Okay, but realistically, if you were around them and you watched for signs of abuse/neglect and called for help, what would happen? Social services would come out, the kids might get separated or not, and then...your sister would be pissed at you, calling you names, and playing mind games again. It's nice that you want to be their port in the storm, and if you were in a place where being mistreated by your sister was something you could ignore or effectively put a stop to while still being in their lives, I would say that you were being selfish. But. You are not at that place. And your sister is emotionally abusive and manipulative. You can't see the kids without being caught up in her fuckery, and that is not healthy for you and since it's so unhealthy, you can't really do anything to help the kids. Because the constant yo-yo is going to be worse for all of you than making the clean break until you are ready (or not) to deal with your sister again.
Also, the one thing that I have learned/experienced is that kids know the truth. Jayden will see how his mother is without you having to tell him. He'll remember his Tia who loved him. And while he may not understand why you went away now, as he gets older and sees how his mom is, he'll know how hard it is for other people to be in relationship to her. Sort of like you've done with your mom.
I know it sucks, but sometimes the best way to help is by setting an example. So the best way you can look out for them is to take care of yourself. Because when they get old enough, they can call you and you can be there for them, and you'll be able to do it without getting caught up in the emotional and psychological damage of your sister.
I wish there were an easier way. I really do. But I just don't think there is. And that's why you're not a bad person. It's a bad situation and you are making the right choices FOR YOURSELF. You've carried the load of everybody else for too long. You know when lifeguards save people, if the person struggles and starts to bring the lifeguard down, the lifeguard is trained to incapacitate the person so they don't get sucked down in the undertow as well? Or on airplanes you're supposed to put on your air mask before assisting the child you may be traveling with? It's the same thing. If you're drowning or can't breathe, you're really incapable of helping the person you're supposed to be saving. Because you have to save yourself first. Period.
no subject
Also, the one thing that I have learned/experienced is that kids know the truth. Jayden will see how his mother is without you having to tell him. He'll remember his Tia who loved him. And while he may not understand why you went away now, as he gets older and sees how his mom is, he'll know how hard it is for other people to be in relationship to her. Sort of like you've done with your mom.
I know it sucks, but sometimes the best way to help is by setting an example. So the best way you can look out for them is to take care of yourself. Because when they get old enough, they can call you and you can be there for them, and you'll be able to do it without getting caught up in the emotional and psychological damage of your sister.
I wish there were an easier way. I really do. But I just don't think there is. And that's why you're not a bad person. It's a bad situation and you are making the right choices FOR YOURSELF. You've carried the load of everybody else for too long. You know when lifeguards save people, if the person struggles and starts to bring the lifeguard down, the lifeguard is trained to incapacitate the person so they don't get sucked down in the undertow as well? Or on airplanes you're supposed to put on your air mask before assisting the child you may be traveling with? It's the same thing. If you're drowning or can't breathe, you're really incapable of helping the person you're supposed to be saving. Because you have to save yourself first. Period.