rachg82: (serenity booth)
Things that happened today:

1. My sister and I spoke )

2. I spent four hours on a round-trip bus ride to nowhere, a.k.a. Hillsboro. A+, self, for catching the wrong bus AND failing to write down the actual ADDRESS or NAME of the place you were going.

Seriously, if I'd been on time, I would've just looked for a church near that cross-street & figured it out (it was an ACA meeting)--I had directions, just not the damned address/name of the building--but getting on the wrong bus in the first place put me back by like twenty minutes, and I am not at all familiar with that part of town or super comfortable with wandering through it in the dark, clueless. So by that point it was already a lost cause, and I was like, "Fuck it. Let's turn around." SO RIDICULOUS. Ugh.

I'm committed to making it to a Saturday meeting if possible, though (it'll take place downtown, where I'm used to going). I really want to make ACA a priority again, even if I can only swing one meeting a week or one every other week. Just as long as it's at least semi-frequent & consistent. My goal for the next meeting is to share at least once & to stop & say hello to people after, rather than just walking out immediately when it ends.

3. I got out of work at 1:30, but still got paid for the full eight hours (tomorrow & Friday won't be paid, but hey, small favors). Oh, and: my manager gave the okay for me to change my schedule on Thursdays to 7 am - 3:30 pm, allowing me to continue seeing my counselor on a weekly basis. He said it may have to change if it becomes an issue (i.e. an inconvenience to others), but I think it'll probably be fine. At least for now. BIG RELIEF. Like, I was just shy of a panic attack while waiting for his response.

4. This should be included in "things that happened yesterday", but hush: I made gluten-free, egg-free chocolate chip cookies. And my beater broke half-way through, so I had to mix it all by hand, which was a ~big production~, what with the pouting & wrist-flapping & soreness & all (in other words: first world problems). So good, though.

5. I got an early Xmas present from Jen, including season 2 of Community, season 6 of Bones, and a tiny stuffed Yoshi. YOSHI IS OBVIOUSLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. Hee. But seriously, yay-ness. I have the bestest best friend ever.

For my Vid of the Day, have some random outtakes:

rachg82: (buffy/faith heart)
I hate when I fall behind here. Can't I just get paid to sit & write LJ entries all day? I mean, I'm just saying -- two birds with one stone & all. Plus, I'd totally be willing.

Every time I go a few days between updates, I end up all, "TOO MANY THINGS!", and as a result struggle to write anything. So, to make it easier on myself today, I'm just going to wrap up some memes & leave RL-related matters for next time. At which point there'll surely be even more things (the beginning of this week was rough, admittedly. I'm pretty exhausted right now, both emotionally & physically. P.S. this job involves WAY more moving of the body than I anticipated. My muscles, they are le sore), but nevermind that. At least I'm posting.

First up, a meme from [livejournal.com profile] lytab5:

Comment to this post with "Five Me" and I will list five things I associate with you. They might make sense or they might be totally random. Then post that list, with your commentary, to your LJ (or just add a reply back to me). Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.

Here are the five things I was given )

And, finally, let's finish that 30 song challenge, shall we?

Days 27 - 30 )
rachg82: (adelle/dominic bringing sexy back)
'Ello, there, folks. I made it to work this morning & am on my lunch break currently, hence the quick update. Except this keyboard has sticky keys, so when I say "quick", I really mean quick. Hopefully they loosen up a bit after more use. I keep having to hit letters twice.

Anyway, so far, so good, here. I'm dead tired, but that's okay. Makin' money! And I like money, so, yes. (seriously, though, re: the tired? I'm not a coffee drinker & never have been, but I drank a whole cup of it this morning. I'm THAT drowsy. It was even cold. Ha.)

I'll probably post more later; I just wanted to let everyone know it's going all right. Everyone's nice, the place is quiet, I have my own cubical in a non-busy area, and I feel fairly confident that I can handle the work. There's more to it than I expected, but I think once I get more familiar with everything it'll be fairly easy. There are a lot of people here who started in this position, too, which is a good sign. Also: the person training me told me that they'd been interviewing applicants for weeks (or at least "looking," which I assume means some interviewing), and that made me feel kind of spiffy about being hired.

FU, brain

Nov. 8th, 2011 03:34 am
rachg82: (Baby!Plucky Meltdown)
OMG, I cannot for the life of me sleep, despite taking an over-the-counter sleep aid around nine o'clock last night. I dozed off for something like an hour & a half around 10 pm, but since then I've just been hanging on the edge of totally exhausted yet wide awake. At this point I'm ready to just give up & commit to Being Awake, especially because I'm afraid of finally nodding off now & then sleeping through my alarm, but effing-A, today is going to be so hard. I mean, I'm going to work, don't get me wrong, but seriously. I'm so tired; I can hardly string a sentence together.

Please think good thoughts for me & send virtual caffeine, preferably via an IV drip.
rachg82: (anya i finally get love)
I woke up at 5 am today, thanks to daylight savings time. Of course I thought it was six, and then got very confused for a moment when the clock on my receiver was all, "Nope. FIVE." Ugh. So. very. tired. My body wasn't designed to be awake during the day, I swear.

On a less complainy note, I discovered a new fab meal last night: ground pork burgers with sweet mango chutney. YES. Perfect companion for a fruit smoothie, fyi.

I also picked up my pants & somehow managed to buy a pair of boots. They're a size too big, but, y'know, color me not shocked by that. Done it before & am sure to do it again. With thick socks & possibly an insole, they should be okay (they're ankle boots, so they won't slip off. The real issue would be blisters, which I'm super prone to getting). I didn't have enough money left over to buy any new tops, but I can make do with the few I already have for now. People who see me every week might be like, "Damn, does she only have five outfits?" I mean not counting t-shirts on ~casual Fridays~, that is. But whatever. If they care that much, they can take me shopping & put it on their tab.

In the meantime, would anyone care to help me decide which necklace to wear on Monday? I've already decided on the shirt -- it's the same one I wore to the interview, so it's lucky now. Heh. cut for pictures )

My experience at the mall was less stressful this time, though I did feel a little shaky. But I made conversation with this girl who got on the bus with me, all the way 'til we got there, and then did the same with two other girls while waiting for my bus ride home. Helped the time pass by quicker & made me want to grab a scorecard so I could tally up some points for myself. Heh. "Social skills: you get a gold star today!"

Much like the previous night, the place was still bananas (there's like a thousand sales going on, plus I think everyone's already decided to act like it's Christmas), and I got stopped literally three times by dudes at kiosks trying to sell me crap. "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?…Do you believe in MAGIC?" 'Cause nail buffing is the work of sorcerers, y'know. Meanwhile the second guy thought his sales pitch would be helped by asking me why I didn't have a boyfriend when I was "so beautiful." Like, first off, how do you know I don't have a boyfriend? Did someone put a sign on my back? Or am I supposed to have a male escort when I go out in public? I kinda wanted to answer with, "Because I like vagina." I mean, yes, I identify as bi, but it would've been worth it for the reaction. He was trying way too hard.

Changing subjects abruptly, 'cause that's how I do, I'm debating whether to start another fic. Not another long one, just something short, Booth-centric, & set in the past with his dad (because clearly I like to transparently exorcise my childhood issues via fictional characters). I have to agree with myself first that I'll let go of the outcome though. Not get perfectionistic about it or wring my hands over a lack of comments, etc. So, we'll see. It'll depend on whether I feel I can do that right now & also of course whether the inspiration stays long enough to crank something out. I do know that they say the only way to get better at writing is to keep writing; I just need to remember that I started doing fiction (and sharing it with others) because I enjoyed it, not because I expected myself to be amahhhzing at it.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm gonna go watch some Leverage & procrastinate on doing my laundry for a few more hours.

30 song challenge: Days 20 and 21 )
rachg82: (Made of win)
1. A very Happy Birthday to my long-time lurker friend, [livejournal.com profile] tenik. If you're reading this, bb, I hope you have a great day!

2. Good news: I got the job. I'll be starting next Monday at $14/hr, which, for those keeping track, is the most I've ever made by one whole dollar. My schedule will be Monday - Friday, 8 am - 4:30 pm. I'm relieved I have a few days to prepare -- y'know, get my sleep schedule in order, figure out things to bring for lunch, see my counselor on Friday, and drag my ass shopping & then to the cleaners (to inevitably have whatever slacks I buy hemmed five thousand inches). Fortunately, my temp agency pays weekly; I just need to do some math & determine how much I can give my manager for rent this month & talk with her about it.

3. I clearly suck at being a girl these days, because the mere prospect of venturing into a mall has me already exhausted, and I haven't even jumped in the shower yet. Heh. Especially since I know I need to find a pair of boots as well--long overdue--and I HATE shoe shopping. Haaaate. (Size 4 feet FTW! Except not.) Though I do like the idea of searching for something cute to wear in general; I really haven't had the ability to do that in a long time. I don't have very much to spend though, but I also don't have much of a choice. I have to get SOMETHING. You can't wear jeans there, except on Fridays, and it's getting too cold to pull off open-toed sandals. I'm going to try on some of my old work tops first though as a few of them might still fit. We'll see.

P.S. I wanted to thank everyone again for their support over the last two months (I can't btw freaking believe it's already been almost two months since I lost that job. I swear to God, this entire year has been a blur. Like, ridiculously so. It's almost unreal. Mostly all I can see when I look back at 2011 is a giant fog of depression, which is saying a lot after the Good Times Bonanza of 2010). It really means so much to me. Things could've gone very differently. And I'm by no means ~out of the woods~, but I have hope that I'm going in the right direction again. I mean, I'm trying, so by that fact alone, it's right. In the end, that's all I can do.

4. I'm still working on that Stress List, and I cleaned off my desk, table, and bedroom dresser last night. Lots o' dust, that's all I can say. It feels right now like I'll never get my bedroom floor clear (so many clothes, ugh), but eventually I know I will. Little by little. Goodwill's gonna get a big donation, as will the Food Bank (I have quite a few non-expired canned goods & such with gluten in them. They're no good to me now). It'll feel good to give back, especially so soon after I needed to use a food pantry myself.

5. It seems like I should talk about TV. I'm feeling lazy though, but here goes:

Parenthood )

Castle )

Hawaii Five-O )

That's all for now. I'll have a lot more TV stuff to talk about by tomorrow night, I'm sure. New Psych, Community, Parks & Rec, AND Bones. Hollaaaa.

30 song challenge: Day 17 )
rachg82: (cam happy shipper)
1. I could not find my bat headband last night. Very sad. Also sad? No trick-or-treaters. Well, except for a group of teenaged boys who were probably too old for such a thing, though they were at least fully dressed up, & one of them enthusiastically (if not a little spazzily, ha. He like SHOUTED into my apartment) complimented my lava lamp. So, yeah, that was amusing. Except I wish they'd taken more candy; I fell into a bit of a sugar coma somewhere around 9 pm, even added a few of them into a banana mint chocolate chip milkshake, (made with coconut milk!), haha. Oh, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I wish I could quit you.

P.S. Obviously, my stomach is feeling better atm than last week. Well, not totally, but mostly. Regardless, nothing keeps me from hoards of candy on Halloween. Straight-up.

P.P.S. I did see trick-or-treaters on my way home while riding the bus. Tigard, which neighbors my town, does this thing every year on Main Street, opening up the businesses to kids & handing out candy & what-not. It's very cutesy, appropriately so for that area, which takes the "Main Street" cliche to heart, trying to be all down-home & folksy (especially ridic considering that when Jen and I used to live down the road from there it was like non-stop crime central). There are signs up & down the road for things like "burgers" & "stamps", which cracks me up because it's like, "Dude, they can see the McDonalds. They don't need a second sign for 'burgers', like it's the one & only ~burger district~ or something." My favorite though is the "stationary" sign in front of the stationery store. Haha. Spelling fail!

2. Energy assistance was not only able to cover my entire electric bill, but also apply a $50 credit toward my next bill, due in December. V. awesome.

3. I am weak & have already watched the five sneak-peeks for Bones this week. EXCITE. My hands, they are flaily.

4. I'm making my way through season 2 of Psych now, which it turns out I'd already seen a good deal of (I'll end a sentence with a prep if I want to.[/rebel]). But that's okay, because I hadn't seen all the eps, and I don't mind rewatching stuff anyway. This show is just so much joy, y'all. I mean, LASSIE WANTED A PONY AS A LITTLE BOY. Can you even? I WANT TO SQUISH THE LIFE OUT OF HIS STOIC MR. BEAN FACE.

Also: the quote in my subject heading? OMG, I was laughing for at least a minute afterward. I had to pause it.

5. I really need to clean & do laundry & things like that, but I don't want to. I'm trying to put the "five minute" concept into effect that my counselor and I discussed (basically, if you have something you're dreading that's difficult to start, just commit to doing it for five minutes a day or whatever you can handle), but it's still a challenge. I just want to sit/lie motionless all day -- is that so much to ask?

30 song challenge: Days 15 and 16 )
rachg82: (annie dancing bones)
An undead taste of Halloween for you non-Americans on my flist. Heh. This has been going on btw for something like seven years now--zombies limp along the streets, dance to Michael Jackson, attack fake ambulances, the usual--but my favorite new addition to the shenanigans are the 99% zombies. Haha. "What do we want? BRAINS. When do want 'em? NOW."

In other news, I'm in a much better mood today, so far anyway. I have an appointment with energy assistance at 2:30 pm, I was able to put in a partial payment on my phone/internet/tv bill with your guys' help (no way was I having my cable getting cut off the week of new Bones), and I just got a call from the temp agency letting me know that the person I interviewed with was "very impressed" with my "professionalism" and how "articulate & detailed" my answers were. They still have more people to interview, which makes me nervous about getting my hopes up, but apparently I'm at the top of the list, so it looks good. I should hear back either tomorrow afternoon or early Wednesday morning, and if I'm hired I may be able to start next Monday, depending on their schedule.

Anyway, that's all for now as I should go get ready & what-not. I'll leave y'all with a Vid of the Day, though, in celebration of both the holiday & the return of Boooones:

Randomness

Oct. 27th, 2011 01:16 am
rachg82: (psych on my shoulder)
-I had my interview with the first temp agency today, and I may already have a job. It's not for sure yet, but I should know more tomorrow. The lady I spoke with only found out about the position this morning, so she's going over to the site tomorrow to talk to them. It sounds promising though. It is full time, which carries with it both pros & cons for me at this point, but it's temp-to-hire and a back-office position (document control/electronic filing). I don't know what the pay would be yet, what the dress code is, or even where it's located, but again -- I should know more tomorrow.

-As for what money I'll even use to *get* there on the bus between now & when I get my first paycheck? Don't know that yet either. Nor do I know what to do about my phone bill or power bill, but I'll try to come up with something once I know for sure that the job is a go. I think my apartment manager will probably be more willing to work with me on rent for November, too, if I can tell her I'm employed again. We'll see.

-I want to make sure I can continue treatment/getting medication as I begin working, but that falls into another category of things I don't know yet. I'm probably thinking too far ahead right now, honestly. I need to slow down.

-I used my heat for the first time this season tonight. Ice cold up in here, yo. And by "ice cold" I of course mean fifty degrees. So…not icy at all, then. Heh.

-My back & stomach are still a bit wonky, but feeling marginally better. ETA: Scratch that, ugh. The pain is back. Whyyy.

-I had a pretty emotional dream last night, wherein I reunited with Jayden at my grandma's house, and he ran up to me & hugged me for like EVER, and then as the dream changed he was lying on the ground for some reason, unable to breathe. And I tried giving him CPR, but it didn't work, and he died right there in front of me, with me bawling over his body & telling him he meant "everything" to me and was "the light of my life" and on & on. It was just overall really upsetting. In one of those funky dream ways though, it's probably something I needed to get out, I'm sure. But the feelings it gave me are still lingering. So, y'know, disturbing.

-On a brighter note, I FINISHED MY FIC. If you look out your window right now, you'll probably even catch some pigs flying by.

All I need to do now is read through it one final time, make sure nothing's horribly off, and then I can post the sucker. Whaaat. (P.S. C'MON, SON. Haha.)

Until then, I'll leave y'all with a cracky, season-appropriate Vid of the Day, since I already caught up on the song challenge meme for now. This one's by pavlowsdog. Enjoy:

rachg82: (mulder/scully foreheads)
1. Why must Livejournal keep changing the font for posting? I don't approve, sir.

2. I also don't approve of the liquid-hot mag-ma (and the sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their freakin' heads, obviously[/Dr. Evil moment]) churning throughout my stomach, nor whatever the eff it is I did to my back this week (maybe carrying heavy groceries home? Jesus, I'm getting old). It's seriously the kind of pain that makes you want to run into walls, flailing, all, "JUST KNOCK ME OUT." As an alternative to that, I've sort of just been spazzily rocking back & forth, bouncing my leg, & breathing like a Tibetan monk. Y'know, as one does. Ugh. Aleve & Pepto are not really cutting it, can I just say.

3. Somehow I have managed to apply for a handful of jobs though, plus I walked to two different temp agencies today. I have an interview for one tomorrow (they'll probably be the most promising); the second place did an interview with me already (less promising). On a bizarre note, I took a drug test while I was there, and she said it came up positive for meth. Whaaaat in the actual fuck. I was like, "Uhh, no. Not even." I had to tell her the medications I'd taken recently, which didn't even include cold meds (those could explain it, if I had), but she looked up Cymbalta & said she found info indicating it can cause a false positive. So she marked it down as negative in my file. It makes me feel nervous though for future tests. I really hope it's not the medication doing it, and that it was just an error on her part. I've never taken a urine test before where it wasn't run in a lab, so I didn't trust her process much. Also: I looked it up when I got home & didn't find anything conclusive in regards to anti-depressants & false positives, only a bunch of anecdotal stuff. Now of course I'm paranoid it's a kidney infection or something that's causing it, like, "My back *does* hurt! Dun dun DUN." Whatever, brain, God.

4. Meanwhile my stress levels are RIDIC. I don't even have five bucks to my name, and I wish I were kidding. At least I have food, but still. STILL. My phone, internet, & power are all about a hot second from getting cut off. Rent for November is…yeah. I can't even ealihgigh. Where's that wall again? I'd like to run into it now.

You guys have already helped me so much, and I certainly don't expect anyone to help now if they aren't comfortable with it/aren't able, but I'm pretty desperate at the moment, so I'm going to post the link to my PayPal account again in the hopes I can gather at least enough to pay half my rent for November & some of my bills:



5. I realized a flaw in my plan to look for a job as a nanny again -- it was my nephew I used to watch, so it'd be my sister that people might want to call when checking that out. And it's not that I think she'd be so petty as to lie & say I was bad or something; it's more so that I'd worry about the fallout later, personally. Her emails still go straight into spam, but you just never know. Plus what if she got that call & started going off to my mom or my grandma or whomever about how I haven't seen Jayden or Isabella in almost a year but now I'm gonna ~go watch other people's kids~ & what a horrible person I am & bla bla bla, and then Jayden overhears, and God, IDEK. I'm gonna talk to my counselor about it on Thursday, probably, to get her perspective. It might be too much for me to have to think about at this point, but we'll see.

6. I finished season 1 of Psych yesterday -- super enjoyable. Especially the last two episodes. I swear, when Lassie got Shawn's bike back for him, my heart grew three sizes. And? Jules with a pink headband is just about the cutest shit ever. I wanted to tackle-squish her. Ooh, AND: Shawn/Jules = smack your mama-levels of adorbs + I'm in love with Gus. I think that about covers it.

7. My fic is pretty much done. I only have a line or two left to write & then a final read-through of the whole thing, so: probably tomorrow(ish), barring the Hellmouth in my GI tract opening up & swallowing us all whole. Let the drumroll begin!

8. I'm still watching Castle to give it a shot, and I'm liking it more now, though not quite to a fangirly degree. At least not yet; sometimes it happens gradually for me. But it's keeping my interest. I was amused by last night's Halloween episode having such a similar plot to the Psych finale I'd just watched, heh. Oh, TV. With your tropes!

9. I was looking for a clip on YouTube the other day by Maria Bamford (one of my longtime favorite comedians), and while I didn't find the exact one I was looking for, I ended up finding something even better. Basically, the story behind it is that she had a nervous breakdown a few years back, leading to her moving back in with her parents ('cross country), and while she was there--recovering, getting back on her feet--she filmed a series of "shows" in her room, sort of documenting the experience for her fans. If you're familiar with her comedy, you'll immediately recognize the family members she impersonates, but these vids go deeper than that. They're frequently hilarious, as you'd expect, but also brilliant, and honestly pretty damn moving at times. She talks so candidly about her depression & anxiety, things I very much identify with, at a level that is super brave imo considering her public status. There are twenty "episodes" in all, only a few minutes each, and OMG they just made my night while watching. The final one had me in tears, TWICE. Like, I rewatched it today & cried all over again. It's funny how sometimes you come across something you SO need to see at the exact right time. That's how it felt.

Anyway, so I absolutely knew I'd want to share the links here, which I'll do below. If you only have time to watch one for now, though, at least make it this one:



And here are the rest )

…off to go rewatch all twenty again, brb.

10. Wrapping this up, I managed to get four days behind on that song challenge meme, so I'd better get on that. Days 7-10 )
rachg82: (adelle/dominic bringing sexy back)
1. I wrote up a to-do list this weekend (I'm calling it my "stress list" for now, heh), but I haven't gotten super organized yet with working out when I'll tackle each thing. I think I'll ask my counselor for help with that. I have at least crossed a couple things off so far, though. I did the dishes (already need to do them again, but whatever. That's life when you stop eating out every day), finished a load of laundry (many more to go--I want to clear the boxes of crap off my bedroom floor & donate old stuff, etc), took a shower, & completed my online FAFSA application for student aid. Tentatively, I think I'll plan on trying to go see an advisor on Monday, and I will probably set aside at least some time tomorrow for grocery shopping & job-related matters, most likely just filling out a profile on care.com to start & then seeing how I feel about applying for anything after. I've been having an uber hard time getting myself to start anything lately, or go anywhere, so it's slow-going. I mean, my anxiety's been pretty damn intense over the last few evenings, ngl. But I'm happy with myself for at least getting the FAFSA application done. I think that's important.

On a similar note, I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for attempting not one, but TWO new things in the kitchen yesterday. I still had potatoes from the food pantry as well as eggs--and while eggs are one of the things I'm sensitive to (on the "low" list), I really wasn't up to dragging myself to the store to buy new stuff with the SNAP benefits yet--so I watched a couple YouTube cooking vids & then made myself some tacos with fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, & cheese. I've never cooked anything with potatoes before (unless you count instant mashed potatoes, which you probably don't, heh), and same goes for eggs (unless you count adding them to baking mixes).

I struggle really badly with recipes that call for too many things to be juggled at once, especially if I don't have specific timelines for when I need to do each thing, plus I tend to put a LOT of pressure on myself to get things right, so I was already feeling wicked on edge before I even began. But it helped when I reminded myself that, y'know, no one else is here -- no one is going to get on my case if I screw up. It's not like how it used to be when I lived with my family, getting mocked or criticized or yelled at for every tiny thing. It's okay to be uncoordinated & spill things, it's okay to accidentally finish one thing way before another, it's okay if it takes me a hundred years to peel & slice potatoes, it's okay to need to look at directions over & over, it's okay to be anal about measurements, it's okay to overcook something when I'm being paranoid about undercooking it, it's okay if it ends up gross even. Fortunately, it didn't end up gross, but that's not the point. The point is I tried. And it is hard, because I did internalize a lot of how I was treated by my family over the years, so it's not easy for me to be patient with either myself or the process when it comes to things like this.

2. Thanks to a number of you, I've begun watching Revenge. I have a couple questions & thoughts )

3. I got season 1 of Psych from the library today. I'm feeling very--wait for it--PSYCHED to watch. Ahaha…ehh. Sorry about that. Heh.

4. I wish I could afford a haircut. Mine is way too long right now, like at least five inches past my shoulders. Such a pain. Also a pain? The psoriasis that's made a reappearance on my scalp as of late. UGH.

5. This entry seems like it's missing something, but whatevs, I want to go watch my DVDs. So. Time to wrap this up. 30 day song challenge: days 5 and 6 )
rachg82: (personal slogan)
You know what I really hate? When you actually feel motivated to do things, but your health is all, "NO. DENIED." I have had the same unrelenting migraine since yesterday morning, albeit now on the opposite temple because my brain likes to ~mix it up~. And I mean, my head hurts every day anyway (even if not *all* day), but I'm talking about the kind that straight owns your ass, i.e. the kind I generally only get a couple times a month, fortunately (or unfortunately, I suppose, depending on your perspective. I'm personally grateful for every moment in my life that doesn't include pain). It's receded now to the point of being tolerable as long as I keep the lighting dim, stay in a quiet place, & don't move my head around much, but it's still totally interfering with what I'd LIKE to be doing, and it frustrates me. On top of that, I really need to eat something, but the last thing I want to do is cook or go to the store, plus my stomach is icky feeling anyway.

But I'm not going to complain too much, because at least my SNAP benefits finally got processed. So when I am able to walk to the store, I CAN buy food. I do have a pork chop thawing in my fridge right now, plus potatoes, so I already have a set option for one meal as it is (two if I decide to try cheesy potato tacos, though that doesn't have much protein, and I need protein when I'm fighting a migraine); however, see above, re: the last thing I want to do. Grr, argh. River was right; food is problematic.

Anyway. Enough about that. Here's some other stuff:

-As soon as I feel a bit more clearheaded, probably after I've eaten, I'm going to follow my therapist's advice & write down a list of things I need to do/am worried about/or whatever, and try to prioritize how much I can handle doing at once & when I'll try to do them, etc. Hopefully that will make it easier for me to approach things like uber-overdue bills & job searches. As it stands, I can't even hear a mention of unemployment on TV without tensing up. I may post the list here afterward, or bring it with me to my next appointment, but I haven't decided on that yet. It'd probably be a good idea if I did, though.

-Speaking of my therapist, I had another appointment with her yesterday. cut for rambling )

-There's an ACA retreat up in Washington next month that I'd really like to attend--like a non-summer summer camp for stunted adult children--but I'm not sure yet whether it costs anything (I'm sure it does). Wah. THEY HAVE CANOES.

-We'll wrap this up with some TV/movie talk:

Parenthood )

-Psych )

-I watched a couple documentaries yesterday as well. One was from Current's Top 50 list ("Tarnation"), and the other I just came across randomly while browsing the library ("Finding Normal"). Both were really interesting to watch and well-made, though I'll admit Tarnation left me sad because it touched on a lot of stuff I've been trying to work through lately in regards to my mom's history with mental illness and doctors/hospitals, while bringing up a lot of new emotions & memories too. But it was extremely evocative & something that needed to be expressed. Kind of brilliant, actually. I just couldn't help also feeling like it was somehow incomplete or unbalanced by the end, though maybe that was intentional in its own way as well. Either way, I understand why they put it on the list.

I was totally satisfied by "Finding Normal" though (more than satisfied, really. I pretty much loved it & didn't want it to end. Seriously), despite it being much less flashy & artistic; it's the kind of documentary I'd buy if I had more money, because I can see myself wanting to rewatch it every now & again. I identified with so much of it, not just on behalf of addicts I've known (it's about a treatment/housing program here in Portland & follows both new patients & their mentors -- who are also recovering addicts themselves), but on behalf of myself & the ACA traits I picked up from them. It's like 100% real talk throughout the whole thing, no bullshit. And I love that they manage to take the topic and stay realistic, destigmatize the process of having a problem & getting help, show that not everyone makes it, yet also leave you feeling uplifted by the end. It's just exactly the kind of thing I needed to see.

For those who would like to check out the trailers, voila: Tarnation and Finding Normal.

-Lastly, I got a day behind on my song challenge, so today's VotD will cover two: Days 3 and 4 )
rachg82: (Booth/Bones superhero detectives)
1. It would seem the sun is getting in its last hurrahs here this week. It's 74 degrees outside right now & isn't supposed to dip anywhere below the 60s until after this weekend. I only wish I'd been in a better mood today to enjoy it. Like, the sun was shining, the leaves were all colorful, the air was breezy & mild…the cast of Peanuts was on the hunt for the Great Pumpkin (okay, not really that last part) -- you get the idea. But I was stuck on the longest bus ride ever (we passed Moses in the desert, I'm just saying), wearing clothes that were too warm, sniffling & sneezing from my allergies every other second, squinting so bad I could hardly look up even with my transition lenses on (I should probably hiss next time upon opening my front door or something, all "THE SUN! IT BURNS!" The effect would be way better), irritated by the five thousand other passengers & their many elbows, aaaand yeah. Hyperbolic first world problems. Heh. "Damn't, bus, move it along -- my ass cheeks are sore! All this sitting is hard work!"

In all seriousness though, it probably didn't help that my first bus went past my sister's old place AND my mom's old place--lots of memories & suppressed sadness = crotchety irritation, what can ya do--but at least I can find humor in it. And I did still appreciate how pretty everything looked, so there is that. If I can, I would like to take a walk along the nearby trails at some point this week before the weather changes, and will probably bring along my camera if I do. We'll see.

2. I left a message this morning for both my SNAP caseworker & the local office, inquiring about my tardy food stamp benefits, but haven't heard back yet. If I don't get a response (or the funds on my card) by tomorrow, I'm going over to the office again in person. It'll probably go a little something like this.

3. I saw the crisis team psychiatrist again today, and at first she was going to give me another sample of Pristiq to get me by until my psych appointment at Luke-Dorf on the 15th, except this time at a higher dose than before (based on some questions she asked me); however, since I'd noticed myself feeling even more tired so far on it, she decided to try me out on Cymbalta instead for now. If I don't like it, I can always go back to the Pristiq after my next appointment, but hopefully this will be a better fit. It's part of the same class of SNRI antidepressants, but is less inhibitive of dopamine reuptake, from what I understand. It's approved for some types of chronic pain as well, so I've been curious about it anyway for a while.

4. Despite the "OMG WHY SO MANY PEOPLE"-bus pet peeve mentioned above, I did get my quota filled for entertaining, out-of-context bus-eavesdropping moments.

Per example:

- "You were at the cemetary at 3 in the morning without beer?!"
- "We used to play that game in prison all the time."
- "What you do is find someone who looks like they need change, and then you ask them for change FIRST. Ahaha."
- "But you get to kick it with dead people. I want to kick it with dead people."
- "I don't want your duck germs all over me. Hey, you know what rhymes with ducks? Sucks."

And, my personal favorite (in a non-favorite kind of way): one mother's clearly apparent gay panic over her little boy wanting to pretend her purse was his. Suddenly it became VERY IMPORTANT that he understood he was to own a *wallet* someday. Or a backback. But probably a wallet! Or even a wallet AND a backpack. Like, NO, SON, GOD HATES PURSES.

All I could think of was this bit by Mario Cantone, which, P.S.? I have been trying to find online for something like ten effing years now. Heh. SUCCESS.

5. I've decided that if I ever get my license & begin driving regularly, I want one of these cars. Then I can force tall passengers into my short world. LIKE A BOSS.

Speaking of shortness: Day 2: Your Least Favorite Song )
rachg82: (psych on my shoulder)
1. Rent for October is PAID. I couldn't pay the entire late fee (I'm still waiting for some of the PayPal funds to be transferred to my bank account. Once they go through, I'll have $128.49 left), but my apartment manager was willing to push the remaining $21 to next month. I'm kind of paranoid now that some surprise thing will get debited before the check goes through (like stupid Bally's Gym, for instance. HATE THEM), but that probably won't happen. I haven't used my card for anything in forever, and even Bally's hasn't charged me since July, which makes me wonder if my contract finally ended. I will so throw imaginary confetti in the air if that's the case. They have been such a pain in my ass over the last few years.

I did end up needing my friend's help after all, because rent assistance was already out of funds by the time I called. There was nothing I could've done about that, unfortunately, since I didn't get my eviction notice until yesterday, and I couldn't request assistance until then. Normally, people get their notice on the 8th & call that day; however, my apartments apparently don't hand eviction notices out until after the 10th.

I have a little over three weeks before November's rent becomes an issue, but: one thing at a time. I know she's willing to work out a payment plan with me if I can pay the full amount in three installments before that month is over; if I can't, but I can still pay at least half the full amount, she's willing to push the rest to the following month & try to work something else out. She told me she's helping me like this because she can tell I'm "really trying," and I have to say, I'm INCREDIBLY grateful for it. I'm so glad she took over a while back. If I were dealing right now with the old management? Ugh. This story would've gone a lot differently.

2. I'm not sure what to do about my phone/internet/tv bill or my electric bill just yet (both are overdue by a lot), but I can't think about that right now. I'll give it a few days, then revisit it.

3. When my friend dropped off the money today, she included a GF baking mix (works for pancakes, banana bread, cookies, etc), paper towels (which I needed), my favorite kind of GF bread (Udi's--it's the only kind that's good, seriously. Trader Joe's doesn't carry it), and a little bag of aroma therapy bath stuff. Some of it had already been used, so I think she had it around the house vs. buying it, but DUDE. Really, really nice of her. The lotion smells amazeballs, and the skin on my hands right now is like BUTTAH--as the Coffee Talk lady would say.

4. My stomach was still hurting like an a-hole last night, so I didn't get much done, but I did do a load of laundry for the first time in a while. Honestly, there's a blanket that I threw up on while camping last summer--which had been completely rinsed off but never truly washed--that had been lying on my bedroom floor all this time (well, more so "in a shin-high pile of other also-unwashed items" than the floor, but you get the idea). It finally got washed. I'd be embarassed to admit how long it took me to do, but I'm keeping it real here. This is what depression looks like.

5. I'm still going to look into school stuff first (I think I'll take the bus to PCC tomorrow & just try to talk to someone in person, since the financial aid dept's number's always busy), but I am thinking up preliminary job plans too. It's still scary, especially because of my crappy health, and because I despise anything that's up in the air, but yeah. Once more with feeling--one thing at a time. Amongst other things, I'm going to set up a profile on care.com and see if maybe there's a nanny/tutor/housekeeping-type job I can do. My friend B suggested it, and is now sending me all sorts of links, which is appreciated, though it's also kind of stressful because I feel like it puts pressure on me. I'm just reminding myself that all I can do is try. I may or may not meet people's expectations; I can't control that. I just don't want it to become one of those things where she wants to help me, but then ends up resenting me because she doesn't think I'm doing enough to help myself or am not being successful at it or whatever.

6. New Psych starts toniiiight. I am legit excited. I've been going through this list of quotes from the show today & cracking up. Like, my neighbors might've heard. Heh.

I'm pleased to say I'm feeling excited now for Bones' return next month, too. The spoilers have been getting better, and the reviews from critics who've seen the first couple eps already are super encouraging.

7. Facebook continues to be the most annoying thing on the planet--I try to use it, try to like it, but argh. It's like an instant douche converter--but every now & then I do see something funny on there. Case in point: True statements are true )

8. I need like an alarm bell to go off every time I pick a food item to eat, reminding me to thoroughly check the ingredients, I swear. Why must my new boysenberry jam have corn syrup? Why must Doritos include wheat? Life HARD.

9. Parenthood )

10. I had the most random childhood memory come back to me yesterday. It's really not interesting enough to share here, but watch me do it anyway. Heh. I was following a link that one of my LJ flistmates shared, looking related stuff up (as one does. I like to learn about crap, what can I say), and came across info about sensory issues in children. It offhandedly mentioned kids flipping their shit over vacuum cleaners, and instantly my mind was like, "OMG, I REMEMBER THAT." Totally all ~poof~ out of nowhere. Heh. My mom used to come & warn me if she were going to use the vacuum, literally apologizing for it & being all "I'll try to be quick," and I'm talking up to at least the age of 12 (now that I'm remembering it, I'm pretty sure it continued after that for some time), and I remember yelling at her to stop if she did it for too long. Also: if she were vacuuming in the same room as me, I'd tuck into a corner/sit on a chair hugging my knees/get as far away from it as I could & cover my ears until she was done. It was an especially funny time to remember this, too, because I'd just posted on facebook about how annoyed I was by my upstairs neighbors vacuuming for too long. Ha.

For my Vid of the Day, I'll share a vid that [livejournal.com profile] sumpta and I were laughing about earlier. It's fairly appropriate this week:

rachg82: (psych roses)
1. Today is [livejournal.com profile] dosidella's birthday, and though I've already wished her a happy one, I'm gonna do so again now. She may or may not be receiving her gift in the form of a miniature pony named Grease Lightning. What? Don't act like you haven't always wanted one.

2 One more day until new Psych! USA's been airing a lot of reruns this week, too, which is enjoyable as I still haven't seen all the eps. That show is great for picking my spirits up when I'm feeling down.

3. Speaking of feeling down: apologies in advance for the TMI, but I woke up vomiting again last night, i.e. was doing it in my sleep. I'm so frustrated by my health right now, I can't even say. Every time I think things might be settling down, my body's all, "Ha! Gotcha."

4. I have two appointments today -- one with a doctor to check in on the new med, and the other with the counselor. I'm in one of those moods where I really don't even want to go & talk to anyone, but I will.

ETA: Scratch that. Leave it to me to forget I don't have enough change for a bus ticket & am still waiting for my new ATM card to come in the mail, meaning I should've left much earlier to get to the bank & withdraw money face-to-face in time to catch the bus. Now, there's no way I can get there on time, like even close. The clinic called me this morning to confirm the appointment too; now, I have to reschedule & feel like a flake. Arghhh.

5. I called rental assistance yesterday, but it was too early for them to help me as I hadn't been given a written eviction notice yet. I talked with my apartments & they said it should be done today, but I don't know at what time. So, depending on that, I may be able to call rental assistance back this afternoon or may have to wait until tomorrow morning.

6. I only have one section left on my fic, y'all. One. Uno. So close I can taste it. I think I might almost be sad to see it finished, but seriously, it's been eight months. Time to wrap this bad boy up. It's not even that long for crap's sake. (hovering between 5,500-6,000 words, currently) It's just been a really slow process with lots of obsessive editing. I hope it resonates with people though. It makes me want to cry like ten thousand times while reading it, myself, haha. But not in a bad way! It just evolved to become much more about processing grief & trauma than I originally thought it would, that's all.

7. I went with B to the food pantry last night, then Trader Joe's where she got me about $60 worth of food, including a gluten-free chocolate cake, which was at her insistence btw. Heh. I haven't had any yet (it's chillin' in my freezer -- pun intended), but CHOCOLATE. Always a good.

Shopping at the food pantry was difficult, because of my food intolerances & because there wasn't a huge number of options. As it is, the only kind of GF cereal I saw there was Corn Flakes, and…yeah, I'm not supposed to have corn. But I was all, "that's a huge box, self, FOR FREE. Plus, it's not like you've entirely eliminated corn yet, what with the tortillas & all. Give it a shot." I mean, the type of corn is different--tortillas are simple, with few ingredients, while the cereal has corn syrup added & crap--but still. So I did, upon returning home, having a bowl of it + a sliced-up banana for dinner since my stomach was already being acidy to begin with (and I thought it'd be fairly bland). Cue: waking up three hours later with gooey banana/cereal chunks all over my shirt/pillow. Fun. I'd say I need to wait longer after eating before going to bed, but honestly the same thing has happened even when I did. That time it happened when I was camping last summer, I ate around six pm, fell asleep probably around midnight, and woke up around 6/7 am the next morning barfing on my sleeping bag. So, who the eff knows.

At least I got food though. And I think I can eat most of the stuff from TJ's without a huge issue. I'm most excited to try the brown rice tortillas I got, which I haven't seen ANYWHERE else, except online. I only wish they weren't so expensive. You can get a giant amount of little corn tortillas for like two bucks, seriously. Meanwhile you can pay like a dollar or two MORE for exactly four big rice tortillas. I HATE MY STOMACH. Apparently it doesn't understand how much I love tacos & burritos.

8. Ken Jennings has an Asian clone. Or at least that's my theory. There's a dude on Jeopardy right now that is gettin' it, day after day. I love it when that happens.

9. My neighbors decorated our entire side of the building with fake spiders & cobwebs. It's cute.

10. Oh, I almost forgot! My friend B told me that if rent assistance falls through, she can swing the rest (something like $140, assuming I don't pay off any other bills) to cover October, minus the late fee -- which my manager told me can be pushed off anyway. I assume that means if it *doesn't* fall through, but I still need a little help next month (which: I will, unless my manager magically decides to let me have free room & board), she might be able to help me then. Not enough to cover the whole thing, obviously, but a portion. I wish I didn't have to think about any of this, it still totally stresses me out, but at least I'm not totally alone in it either.

For my Vid of the Day, how about some T.T. Showbiz action? (the extra T is for extra talent) Credit goes to CliffyProd. Enjoy:

rachg82: (roslin operahouse)
I just sneezed something like ten times in five minutes. I think that's my allergies' way of telling me to clean my room. Well. FAT CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING, ALLERGIES.

…I need a maid.[/first world problems]

In non-first-world-problem news, you guys are amazing. Paypal takes a small chunk away from every donation, but currently I still have a net balance of something like $460. I'm praying the rent assistance comes through this morning too, because if it does, and if I get the full amount (almost enough for rent), I'll be able to pay October's rent/late fee (with both the donations/assistance combined) & have a little to put toward next month's. Plus it means I can eat a little until the SNAP funds come through, which they're taking their sweet-ass time doing (it could take until the 18th at the latest). I actually counted up all the pennies in my apartment this weekend, taking them to the local coinstar machine, and ended up with a little over five bucks, and was all excited because it meant I could buy ice cream & toilet paper without guilt/stress (the ice cream was a treat). So, yeah. If it weren't for all of you, I'd have eleven dollars left right now.

This still leaves bills that are late, my needing to get a job and/or school loans asap, the possibility of rent assistance *not* going through, but it's SOMETHING. A lot of something. It makes thinking about handling the rest significantly easier, and I appreciate that hugely.

I'll be going to the food pantry tonight--it turned out to be way far from the nearest bus stop, and I was concerned I couldn't carry a week's worth of food/supplies nearly a mile by myself--with my old Xerox coworker/friend, B (not the 'B' I had a crush on. Heh. There were two of them!). Technically, her name is actually Rachel, but, y'know, since MINE is Rachael, we call each other by our last names or last initials. ~As one does~. (there really were too many damn Rach(a)els born in the 1970s/'80s, seriously) She offered on her own to take me to Trader Joe's afterward too, at her expense, since they supposedly have a lot of GF stuff & what-not. Accepting help like this from a friend still makes me nervous--you never know if the person's trying to somehow "fix" you, is doing it out of pity not love, and will expect some type of medal for it later--but that doesn't eliminate the gratitude.

In other, more random news:

-I think the recent extra burst of stress is taking its toll on my body now (or: adjusting to the new med, perhaps? Or both?). I've been sleeping like 10-12 hours a night, still needing naps, totally exhausted, yet my heart's just like "BEATBEATBEATBEAT" non-stop. I'll wake up from one of said naps, and my pulse will still just be truckin' along like a spazzy crackhead, all rapid-fire. And I'm like, "Uhh, I've been unconscious, not moving. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, HEART?" I'd write it off to bad dreams, but it's often like that when I'm awake too, and I've been down this road many-a-times before with palpitations, so I know it's just something to accept & not freak out over. So annoying though. Every time it happens, the neurotic, irrational part of me yells, "OMG, IT'S A HEART-ATTACK." Then the rest of me is like, "SHUT UP, LOON. NO, IT'S NOT. UGH."

-When I was at the coinstar machine the other night? There was a woman in front of me in line with over $130 worth of change. I was just like: Umm. Dude. I will never make fun of pennies again.

-Dark Matters continues to be delightful. Here's a trailer (you know you want it):

America, circa early-1960s: HEY, SOVIETS. COMMIEDOUCHEBAGSAYSWHAT?
USSR: Wha--*beat* ORLLY? So, it's like that, huh?
America: IT'S LIKE THAT.
USSR: Hmm, well, guess what we'll be doing tonight while you're banging your mother?
America: Actually, that was your mother.
USSR: MY MOTHER IS DEAD.
America: …
USSR: ANYWAY. We'll be blowing up a big, fat nuke in space. But don't worry, it obviously has nothing to do with you. *shifty eyes*
America: THAT'S FINE. We'll just blow up a bigger one.
Scientists: Uhh, guys? That might not be a good idea.
America/USSR: SHUT UP, NERD.

~History~. It's fun like that. Also: there's people transplanting monkey heads. I bet you wish you had a monkey head.

-The new season of Psych starts this Wednesday. This is all I have to say:



-Last time I went to Taco Del Mar, there was an employee there who hadn't seen me in a while (she yelled out "HI!" when I walked in, causing the whole line to turn & stare. Heh. It was cute), and she told me cut for weight stuff )

-There's a good chance I'll be done with my fic in the next day or two. I spent most of yesterday working on it before hitting a block. I think I just needed a break though & am hoping I'll fly through the rest in similar fashion. It's *so close* to the end. It's one of the only things I feel interested in right now, too, so the mojo comes at a good time.

And that's it. I'm behind on comments again, but I'll try to catch up soon. In the meantime, here's an epic movie-style trailer of one of my favorite Psych eps (by PinkRosePictures2):

rachg82: (scully going to oregon)
Let's start with a meme I snatched today from [livejournal.com profile] alias_jems:

List ten things that you love that begin with that letter and then post that list on your journal.

Last time I did this, I got the letter B. This time, I got R.

R is for cooookie…okay, not really )

And now for some randomness:

-I may not get the SNAP assistance money until October 18th. That's cool; I didn't want to eat anyway. *hates life*

In all seriousness, it's possible I'll get it before then--I've been hounding my caseworker, & she said she'd try to work on it today, but "can't guarantee" that--and I do have a little bit left in my checking account (under $40, I think), but I'd probably need to visit a food pantry too or something if not.

-Rent is late after today, and I still don't have an answer from unemployment. I need to go talk to my apartment manager about it again, though I don't know what to tell her in terms of when I can actually pay. My stress is to a point where it's almost like a body in shock -- it doesn't even seem real. I still feel almost completely paralyzed by it.

-I called & left a voicemail on my dad's cell on Sunday (they never gave me their new house # after moving this summer), asking him to pass along a Happy Birthday message to my brother & let him know he can call me back any time, that I'd love to talk to him. Have I heard back? Of course not. Not from my brother & not from my dad.

-No one probably cares, but it's my current re-discovered obsession, so just go with it: I finished the Donkey Kong Country series a while back, getting a 101% score on the first game, a 102% score on the second, and both a 103 & 105% score on the third (the latter requires a code getting rid of all halfway barrels, making the levels more difficult. I played it twice, once the normal way & once with the cheat). Now, I'm going through the old-school NES Mario games. I already beat the third one (plus Super Mario World) & am now moving backwards to the second. I played all these games like a fiend as a kid, but I don't remember if I actually ever beat the first two. I was pretty little then (I got my first NES at five years old -- my sister, stepbrother, and I all combined our Christmas money together to buy it), so my memories of those first couple games aren't as clear. Replaying the second one now is kind of a trip, really. It's definitely the weirdest & most random of the bunch.

-I've discovered a new TV love: Dark Matters. It's on the Science channel & is full of awesomeness. Like, they're all, "Don't you want to hear about the dude who stole Einstein's brain & then stuck it in his wife's mayo jar next to the pickles?" And I'm like, "UM, YEAH. HOW DID YOU KNOW."

-Since it's October, I'm already watching a ton of shit that will probably give me nightmares for years. A+, self. Seriously though, Paranormal Witness? *shudders* The whole first half of this episode (legit already dreamt about it last night) and also this one? Ahhh. AHHH.

I think that's it for now. I'm not gonna do a Vid of the Day this time because I already did some YouTubeing in this post, and I'm feeling lazy.
rachg82: (Booth/Bones superhero detectives)
It's unfortunate that my world is so full of stressful suck at the moment--October is normally one of my favorite months. I will say though that I enjoyed seeing my apartment manager's office covered in green cobwebs today (Why green? Mutant spiders, I'm guessing. Or because they have a secret desire for me to walk by & ask, "Going GREEN, are we? I hear that's big these days! OHH, RIMSHOT. WHO'S WITH ME"), not to mention all the Psych promos airing now for the upcoming 10/12 premiere. Which are basically making my entire life right now, just so y'all know. So much so that I had to pick a few favorites & embed them here (and by "a few", I mean five. Er). As one does )

…I really need some Psych icons. Seriously.

In other news, a new Bones promo popped up on the interwebz today as well. It's adorbs & much more promising imo than the previous promo they'd been showing. It can be found here.

In other, other news: I watched the first two eps (from the current season) of Castle tonight. YOU'RE WELCOME, FANDOM. Heh. I'll be honest and admit I'm totally biased against it--I do this with shows sometimes, hee. I did it with Buffy, for instance, for like years--and spend most of my time whenever I catch an ep mocking it in my head, but there's part of me that enjoys parts of it too. So I'll give it a bit more time and see if I warm up more. I reserve the right to keep mocking it internally though. No promises.

In other, other, other news: I'm still having a pretty rough time of it with my anxiety levels and SI issues, especially today. Like, kind of almost through the roof. I don't want to go into it in more detail than that though without a flocked post/trigger warning, but, yeah -- case in point as to why I could use some easy TV-induced happytimes even more so than usual atm. There've been a few times over the last week or so where I probably should've just called someone, like tonight for instance, but I just don't want to right now; I didn't even talk about it here the last time I self-injured, before today. What I do want is to have things be BETTER (no talking required, just ~magic~. Totally realistic). Get the food stamp money asap, find out what's up with unemployment (and have it be a positive result), pay my rent on time, figure out What I Want To Do next *without* the money-panic weighing me down, get used to my new counselor & new medication, and take things from there. I just, ugh, can't even talk about it more than that.

I did at least accomplish a couple things today though, despite the badness above. Ran a few errands (couldn't drag myself out in time for the ACA meeting, though. It took me a while to do anything. One of those "want to dig a hole & hide in it"-type days.), wrote a bit more for my fic, listened to a crapload of songs on YouTube, shook my fist in the air at Super Mario Bros. 2 & 3 (screw you, princess. Save yourself! I don't want your letters! Heh), and…okay, so that's not that much. But it felt like a lot. I was running on three hours sleep after waking up at 4 am from a nightmare. Really wish the recurring "someone showing up in my apartment" dreams would go the fuck away. aclieahogih CREEPY. I get out of bed & feel like I need to check the shadows & shit. So mental. Not that they'll stop me from probably watching a hot mess of horror movies/shows over the Halloween season, but shh.

Anyway, that's all for now as I should probably try to get to bed. Though I'll more likely try to beat my high score on Text Twist again, instead. But it's the thought that counts.

P.S. I'm behind on comments, but I do intend to try to catch up soon.

For my Vid of the Day, how's about I share three of the songs I listened to today? It's been a while since I did that. Behind the cut 'cause I'm considerate like that )
rachg82: (kara scar)
1. I'm feeling lazy at the moment, so rather than come up with a whole new description of my appointment with the counselor today, I'm just gonna copy some excerpts of what I wrote in an email to Jen earlier. As one does )

2. Speaking of emotions though, my mom's birthday is Wednesday. I'm gonna try my best to make it to an ACA meeting this week.

3. The temperature dropped like thirty degrees in the last three days. My flip-flops felt lost in a sea of change. (not really)

I found it pretty amusing though that weather.com had this ALL!CAPS!WARNING! about it the other day, like, "DANGER! RAIN APPROACHING!" And meanwhile Oregon's all, "Whaaaa? Rain? I've never heard of such a thing! For the hills, children! THE HILLS! Damn't, THERE'S NO TIME!"

Okay, so the warning had to do with wind speed along the coast, too, but c'mon. Fifty miles per hour? Chillax with the red font.

4. After some investigation, I remembered that my Playstation isn't compatible with my LCD TV. Sadface. Crash Bandicoot doesn't appreciate this fuckery!

5. With BBC America airing BSG, I've been rewatching eps again. Hence the new icon. For me, Scar is so one of those stealth eps that just seem all ~meh~ upon first glance, but which out of nowhere become one of your faves later on. Then again, BSG seems to have a pattern like that, with some eps being all intense!action!OMG!WHAT and then the rest shifting to introspective!artsy!flashbacks!LEEMO! Hee. Okay, not always quite like that, but Leemo's usually in there somewhere. Point is, it works for me, and I've come to appreciate the slow thinky thoughts eps so much more upon subsequent rewatches.

Since they'll be airing season 3 pretty soon, I figured it'd be an appropriate time for a creepy creeper Leoben vid by mpekowski. Fantastic song, great editing. Enjoy:

rachg82: (dollhouse dreams)
Writer's block is such a crapstain on the face of life. I mean, really. I was doing so well on my fic there for a while, too, making steady progress again & even finally outlining the final bits, but now I'm trapped in another one of those "nothing sounds right!"-phases. Urgh.

Also: I'm bored. Very, very. But nothing sounds interesting. I hate when I get into one of these moods.

SIGH.

Okay, enough complaining. Here's a couple RL updates:

-I had my phone appointment with the SNAP folks today, then swung over there on the bus to drop off a copy of my ID & recent paystubs, and now it's all set. There's no money on the card they gave me yet, but it should be there on Monday. I'll have $80 for September (since the month's almost over already), and if I still have zero income in October then I'll get $200 for more food then. If unemployment does go through, the monthly amount will be $15. Which…isn't a lot, but even fifteen bucks can make a big difference when it comes to being able to eat for a couple more days. So, yeah. Whatever happens, this is at least one good thing.

-When I got home, there was a message on my machine from the unemployment department -- requesting a call back by Tuesday afternoon so they can make their decision. I called back immediately, but also got a voicemail & had to leave a message as well. I'll try again on Monday morning. Here's hoping the decision is made quickly (I didn't even expect a call yet, so maybe it won't take as long overall as I was advised) and in my favor.

-My apartment complex is being overrun by stray cats. Okay, not really OVERRUN, but there's a frakload of 'em. When I went to dump my trash in the dumpster the other night, something like six or more cats popped out of the shadows in unison & made a run for it. I was just like, "Whoa." Heh. Really, though, I feel bad for them. Management sent out a notice warning people not to leave food out--at risk of being fined if they do; if it weren't for that, I'd probably try to put a dish out or something, myself. I definitely can't take any in as pets, either, not just because of finances, but also because I'm allergic (growing up with a cat was good stuffy-nosed times, lemme tell you. Heh). It's just not practical. Poor putty-tats though. (Or Puss 'n Boots, as my family used to say. P.S. I wish these cats really did wear boots, because that'd be awesome.)

Anywhoozle, that's about it. For my VotD, here's some foxy ladies foxying about:

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