rachg82: (Made of win)
1. A very Happy Birthday to my long-time lurker friend, [livejournal.com profile] tenik. If you're reading this, bb, I hope you have a great day!

2. Good news: I got the job. I'll be starting next Monday at $14/hr, which, for those keeping track, is the most I've ever made by one whole dollar. My schedule will be Monday - Friday, 8 am - 4:30 pm. I'm relieved I have a few days to prepare -- y'know, get my sleep schedule in order, figure out things to bring for lunch, see my counselor on Friday, and drag my ass shopping & then to the cleaners (to inevitably have whatever slacks I buy hemmed five thousand inches). Fortunately, my temp agency pays weekly; I just need to do some math & determine how much I can give my manager for rent this month & talk with her about it.

3. I clearly suck at being a girl these days, because the mere prospect of venturing into a mall has me already exhausted, and I haven't even jumped in the shower yet. Heh. Especially since I know I need to find a pair of boots as well--long overdue--and I HATE shoe shopping. Haaaate. (Size 4 feet FTW! Except not.) Though I do like the idea of searching for something cute to wear in general; I really haven't had the ability to do that in a long time. I don't have very much to spend though, but I also don't have much of a choice. I have to get SOMETHING. You can't wear jeans there, except on Fridays, and it's getting too cold to pull off open-toed sandals. I'm going to try on some of my old work tops first though as a few of them might still fit. We'll see.

P.S. I wanted to thank everyone again for their support over the last two months (I can't btw freaking believe it's already been almost two months since I lost that job. I swear to God, this entire year has been a blur. Like, ridiculously so. It's almost unreal. Mostly all I can see when I look back at 2011 is a giant fog of depression, which is saying a lot after the Good Times Bonanza of 2010). It really means so much to me. Things could've gone very differently. And I'm by no means ~out of the woods~, but I have hope that I'm going in the right direction again. I mean, I'm trying, so by that fact alone, it's right. In the end, that's all I can do.

4. I'm still working on that Stress List, and I cleaned off my desk, table, and bedroom dresser last night. Lots o' dust, that's all I can say. It feels right now like I'll never get my bedroom floor clear (so many clothes, ugh), but eventually I know I will. Little by little. Goodwill's gonna get a big donation, as will the Food Bank (I have quite a few non-expired canned goods & such with gluten in them. They're no good to me now). It'll feel good to give back, especially so soon after I needed to use a food pantry myself.

5. It seems like I should talk about TV. I'm feeling lazy though, but here goes:

Parenthood )

Castle )

Hawaii Five-O )

That's all for now. I'll have a lot more TV stuff to talk about by tomorrow night, I'm sure. New Psych, Community, Parks & Rec, AND Bones. Hollaaaa.

30 song challenge: Day 17 )
rachg82: (personal slogan)
You know what I really hate? When you actually feel motivated to do things, but your health is all, "NO. DENIED." I have had the same unrelenting migraine since yesterday morning, albeit now on the opposite temple because my brain likes to ~mix it up~. And I mean, my head hurts every day anyway (even if not *all* day), but I'm talking about the kind that straight owns your ass, i.e. the kind I generally only get a couple times a month, fortunately (or unfortunately, I suppose, depending on your perspective. I'm personally grateful for every moment in my life that doesn't include pain). It's receded now to the point of being tolerable as long as I keep the lighting dim, stay in a quiet place, & don't move my head around much, but it's still totally interfering with what I'd LIKE to be doing, and it frustrates me. On top of that, I really need to eat something, but the last thing I want to do is cook or go to the store, plus my stomach is icky feeling anyway.

But I'm not going to complain too much, because at least my SNAP benefits finally got processed. So when I am able to walk to the store, I CAN buy food. I do have a pork chop thawing in my fridge right now, plus potatoes, so I already have a set option for one meal as it is (two if I decide to try cheesy potato tacos, though that doesn't have much protein, and I need protein when I'm fighting a migraine); however, see above, re: the last thing I want to do. Grr, argh. River was right; food is problematic.

Anyway. Enough about that. Here's some other stuff:

-As soon as I feel a bit more clearheaded, probably after I've eaten, I'm going to follow my therapist's advice & write down a list of things I need to do/am worried about/or whatever, and try to prioritize how much I can handle doing at once & when I'll try to do them, etc. Hopefully that will make it easier for me to approach things like uber-overdue bills & job searches. As it stands, I can't even hear a mention of unemployment on TV without tensing up. I may post the list here afterward, or bring it with me to my next appointment, but I haven't decided on that yet. It'd probably be a good idea if I did, though.

-Speaking of my therapist, I had another appointment with her yesterday. cut for rambling )

-There's an ACA retreat up in Washington next month that I'd really like to attend--like a non-summer summer camp for stunted adult children--but I'm not sure yet whether it costs anything (I'm sure it does). Wah. THEY HAVE CANOES.

-We'll wrap this up with some TV/movie talk:

Parenthood )

-Psych )

-I watched a couple documentaries yesterday as well. One was from Current's Top 50 list ("Tarnation"), and the other I just came across randomly while browsing the library ("Finding Normal"). Both were really interesting to watch and well-made, though I'll admit Tarnation left me sad because it touched on a lot of stuff I've been trying to work through lately in regards to my mom's history with mental illness and doctors/hospitals, while bringing up a lot of new emotions & memories too. But it was extremely evocative & something that needed to be expressed. Kind of brilliant, actually. I just couldn't help also feeling like it was somehow incomplete or unbalanced by the end, though maybe that was intentional in its own way as well. Either way, I understand why they put it on the list.

I was totally satisfied by "Finding Normal" though (more than satisfied, really. I pretty much loved it & didn't want it to end. Seriously), despite it being much less flashy & artistic; it's the kind of documentary I'd buy if I had more money, because I can see myself wanting to rewatch it every now & again. I identified with so much of it, not just on behalf of addicts I've known (it's about a treatment/housing program here in Portland & follows both new patients & their mentors -- who are also recovering addicts themselves), but on behalf of myself & the ACA traits I picked up from them. It's like 100% real talk throughout the whole thing, no bullshit. And I love that they manage to take the topic and stay realistic, destigmatize the process of having a problem & getting help, show that not everyone makes it, yet also leave you feeling uplifted by the end. It's just exactly the kind of thing I needed to see.

For those who would like to check out the trailers, voila: Tarnation and Finding Normal.

-Lastly, I got a day behind on my song challenge, so today's VotD will cover two: Days 3 and 4 )
rachg82: (psych on my shoulder)
1. Rent for October is PAID. I couldn't pay the entire late fee (I'm still waiting for some of the PayPal funds to be transferred to my bank account. Once they go through, I'll have $128.49 left), but my apartment manager was willing to push the remaining $21 to next month. I'm kind of paranoid now that some surprise thing will get debited before the check goes through (like stupid Bally's Gym, for instance. HATE THEM), but that probably won't happen. I haven't used my card for anything in forever, and even Bally's hasn't charged me since July, which makes me wonder if my contract finally ended. I will so throw imaginary confetti in the air if that's the case. They have been such a pain in my ass over the last few years.

I did end up needing my friend's help after all, because rent assistance was already out of funds by the time I called. There was nothing I could've done about that, unfortunately, since I didn't get my eviction notice until yesterday, and I couldn't request assistance until then. Normally, people get their notice on the 8th & call that day; however, my apartments apparently don't hand eviction notices out until after the 10th.

I have a little over three weeks before November's rent becomes an issue, but: one thing at a time. I know she's willing to work out a payment plan with me if I can pay the full amount in three installments before that month is over; if I can't, but I can still pay at least half the full amount, she's willing to push the rest to the following month & try to work something else out. She told me she's helping me like this because she can tell I'm "really trying," and I have to say, I'm INCREDIBLY grateful for it. I'm so glad she took over a while back. If I were dealing right now with the old management? Ugh. This story would've gone a lot differently.

2. I'm not sure what to do about my phone/internet/tv bill or my electric bill just yet (both are overdue by a lot), but I can't think about that right now. I'll give it a few days, then revisit it.

3. When my friend dropped off the money today, she included a GF baking mix (works for pancakes, banana bread, cookies, etc), paper towels (which I needed), my favorite kind of GF bread (Udi's--it's the only kind that's good, seriously. Trader Joe's doesn't carry it), and a little bag of aroma therapy bath stuff. Some of it had already been used, so I think she had it around the house vs. buying it, but DUDE. Really, really nice of her. The lotion smells amazeballs, and the skin on my hands right now is like BUTTAH--as the Coffee Talk lady would say.

4. My stomach was still hurting like an a-hole last night, so I didn't get much done, but I did do a load of laundry for the first time in a while. Honestly, there's a blanket that I threw up on while camping last summer--which had been completely rinsed off but never truly washed--that had been lying on my bedroom floor all this time (well, more so "in a shin-high pile of other also-unwashed items" than the floor, but you get the idea). It finally got washed. I'd be embarassed to admit how long it took me to do, but I'm keeping it real here. This is what depression looks like.

5. I'm still going to look into school stuff first (I think I'll take the bus to PCC tomorrow & just try to talk to someone in person, since the financial aid dept's number's always busy), but I am thinking up preliminary job plans too. It's still scary, especially because of my crappy health, and because I despise anything that's up in the air, but yeah. Once more with feeling--one thing at a time. Amongst other things, I'm going to set up a profile on care.com and see if maybe there's a nanny/tutor/housekeeping-type job I can do. My friend B suggested it, and is now sending me all sorts of links, which is appreciated, though it's also kind of stressful because I feel like it puts pressure on me. I'm just reminding myself that all I can do is try. I may or may not meet people's expectations; I can't control that. I just don't want it to become one of those things where she wants to help me, but then ends up resenting me because she doesn't think I'm doing enough to help myself or am not being successful at it or whatever.

6. New Psych starts toniiiight. I am legit excited. I've been going through this list of quotes from the show today & cracking up. Like, my neighbors might've heard. Heh.

I'm pleased to say I'm feeling excited now for Bones' return next month, too. The spoilers have been getting better, and the reviews from critics who've seen the first couple eps already are super encouraging.

7. Facebook continues to be the most annoying thing on the planet--I try to use it, try to like it, but argh. It's like an instant douche converter--but every now & then I do see something funny on there. Case in point: True statements are true )

8. I need like an alarm bell to go off every time I pick a food item to eat, reminding me to thoroughly check the ingredients, I swear. Why must my new boysenberry jam have corn syrup? Why must Doritos include wheat? Life HARD.

9. Parenthood )

10. I had the most random childhood memory come back to me yesterday. It's really not interesting enough to share here, but watch me do it anyway. Heh. I was following a link that one of my LJ flistmates shared, looking related stuff up (as one does. I like to learn about crap, what can I say), and came across info about sensory issues in children. It offhandedly mentioned kids flipping their shit over vacuum cleaners, and instantly my mind was like, "OMG, I REMEMBER THAT." Totally all ~poof~ out of nowhere. Heh. My mom used to come & warn me if she were going to use the vacuum, literally apologizing for it & being all "I'll try to be quick," and I'm talking up to at least the age of 12 (now that I'm remembering it, I'm pretty sure it continued after that for some time), and I remember yelling at her to stop if she did it for too long. Also: if she were vacuuming in the same room as me, I'd tuck into a corner/sit on a chair hugging my knees/get as far away from it as I could & cover my ears until she was done. It was an especially funny time to remember this, too, because I'd just posted on facebook about how annoyed I was by my upstairs neighbors vacuuming for too long. Ha.

For my Vid of the Day, I'll share a vid that [livejournal.com profile] sumpta and I were laughing about earlier. It's fairly appropriate this week:

rachg82: (XF fangirl)
I think it's time for another TV post:

-Parenthood )

-Community )

-Parks & Rec )

In other news, I spontaneously began rewatching season 3 of Bones today. I think this is where I admit I'm not really that jazzed for the upcoming season. I KNOW, I'M SORRY. It's weird. It's not that I don't love the characters anymore--I do--or that I don't have ideas of things I'd love to see--I definitely do--but season 6 left me a bit deflated as far as my confidence in them delivering. I'm going to stop reading anything that comes out of stupid HH & SN's mouths, though, and that will probably help. As I said to [livejournal.com profile] tempertemper the other day, they could douche chill the second coming. Every interview they do, ever, is just like, "UGH, SHUT YOUR FACE."

That being said, I'm still hopeful, still fangirling it up--I mean, I wouldn't be working on this fic still if I weren't; it's really important to me (P.S. I'm up to 4,400 words now. Slow & steady progress!)--and still passionate about the show, but I felt like I had to admit those feelings somewhere.

ANYHOO. How about a Vid of the Day? This one's by oneminutegalactica (looove) & cracks me up every time.

rachg82: (roslin bitchface)
Ugh, worst part about being on my period? Even worse, perhaps, than the uptick in depression, irritability, and anxiety? The increase in my freaking "Good morning! Not! Muahaha" migraines, that's what. I HATE HORMONES.

Anyway, I'm tired of lying down with an icepack, so I'm in one of those "Y'know what, pain? I can't even hear you. La la la"-moods, trying to distract & detach. Ergo, spam for you lot. Enjoy.

First, another meme (P.S. I plan to answer your questions from yesterday's meme soon, promise):

Lyric Meme

Give me a character or a ship and I will give you a lyric (or a few) that reminds me of them.

And now for rambling:

1. Let me get this straight, this guy gets the death penalty amidst all the controversy (eyewitness testimony? Really, people? Do I need to point out the studies indicating how effing unreliable that shit is?), while these cruel bastards get 4-15 yrs? It's certainly not news to me, but it just sucks to be reminded how frakked the justice system in this country really is, not to mention the safety net for mentally ill/homeless people. My schizophrenic uncle's just lucky to have been in halfway homes & on proper medication for so much of his life, including the medication he takes now to deal with all the side effects from the shock therapy he received back in the day.

I like the comment too from the person who was all, "His dad ~let~ him be homeless and now wants to sue the police?" Yes, because A. his son's life ceased to matter after becoming homeless, apparently, and B. it's super easy to control a mentally ill adult, force them to live where you want, force them to stay on the right medication--or even have good access to it--and get them the help they need after most of the old hospitals got shut down & shelters/ERs across the nation became understaffed & overloaded (I still remember talking to ER nurses & listening to them vent about the system while my mom slept there on a gurney for days, waiting for a single bed to open up in the psych ward). I'd like to invite that guy to actually be related to a seriously unstable individual for a decade or two & then get back to me on that. God. Someday I will learn to stop reading Yahoo comments, but apparently that's still a work in progress.

2. I have several ignorant cooking questions to ask. Fortunately, I have you all to answer them (lookin' at you, especially, Jas) )

3. I haven't talked about Parenthood yet, so I should probably rectify that: cut for spoilers )

4. I watched "When We Were Kings" this week. It had a lot of clips I'd already seen (my dad had a vid of the entire Rumble in the Jungle match when I was younger, which included various bits of news footage from those years. I watched it with him once), but there was stuff I'd never seen too, and it was very entertaining overall. I'd listen to Ali talk all day. We're gonna get it on because we don't get along! Haha. Love him.

5. Facebook continues to be the devil. What's worse than obligatory friendships with people who really aren't your friends anymore? Seeing them talk to each other like BFFs & not include you. It's my fault though. For one, this is why I hide them (then occasionally look on their wall anyway, like some kind of masochist. It's like the Yahoo comments thing), and for two, it's not really obligatory to keep them as "friends" at all. It's just hard to defriend. You know people make such a big deal out of it, will probably tell the others, "Oh, you know, Rachael actually defriended me this week" (cue: "What's with her?" bla bla bla gossip), despite the fact that for all intents & purposes they haven't BEEN my friends for a good year now. It's just so annoying.

6. The guy I talked to at unemployment yesterday said his records showed that I called on the 13th, so the form's deadline shouldn't be an issue. Of course he also kept being like, "They'll honor the date of the postmark, don't worry" and was obviously not paying attention to my question. But I broke it down for him AGAIN, and was like, "The form is going to be postmarked LATE. L-a-t-e, late. But it also said I could call, which I did. And you show that, correct? Which means I'm okay?" And he said yes. So…I guess it's okay. I didn't really trust him though. We'll see. Either way, it still leaves the problem open-ended because I don't know if they'll reopen my claim, but I at least don't want it to be denied because of a postmark date of all things.

BTW, I wasn't really that rude to him, heh. But I'm feeling venty today, so just go with it.

7. I have a phone appointment with the SNAP people this Friday to determine my eligibility for food assistance & state health care. Fingers crossed, folks.

8. My first appointment with Luke Dorf is Monday. The intake lady told me that the crisis team already gave me a preliminary diagnosis of major depression, which didn't surprise me (I've been diagnosed with it before + Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Social Anxiety Disorder). It sounds like I'll be getting a full assessment next week though. The one I got with the psychiatrist wasn't one of those "let's diagnose you" deals, more so a medication check up with a short series of questions. The person I'll be seeing is only listed as a QMHP, though, I think, so I don't know what level of experience to expect or how relevant it'll be to my situation. But I hope it works out.

9. As for a RL update on how I'm doing, the last few days have been somewhat hard, emotionally. Not just for the financial stuff, but thoughts & dreams of family, friends, loneliness, etc. But it is helpful to know I'll be talking to someone soon. I did take a walk yesterday as well, for the first time in a while, which was nice. Sometimes it makes me sad now to be in nature, because I used to spend so much time outdoors with my nephew (we'd go for what we called "expeditions" and what-not, make it into a whole big thing, wandering in the forest, looking for bugs & animals, stuff like that), but it's still soothing to me, and brings my spirits up when I pass by toddlers driving their parents crazy with non-stop questions & the like. Heh. "Why is the dog sniffing that?" "Because that's what dogs like to do." "Why do they like to do that? Moo-oom? Why? Why do they like to sniff? Why--" "Because they just do." "Where'd the sky go? Where's the river?" "We can't see it because of the trees. It'll be back." "When?" Seriously, non-stop, this little girl was. I had to fight myself not to laugh.

10. For my Vid of the Day, here's some more purty music:

rachg82: (rizzoli/isles girls with guns)
OMG, you guys, I don't even know what to do with Rizzoli & Isles anymore. When did it become such a joyous, fantabulous thing? And why must it be on hiatus now until NOVEMBER 28TH? UNJUST, I SAY. I demand hot nekkid first-time sex shenanigans R/I fic recs immediately. And I'm really gonna need the library to hup to when it comes to getting me season 1. Like, for real-real, not for play-play. STOP HOGGING ALL THE GAY, UNIVERSE.

…Um, anywayyy. Heh. Don't mind my flail. It's just gonna get worse from here, I'm afraid, since I'm about to ramble about tonight's summer finale. cut for spoilers, a few run-on sentences, my thoughts, fave quotes, and probably a significant amount of capslock )

-I don't think I've rambled that much about an episode for a while. Ha. (I told you I was experiencing all the feelings)

-Speaking of feelings, I rewatched "Resurrection Ship Part 2" today. It's still amazing. On just so many levels. It basically encompasses everything I love about BSG. And, heads-up, BBC America will be airing it this Saturday, PLUS "Epiphanies." WATCH.

-My resurgance of video game love continues. I played (and beat) Donkey Kong Country today. My thumb is, once again, still numb. Haha. I'll probably carry on with the second & third DK games later.

-My apartments replaced my fridge & kitchen light today. Not exciting, I know, but boring RL info has its place here too, right?

-I had quinoa for breakfast today. Substituted coconut water & added brown sugar, honey, vanilla extract, & a bit of jam. It was--shocking, I know--almost too sweet. Heh. But quinoa generally has like zero flavor on its own, imo. Next time I want to try the quinoa porridge recipe I found online, which uses almond milk & cinnamon. What wouldn't be good with almond milk & cinnamon? I ask of you.

-I should find out at some point today whether my unemployment claim for last week will be reopened/accepted. Please send all your good mojo this way, because I really need it to work out. I'm trying not to think yet of what I'll do if it's denied, because I'm just hoping I don't have to go there. If it does come down to that? I'll have to deal with it then. But I don't want to freak out unnecessarily in the meantime.

ETA: I just checked the website & they said my payment wasn't processed because of a "problem" & that "instructions" would be mailed to me. I'm trying to not freak out right now, but only being partially successful with that. I'm going to call them in the morning, and I just pray I can work it out over the phone. I can't afford to wait around for a letter & fight with the government about this, and I mean "can't afford" literally. I won't have enough money for food, let alone bills, medicine, or rent. I'll have one week's pay on Friday and THAT'S IT. That job never even technically told me I was fired, either, which I think is extremely weird. I'm almost tempted to email or call & be like, "Um, AM I FIRED?" I should be, but shouldn't they have SAID so? Definitively?

-I decided against doing that lj anniversary meme I mentioned before. The questions are too boring. Not that I think anyone was waiting with bated breath for me to post it, but still. Heh.

-Parenthood has its premiere tonight (or "tomorrow", considering I haven't gone to bed yet. Details, details). I'm v. much looking forward to it.

Aaand that's all for now. For my Vid of the Day, here's something I came across recently which completely cracked me up (a looong time being my sister's nanny + being significantly older than my little brother…yeah. I get it):

rachg82: (rizzoli matching puke outfits)
1. Just made a rice protein smoothie with those blueberries I bought at the Farmers Market, plus added rasberries, bananas, honey, & a combo of rice & almond milk. It was pretty much the biggity biggity bomb. Just so y'all know.

2. It's about time for an icon meme, methinks. Taken from [livejournal.com profile] torigates:



my answers )

3. Since tomorrow is Labor Day, I won't be working. As for today, I worked 6 am - 1 pm instead of the normal 6:35 am - 5:05 pm Sunday shift I would've had. It's amazing how short a seven-hour day feels when you're getting used to ten. Unfortunately, I won't get holiday pay since I don't qualify yet, but I'll be working a full day on Tuesday & a half-day on Wednesday to make up for it. I'll even get something like two hours of overtime pay, technically. I'll probably exhaust myself in the process, but whatevs. I really need money. Currently, I have something like thirty-odd dollars to last me the next two weeks. GOOD TIMES.

4. Speaking of work, behold my favorite customer quote of the day (re: the increasing absence of pay phones on the streets due to everyone getting cell phones): "I mean, where's Superman gonna change his clothes?"

Also, gotta love the 90 year old woman I helped get signed up today, who, when asked if she had an email address, was like, "What's that?" Cue me answering, "Email? You know, on the internet?" And her shouting (they always shout, haha), "Internet?! What?" And me again, like: "Um, internet…like on a computer?" And then her final response of, "OH, I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE. I'M LUCKY IF I CAN FIGURE OUT MY TV, HONEY." Hee!

FYI: I heard yesterday that the oldest customer we have is 106. Apparently he's pretty with it, too. *106* (it bears repeating). I can't even. He would've been three when the Model T came out. And he has a cell phone before I do. Haha.

5. A lot of my flist has been doing this, most recently [livejournal.com profile] keenai, so I'll jump on the bandwagon. Here's my Fall/Winter TV Schedule )

That's all for tonight. For my Vid of the Day, let's celebrate the upcoming return of Community this month (not to mention season 2 coming out on DVD) with some awesome Abed quotes, edited together by tvgirl17:



ETA: I can't resist:

rachg82: (here for laura)
-I'm feeling especially sleepy & lazy right now. What I'd really like to do is plan an evening in front of the TV with pop & snacks, but nooo.

-There's an ACA meeting this afternoon, but there's also one on Monday evenings. I'd have to get ready in a hurry (and pay for a cab) to go to the one today without being late, so I'm kinda tempted to do the Monday one instead. Especially because public transit is more convenient on weekdays.

-I do however want to go somewhere today. I just don't want to rush. I'm thinking I'll make myself a sandwich for lunch, take a shower, and then bus it down to Portland. I can make a pitstop at Forest Park to finish [livejournal.com profile] gina227's photo meme question from way back & then take care of [livejournal.com profile] keenai's by hitting up Voodoo Doughnut. The one downtown is still closed for renovation, but dear God have I been craving their donuts something fierce lately, so I don't even care--I'll go to the NE one. And I can excuse the gluttony by having taken a walk. TADA.

-[livejournal.com profile] teachlikeroslin and [livejournal.com profile] scifi_mel have created their own Hot 25 lists as well, in case some of you missed them & would like to see. You can find them here & here.

-Big-ups to New York, y'all. I'm sure you've all heard the news by now, so I'll just say this: I really needed a big smile this week & they delivered.

-Many of you on my flist are bemoaning the late Fall premiere of Bones this year & wondering how you'll fill your time. Fortunately, you have me, the TV-obsessed oompa loompa who never tires of pimping new shows. May I suggest any of the following? )

-I worked on my fic a bit more last night. It still feels a lot like chipping away at a huge block of granite, but sometimes that's just how it goes. At least there's progress being made, albeit incredibly slowly. I guess on the bright side the longer summer hiatus means less of a hurry for things like this.

-I put a temporary halt to my BSG rewatch after my uncle's death (being at the end of s4, I think most of you will understand why), but I think I'm ready to jump back into it now, once my TV's working again that is. I only have a few eps left. Pretty sure the finale's gonna kill me, but I don't mean that in a bad way. It'll just be emotional because of the subject matter.

Anyway, I'm gonna get going now, before I can convince myself that napping would be a better way to spend the rest of the day.

For my VotD, here's an appropriately themed song:

rachg82: (roslin operahouse)
1. I was talking about peanut butter cups with [livejournal.com profile] keenai yesterday, and I told her I'd post the recipe I use for peanut butter cup cookies in my next entry. Behold: deliciousness )

2. Since I enjoy tedious, time-consuming projects, I've been going back through old entries & tagging any that included IM convos. I've made it to March, 2003! Heh. This will take forever. It's fun though. I used to post them on my LJ much more often than I do now. They're funny to reread years later.

While sifting through stuff, I've come across a LOT of surveys & memes, too (my favorite survey response? "What's your orientation?"/"I'm straight. So far." Ha HA. Way to leave yourself an out--pun intended--there, in denial!previous self). I thought it'd be fun to redo one now & see how different (or similar) the responses I get are. Considering four of the eight people who commented to it then are still regular commenters now (more than eight years later--I think that's sort of amazing), it should be interesting.

I _____ Rach.
Rach is _____.
If I were alone in a room with Rach, I would _____.
Rach needs _____.
I want to _____ Rach.
______ is my first memory of Rach.
Every time I see/hear ______, I am reminded of Rach.
I'd give _______ to Rach, if I had the chance.

Fill it out, amigas!

3. I haven't done this in a while, so 3 songs I'm listening to today )

4. Who else saw the Parenthood finale last night? Let's talk about it )

5. For my Vid of the Day, here's some funny snark:

rachg82: (Baltar/Six sky)
I feel very productive at the moment. Not only did I take out all my trash, but I also did the dishes (finally--OMG, it was so gross. I had to cover my mouth), swept, cleaned the counters, & took a shower.

Also? I ate two meals yesterday. First time I've done that since probably January (that resolution worked not so well. It's funny because the cliched normal resolution would be to eat LESS. Le sigh). Of course then I got a gnarly migraine around bedtime & ended up throwing up everything I've *ever* eaten, but it's the thought that counts. I haven't vomited from a headache like that I don't think since the last time I went off the topamax; once again, I just don't know how to weigh the pros & cons here. Whether I should go back on it later (remember my refills would've ended in July anyway & I owe that doctor money--it's already gone to collections, so it's past the point of simply paying her back & seeing her again. I'd have to find another doctor once I'm at my new job & either have some type of insurance or can afford the cost of a visit out-of-pocket). I wish I could find another preventative med similar to it that didn't cause so many side effects (i.e. the appetite suppression--which I obviously don't need; plus possibly adding to tiredness, depression, & eye pain/light sensitivity--all of which I already have normally. Etc…). Argh.

Really, my main concern is just that I don't want to screw up another job opportunity because of health issues, y'know? There's only so much you can do to predict/ward off migraines. Sometimes they just show up out of nowhere, like a REALLY undesirable house guest. "HAI THERE, FRIEND! MIND IF I CRASH?" Um, yes. Yes, I do. *glares at body*

I also don't want to take something that makes climbing out of this funk any harder than it has to be, though. So, you can see my predicament. I wish I could just have some kind of magic brain surgery or something. OY.

Anyway though. This is interesting only to me, so I'll move on.

In other positive news: I also worked on my fic a little yesterday. I've been feeling very blocked on it, mostly because I think I just put too much pressure on myself ("THIS ALL SUCKS! I'M DONE! NO ONE WILL LIKE IT! I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT! WAH! I CAN'T EVEN THINK! THERE'S TOO MANY WORDS!"), but also because I've had so much of the sit-and-stare action going on. Where you just stare at nothing & feel utterly *frozen*, if that makes sense. I freaking hate that. But this time I put on my headphones--to minimize outside sound; I wasn't in the mood for music--and forced myself to stay put until I wrote SOMETHING. Then I forced myself to keep writing, even if I had to delete/rewrite my words every other second. Not much progress was made, but after a while I did start to feel like I was getting somewhere. Back in the zone, in other words. I plan to try again today, hopefully.

In weird news: I dreamt about a bear, dogs, & TONS of candy/cookies/pastries last night. According to my subconscious, here's what you should do if a wild bear ever appears in your room: hide under the covers, run into a bathroom, or stay perfectly still & let it stand on its hind legs in front of you like it wants to dance. You know, as one does. What the hell, brain.

In TV news:

-Why was there no Community or Parks & Rec last night? Does anyone know how long they'll be on hiatus?
-Parenthood this week was good, as usual. I like that Amber didn't get into any colleges. She's smart & she works hard, and it's realistic to show that sometimes things still don't work out. I'm looking forward to them mainstreaming Max next year, too. I loved the scene where he was answering all the questions on Cash Cab, like "I can't believe they didn't get that!" Haha. That's so me every time people don't know things on a game show that I know. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT? YOU FAIL, SIR! FAIL!" Hee. I'm also starting to warm to Jasmine more & same goes for Crosby. Their current storyline is very relatable. The best part of the ep, though (imo) was the final scene with Julia & her husband, talking about their troubles getting pregnant. That was sad & very well-acted. I think they'll go the adoption route, personally. (P.S. I still have the hots for both of them, in case anyone's curious. Heh. Tell me I'm not alone in this! They are a damn good looking couple)
-After rewatching the pilot for Southland, this is all I have to say: 1. WANT IT BACK, 2. Naaaaaaaate, and 3. John Cooper FTW.
-Lastly, an update on the BSG rewatch: I'm done with seasons 2.0/2.5. "Scar" surprised me, because it made me frakking WEEP this time. Like, having to hold it in-type weeping. Something about Kara's "I've got nothing to lose" in the viper (especially in light of what happens later in "Maelstrom". I mean, you've got Kat yelling, "You're committing suicide, Starbuck!" So, yeah) + the pictures on the memorial wall + her standing up & listing all the names of the dead pilots at the end & Helo telling her she has "something to live for now". GAH. It just really got to me. After "Epiphanies"--and up to the finale--2.5 is mostly pretty meh to me, though. At least in comparison to how good seasons 2.0/the end of the Pegasus arc in 2.5 was & everything after it in season 3 anyway. I do love Caprica Six having a Head Baltar, though. Hee. That never gets old. And of course I enjoy the finale. Duh. Giggly!Roslin, "Why don't you go frak yourself", Cavil messing with Tyrol's head, and--above all else--that epic shot of Baltar at his desk. Boom, ONE YEAR LATER. Cylons marching, Adama & his frakstache, Roslin as a teacher, Kara with long!hair, Festively Plump Leemo (hee), the whole thing. Bring it on, New Caprica!

P.S. Every time I watch that "one year later" bit now, I think of the Bones season 5 finale and this macro/entry. Heh. Baltar as a fic writer for Bones would be cracky hilarity. Come to think of it--SOMEONE SHOULD WRITE THAT. Like, write the story from his POV. Hahaha. Metaaaaa. I can so see him watching the show: "Why don't they just bloody frak already? For frak's sake!"

For my Vid of the Day, I've got one of those "I enjoy this for the music as much as the vid itself" dealios. This song has been stuck in my head all afternoon, for real. (and for those who like to know these things, this is by freelancerxo02)

rachg82: (Dancing!Bones)
Apparently Norway's got talent:



I spent half the time watching this going, "SHUT THE HELL UP. NO, YOU DIDN'T." (the other half was me wishing the camera would stop panning to the judges' reactions every minute. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FACE) ~Norwegian!pride~ up in heeeere, trufax. Hee.

Also: Parenthood is back from hiatus tonight! WOO.
rachg82: (Brennan I love music)
Random Music Spamming Time--everyone gather 'round.

Aaaaand…GO:

1. Throwback song I've been listening to all day without knowing why: Uh Oohhhh. *clap clap cla-clap-cla-clap-clap-cla-clap* (don't act like you don't do that too) What the eff. Random.

2. From my pervy brain to yours--a song to prompt/inspire the smut writers out there: Awww yeah.

Also, this lovely song fits nicely for B/B. Not necessarily for a vid (probably too slow), but stuff like this helps me when I'm writing. It puts me in the right mood.

3. Speaking of, here's one of the songs I'm listening to as I prepare to start the next section of my own fic (I've posted it here before, but TOO BAD. Watch me care. Heh): Nothing Can Be Explained.

4. A request for the BSG/Caprica and/or Dollhouse vidders out there. Please to be making one to this song for me. Thank you kindly.

5. I'll never stop campaigning for this one. Since no one has picked up the torch yet--i.e. made me the Brennan vid I asked for--I'll up the ante. You can also use this song as a Tribute to the Women of #46 on this picspam that I created (including River from Firefly if you want, whom I later added here).

This song was freakin' made for them and you know it.

6. One of my favorite songs (just overall) that I was thinking today could work as a Bones vid, specifically dealing with the events at the end of the 3rd, 4th, & 5th seasons: Going For the Gold. Feel free to let me know if you guys have no idea why I chose this one. Ha.

7. A song for our era & the epitome of the American spirit: Center of Attention. It could TOTALLY work as a Booth/Brennan vid too (not just their relationship, but both of them as individuals. While listening to it, I kept seeing them trying to be first through doorways/reaching for things, Booth adjusting his belt buckle, Brennan & her guns, etc). Hahaha.

On a similar note, Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better. It's a fairly standard, cliched choice (been there, done that), but it's perfect. If you're a vidder & you're reading this, take it & run with it.

8. An appropriately POC-tribute-y song for a possible Cam-centric vid: Because there should be more vids for her out there in general. Also, because she's hot. And my Whitey McCrackerson ass likes this song. Just go with it.

9. I first heard this song in an X-Files vid many years ago (like, before YouTube existed-manyyearsago), and it'd be great for B/B as well: Crazy Beautiful.

10. Someone needs to make a scifi vid about any show set in space (don't care which) for Whitey on the Moon. BECAUSE, COME ON. Really. It'd be hilarious.

And I'm done. For now.

*edited to add: No, I'm not. One more: [livejournal.com profile] ima_tv_junkie, if you're still in a Johnny Cash/Booth kinda mood, this one's for you.

-Moving on, I'm supposed to finally go to coffee/tea with my friend tomorrow. My sleep schedule is SO off. Getting up early & managing to both shower & do laundry before meeting her should prove interesting.

I can't even remember the last time I washed my hair. Ehhh.

-In other news, though I'm still not observing the comments at FMM anymore (best for my peace of mind to stay away right now), I did at least decide to keep voting. I want Troy to win the whole thing so badly I can taste it.[/exaggerating]

Okay, so I'm just kidding. But he is fantastic.

-Does anyone know when new episodes of Parenthood start up again? I know its finale is in April, but I can't find info anywhere on how many more new eps we'll get before that. This week was a rerun & next week is supposed to be as well. I DON'T APPRECIATE THESE TYPES OF SHENANIGANS, NBC.

-Lastly, when does Southland come back? Because--honestly? I KINDA NEED IT BACK IN MY LIFE SORTA TOUT DE SUITE. Like, chop chop. Not really down with this whole "hiatus" business.

And for those of you who missed the finale, plz take a moment to observe the promo:



EXACTLY.

Let's talk about it, shall we? )

My Vid of the Day today comes from [livejournal.com profile] ima_tv_junkie. A good deal of you have probably already watched this (over at [livejournal.com profile] bones_ga), but this is just in case some of you missed it. It is Johnny Cash-TASTIC & Booth-angstalicious, just like I wanted.

rachg82: (bsg i salute you)
SOUTHLAAAAAAAAAAAND.

Ahem. Sorry about that.

What I meant to say was: remember back in 2009/2010, when I did my BSG recaps for The Oath & Blood on the Scales, & I decided that the arc kicked so much ass it should basically be referred to as an "ass-kicking convention"?

(Let me repeat. ASS. KICKING. CONVENTION. Take a moment to picture that in your mind. Ninjas in nametags, folks. They ain't there to make nice.)

Right, well, tonight's Southland? Was clearly given an invite & made sure to RSVP.

cut for spoilers & flailing )

In other TV-related news, Parenthood was also fantabulous tonight. Not that anyone should be surprised by this either, but hey. Let's talk about it. Thanks for making me cry, show (in a good way) )

For my Vid of the Day, we're gonna rock some BSG up in this ish. This one is by freelancerxo02 (P.S. I wanted to do a two-for-one special & include this in-yo'-face-with-the-darknesssss vid as well, but the embedding was disabled. Frak it all) & focuses on the ass-kicking convention eps I mentioned above. It is AWESOME. Like, crazy awesome. Probably the best vid about these eps I've seen yet. My only complaint is that it doesn't include Roslin's "I AM COMING FOR ALL OF YOU" tirade. Come on. Every bomb, every bullet. *Eyeteeth* That's not the type of thing to leave out.

rachg82: (roslin coming for you)


IT HAS BEGUN.

Things are already getting heated up inside Rachael's brain, folks. Hee. HOW IS ABED NOT WINNING THE COMMUNITY BRACKET? (I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Troy and all--straight-up adore him, actually--but, but, ABED!)

No, you know what? That's cool. He doesn't even care. He's busy with other things:





HE MAKES YOUR HOLIDAYS BETTER. FOR YOU. HE DOES IT ALL FOR YOU, MULDER. And he hasn't even eaten since 6 o'clock this morning, and all that was was half a cream cheese bagel, and it wasn't even real cream cheese--it was LITE cream cheese.

Don't you think he deserves your vote?

P.S. HAPPY SOUTHLAND/PARENTHOOD DAY! Woot woot. Hee. (I'll probably be back later for a non-crazy entry to talk about the episodes)

I love March Madness.

*edited to add: P.P.S. I totally voted for Donna Noble in the Dr. Who category, despite having only seen maybe two episodes or so of that show, and that was TOTALLY for my homies from the Dana/Donna round last year. ONE LOVE. Haha. Just so y'all know? I'm sad she's not winning right now. I want a rematch!
rachg82: (Adama/Roslin reading is sexy)
1. Oh my God, self. Way to sleep in until 5 o'clock in the evening. GO TEAM. So much for taking a Jaunty Woodland Walk today! It is going to be so hard to rearrange this whole owl-like schedule I've fallen into, I swear.

FIVE O'CLOCK. It's not like I've never done it before, but sheesh. That is just ri-donkey kong-ulous.

2. At least I finished my PWP ficlet last night/this morning (whatever, "time". With your "AM/PM" nonsense! I MAKE MY OWN ROTATIONAL AXIS, EARTH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Um…or something) Yay.

I do by the way consider it a fic, not a poem, although I'm okay with others calling it that if they want (which some have). cut for some writerly pondering )

3. There are legit snowflakes mixed in outside with the rain right now. It's almost March, yo. This is Oregon. That is simply NOT how we Montell Jordan 'round these parts. (haha, [livejournal.com profile] dosidella, I told you I'd make that a thing)

4. My ficlet wasn't large enough to warrant a full-fledged ginormous soundtrack this time, but I will at least share ten a small army of songs which may or may not have assisted in the writing process. Mini-Fanfic-Soundtrack: You Must Be This Short To Ride. (P.S. that's what she said) )

5. I'm about thisclose to calling Southland the BSG of cop shows. It's getting there. I can feel it. It's not *quite* there yet (Sammy held back! If he'd gone for it--and by "it", you know what I'm talking about--I would've given it that title. I was partially convinced he was about to turn the gun on himself), but it's on its way. The lighting, the gritty realism, the "We're gonna make you watch this scene with one hand over your mouth, because you KNOW WE AIN'T AFRAID TO BRING IT & we might be about to throw down, son"-shit, the acting, the *human* drama & comedy, the directing, allll of ittttt. I love it, love it, love it. I'm not at all cool with there being only a couple more eps left this season. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

Ooh, and? I have a new theme song for John Cooper. Trick love da kids!. Hahahaha. Seriously though, I love what a freakin' SOFTIE he is every time anything comes up with foster kids. He just loses his shit. Screamin' at case workers, prowling the town, you name it. Then he slowly walks up to the kid like a gentle Mama Bear (or perhaps like a lion with a thorn in its paw--so many similes, so little time), and it's like, "I'm sorry. Who are you, again? Aren't you usually the hard ass?" Hee. I LOVE HIM. He's my favorite, after Lydia.

Come to think of it, oh my God, he's kind of an Adama. I wonder if he furiously brushes his teeth in the morning with a Care Bear Glare Stare & flails paint around when he cries?

6. Parenthood last night was am-aaaaa-zing, as usual. That show really, really gets the dynamic between siblings when it comes to having an addicted/shitty parent. Everything that went down in that storyline was just A++++. Also? Ha HA! at that scene with Syd and her grandparents. I've told you guys before about the time I was a kid & my stepmom ordered me to stay at the table until I ate her taco salad, right? Yeah, I stayed there until bedtime & didn't eat a bite. I WILL NOT EAT YOUR LETTUCE, WOMAN. I TOLD YOU & YOU DIDN'T LISTEN.

The clip with Max and the TV brought back some memories for me too, I have to admit. I'd like to think of myself as having been a good kid (and I really was, considering everything I had to deal with around me), but honestly? I raised some hell at times. Only rarely to that type of degree (that I remember), but when it did happen, it would be triggered by similar things--something not being done the same way as before/as planned/feeling out of control, etc. Like, you'll notice that whole argument for him started by him being upset that she didn't start the homework at the same time that Abby (his behavioral aid) did. He expected to still be allowed to watch TV, because she hadn't followed the rules properly herself; ergo, it was irrational of her in his opinion to expect him to. In my case, the particular memory that it inspired was different, but I just remember screaming at the top of my lungs at my stepmom because she wasn't washing my hair "right" in the bathtub (obviously I was still relatively young at the time), and how she told me years later she'd end up leaving the bathroom in tears sometimes because she didn't know what to do with me. I'd freak if she didn't bend my ears down ~just right~ (so no water would go in), I'd freak if she'd use the "wrong" type of glass for rinsing out the shampoo, et cetera. It was a whole big thing. And when I say "screamed at the top of my lungs"? I mean high-pitched, full-bodied *screamed*. Sitting there shaking & bawling, having a complete breakdown. "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT! I WANT MY MOTHER! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER! I TOLD YOU TO DO IT LIKE *THIS*! YOU'RE STUPID!" My dad would have to walk in & try to intervene, bla bla bla. It ended with me "teaching" her the proper methods of bath giving, and eventually she just didn't give me baths while I was there (I'd just wait to wash my hair until I got home since I couldn't rinse it myself "the right way", at least until I was older & started showering, which wasn't until I was at least eleven or so--I was intimidated/scared of the shower & remember feeling like I didn't know "how" to do it). Yeah. Er, SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT, MARY. Heh. God.

I'm really looking forward to next week's episode, by the way. Max learning about his ASD will make that plotline contain so much more depth than it already does, which is saying a lot. I will be really bummed if Abby stays away though. I liked her. (Jasmine bugs me, too. Ugh. I still want her on the show, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure if she & Crosby are right together.)

7. I can't believe we have to wait two more weeks for Bones. What kind of shenanigans is this?

8. I really want ice cream right now. I choose to blame [livejournal.com profile] keenai for this.

9. I also feel like rewatching a BSG ep right now. Which one should I choose? (I'm leaning towards "33" since I was talking about it with Jen the other day, but I'm open to recommendations)

10. My Vid of the Day today comes from thay2504. I randomly came across it on YouTube last night, and omg the flaily hands it gave me. FLAILY HANDS. That ending! Brennannnnnnnn. You are my homegiiiiiiirrrrrrl.

rachg82: (Brennan I love music)
1. I'm still enjoying this whole drowning-everyone-in-music/tidal wave o' recs concept, so--check it: three songs I'm listening to today )

2. While I'm sharing links, I had to shine a light on this MTV True Life episode on ASDs. Jeremy typing out his feelings after fifteen years of silence & Jonathan wanting to be a "normal teenager"? I WEPT.

3. Speaking of ASDs, who saw Parenthood this week? THE BUG PARTY. Hahahahaha. "Just cheese!" I was dying. Not to mention, "one perfect kid"? C'mon! My heart can only take so much. With his happy little face? Interrupting Amazing Andy every 2.5 seconds? Maaaaaaax. I love you forever & ever. (it helps too that the rest of the episode was fantabulous as well. Seriously, THIS SHOW. I just love it. Julia's ass! Making love to dough! Heeeee.)

Btw, for those who'd like to watch it now & haven't yet? I'm here for you.

4. Dear Southland, keep kickin' ass. It suits you. Love, me. (there's really nothing else to be said. IT JUST KICKS ASS.)

5. Is there a petition I can sign somewhere requesting that Ron's ex-wife return more often on Parks & Rec? Good God, I love her. And, while I'm on the subject of Thursday night comedies, the fact that Pierce saw a little man while high on pain killers? I believe it. I remember once my mom told me she'd hallucinated a tiny man on my sister's shoulder talking to her, so…yeah. 'NUFF SAID. (P.S. I heart Troy so hard for turning down that hot librarian after she called Abed "weird". I basically ship Troy/Abed at this point, ngl.)

6. I suppose I should try to talk about me too, huh? If it's not obvious already, I'm kind of trying to NOT think about me. I'm a bit exhausted by it all. I just want to be okay, and if I'm not, I want to ignore it. You know? I'll force myself to talk anyway though. I know if I don't, I'll reach a melting point. )

I'm gonna be wild & crazy and end this list on a #6 for once (I usually do lists of five or ten items), which I could explain away to my obsessive brain as something I'm doing due to six being one of my favorite numbers, but which instead I'll do as a way of forcing myself to be spontaneous for once. WELCOME TO MY BRAIN. IT'S WEIRD.

(note: I would not be able to put my Vid of the Day as #7 though, because I hate the number seven. Ha. Seriously. It gives me uncomfortable feelings. Much like the idea of touching a wild mushroom or adult feet.)

ANYWAY.

For my Vid of the Day, I can't embed the video (DAMN YOU, YOUTUBE), but I highly recommend clicking the link anyway. For anyone who wanted to know what it was like to hang out in person with me during one of my '80s movie nights with Amy last year? This is what it was like.<---i.e. non-stop mocking/over-analyzing/occasional singing. Heh. That being said--this vidder turns it into an artform. "Mullet with headliggghhhts!" HA.
rachg82: (XF fangirl)
I am in the mood for distractions. I still have over an hour until Southland & Parenthood come on, no one's updating their LJs, I don't feel like cleaning or looking for work, and wah wah blah MEH. Hmph.

Therefore, I turn to YouTube. Music is not going to cut it right now. I need stand-up. For those of you who don't know me well yet, comedy is one of my oldest loves. It wouldn't be a stretch to say it was an obsessive interest during my teenage years/early twenties. I don't keep up with new comics that way anymore--probably because I have too many dang fandoms & such (also because Comedy Central simply doesn't focus on comedians as heavily anymore)--but I still adore the medium. When I'm down, it's something I know I can always turn to.

I thought it'd be nice to share a few of the clips I watched tonight with you all. Maybe others could use the pick-me-up as well? Laughter is physically & emotionally beneficial after all (don't make me bust out the science).

P.S. I fucking love India.

Laughter is the best medicine )
rachg82: (Booth/Bones smile)
I am finally, FINALLY done with my fic. Holla!. (P.S. That's totally my theme song for the last episode of Bones, because it made me so happy. Haha.) Okay, so this one only took me two weeks, compared to a month last time--though I was working then (so it actually makes sense, if you think about it. They're both about the same length)--but it felt like it took forever. Maybe that's just because I kept saying "I'm almost done!", though. Hee.

ANYWAY. God, I ramble. Go read it. Otherwise it means you don't love me.[/peer pressure]

It's still peer pressure if there's only one person pressuring you, right? I am sort of a peer. I suppose now this means I have to try to convince everyone to join gangs & pull Helen Hunt Window Shenanigans too, eh? (CRANK IS STANK, HELEN HUNT. WHY WON'T YOU LEARN! Hahahaha.)

That's pretty much all I had to post about tonight though, heh. Except that my sister is now harassing my friends too--there's also that. Yay! Except NOT yay. Poor [livejournal.com profile] dosidella got a message on Facebook. Jesus fuck, go awayyyyy. I don't really feel like killing my good mood by getting into it though, so we'll leave that for later.

*eta: What am I talking about--of course it's not the only thing to post about tonight. Resolution to live until 1/31/11? (Remember how I extended it for a month after New Years?) No SI? Passed with flying colors, mofos. I find it extremely meaningful that I finished this fic on the 1st of February. Cheesy, I know. Don't care.

This time, let's go for two months. 3/31/11. We'll take it from there.

Now, since I *am* in a good mood right now, and since I'd like to go chill with my DVR for a bit (Southland & Parenthood, woot woot!), I'll end this with a "good mood"-song Vid of the Day. Hit it, Jill!

rachg82: (drooling dewitt)
I think I have the flu. Or got cursed by a witch doctor. One or the other. Either way, I feel pukey--which makes sense, considering I actually was, not too long ago.

(sorry for the tmi)

I really, really don't feel good. And I can't sleep. NOT COOL, BODY.

Why I feel the need to complain about it here, I don't know. Probably because of the aforementioned inability to sleep, boredom, and the annoying acidy stomach pain (and head/ear pain! Whyyy) that's turning me into a whiny 4 year old. ARGH. I need distractions. And someone to come rub my tummy & sing "Soft Kitty" to me.

That's the name of the song, right?

And here I thought I only felt lightheaded & pukey earlier because I hadn't eaten. Believe me: eating *backfired*. Or, y'know, not eating enough to begin with backfired, and now my immune system's pissed. Hard to tell. Whatever. Aunt Flo's visiting too, so this whole thing could just be a clusterfuck.

All right, I'm done whining now. Except I will add that the song on Parenthood last night made me cry (really touching), Lydia on Southland still kicks ass ("I'll show you a bitch, bitch!"), and ONE MORE WEEK 'TIL BONES, Y'ALL.<--definitely warrants caps

And as for how I'm feeling emotionally, "distant" & "descending" would probably be the words I'd use to describe the negative aspects--like everything is far away & I'm quietly sinking--all while holding onto a rope, unwilling to just let myself go. I still make conversation with the people standing nearby (we're being metaphorical here), still think of ideas & plans for the future--like eventually I'll climb out of the mud--and get angry at myself for not pulling my weight up harder. But my arms are tired; my body is tired. I just want a break. From feeling, from thinking, from traffic, from noise, from crowds, from obligations, from food, from money, from jobs, from unemployment, from being awake, from decisions, from thoughts of SI, from everything. I know I need to start small, but when everything feels so big, where do you even begin? I can't even afford therapy right now. When I go outside, I just want to go right back in. It's making it harder to motivate myself to go to the store right now. I feel like I need someone to just, like, slap me, and then--like in the movies--I'll suddenly regain my senses. Tada.

Ughhhh. Whatever. This is just a worse/different version of things I've been through before. I will slap myself if I have to. In the meantime, here's a Vid of the Day (by Tabitha78onLJ) to distract & cheer myself up. Hopefully it'll entertain you guys too.

rachg82: (serenity booth)
1. I've got such a bad migraine right now that the only way to tolerate it is to pull a "pain is only a sensation. I don't mind it. My head is separate from me. It's my body feeling the pain, not me"-detacharoo mindfuck and even that is only slightly working. Otherwise I'm just trying to distract myself, because I'm plain tired of lying down now (you can only do it for so long. Seriously, by 2:30 or 3 in the afternoon, it's like "I HAVE A LIFE, CRANIUM"). So, lights are off, I'm pretending the glare from the computer monitor doesn't bug me, Cheerios are to my right, and we're gonna write an entry. How 'about that, migraine? Why don't you put that in your pipe & smoke it? *throws gang sign*

(I like how my own head is my arch nemesis. Totally healthy)

2. Probably didn't help that I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning last night though, huh? But, like, I had REASONS. Curing cancer & what-not. Knitting mittens for visually-impaired Romanian orphans. Saving puppies. (I'm like a hero of my time) Okay, not really. More like drawing a comic. Which I will now share with you all as it's a good sign of ennui lifting in my opinion. )

3. Speaking of new shows, I have now officially added Lie To Me to my DVR. )

4. As I said to [livejournal.com profile] jasminelily already, I thought Parenthood last night was, and I quote, "full of rainbows & fluffy-tailed bunny rabbits, as per usual." In other words: A+. God damn, I love me some of that show. It's like a giant bowl of happyface. "You're black!" Haha. Maaaaaaax.

5. Southland, meanwhile, was fantabuloso. And yes, that's a word, because I say so. "Guess what? You're arrested for murder, asshole!" Hey, Regina King, I'd like to present you with this award for HBIC of the evening. You can put it with all the others.

6. As if all that weren't enough, did you guys know Jersey Shore has a new season starting this week? I just about lost my shit. Haha. (NOT A WORD. We don't need no hateration in this dancery, yo! I love my trainwreck documentary, hee) P.S. I hear there's a grenade whistle this season. *laughs & laughs*

7. To make up for my guilty pleasure downfall above, I would also like to remind you all of another TV show I adore )

8. Modern Family tonight! I love TVVVVVV. Hey, when does Parks & Rec come back?

9. I've written down a mess of songs to include in my 1994 soundtrack & will probably post it either tonight (if my migraine gets better) or tomorrow. I have a problem, I know. Hopefully you guys enjoy it though. Heh. You all should've seen me when I came across a Portishead song I hadn't heard since I was twelve. Hot damn. If I'd had popcorn on my lap, it would've been comically tossed up in the air. (for those who don't want to wait to find out, it was Sour Times. Nghhh, I was crazy about that song. And totes in love with her, won't even lie. Still am. I ended up listening to Portishead all night afterward)

10. Vid of the Day. As a preview to my soundtrack, let's get Bjorky up in here. This song won't be on the soundtrack, but best believe my girl here will be. "Debut" was the third CD I ever owned ("Music Box" by Mariah Carey was the first, given to me for Christmas when I was eleven in 1993; and Gloria Estefan's Greatest Hits was the second, given to me for my 12th birthday in 1994. "Debut" was bought later that same year, and it was the first album I ever bought for myself, actually) and I used to just sit on my bunkbed listening to it, over & over. Back then, all I needed were seven things to be okay: my TV, my video games, my discman, my art, my violin, my keyboard, & my books (all of which were in my room). That's it. Sometimes my best friend & my bike, so I could literally physically escape. But otherwise that was it. And every night, this was the song I listened to as I fell asleep. Take it away, Bjork. BFFs 4 Life, y'all:

April 2017

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