how annoying the testing was (apparently she had to basically lie upside-down for like an hour while they did a needle-biopsy & mri. Good times! She was like, "I'd rather have surgery." Heh).

I also talked with her about everything that had been going on with my mom & Joe )

5. Meme time! I'm swiping this one from [livejournal.com profile] softly_me, because it was too much fun to pass up:

- Choose a random quote from each one of your favorite ships.
- Your friends now must guess the ship that each quote refers to. NO GOOGLING. Cheat if it's REALLY that important to you.
- Edit to add the answer when someone gets it right.
- Tag 5 people. Do it if you'd like.

First one to guess all the quotes correctly wins a cookie )
rachg82: (Default)
This is how you know you're out of shape, folks: you jog in place for ten minutes on Monday night and are still sore on Friday. You'd think walking everyday would matter, but apparently not. I think that's probably a sign that I need to work out more often, huh? Yeah, thought so.

And while I'm being random:

-Ladies Figure Skating last night: Pretty good, y/y? )

-I still have a cold, and my head & ears hurt, but I'm feeling less mopey today. My mom never called my sister and never called me back either after Wednesday night, even though she's been talking to my grandma, so that pretty much says it all (bear in mind I not only told her about the text messages, but also about the creepy "cop a feel" hugs, etc). Why did I sit around worrying about her when she obviously cares so little about us? I mean, seriously. Also, remember how I said I figured her "okay-ness" meant she was staying with him? Turns out I was right. Nanny says Mom told her she thinks Joe just said what he did to "make her mad." Yeah, 'cause that makes sense. Except that it doesn't. Sorry Mom, this is effed up no matter how you look at it, but rock on with your denial. As for me, this is where I get off the Dysfunction Train, thanks.

Oh, and in other (not really) hilarious news: Mom also told her she'd never had a problem with pain pills before this. Excuse me for a second while I CRACK UP. I guess my grandma got really mad at her for that. It's just a good thing I wasn't talking to her at the time or my head might've exploded. And I like my head much better in its non-exploded state, so I'm gonna be grateful for that.

-Tonight I started what looks like will be a frakkin' epic picspam project, inspired by [livejournal.com profile] nnaylime's recent awesome post comparing Buffy to BSG. I'd been noticing for a long time certain similarities between my different fandoms--not to mention the fact that so much of my flist seems to be in love with the same shows just in general--and had wanted to post about that anyway, and then the above post really made me want to do it & tonight I thought of it again & decided it'd be fun to try. So, expect a post from me in the next day or two making up ridiculous comparisons between the following shows (excluding of course any comparisons already covered by the post noted above): X-Files, Bones, Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse, & Battlestar Galactica. Oh yes, all of them. You see now why it's going to be epic?

-Because "wasting time" is the theme of the evening, how about I steal a survey from [livejournal.com profile] careyleah? You know I love me some surveys )

-Vid of the Day. With all my talk of figure skating lately, I thought it'd be appropriate to share this clip with you guys from one of my favorite shows (Infomania). For those who have been paying attention, a good portion of the mainstream media of late has been SUPER CONCERNED with Weir's flamey fabulousness, which is dealt with hilariously in this vid. LOVE THIS GUY:

rachg82: (sleepy dewitt)
Would it be so wrong to spend the whole evening just lounging around all lazy-like in my pajamas? And, if I ask very nicely, can Dewitt from my icon be there too? With her season 1 hair? I mean, my birthday is coming up and all. Okay, so it's 17 days away, but still! I never did get the Power Wheels car I wanted as a kid; I think the world owes me at this point.

All right, all right, I suppose I should do something productive tonight at least. I've been meaning to sort through my stuff so I can throw things out, and now would be a good time to get started on that. It fits with one of the other New Years resolutions I made too, which I forgot to mention here the other day: spend at least ten minutes everyday doing something positive that will improve my home, health, or overall well-being. That can be anything from cleaning to exercising to cooking (vs. eating out), or even simply to accomplish a task I've been procrastinating. I think it's going to become my main resolution actually, because as [livejournal.com profile] keenai talked about in her journal when discussing resolutions, it's both specific & attainable. I'll still make attending more meetup events a resolution too, as well as trying to perform well at my job, but I really like this one because of how achievable it feels and how it would affect my day-to-day life. Plus, as I learned back in my days of cognitive-behavioral therapy, it's always better to set a goal that can easily be judged objectively, such as "I will clean for at least ten minutes a day," vs. something subjective like "I will keep a cleaner home."

Before I go become Cleaning Gal though, I've got some TV Ramblage to share with you all:

Modern Family )

Dollhouse )

Vid of the Day: Obama Edition )
rachg82: (Default)
I think it's about that time for another installment of TV-rambling, don't you? I'll even throw in a tiny bit of real-life blathering, and a TV Halloween Funtimes Poll! (Except not in *actual* poll format, because I'm full o' fail and haven't taken the time to learn how to make lj polls yet. Heh.)

Real life stuff )

Halloween Poll, low-tech style! )

Dollhouse )

Glee )

So You Think You Can Dance )

Mad Men )

The Daily Show )
rachg82: (Morning After)
So, my day started out lame because I woke up sick this morning (I actually started feeling yucky over the weekend, so today was the tail-end of it) and had to miss work. I was feeling much better by this evening though, luckily. Hopefully I don't get myself into trouble for missing though. *is nervous* I think I've been better about attendance lately (or at least I've been told so anyway), so fingers crossed this doesn't screw me up.

Anyway though, now that I'm no longer lying on my couch in a curled-up ball cursing my stomach (it's only getting a mild look of reproach now, heh), I can get back to what I do best: wasting time on the ole interwebz. Hallelujah!

And since I have the time I thought I'd post some more of the tv ramblage I promised over the weekend. Most of it was written Friday night actually; I just didn't want to post an insane amount of writing all at once.

Ramblage today will include:

-Gossip Girl
-Glee
-So You Think You Can Dance
-Parks & Recreation
-How I Met Your Mother
-Vanguard

And P.S. I do still plan to write about last week's Dollhouse & Bones, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Even I sometimes fall behind on my tv duties. Stupid real life getting in the way of my obsession with fictional characters! Hee.

Oh tv and internet, how did people waste time before you existed? )
rachg82: (mulder badge)
Check it out, ladies & gents. I actually created an icon. Of course it's literally just a crappy uploaded picture file from my computer (from the X-Files/Simpsons crossover episode), as I have only the most basic of photo programs on this computer now (due to the great virus purge of '08), but still! I had a couple other images from this episode that I was dying to use too, but they were coming in too blurry. This one cracks me up though. It takes me back to the days when the fans had an entire website devoted to Mulder's red speedo scene in season 2. Haha. Ahh, *memories*.

And btw: For the longest time that's been the image that shows up when I log into my yahoo email account, hee. I also have a picture of Scully at her computer from that ep as my screensaver. I AM A HUGE DORK.

I'm still sad about the fact that I accidentally recorded over that ep back in the day. I had it recorded on VHS and then mistakenly taped over it with the 4th season finale or something. Since then I've tried finding a copy of it online but to no avail. Sigh. Life is hard, yo.

Anyway though, guess what?

New niece and nephew pictures! )
rachg82: (Default)
As promised, here is my entry about the time I spent with Jayden and Isabella this weekend. And I know I never got around to writing about the babysitting I did like a month ago, but I can at least sum it up thusly: that day was spent following Isabella as she crawled around the house looking for stuff to get into (she is like a danger magnet, I'm not even kidding) while playing endless make-believe games with Jayden, ranging from police officers to archeologists to construction crews to astronauts to aliens. We get uber-creative with our make-believe games, let me tell you. Not to mention the conversations I had with Jayden all day, which are always entertaining. As an example:

Jayden: Let's go to the planet Pluto!
Me: Okay, but Pluto isn't a planet anymore.
Jayden: But why?
Me: I don't know, it just isn't. It's too small or something.
Jayden: *looks confused*
Me: Tell me about it, kid. Sigh. Poor Pluto.

We actually have conversations like this. Heh.

Because last weekend is more fresh on my mind though, we'll just talk about that for today. I am way overdue for a post talking about my nephew and niece so better to talk about one day than none. Especially considering the hateration I've been getting from [livejournal.com profile] dosidella regarding my lack of auntie rambling as of late. Heh. So, Jen, this one's for you.

(Also, I'll give some quick reactions to my first viewing of Mad Men, and of course a Vid of the Day. This time it'll be technically two vids though. Both are courtesy of Current TV, and crack me up everytime I watch them.)

My nephew and niece are cuter than yours )

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