rachg82: (Adama/Roslin arm in arm)
I know it was totally a fiscal no-no, but I just spent almost twenty dollars (tip included) on a GF pizza & Cherry Coke from Bellagio's. I'm not even supposed to have Coke, because of the corn syrup. But, seriously, can't I just chalk it up to an early Christmas present for myself? 'Cause this shit is really good. Like, it makes me want to do my Happy Food Dance & everything. The only other time I've broken that out in the past year was probably over the Mike & Ike candies my nephew gave me the other night. Heh. And then I invented a ~Sugar Train~ & started chugging my way around the living room, all, "Sugar-sugar-sugar-sugar, choo choo!" Because I'm secretly five years old.

Oh, hey, speaking of -- guess who has new pictures of her cute-ass niece & nephew? That'd be me )

As for how it went, hanging with them throughout the weekend, it was nice. I didn't feel pushed into watching them or anything--the first day was my idea, and the second day was Jayden's--and my sister washed my comforter for me (which is difficult to fit into the washers here at my apartments) & paid for dinner on Saturday (in turn, I made the kids lunch & smoothies the next day), so overall there was a reciprocal balance.

And while I'm sure there's some unwritten rule out there about schadenfreude-laced anecdotes & people who've just had a heart attack, I can't help but pass this one along (courtesy of my nephew): apparently my mom came to watch Isabella do gymnastics a while back, and right in the middle of it pulled a giant wooden spoon *out of her purse* and began using it to scratch her back--like I'm saying she'd specifically put it there for ~back-scratching purposes on the go~--then proceeded to pull her shirt up, right there in public, & ask Jayden if he could itch it for her too. Bear in mind, while telling me this story he had to keep catching his breath between giggles, and was all WTF-wide-eyed, like, "I THINK PEOPLE WERE WATCHING. IT WAS REALLY WEIRD! SHE HAD IT IN HER PURSE!" Haha. Story of my childhood, kid. Meanwhile my sister was laughing so hard over this that she was crying, and I wasn't far behind. It's just so HER.

Moving on, I've decided to split my responses to that meme I started into multiple entries, since I'm going ahead with the "three vids per fandom" dealio as well, and I don't want to overload people. We'll do two shows per entry--three episodes & three vids for each--and good times will be had by all. Woo woo.

First up, Bones & Battlestar Galactica )
rachg82: (Adama/Roslin Oath kiss)
I don't think I've mentioned this here yet, but [livejournal.com profile] dosidella recently linked me to this site, which allows you to play old-school games like Dr. Mario & Donkey Kong online legally for free (no downloading required). I figured more than a few of you would be interested. So!

In other news:

-Rizzoli & Isles continues to be the gayest thing to ever happen to me. I'm saying. Gayer than my on-again, off-again WTFship with Amy. Gayer than RuPaul's Drag Race on Logo. Gayer than Ms. Jay teaching you how to smize. Gayer than all six seasons of The L Word, including that time Dana took a hit of acid and danced around on stage with Tegan & Sara. Okay, maybe not THAT gay, but pretty effing gay nonetheless )

-I don't have anything to say about Psych, Community, or Parks & Rec this week except to give all-around gold stars.

-Revenge is the crackiest shit that ever cracked.

-I'm still watching Castle, and I enjoyed it this week, though it made me wrack my brain trying to remember the name of the XF fic I read way back when which started out basically the same way. Oh, interwebz.

-Bones )

-I was thinking it'd be fun to do a poll here asking people to choose which three eps they'd use to introduce a newb to the fandom(s) of their choice, but then it was like -- um, I don't know what shows you'd pick or how much room you'd need for your answers. And then of course I could pick the shows, which is what I'm about to do, but creating a real, actual poll for that kind of dealio sounds like a lot of work. And see my mood icon? Right.

So, instead, here's a list of shows (I'm limiting myself to ten). You can share your answers in the comments (and feel free to add new fandoms of your own):

-X Files
-Battlestar Galactica
-Gilmore Girls
-My So-Called Life
-Parks & Rec

I'll share my choices in my next entry, obviously.

In RL news:

-I made home-made GF mac & cheese tonight, and it was pretty dang good. If you'd handed it to me without telling me it was GF, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference.

-Similarly, the GF rigatoni I had with B earlier this week tasted great as well. This is a big hoo-ray thing for me, because up until now I hadn't been able to find any good rice-based noodles, and it was very tragic.

-Aside from the cooking, I've been super lacking in motivation this week. One of those ~I don't want to do anything, say anything, move my body, or think~ situations. Where it's all you can do to get your dishes done, drag yourself to the store, etc. Like, writing this entry is an accomplishment. I missed my appointment with my psych today (though I'm still seeing my counselor tomorrow), spent a lot of time in bed for no reason, took forever to do anything or go anywhere, and yeah. I just feel stressed, I guess. And it's adding to the depression, so that sucks. I think I'm nervous about talking to my sister as well, especially after I reread the email she sent me (from when our uncle died) while I was working on my Year in Review post this week. It's like -- how much could she have changed in five or six months? And what caused her to change? How do I know she doesn't still feel that way underneath it all? How do I know it's not LIKELY she'll say that kind of stuff to me again soon? I'm going to talk to my counselor about it tomorrow, but in the meantime it's weighing on me.

And I think that's it. For my Vid of the Day, here's a lighthearted one by TaraGel:

rachg82: (kara scar)
1. I'm feeling lazy at the moment, so rather than come up with a whole new description of my appointment with the counselor today, I'm just gonna copy some excerpts of what I wrote in an email to Jen earlier. As one does )

2. Speaking of emotions though, my mom's birthday is Wednesday. I'm gonna try my best to make it to an ACA meeting this week.

3. The temperature dropped like thirty degrees in the last three days. My flip-flops felt lost in a sea of change. (not really)

I found it pretty amusing though that weather.com had this ALL!CAPS!WARNING! about it the other day, like, "DANGER! RAIN APPROACHING!" And meanwhile Oregon's all, "Whaaaa? Rain? I've never heard of such a thing! For the hills, children! THE HILLS! Damn't, THERE'S NO TIME!"

Okay, so the warning had to do with wind speed along the coast, too, but c'mon. Fifty miles per hour? Chillax with the red font.

4. After some investigation, I remembered that my Playstation isn't compatible with my LCD TV. Sadface. Crash Bandicoot doesn't appreciate this fuckery!

5. With BBC America airing BSG, I've been rewatching eps again. Hence the new icon. For me, Scar is so one of those stealth eps that just seem all ~meh~ upon first glance, but which out of nowhere become one of your faves later on. Then again, BSG seems to have a pattern like that, with some eps being all intense!action!OMG!WHAT and then the rest shifting to introspective!artsy!flashbacks!LEEMO! Hee. Okay, not always quite like that, but Leemo's usually in there somewhere. Point is, it works for me, and I've come to appreciate the slow thinky thoughts eps so much more upon subsequent rewatches.

Since they'll be airing season 3 pretty soon, I figured it'd be an appropriate time for a creepy creeper Leoben vid by mpekowski. Fantastic song, great editing. Enjoy:

rachg82: (roslin bitchface)
Ugh, worst part about being on my period? Even worse, perhaps, than the uptick in depression, irritability, and anxiety? The increase in my freaking "Good morning! Not! Muahaha" migraines, that's what. I HATE HORMONES.

Anyway, I'm tired of lying down with an icepack, so I'm in one of those "Y'know what, pain? I can't even hear you. La la la"-moods, trying to distract & detach. Ergo, spam for you lot. Enjoy.

First, another meme (P.S. I plan to answer your questions from yesterday's meme soon, promise):

Lyric Meme

Give me a character or a ship and I will give you a lyric (or a few) that reminds me of them.

And now for rambling:

1. Let me get this straight, this guy gets the death penalty amidst all the controversy (eyewitness testimony? Really, people? Do I need to point out the studies indicating how effing unreliable that shit is?), while these cruel bastards get 4-15 yrs? It's certainly not news to me, but it just sucks to be reminded how frakked the justice system in this country really is, not to mention the safety net for mentally ill/homeless people. My schizophrenic uncle's just lucky to have been in halfway homes & on proper medication for so much of his life, including the medication he takes now to deal with all the side effects from the shock therapy he received back in the day.

I like the comment too from the person who was all, "His dad ~let~ him be homeless and now wants to sue the police?" Yes, because A. his son's life ceased to matter after becoming homeless, apparently, and B. it's super easy to control a mentally ill adult, force them to live where you want, force them to stay on the right medication--or even have good access to it--and get them the help they need after most of the old hospitals got shut down & shelters/ERs across the nation became understaffed & overloaded (I still remember talking to ER nurses & listening to them vent about the system while my mom slept there on a gurney for days, waiting for a single bed to open up in the psych ward). I'd like to invite that guy to actually be related to a seriously unstable individual for a decade or two & then get back to me on that. God. Someday I will learn to stop reading Yahoo comments, but apparently that's still a work in progress.

2. I have several ignorant cooking questions to ask. Fortunately, I have you all to answer them (lookin' at you, especially, Jas) )

3. I haven't talked about Parenthood yet, so I should probably rectify that: cut for spoilers )

4. I watched "When We Were Kings" this week. It had a lot of clips I'd already seen (my dad had a vid of the entire Rumble in the Jungle match when I was younger, which included various bits of news footage from those years. I watched it with him once), but there was stuff I'd never seen too, and it was very entertaining overall. I'd listen to Ali talk all day. We're gonna get it on because we don't get along! Haha. Love him.

5. Facebook continues to be the devil. What's worse than obligatory friendships with people who really aren't your friends anymore? Seeing them talk to each other like BFFs & not include you. It's my fault though. For one, this is why I hide them (then occasionally look on their wall anyway, like some kind of masochist. It's like the Yahoo comments thing), and for two, it's not really obligatory to keep them as "friends" at all. It's just hard to defriend. You know people make such a big deal out of it, will probably tell the others, "Oh, you know, Rachael actually defriended me this week" (cue: "What's with her?" bla bla bla gossip), despite the fact that for all intents & purposes they haven't BEEN my friends for a good year now. It's just so annoying.

6. The guy I talked to at unemployment yesterday said his records showed that I called on the 13th, so the form's deadline shouldn't be an issue. Of course he also kept being like, "They'll honor the date of the postmark, don't worry" and was obviously not paying attention to my question. But I broke it down for him AGAIN, and was like, "The form is going to be postmarked LATE. L-a-t-e, late. But it also said I could call, which I did. And you show that, correct? Which means I'm okay?" And he said yes. So…I guess it's okay. I didn't really trust him though. We'll see. Either way, it still leaves the problem open-ended because I don't know if they'll reopen my claim, but I at least don't want it to be denied because of a postmark date of all things.

BTW, I wasn't really that rude to him, heh. But I'm feeling venty today, so just go with it.

7. I have a phone appointment with the SNAP people this Friday to determine my eligibility for food assistance & state health care. Fingers crossed, folks.

8. My first appointment with Luke Dorf is Monday. The intake lady told me that the crisis team already gave me a preliminary diagnosis of major depression, which didn't surprise me (I've been diagnosed with it before + Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Social Anxiety Disorder). It sounds like I'll be getting a full assessment next week though. The one I got with the psychiatrist wasn't one of those "let's diagnose you" deals, more so a medication check up with a short series of questions. The person I'll be seeing is only listed as a QMHP, though, I think, so I don't know what level of experience to expect or how relevant it'll be to my situation. But I hope it works out.

9. As for a RL update on how I'm doing, the last few days have been somewhat hard, emotionally. Not just for the financial stuff, but thoughts & dreams of family, friends, loneliness, etc. But it is helpful to know I'll be talking to someone soon. I did take a walk yesterday as well, for the first time in a while, which was nice. Sometimes it makes me sad now to be in nature, because I used to spend so much time outdoors with my nephew (we'd go for what we called "expeditions" and what-not, make it into a whole big thing, wandering in the forest, looking for bugs & animals, stuff like that), but it's still soothing to me, and brings my spirits up when I pass by toddlers driving their parents crazy with non-stop questions & the like. Heh. "Why is the dog sniffing that?" "Because that's what dogs like to do." "Why do they like to do that? Moo-oom? Why? Why do they like to sniff? Why--" "Because they just do." "Where'd the sky go? Where's the river?" "We can't see it because of the trees. It'll be back." "When?" Seriously, non-stop, this little girl was. I had to fight myself not to laugh.

10. For my Vid of the Day, here's some more purty music:

rachg82: (FNL dancing)
1. The Energizer Bunny of Picspams continues. We've got another brand new category AND an update to #46. clicky )

2. I checked another doc off the list this week: Roger & Me (link to watch on YouTube + the trailer). Michael Moore before he was Michael Moore, alll the way back in 1989. I really enjoyed it, especially the editing. The juxtaposition at the end between Roger Smith quoting Charles Dickens and the family in Flint being evicted on Christmas Eve? Genius.

3. I renewed my icon package/paid account a few days ago, & it actually gave me three additional icon spaces for free, which: yay. Hence the adorableness above. I love themmm.

4. Speaking of FNL, I checked out season 3 from the library last night & am already done with the first disc. I'll probably have more to say after I get a bit further in, but for now I'll just reiterate my undying love for Eric & Tami, Landry, Tyra, Matt (and his grandma!), and basically everyone. Though I still sometimes want to smack Lyla & Julie upside the head, but that's okay. Heh.

5. I've made it my mission to do all the laundry sitting on my bedroom floor by next Friday. If possible, I'd like to also go through my wardrobe for items to give/throw away, because seriously. My dresser is full of shit I haven't worn in years. It's ridiculous. Whether I'll actually be successful in this endeavor is another matter, but we'll see.

For my Vid of the Day (this time by narvinek), I have some amazeballs shiznit for y'all. This was recommended by Coda on facebook the other day, so I have her to thank for my not missing it. Definitely one of the best BSG vids I've seen. I seriously cannot stop watching it. THIS is the show I love. Right here. SO intense, so good.

rachg82: (Adama/Roslin reading is sexy)
1. Here are my answers for that ship meme )

2. I was on hold with the unemployment agency for three--count them, THREE--hours today. Let me break it down for y'all:

First hour: Waiting, waiting, waiting -- whoops, my cordless phone died. SON OF A.

Second hour: Calling back on old school coiled-cord-having phone (bonus: it magically turns modern hold music into funky victrola jamz (not really)), waiting, waiting, almost falling asleep while waiting, waiting -- whoops, wrong department, ma'am! Let me transfer you…(nooo)

Third hour: Wait, wait, aaaand wait some more -- FINALLY GET SOMEONE ON THE LINE WHO CAN HELP.

I swear to the gods. BUT. Good news is they filed a new claim & did the benefit year fix-y thing, so I'll still get the same amount per week as before. For now, at least. I was so anxious during that call, though, can I just say. I've taken to repeating The Serenity Prayer to myself over the last few days, whenever my anxiety/stress levels start hitting the roof, and I definitely had to remind myself of it a couple times then.

3. I finally walked over to that call center up the street yesterday. The person I needed to talk to wasn't available, but I spoke with another guy who gave me the info I needed to apply online (which I did, once I arrived home). I was wicked nervous while talking to him/handing over my resume (my hand was like a pissed-off faultline), but I'm not really surprised by that. It's gonna be hard for me to suddenly be around a lot of people again (in new situations), but as long as the job itself is something I can do (physically & mentally/psychologically -- i.e. it's not something completely out of my comfort zone that's constantly inducing panic), then I know the rest will ease up some in time. The beginning is always the hardest part for me. I remember when I started at Xerox (and again, anytime I underwent a big change there), I was such an anxious wreck that I'd end up throwing up/getting sick in the restroom more days than not. SO miserable. But I got through it.

The online application process involved a few tests, too, e.g. one for math, one for your personality, etc. I haaaate when employers do the personality ones. Everything feels like a trick question, all, "Sooo, do you like people?" Like, what? Which people? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Sometimes…I guess? Is that okay? I HATE YOU. You're "people". NOW WHAT.

(…I seem to be into capslock today. Don't mind me. This is what happens after three hours on hold & thinking shiny happy shippy thoughts for that meme. Now I'm simultaneously drained & hyper.)

Anyway, I didn't hear back from them yet, and I don't know if that's not a big deal or bad news, or what. We'll see.

4. Since I knew I wasn't going to be on the streets in the near future, I let myself buy some art supplies earlier. Two pads of paper (one for charcoal/pastels & one for wet media), a small set of paintbrushes, and watercolor paints. I'm used to using oils, but that means disposing of paint thinner & all that hassle, so I decided to branch out this time. We'll see how it goes.

5. I was supposed to get together with my friend last night, but for boring reasons I won't bore you guys with, it got pushed back to next week. I told her there'd be a cancellation fee if she does it again. Heh. MY TIME IS MONEY.

Aaand that's it for today. For my VotD, I'll cap off the vidspamming above with a bit more shippy-action (by Very987). This one combines a great episode with great music. Kinda can't go wrong, there.

ETA: Why is Mother Russia LJ making me have to repeatedly refresh the page to get embedded videos to appear? I do not approve!
rachg82: (Adama condition one in my pants)
So, I kind of felt like taking a small lj hiatus over the last few days, but it turns out that time passes really slowly when you're not working & have next to no social life. Hence, two or three days ends up feeling more like five. Meanwhile other people go weeks without showing up. Whatever though, I want to update now, so I'm going to.

This is gonna be a random one. (When is it not?)

-Hulu has season 2 of Arrested Development up for free right now, and I've slowly but surely been continuing my rewatch. Behold, the cracky results:

I'm gonna forever laugh at this Bones scene, now )

-As planned, I bought season 2 of FNL the other night, along with a smoothie. (mmm, smoothies) On a sidenote, there was a nice sunset while I was walking up there, and it gave me the idea of maybe buying some new paints. I've only been doing pastel & charcoal stuff for a while; it might be good to try some painting again. We'll see though. Oils are a pain in the ass to clean up.

Anyway, season 2 was only 15 eps long (because of the 2008 Writer's Strike), so I finished it in the span of two evenings.[/professional marathon champ] As always, I have some observations )

-I've been playing a lot of online games this week. Text Twist, Addiction Solitaire, and so on. Guess who can type up to 110 wpm with 94-96% accuracy? Oh, yes, that would be me. At least on TyperShark, anyway. Heh. BOOYAH.

-I missed my appointment with the naturopath again. Fail. Now I have to wait until Aug. 9th. Sigh.

-I'm still working on my BSG rewatch recap for the finale, but I decided to split it into more than one entry. That way it's not so picture heavy. As a bonus, that means I'm ready to post the first portion now.

Look at it like an opportunity to join the rewatch…without actually having to rewatch. Heh. Tastes great; less filling!

Daybreak Picspam/Recap: Part One )

And that's it for now! The second half should come relatively soon. Hope y'all enjoyed. I haven't watched SYTYCD yet tonight, so I'll talk about that later.

For my Vid of the Day, here's a fun & sweetly sentimental tribute to the cast & characters of BSG by Sczep84. This one makes me smile. I love these frakkers so much.

rachg82: (the end (bsg))
1. TNT's advertising + some pimping from [livejournal.com profile] teachlikeroslin got me to check out Rizzoli & Isles a couple days ago. The show itself isn't especially amazing, at least not what I've seen so far anyway, but the two leads? Whoa, nellie. THE SLASHYNESS, CAP'N. I DON'T HAVE THE POWERRR.

I mean, honestly, look at the promo:

Best part? The two top comments:

Hahaha. For real though! I watched two episodes, and by the end I was like "UM, THEY ARE CUTE, AND THEY NEED TO HAVE THE SEX. LIKE NOW, PREFERABLY." I'm just saying.

2. I watched "Islanded in a Stream of Stars" today. I kinda forgot how damned sweet Adama & Roslin are toward the end. I still flail a bit when he talks about "his women." Aww.

3. Got a fic rec for you guys: When the Time Comes by [livejournal.com profile] kungfuwaynewho. I like the idea of Laura having the Opera House visions as a kid, but not being able to fully remember them -- just being left sort of ~haunted~ afterward. It works for me, especially because of how the writer describes it.

4. I attended my uncle's Celebration of Life yesterday )

5. I've been having a lot of family dreams again. In one I got so angry with my mother for insulting me that I grabbed onto her hair & pulled as hard as I could--that was kind of disturbing, the level of anger I felt, even if it was in a dream. In another, I was trying to tell her & my sister again about Joe, about the criminal records I found, and their reaction was just to laugh & belittle the credibility of the whole thing. Then I carried on, like "what about [insert thing here]", one effed-up example after another, and THAT got a reaction. My sister got in my face, upset, but I just kept going. It still didn't matter though. Like, I knew it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change.

Most of the other dreams have been about me finding myself living with them again, stuck in a bedroom COVERED in junk, thinking to myself how I have to get out of there & move back into my apartment but not being able to. Ugh. CUT IT OUT, SUBCONSCIOUS.

At least my dreams are carrying on the weird-ass recurring animal theme though. That's always fun. I fled a Grizzly Bear down a mountainside the other night. I should've tossed it a pic-a-nic basket.

For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna share one by [livejournal.com profile] chaila43 from a series I've recced here before (the rest of which you can find here). All three are based around the women & mysticism of BSG. This one focuses on Athena & Hera, specifically. I love the song, and the part around the 1:30 mark actually gave me a little chill the first time I saw it. Good stuff.

rachg82: (kara starting over)
1. I have a new musical obsession. I was watching clips on YouTube of Portlandia & Thunderant, and I came across St. Vincent (she performs live in one of the Feminist Bookstore skits--here). Whyyyyy have I not heard of her before? Please tell me I haven't been out of the loop on this one, because if she's not already huge, she should be. three examples of why )

2. I'm very behind on my flist at the moment, just as a heads-up. I've been sleeping a lot the last few days. I have skimmed some entries, but I need to go back & comment on quite a few.

3. I wish prescriptions could be delivered. I ran out of my anti-depressant and didn't feel like going out, so the refill is alllll the way…two seconds from here. Yeah, it's basically in the parking lot behind my apartment complex. THAT'S how lazy I am. Also, I need to do laundry & still haven't gotten my new jeans hemmed so that I can wear them. It's a problem. The pharmacy is closed today anyway though, so I just have to deal. I'll try to drag myself out tomorrow.

4. Rewatch update: I'm done with season 3 of BSG. I've had "All Along the Watchtower" stuck in my head ever since. Three things: A. I ♥ Romo, B. Lee, you break my heart when you sell out Roslin, but your speech is win, & C. "AND YOU MISSED! BUTTERFINGERS."

5. FU, holidays. Bite me.

6. Turns out my DVR did miss both Parks & Rec and Community (I've since watched them, no worries). Nothing to say about the former really, but re: the latter? Way to do a flashback episode consisting solely of things we've never actually seen on the show. Ha. THE HAUNTED HOUSE. Also: way to make fun of retcons in absolutely brill fashion, not to mention your own tropes. And? WAY TO MOCK THE EVERLOVING CRAP OUT OF SHIPPERS & FANVIDS, hahahaha. The slow-mo & Sara Bareilles! BEST EVER.

7. I haven't worked on my fic in a really long time. Insecurity, frustration, and apathy are such mojo-killers. I'd like to get back to it though. Perhaps new music will help.

8. I love LJ, but sometimes I feel like I'm talking into a void on here. I get sad when people don't comment/aren't around, and I feel very uninteresting & lonely. It's just the nature of the medium, I know, but it still gets to me occasionally. I need the outlet, but I hate feeling attached to the outcome. Or people in general.

9. Since I finished my tedious tagging project, I thought I'd share a couple humorous findings )

10. In honor of my rewatch, let's have a Vid of the Day that focuses on season 4.0. This one's by aguid23:

rachg82: (kara field)
For those of you who wanted to know the answers to the book meme, here you go )

Moving on:

-Community tonight was outstanding as usual. )

-Parks & Rec was also wonderful. )

-BSG rewatch update: I have quite a bit of flailing this time )

Anyway, I'd better end this now so I can go to bed. This was a fairly positive entry considering my life is full of pure suckshit at the moment. Did I mention I haven't done my taxes yet & realized I don't have one of my W2 forms? Yeah. I'm gonna have to call the temp agency that would have it & ask if I can pick it up in person tomorrow. Fortunately this year's returns aren't due until Monday, but STILL. Talk about procrastination & unneeded, self-induced stress. So stupid. Taxes remind me of my stepdad, too, because he used to help me with them, and that bothers me. WHATEVER. Ugh. Asshole creep. Sometimes I'd like a punching bag; I think it'd help me. Then I could also hit it when I look at the scale & see I haven't lost weight or have gained a pound or crap like that. And before anyone suggests it, nay to kickboxing. I don't have good balance. I'd totally fall over. Though maybe I could get help with that. Hmm. Yoga? Perhaps.

For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna recycle one I've posted before by MadnessoftheDivine. This is my favorite Kara-centric vid I've seen yet--it's just gorgeous--and it focuses primarily on Maelstrom, along with the events/patterns leading up to it.

rachg82: (tigh/ellen this calls for a drink)
LJ, are you quite done with your failathon yet? Don't make me turn this car around.

Anyway, that's not why I'm here. I come bearing festive greetings:

Congrats on the whole being born thing!

In other news: this week sucks. Other than people's birthdays, of course. Those are of the good. Everything else is less good. I'm having a hard time, honestly. Not sure what to say about it--or not sure I can get myself to say anything about it, whichever--but there you go.

I wanted to drop in to share bday wishes though, so--voila. ♥ you guys.

Going with the party theme above, I'll let Gary the Cylon send us off for our Vid of the Day:

rachg82: (Baby!Plucky Meltdown)
This icon & subject heading are dedicated to my current efforts at fic writing. I'm so freaking irritated by my brain right now. My inner five year old wants to just delete everything & yell, "THAT'S FINE. I WON'T WRITE ANYTHING AT ALL. I DON'T EVEN CARE. APPARENTLY I SUCK NOW. THAT'S COOL." Then I can storm off in a huff, kicking inanimate objects along the way.

Sigh. I just have to remind myself: I went through this last time too. Once I get over being ridiculously harsh on myself & remember I'm doing this ~for fun~, I'll be fine.

Anyway. I don't think it helps that I'm hormonal. Really not a fan of PMS, have I mentioned that? Oy. I've been in such a crappola mood all day, especially because I began feeling super stressed out about the new job earlier. The fact that it's so much less money than I'm used to (when I made this much before, my rent was cheaper + I could hardly afford to pay bills if I missed work, etc. I mean, seriously, this job will pay me less than I currently make on unemployment. THAT'S ANNOYING) as well as worries about whether my unemployment would be even less after it ends (assuming I don't get hired on) because they'd base it on *that* income maybe (yes? No? Is that right?) & GAH I DON'T EVEN KNOW. I'm just stressing. The back-up receptionist thing worries me too, and so does meeting new people (will I be sitting somewhere quiet/by myself? Will there be places to go for lunch? Will I walk fast enough from the bus stop to get there on time each morning?<--bla bla bla GOES ON & ON), and whether I should've held out for something better/looked for other work harder, and ugh. UGH UGH UGH.

I know all this should make me happy, but honestly? All I felt earlier--besides stress--was REALLY depressed (I suppose it's not that out of the ordinary for me, response-wise. My hotline call last year came literally the same day I got my Wells Fargo job/did well at the interview). Like I wanted to email him & be like, "nevermind!" or disappear/die. Put bluntly, I just feel scared. I don't know what to expect from this job, don't know if it'll be bad, don't know if I'll screw it up & get fired again, don't know if I'll get anxious there, don't know anything. I feel very nervous & wish I knew if this was the right thing for me right now. Then again, it has to be, you know? You're supposed to accept job offers when you're unemployed. And maybe it will help lead to something that pays better. Maybe it will help me feel more comfortable around people again after being isolated from not working for so long.

If not--if I do screw it up, if it is the wrong move--I can deal with that then, right? I'm jumping way too far ahead here.

Deep breaths. God, I hate my brain.

At least I went to the grocery store today though (and used the ATM to deposit cash for rent. I hate using the ATM. There's always other people waiting behind you & I despise that feeling of being rushed/watched. I get anxious. Not like I used to back in the day, but it still bothers me). That's something. Also, on a random note, my friend/former coworker Cindy called & left me a message tonight. I tried to call her back, but got her voicemail. Still, it surprised me. I kind of thought I might never hear from her again. Not because anything happened--nothing did--but because I'm used to people fading away like that (that seemed to be what was happening with everyone toward the end of last year, after all). I would really like to see the new Scream movie when it comes out, so hopefully she'll be up for something like that.

Anyway, that's all for now. Before I go though, I figured I'd share the link [livejournal.com profile] auroura76 gave me for the full footage of the BSG peeps at the U.N.. It's a Google vid, so the quality is way better than YouTube's. I hadn't ever actually seen it in its entirety before tonight, and I really enjoyed it (it's definitely worth watching even if you don't care about the show. There's a lot of interesting subjects brought up--child soldiers/trafficking, terrorism, reconciliation/peace, war crimes, women's rights, religion, what it means to be human & the idea of the "other", etc--and I loved hearing what the different U.N. speakers had to say). I've never felt more proud to be a BSG fan though, for real. That was just awesome.

Also? To quote Whoopi Goldberg at the end, "Thank God for the word 'frak'." Ha. PREACH.

Lastly, my Vid of the Day comes from katamaran78. This one puts a smile on my face. I don't think I've mentioned it here before, but truthfully, Adama/Roslin give me hope sometimes. When I get sad over my eternal failitude in love, I think of them & remember there's no age limit on that sort of thing. You know? Yes, they're fictional, but the point remains. Rather than looking at them & thinking how sad it is that they didn't meet when they were younger/have more time, I think how lucky they were to find each other at all. It makes their love even more precious, imo.

rachg82: (Baltar/Six sky)
I feel very productive at the moment. Not only did I take out all my trash, but I also did the dishes (finally--OMG, it was so gross. I had to cover my mouth), swept, cleaned the counters, & took a shower.

Also? I ate two meals yesterday. First time I've done that since probably January (that resolution worked not so well. It's funny because the cliched normal resolution would be to eat LESS. Le sigh). Of course then I got a gnarly migraine around bedtime & ended up throwing up everything I've *ever* eaten, but it's the thought that counts. I haven't vomited from a headache like that I don't think since the last time I went off the topamax; once again, I just don't know how to weigh the pros & cons here. Whether I should go back on it later (remember my refills would've ended in July anyway & I owe that doctor money--it's already gone to collections, so it's past the point of simply paying her back & seeing her again. I'd have to find another doctor once I'm at my new job & either have some type of insurance or can afford the cost of a visit out-of-pocket). I wish I could find another preventative med similar to it that didn't cause so many side effects (i.e. the appetite suppression--which I obviously don't need; plus possibly adding to tiredness, depression, & eye pain/light sensitivity--all of which I already have normally. Etc…). Argh.

Really, my main concern is just that I don't want to screw up another job opportunity because of health issues, y'know? There's only so much you can do to predict/ward off migraines. Sometimes they just show up out of nowhere, like a REALLY undesirable house guest. "HAI THERE, FRIEND! MIND IF I CRASH?" Um, yes. Yes, I do. *glares at body*

I also don't want to take something that makes climbing out of this funk any harder than it has to be, though. So, you can see my predicament. I wish I could just have some kind of magic brain surgery or something. OY.

Anyway though. This is interesting only to me, so I'll move on.

In other positive news: I also worked on my fic a little yesterday. I've been feeling very blocked on it, mostly because I think I just put too much pressure on myself ("THIS ALL SUCKS! I'M DONE! NO ONE WILL LIKE IT! I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT! WAH! I CAN'T EVEN THINK! THERE'S TOO MANY WORDS!"), but also because I've had so much of the sit-and-stare action going on. Where you just stare at nothing & feel utterly *frozen*, if that makes sense. I freaking hate that. But this time I put on my headphones--to minimize outside sound; I wasn't in the mood for music--and forced myself to stay put until I wrote SOMETHING. Then I forced myself to keep writing, even if I had to delete/rewrite my words every other second. Not much progress was made, but after a while I did start to feel like I was getting somewhere. Back in the zone, in other words. I plan to try again today, hopefully.

In weird news: I dreamt about a bear, dogs, & TONS of candy/cookies/pastries last night. According to my subconscious, here's what you should do if a wild bear ever appears in your room: hide under the covers, run into a bathroom, or stay perfectly still & let it stand on its hind legs in front of you like it wants to dance. You know, as one does. What the hell, brain.

In TV news:

-Why was there no Community or Parks & Rec last night? Does anyone know how long they'll be on hiatus?
-Parenthood this week was good, as usual. I like that Amber didn't get into any colleges. She's smart & she works hard, and it's realistic to show that sometimes things still don't work out. I'm looking forward to them mainstreaming Max next year, too. I loved the scene where he was answering all the questions on Cash Cab, like "I can't believe they didn't get that!" Haha. That's so me every time people don't know things on a game show that I know. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT? YOU FAIL, SIR! FAIL!" Hee. I'm also starting to warm to Jasmine more & same goes for Crosby. Their current storyline is very relatable. The best part of the ep, though (imo) was the final scene with Julia & her husband, talking about their troubles getting pregnant. That was sad & very well-acted. I think they'll go the adoption route, personally. (P.S. I still have the hots for both of them, in case anyone's curious. Heh. Tell me I'm not alone in this! They are a damn good looking couple)
-After rewatching the pilot for Southland, this is all I have to say: 1. WANT IT BACK, 2. Naaaaaaaate, and 3. John Cooper FTW.
-Lastly, an update on the BSG rewatch: I'm done with seasons 2.0/2.5. "Scar" surprised me, because it made me frakking WEEP this time. Like, having to hold it in-type weeping. Something about Kara's "I've got nothing to lose" in the viper (especially in light of what happens later in "Maelstrom". I mean, you've got Kat yelling, "You're committing suicide, Starbuck!" So, yeah) + the pictures on the memorial wall + her standing up & listing all the names of the dead pilots at the end & Helo telling her she has "something to live for now". GAH. It just really got to me. After "Epiphanies"--and up to the finale--2.5 is mostly pretty meh to me, though. At least in comparison to how good seasons 2.0/the end of the Pegasus arc in 2.5 was & everything after it in season 3 anyway. I do love Caprica Six having a Head Baltar, though. Hee. That never gets old. And of course I enjoy the finale. Duh. Giggly!Roslin, "Why don't you go frak yourself", Cavil messing with Tyrol's head, and--above all else--that epic shot of Baltar at his desk. Boom, ONE YEAR LATER. Cylons marching, Adama & his frakstache, Roslin as a teacher, Kara with long!hair, Festively Plump Leemo (hee), the whole thing. Bring it on, New Caprica!

P.S. Every time I watch that "one year later" bit now, I think of the Bones season 5 finale and this macro/entry. Heh. Baltar as a fic writer for Bones would be cracky hilarity. Come to think of it--SOMEONE SHOULD WRITE THAT. Like, write the story from his POV. Hahaha. Metaaaaa. I can so see him watching the show: "Why don't they just bloody frak already? For frak's sake!"

For my Vid of the Day, I've got one of those "I enjoy this for the music as much as the vid itself" dealios. This song has been stuck in my head all afternoon, for real. (and for those who like to know these things, this is by freelancerxo02)

rachg82: (dollhouse great idea)
Yanked from [livejournal.com profile] torigates:

• Post ten of any pictures currently on your hard drive that you think are self-expressive.
• No captions. It must be like we're speaking with images and we have to interpret your visual language just like we have to interpret your words.
• They must ALREADY be on your hard drive - no googling or flickr! They have to have been saved to your folders sometime in the past. They must be something you've saved there because it resonated with you for some reason.
• You do NOT have to answer any questions about any of your pictures if you don't want to. You can make them as mysterious as you like. Or you can explain them away as much as you like.

And away we go )

My VotD (for this entry, heh--I may update again later tonight to talk about Parenthood, after all) is for [livejournal.com profile] gina227 & is by Kirwani90. THESE TWO, I swear to the gods. They ~do things to me~.

rachg82: (Adama/Roslin arm in arm)
Such an evil subject heading, ha. Between it & the VotD I plan on posting? Gah. TEARS. I can hardly even look at my icon, heh. ADAMA & ROSLIN ARE TAKING OVER MY BRAIN AGAIN. Big-time.

Anyhoo. I feel like wasting some time; who's with me?

Meme that everyone & their grandma is doing )

…I can't believe how long that took.

Before I go, a few more things:

-My BSG rewatch is up to "Epiphanies." Tyrol is awesome; Boomer breaks my heart; Baltar is hilarious, & his connection to Head Six is fascinating (I could ramble forever about her. I might in my next entry); Tigh is awesomesauce (MARTIAL LAW, Y'ALL. THE SLOW-MO EXIT); Bear McCreary needs to bear my children; Starbuck is a bad-ass, and Helo is the best BFF evah; Leemo is cute; Adama is a carebear, & I want to effing squish him; Laura-"That's *Madam President*, Gaius"-Roslin is a motherfrakking HBIC, and her relationship with Adama makes me like this: ealihgoiahopihaoggh.

P.S. PEGASUS. I've already talked in-depth about why I love this arc so much.<--flaily review o' pensive worship.

-I have three songs/vid ideas to share:

For Adama/Roslin: Day Too Soon, Sia.

For Booth/Brennan: Sway (The Perishers) or Three Wishes (The Pierces).

I have more on the way, but I'll save them for later.

Lastly, here's the evil Vid of the Day I mentioned above (by Sczep84). Must. hold. back. weepy fangirl tears. I can't help it! Her story is so deeply touching & human. I love all of it.

rachg82: (Roslin Kara laugh)
For once, I actually have nothing but positive things to write about. Let's take advantage of this & jot them down:

-I called the unemployment office. I qualify for extended benefits. My weekly amount will *not* go down--I misunderstood the letter--and I am safe for the next 20 weeks. If I still don't have a job by the end of July, I can call back & potentially qualify for the next tier of extended benefits, which also should be the same amount & simply last a shorter amount of time. Hopefully I won't need to do that though. That's still four months away.

I can't even explain how relieved I was when I found out. The call was WAY simple & the lady I spoke with was really nice. The hold time wasn't even nearly as long this time. I just feel really lucky right now, like I can take a deep breath & clear my head.

-I finally, FINALLY put away my fake Christmas Tree. I also cleaned up the pastels & paper that had been sitting on my living room floor--basically unmoved--since I used them with Isabella last year. Doing so meant me looking at these pictures (tw warning), which was the first time I'd seen them (off the computer) in a long time as they had been intentionally flipped over/covered. I feel like it means something (not hugely, in some grand cheesy way, but just a little), putting those pieces away in the closet with all my other old art. Putting it *away*, y'know? It's symbolic. I like things like that.

-Remember how my hair was thinning/falling out last year? I took a shower today--another positive thing; I can't remember when I took one last; I even straightened it afterward with the flat-iron--and the spots where I used to be able to lift layers of hair & see big, random patches of my scalp have almost entirely filled back in. Just goes to show--my doctor was right. She told me hair loss like that can happen anywhere between 3-6 months after an extremely stressful and/or traumatic life event, and in my case she was right on the dot, timing-wise. I'm sure the anemia didn't help either, but still. It's amazing how much stress can affect the body, especially in cases like that, when it doesn't happen until later.

It'll be nice to be able to start complaining about my hair being too thick again. Heh.

-My Bones-friends are rapidly being converted to the wondahs of BSG. First, we've got [livejournal.com profile] bloodwrites, who also gave me joyface by talking about Dollhouse in her last entry (P.S. if you're reading this, bb, I'm sorry I haven't replied yet to answer your request for BSG vids/fics. Hee. I love that I'm the one people think of for that stuff though. I'll try to hook you up soon!), and then we've also got [livejournal.com profile] gina227, who cracked me up with her last entry, flailing about the s1 finale (y'all know how I feel about that Opera House scene! eialhaoilghoighg). I LOVE WATCHING MY FRIENDS GET INTO MY SHOWS. IT'S MY MOST FAVORITE, FAVORITEST THING EVER.

-I went outside today while it was actually still light, got food, and though I don't know yet if I'll eat a second meal before the night is over or not--I still feel good about that. Going outside before dark has become a ~thing~ for me lately. You have to face more people & they can see you more easily and…yeah. It's more difficult. I even smiled & said hello to a neighbor. CRAZY.

-It feels like spring all of a sudden. I already mentioned the Cherry Blossom trees in my last entry, but seriously: it was almost warm enough to take off my jacket out there. I have my blinds slightly open right now (just slightly--ew, bright lighting & people staring in. Heh. NOT A FAN), along with the sliding glass door so my place can actually air out a bit.

It carries positive associations for me, because I was SO determined last spring--right after everything started to really hit the fan--to move on & survive, change my life, and be happy. On one hand, I'm nowhere near "over" things yet, and I still have a long way to go, but I do feel like it has to count for something that I've MADE IT through all of this, that I didn't just bare-knuckle it but I actually *felt* a lot of it--not all, but at least STARTED to--and I'm still here. It doesn't mean the depression is gone (one day of a few positive things/vaguely good mood doesn't equal "I'm all better!"--I've learned that before the hard way), nor does it mean things like Mother's Day or my nephew's birthday etc won't potentially cause problems for me in the upcoming months, but hey, again, it has to count for something that I'm still here. Right? And I've had at least one day again that felt partially good. That's something to appreciate, particularly after many, many days that were not even remotely good. Certainly not under the surface (and of course often blatantly as well). I mean, I can still feel the depression & pain & stress & bla bla bla under the surface now too, but the "good" on top of it feels more authentic/substantial. I don't know if that even makes sense, but there you go.

Of course the ACA in me is fighting feelings of nervousness because of this, like, "THE OTHER SHOE COULD DROP AT ANY MINUTE! YOU ARE GOING TO JINX EVERYTHING IF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE HAVING A DECENT DAY." Oh, issues.

Anyway, that's all for now. For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna recycle one of my faves from sczep84 in honor of the one-year anniversary for Adama & Roslin sweeping The Shipper Showdown like a couple of frakkin' champs. Let us not forget I even switched my vote from Mulder & Scully. THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE THESE TWO. Also, that's how good [livejournal.com profile] sumpta's campaigning was. Heh. Seriously. That girl was on a mission. Much respect.

rachg82: (Brennan special snowflake)
1. I'm hungry. Frankly, it's irritating me. Heh. [livejournal.com profile] juliedarling, you were right. I'm still on one Topamax per day, but omg STOMACH RUMBLINGS. WTF is THIS all about. Look, body, it's 3:30 in the morning (as I start this entry), you've already woken me up with a headache (which is at least now at bay, thanks to Excedrin), we both know there's no edible food in this apartment, so what do you expect me to do? Alchemy? THAT'S FOR METALS, STOMACH. Also, it doesn't exist. Make some sense, ye. *medieval rimshot* (Ahh, who doesn't love an oh-so-timely alchemy pun? No wonder I'm single.)

Okay, so I can acknowledge how unfair it is of me to expect my stomach to just ~not be hungry~ when all I had yesterday was a burrito & chips, but it still bugs me. Irrationally. Like, if I choose to eat, fine. But my body telling me to? Annoying. There should be a message system allowing you to tell it in no uncertain terms, "YOU'RE NOT GETTING FOOD UNTIL SUCH & SUCH TIME. STFU UNTIL THEN; I HAVE THINGS TO DO." Like a little keyboard that pops out of your stomach & then slides back in. Then your stomach can receive the message & be all, "Bitch is you crazy?" And you can be like, "Maybe I am, stomach, and MAYBE I AM."[/SNL Dog Show reference. Heh. Except that particular skit has a different variation of their usual "maybe I am" bit, but whatev. Close enough.]

(I do at least have peanut butter, though. That is seriously the depths of patheticness I've reached. To avoid passing out, I must dig peanut butter out of a jar with a plastic knife. OH YES, did I forget to mention? My actual knives are dirty. I do, however, have plastic knives. I AM SO LAZY, I WENT FOR THE PLASTIC ONE. Not only that, but I *bought* them so I wouldn't have to do dishes the other night. She shoots, she scores.)

At some point this weekend, I'm going to have to clean out my fridge (thar be monsters & expired milk) & go to the store. I also need to call my old friend/coworker to ask for directions to the call center where she works so I can apply there. Then I need to call the unemployment place about getting an extension (assuming I don't "luck out"--woo, meh--and get a job right off the bat where my friend works. You never know). In the midst of all this, I can practice *not* panicking & envisioning myself homeless or dead in the upcoming weeks (whatifIdon'tgetthebenefitswhatifIcan'tpaymybillswhatifwhatifwhatif, etc). I'm really not comfortable with the whole loss of control thing--it cannot be stressed enough. Deep breaths. I'm trying to joke through it, but I honestly am very anxious.

2. I've been too busy doing absolutely nothing to write my Bones review yet. Well, there was some sleep in there too, and going through my room trying to find things. That was uber exciting (not really). I'll try to have it up this weekend, though. For now I'll just say that I loved it. I don't know anyone who didn't, heh. Like, hello, obvious statements are obvious. (as a sneak-peek/random aside, however: this was my reaction to Booth in the diner scene. Hahaha. Don't worry, though, he more than made up for the transgression throughout the rest of the ep!)

3. I need to get back to writing my fic. Hopefully the new hiatus (oy, with the hiatuses already) gives me the motivation. I haven't felt very motivated for *anything* lately. I think stress is blocking me. I get this way when I'm really worried about something that's unresolved. I feel like I can't do anything until it's over. It just like OWNS me. But at the same time, the idea of calling my friend/the unemployment agency/etc is also overwhelming. So I'm stuck in this AGHHHHH-state of "omg just knock me unconscious." Hence why nothing is accomplished. Not dishes, not laundry, not anything. I'm just fucking frozen. There is *too much to do* & I don't know what to do first & I can't THINK & aeaiohgoihgh. Too many things *hanging*, metaphorically. Like quicksand, surrounding me. It's so, so hard. I know the ways to deal with it--take everything bit by bit--but that doesn't make it not hard. It's like there's too much information in there ("in there" being my stupid brain), and sometimes I just need a reset button--something to wipe it clean. An aide to walk me through things step by tiny, meticulous, super-thorough step. Ugh. It's exhausting. Like, "Okay, Rachael. We're gonna make dinner now. I know we need to do the dishes first. I KNOW. First this section. Okay, now this section. Breathe, breathe. All right, so you'll have to wash that pan by hand or wait to cook until the dishes are done. I'll help you make that decision, too. Yes, I understand you were already breathing--that's not what I meant. Diaphragmatic breathing, Rachael. What? The pan has mold? Now you want to throw it out? Oh, Jesus. Okay, let's logically weigh the pros & cons of making something that doesn't require a pan, including its most likely lower nutritional value based on the limited options of what you're willing to eat vs. going to the store to buy a new pan & how much estimated time that will take--including the walk there + the shopping--added to the time it takes to cook, added to how hungry you are, added to how much money it will cost. No, skipping dinner entirely in a meltdown-esque fit of obstinate pouting is not an option." WELCOME TO MY LIFE, FOLKS. Let's not even get into what it's like to cook with me. Everything is a freaking ~operation~. "At exactly what intervals of time do I flip the burger? I NEED EXACT INTERVALS."

4. I enjoy peanut butter. Just felt like sharing that with you all. Also, it's now 5 am. I am very wordy. Ha.

In other news: I found my old private journal from August of 2001 through May of 2002, today. A long time ago, I'd typed up the entries on here & backdated them, but later I deleted the whole thing + I eventually misplaced the journal in RL as well. All I had left were a few excerpts from my 2002 Year in Review post, which in a way is like reading the ending to a story without the beginning. I actually sat down this afternoon & read through all of it. I'd like to have something ~thoughtful~ & indepth to say about it, but right now I don't yet. I might later, maybe even type some of it up again, I don't know. You know how sometimes something hits you in a way where you can't say much of anything about it? It's just too deep? I guess I just forgot how much I went through. It's actually making me cry right now, which I didn't expect. Looks like I do have a few thoughts )

5. Aaand it's now 6 am. JEEZ, I TAKE FOREVER WITH THESE THINGS--probably because I keep getting detoured by YouTube and what-not. Anyway. I do have one more thing before I go (and before the VotD, of course). While I was looking through my room yesterday--and found the aforementioned journal--I also found a few other old things. Sometimes being a packrat comes in handy, yo. Did you know I have a (until now totally forgotten) dolphin ring like Brennan? HA. SERIOUSLY. Pictures for proof. Also: bunch o' sentimental funtimez (bet you wish you had a My Little Pony wallet, don't you?) )

For my VotD, I have an INCREDIBLY good Kara vid by MadnessoftheDivine to share. It's like a work of art, gah. I can't even. THIS FUCKING SHOW, Y'ALL. If you aren't already onboard, watch this vid. That's all I have to say.

rachg82: (Head Baltar)
1. I had a dream last night wherein I was both watching & simultaneously present within what *apparently* was supposed to be an episode of Glee (WTF), and all the characters--none of whom of course looked anything like the people on the show--got together to sing Feelings by Floetry to apologize to a girl in their group for hurting her wittle teenaged feelings or some crap. One even broke out with the spoken word poetry, much to my horror, while they all stood there in a cheesy semi-circle, wearing headbands & looking earnest. And in the dream I was all, "NO NO NO! GLEE CANNOT SING FLOETRY! NOT THIS DAY!" Haha. I was so annoyed.

2. Hey, did you guys know it's Thursday? Wanna know something else? IT'S BONES DAY. I cannot WAIT for tonight's episode, oh my God. It looks so good.

3. Sometime either today, tomorrow, or in the next few days, I have to give in & call the unemployment people about requesting an extension for my benefits. I don't want to do it. I have to do it. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.

4. I'm really into capslock this week. Don't know if you guys have noticed.[/sarcastic] Heh.

5. I had a terrible migraine last night, so I'm already feeling nervous about the "going off Topiramate" thing (i.e. the preventative-migraine meds). I'm down to one pill per day now (I was taking three--I've been tapering off the dose). Then again, it was at the end of my period, and I'd woken up from a long nap + hadn't eaten enough, and yeah. I don't know. I don't really have good choices here. All I can say to myself is that, when I get a job again, I'll find a new doctor & reassess my options. Like I said before, I can always go back on it in the future (if that seems to be the right decision), but in the meantime, I was becoming concerned that the side effects were worsening my eating issues/depression/energy levels. Plus, it's that much more money to spend every month, and the refills will soon be out--hence what started the whole thing.

I guess we'll just see. It's not even that, oh, I can't deal with being in pain, y'know? Clearly, I can. But it's a lot easier when you're unemployed. The problem is that I can't stay unemployed forever and, when you have a job, *that's* when getting the really severe migraines become an Issue<--intentionally capitalized.

But at least over the last year I did make efforts to reduce the stress in my life--if you think about it. That's one of the things my doctor told me to do, when it came to helping the migraines in the long-term. Stepping away from my family IS part of that. If I can get a job, begin sleeping & eating consistently again (i.e. regular/predictable times & amounts), start exercising again, those things will probably also help. And, again, this is something that can be reassessed later. I don't need to ~figure it all out~ right now & obsess, even though that's what my mind always wants to do.

6. On a positive note, I created tags for my Year/Decade in Review posts (I enjoy being organized), and while I was at it I took some time reading excerpts of entries from this month over the years, i.e. March in '02 & March in '03 and so on. It's an interesting way to get perspective on yourself, especially when you're in one of those "I've accomplished nothing & have no chance of getting anywhere!" shame-spirals (truth is, I *have* progressed. I'm better at understanding/acknowledging what it is I'm feeling now; I'm better at standing up for what I need; I'm better at trying new things--like writing fanfic, for instance; it's something I didn't think I'd ever have the nerve to do--etc. I'd say I'm more in touch with myself in general, which is certainly an accomplishment. It's just hard to see sometimes, understandably).

Anyway, I was thinking it'd make for a good meme in case anyone else wanted to swipe it for their lj: take whatever today's date is--in this case, 3/17--and choose an excerpt(s) from an entry posted on that day (or another day that's close, if there's nothing applicable) for each year that you've had your journal. Post the quotes together all in one entry & ~voila~. Instant self-reflection. Here, I'll even go first (possible trigger warning for some of it, as a heads-up) )

7. Speaking of shame-spirals & feeling like a failure, I got to talking with Jen about that yesterday along with the random GLUTEN-hatefest the whole world seems to be in on lately )

8. My BSG rewatch continues. Yesterday, I watched "You Can't Go Home Again," "Litmus," "Six Degrees of Separation," & "Flesh and Bone." Two things: One--"Six Degrees of Separation" cracks me up every single time (No more Mr. Nice Gaius!), and two--"Flesh and Bone" is awesome. AWESOME. "To know the face of God is to know madness." And everything he says to Kara about her childhood? Ahh, so good. The whole thing. Wanna roll around in it.

9. This entry's already pretty long, but I'm sitting on good music & feel like sharing some of it. 3 songs I'm listening to today )

10. And, finally, for my Vid of the Day, here's what I kept thinking of all throughout my rewatch of "You Can't Go Home Again." I still wish Gary the Cylon were a real show, haha. "Get ready to do your stand-up routine in Hell."

rachg82: (Brennan I love music)
Check it: reppin' the A.M. up in heeya. Went to bed at 1 am and everything. What the crap.

I'm being a slacker though; I'm not ready for my Bones post yet. I need to go back & rewatch & take notes. This was, like, an actual pay-attention-episode with a plot and all, you see. Heh. I have ~thinky thoughts~. Especially since we're gettin' into morally ambiguous areas (i.e. the sniper stuff). Ahhhhh. *rubs hands together…possibly does a sociological dance o' shameful joy*

In the meantime, I thought I'd entertain everyone with some music & vids. I've been neglecting my BSG love lately, which is just not on, as the Brits would say. (Or maybe you wouldn't. Urban Dictionary says you would. So do British sitcoms. Hee. I could of course just mentally reference *actual* British people I've known in real life, but what would be the fun of that?) In order to rectify this matter, I came up with the brilliant (*cough*modest*cough*) plan to combine a mess of songs I like with a mess of BSG fanvids I like.


It's like two birds with one stone. (and hey, even if you don't watch BSG, you still get music out of it)

Especially since you've got a bunch of them all in *one* entry. So uber convenient.

Okay, so actually the point of this is really just to entertain me. I'm feeling sloth-like, sleepy, and trying to put off taking a nap. But let's pretend I'm doing it based on some epic moment of musically-inspired fangirling instead. That makes it sound better.

1. Cathedrals, Jump Little Children.

It doesn't matter how many times I listen to this song, I don't think it's possible to stop loving it.

2. Hallelujah, Rufus Wainwright.

3. Imagine. My fave version is John Lennon, but I like A Perfect Circle's cover as well. *Great* choice for this vid.

And for those of you who like to know random factoids like this, those are my top 3 favorite songs of all time, too (Cathedrals, Hallelujah, & Imagine--the Lennon original)

4. The Perfect Drug, Nine Inch Nails. Ahhh, I LOVE THIS REMIX.

5. Mad World, Alex Parks. My show likes to make its fans cry. Let me show you how. Haha. AND I EAT IT UP WITH A SPOON.

6. Stripped, Shiny Toy Guns. (my show also likes to get its characters nekkid. It's like our reward)

7. My Manic and I, Laura Marling.

8. Viva La Vida, Coldplay.

9. Defend Atlantis, Flobots.

10. How It Ends, Devotchka.

11. Catalyst, Anna Nalick.

12. You Will Make It, Jem. (this one boasts the honor of causing both [livejournal.com profile] sumpta and me to weep softly like a pair of Beatles guitars, per our string of comments below)

13. Pieces, Red.

14. The World Spins Madly On, The Weepies.

15. Hurt, Johnny Cash.

And I'll just stop there, otherwise I'd go on forever.

EXCEPT I do have one request. As far as I can see, no one has made a BSG fanvid to this song yet, and it's one of my absolute favorites. It would be perfectly perfect, & I would love love love if someone would make it for me:

(P.S. if one were creative enough--seeing as I did include it on my first fanfic soundtrack & applied it there to Brennan/The Doctor in the Photo--I could see it working as a Bones vid too. It'd be much more abstract in that case than using it for BSG though. Automatically awesome for that reason as well, however.)

August 2017

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