Trouble don't last always

[rachg82]

All right folks, I've got a few brief announcements to make before I go make my couch's acquaintance & prepare myself for some Bones-filled funtimes:

Announcement #1: sumpta is the biggity-biggity bomb. Wanna know why? Because when I came home today, I checked my mail & found a box of Belgian motherfrakkin' chocolate waiting for me. Not only that, but two of them are truffles. MY FAVORITE KIND. sumpta, just so you know, if you didn't live so far away, you would totally be getting some right now. Just sayin'. (also: It's completely your fault when I gain these 20 pounds back. Heeee. P.S. I love your elaborate list of BSG chocolate questions! Haha. I will fill them all out and post my answers here as soon as I try each one out, but I have to pace myself so I don't pass out in a sugar coma or something. Oh, but what a way to go!)

Announcement #2: So, uh, guess who might have glaucoma? Yeah, possibly me. Okay, okay, so I don't know for sure yet. I have to wait until an appointment with my eye doctor on Saturday, but in the meantime I have to stop taking the Topamax as per my doctor's orders. I emailed her after talking with juliedarling yesterday about the eye pain I'd been having, and she (my doctor) told me to quit it right away and go have my eyes checked out because apparently it can be a serious thing. My instinct is to say it probably has nothing to do with it, and that it's probably just related to the migraines & stress I've been having, because my body tends to do the most ridic shit ever when it comes to stress, but even so I don't really want to end up blind and having to be all, "Whoops, my bad! Guess I should've reported those side effects like the website said! Aw, shucks!" And no, that's not an exaggeration. This shit can make you go blind. So I really don't want to play around here. Especially since I don't usually get eye pain & light sensitivity like this for so many days in a row (certainly not to this degree), so it's really just weird at this point. But again, when I'm going through times of high-stress? My body can & will react in ways that are totally unpredictable. So that's why my instinct is to write this off, but at the same time I have to be better safe than sorry in this particular case.

Still, I'm really just hoping it is stress-related because I want this medication to *work*, you know? I'm not sure where to go from here if it doesn't & I'm seriously tired of being dependent on pain-medication & having my life revolve around the headaches. Plus I'd really prefer not to have glaucoma too. That'd be kind of a bummer. Heh. If I did though, seriously, all I could do at this point is laugh. Like, life, way to suck shit. Worst six months ever. But hopefully that doesn't happen. Hopefully it's stress-related and the eye-doctor appointment is a waste of $65 and I can go back on the Topamax and it'll help me. There's not really much use in worrying at this point about the alternative. I'll cross that bridge if I have to and in the meantime just cross my fingers that it all works out. And try not to be too annoyed that I have to spend $65 too obviously. Ugh.

For what it's worth though? Bizarrely, I'm in kind of a good mood tonight. Maybe it's the chocolate, maybe it's Bones returning, I don't know. Heh. I guess I sort of just feel resigned to the whole, "hey, life is committed to kicking the shit out of me the last few months, so let's make the best out of it, okay? We'll work it out." And yes, I just let my own POV change from "me" to "we". Just go with it. Heh. Seriously though, I've made it this far, right? I'll be all right. Eventually anyway.


Announcement #3: I haven't talked to my sister since her 2 am phone call on Saturday night. Of course I should probably add that I unplugged my phone all Sunday because I knew I couldn't risk any added stress that day before returning to work on Monday & didn't want to deal with hearing from her, so it's possible she tried calling then, but I doubt it. Point is, she hasn't tried calling since. I can't decide which description would apply to her more right now: punk-ass bitch or bitch-ass punk. (bonus points go to anyone who knows where I got that from, heh) And no, I'm not interested in any "aw, but look at it from her side" perspectives. I'm strictly in a "I am wicked irritated & want to smack her across the face" state of mind at the moment. So, you know, fyi. I know we'll make up eventually, but God damn, so annoying. On the other hand though, I'm so exhausted caring about family stuff lately that I can't get myself to think about it or care about it for more than like two seconds before I'm just like, "God whatever, I'm gonna think about something else now." I'm just sort of cared-out, you know? Kind of numb. Maybe that's a good thing? Or does that make me somehow heartless or bad? I don't even know anymore.

I do know when we talk again though that I'm still sticking to what I told her before, which is that I don't want to hear about her marital problems anymore. Eventually she's going to have to get that through her head. I do at least have faith that she can though, but I'm just not sure how long it'll take is all. I just can't be there for her anymore though when it comes to him & his abusive crap, because it doesn't help her; it just hurts me. She needs a professional to help her, bottom line. And it's not fair of her to keep asking me to make things better when I tell her I can't, and I tell her it stresses me out, and have told her what I think she should do & she doesn't listen. After a certain point, you exhaust your right to ask for a person's shoulder to cry on when you keep making stupid decisions. It's sad & I feel bad for her because I love her, but it's been going on for so many years now & I just can't handle the strain anymore.

All right, it is now about twenty past eight and I think that is a sufficient amount of time for my DVR to let me watch Bones with no commercials. Hee. Genius, I know.

For my Vid of the Day, how about we pay tribute to one of my favorite female characters of all time? Flist, may I present to you Anya "Lame-ass Made-up Maiden Name" Harris? *does the Dance of Capitalist Superiority in her honor*

(psst, this vid is by charlierwj for those keeping score. Enjoy!)

"Ella Fitzgerald - Blue Skies (High Quality - Remastered)" (Watch on YouTube)

Comments

[juliedarling.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you talked to your doctor and stopped taking it! I didn't want to freak you out, but the eye pain is really not something you want to mess with. I'm honestly surprised your doctor didn't prep you better for that in advance; like I said, that was the one thing both my doctor and b-in-law really hammered into me before I started taking it. They were both like, "THIS IS THE ONE BIG RISK, SO BEWARES AND REPORT ANY FUNNY EYE BUSINESS IMMEDIATELY." I hope you're okay, and I totally know what you're saying about stress causing your body to do weird things; I think that's what causes my occasional mysterious stomach ailments, since those tend to pop up during intense periods of stress at work, relatives in the hospital, etc. So hopefully, your eyes will be completely fine. But I'm glad you're getting it checked out, regardless, and I hope your migraines are better soon, because obviously, I know how much those suck as well. *hugs*

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

I'm honestly surprised your doctor didn't prep you better for that in advance

I wasn't too thrilled about that either. She just told me to talk to my pharmacist before taking it because it could cause lots of side-effects, but my pharmacist acted like it was no big deal & had nothing to say about it (seriously). To be fair, she prescribed it to me over email because she knows I don't have insurance, so she's been trying to work with me that way lately rather than making me pay to come in, and I think if I'd been in the office with her she would've taken more time to talk to me about it (the emails have limits on how many characters can be included). But it still sucks. The limits on the emails aren't *that* short. She could've found a way to squeeze in the most important warnings.

Man, I hear you on the stomach ailments. My stomach is a fuckin' douchebag. And stress absolutely does a number on it. Plus I know I have IBS. Or something like that. Possibly a small demon living in there. One or the other. But the point is, I'd like to think the eye stuff is from the migraines & tension, so I'm kinda keeping my fingers crossed, but like you said I think it's good to check into it. I figure it's better to lose $65 and be sure I'm okay than risk going blind.

and I hope your migraines are better soon, because obviously, I know how much those suck as well

Thanks, I really appreciate that. :-) I guess if it turns out I can't take the Topamax, I'll just have to find something else to help. But I'm not gonna worry about that unless I have to. First things first, I'll see the eye doctor & then take it from there.

[juliedarling.livejournal.com]

I wasn't too thrilled about that either. She just told me to talk to my pharmacist before taking it because it could cause lots of side-effects, but my pharmacist acted like it was no big deal & had nothing to say about it (seriously).

!!! Okay, seriously. I don't want to trash your doctor if you like her, but SERIOUSLY, if you prescribe something to a patient that could potentially cause her to go BLIND, that is something you need to actually mention and make sure she understands, and not leave to whatever random person at the pharmacy your patient might get that day. Topamax is so hardcore and can have such a wide array of startling side effects on people; that is something patients need at least a head's up about. I mean, it kind of blows my mind that a doctor would prescribe a drug like that without the CAUTION: MAY CAUSE BLINDNESS, as that is kind of important. :| It is cool that she tries to help you out regarding insurance, but still!

Anyway! I am going home this weekend and am going to talk to my brother-in-law about your situation to see if there's anything else preventative you can do if you can't restart the Topamax. He's the smartest doctor I know and my second opinion on everything. :)

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't worry about trashing her, we're not BFFs or anything. Heh. I mean, she's better than some doctors I've had and I do like her okay, but I totally agree with you. I've been to so many shitty doctors though, I can't even tell you. I really need to find a way to afford insurance so I can quit fucking around & just start seeing a neurologist who knows what they're doing.

I really appreciate your help though, especially your offer to check with your brother-in-law about other suggestions. Here's the things I've already tried, just to make it easier on you:

-amitryptaline (and other antidepressents like Effexor & now Prozac)
-beta blockers
-acupuncture (though it wasn't on a weekly basis like they recommended, only like biweekly)
-antihistamines
-a night-guard for teeth-grinding (which I still wear)
-imitrex
-pain killers like tramadol, foiricet (or however you spell it), vicodin, etc. I rarely have taken these though as they're usually not effective for me.

(and yes, before it's asked, I have had a CT scan. All that was found was really bad sinus congestion & a slightly deviated septum. I should probably try having that fixed, but can't afford it.)

And uh, yeah, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Hopefully he's got some other suggestions if the Topamax turns out to be a no-go!

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Woohoo! You got the chocolate already! I hadn't expected any boxes to arrive before Easter, so YAY. But, umm, there are two truffle bars? Please tell me I didn't accidentally ship you two of the same bars, because that would be MAJOR facepalm. And also so something that I would do.

Omg, funny eye business... if it's any consolation, I have an appointment in two weeks because I've been seeing black and white spots for several months now (I don't even know, it's like champagne bubbles going up in my peripheral vision) and I've been too much of a baby to have it checked out, because I don't want to go blind. The logic being that as long as I don't know what's wrong, there is no problem. Anyway, good luck with that!

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Oh my Gods, don't you ever even think of apologizing to me again for including more than one type of truffles in a gift-package to me. I don't think you understand my feelings toward truffles. They are practically orgasmic.

You've got floaters! Those are no biggie, I've gotten them off-and-on for years and they're totally harmless. Well, the black spots anyway. They're little & they sort of float in line with where you move your eye, right? I'm not sure about the white spots though. So it probably actually is good you visit your eye-doctor just to make sure everything's okay. I get sparkly lights in my vision sometimes too though, so I'm probably not the best person to ask, ha. But I get those because of my migraines, so that's a totally different deal.

On the plus side, if I do have glaucoma? Medicinal marijuana is legal here in Oregon! Whoo, I can join Adama & Roslin and par-tay! Haha. Just kidding.

P.S. The extra note you included was so sweet & thoughtful, btw. So thank you! I swear, Adama/Roslin frakkers are the nicest fangirls on the entire internet.

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Well, as long as you have 5 different types of bars, all's okay. But if there are doubles, that means I sent doubles to someone else too and that would totally wreck the whole "have everybody taste 5 different bars" thing, you know. I'm glad you liked the note! Points to you for being able to read my handwriting! I'm totally frakking up my snarky image though, gotta work on that.

Okay, when you said "floaters", I went off imagining the weirdest footwear ever for a split second there. I have it mainly when I'm tired, and it's really like bubbles going up, not so much the little spots that move in line with the eye movement (I have those too). Veeeery weird. Strange thing is, I changed my brand of contacts a few weeks ago and haven't had them since then. And I changed from high quality expensive contacts to cheap general store ones too. Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. It'll probably all be fine, eyes have a way of doing weird stuff, but most of the time it's all fine. That's what I've been telling myself the last few months anyway.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Oh, I see what you mean. It wasn't two of the exact same kind, so don't worry. One literally said "truffle" on it, and the other didn't actually *say* "truffle" (it said "double lait"), but it tasted the same as a truffle! Those were the only two I tried so far.

Your handwriting wasn't even that hard to read! And it really was very sweet of you & I totally appreciated it. But yes, your snarky image is totally tarnished now, sorry. Haha. P.S. I didn't realize your first name was Helena! Does calebar77 know? I bet it would make her very excited. Hee.

Yikes, the bubbles thing sounds weird then. You probably have eye-cancer. Haha, just kidding. But seriously, it's a good idea to get it checked out. Though I wouldn't be surprised at all if it was from the contacts.

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Ohhhhhh, right. I didn't make the link with Double Lait. But I can see the likeness now... we call it praliné, or "hazelnut paste" as I called in the poll, but it too, like many truffles, has almond in it. If there existed no other chocolate than Double Lait, I would still be a completely happy woman. The "truffe" is good too, but it doesn't come close in my mind.

Haha, yes, she knows. I think she friended me just for that reason LOL.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

*points to icon*<---is how I feel about the Double Lait. That's all I have to say.

[teachlikeroslin.livejournal.com]

Anya! About two episodes make me cry, and all because of Anya.

The Body: I always cry during Anya's monologue in Willow's dorm room.
Chosen: I always cry when Anya . . . well, you know. I don't even wish to speak of it.

Also, Xander leaving Anya at the altar put him on me "You're Dead To Me List" which currently houses Lee Adama and Sarah Palin.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Ha, of course you only cried twice at Buffy. Why am I not surprised? *says the girl who cried at the Robot girl on the swing in that Warren episode*

Seriously though, that Anya monologue? AHHH. I had managed not to cry until that point too, probably only because I was watching it with my best friend & *hate* crying in front of people, but the minute she got to that "& she'll never have any more fruit punch!. . .and no one will explain to me WHY", I LOST IT. And I turned to my friend and was like, "OF COURSE ANYA WOULD BE THE ONE TO FINALLY BREAK ME."

And ha! To your "you're dead to me list"! Heeee. Why is Lee in your list though, just out of curiosity? I mean, I know he's a tool and all, but is it because of what he did to Laura during the trial? I'm just curious if it was a specific thing, or just his overall way of being.

[teachlikeroslin.livejournal.com]

He's always been a tool but after the trial and then his annoying foray into politics, I had to put him on my list. There was just no other choice.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Heh, I understand. Although, I do have to confess something, and I hope you don't hate me for this. . . I mean, I always thought he was a douche who needed to get his ass handed to him, but I had this sort of love/hate thing with him all the same, kind of like with Baltar. Like I wanted to slap him & then give him a hug, all at the same time. It's. . .complicated. Heh. Maybe it's because he helped Roslin in the beginning and that made me loyal to him? I don't know. I did want to see him get a serious beat down though for what he did during that trial. GODS DAMN YOU LEE.

Still, I love when people hate on him because it cracks me up. Like I said: love/hate relationship. Haha.

[teachlikeroslin.livejournal.com]

I kind of like him in the beginning because Laura puts so much stock in him and puts a lot of trust in him, but he's just so damn self righteous that I mostly just want to slap him upside his perfectly gelled head.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Hee, I totally don't blame you at all so it's all good. He deserves a good slapping.