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Oct. 26th, 2002 03:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82Well, it's only three thirty, but so far my day has been shit-tacular.
Because "fuck" was probably the word that went through my mind the most, today. I think that sums up the day pretty well, actually. But that's not going to stop me from rambling on about it in excrutiating detail. Because that's like my job, you know. And I need to just get it the fuck (see?) out of my brain, so I can just shake it off.
So, I actually started the day out in a relatively good mood. I was like "Hey, I woke up on time, with only a mild headache. I just work for four hours, and I don't close; should be calm and easy going. Then I have the rest of the day off, and after tomorrow, I don't have to work again until Thursday. Rock." Now, recently my Mom was all "You can ask me for rides you know." and I was like "But you get mad at me, when I do. No thanks, I'll ride the bus." To which she said, "I won't get mad if you ask for a ride every now and then, as long as it's not last minute. Like, calling me up from work, and asking me to pick you up." So, last night I thought I'd take her up on her offer, and see if she could drive me to work this morning. She said yes. Yeah, I should've known better.
I woke her up this morning, just to be like "I'll be ready to go at twenty till, okay?" and from that moment on, she was pure bitch. And, when I said I couldn't go in and get her a latte on the way (because we wouldn't have time, and hello, Peppy and I just talked about my points and all yesterday. I'm not taking chances at being late. And, with her, allowing any sort of stop or whatever is no good.), she flipped at me. Pulling her lovely yelling and talking to herself routine. Like "Thanks for waking me up on my one day off!" Um, excuse me, YOU came to ME, to tell ME I could ask you for a ride sometime. So I did, like a fucking MORON. And you said YES. But of course, none of that mattered today. I'm still the bad guy, here. Second off, sorry for waking you up at nine in the morning. When days that we DON'T wake you up early like that, you sleep in, and then bitch at us for letting you sleep in. Because God forbid you wake your own damn self up. Basically it's a lose/lose thing. Then, she was all "You can't even get me a latte!" and I said "Mom, I will gladly get you one later on today, okay? I just don't want to risk being late. Seriously. I'll give you money, and you can get one on the way back. How about that?" and she was all "I can't go in there, looking like this! I haven't taken a shower! And now I don't even have time!" Then she went on, all "You can't even do me a favor! Yet you ask me to do one for you! You're selfish! You don't do anything around here!" I was like "I gave you five dollars the other day, Mom. That wasn't a favor? I offered to get you a latte later. I can't now." And she was like "One more fucking word, and you can ride the bus!" Fuck you, you crazy, fucking bitch. I like how she's been doing nothing but telling me how she isn't going to drink lattes anymore (something she's been saying FOREVER, by the way), because she's "trying" to lose weight (meaning doing nothing, unless of course you burn calories by being a fucking bitch). Finally, my stepdad apparently got tired of listening to her yell at me, and came down and offered to take me, himself. Beautiful start to a beautiful, fucking day.
Then I got to work, to find that two people hadn't showed. Lovely. It's so nice how everytime I come in lately, someone either hasn't showed, or has called in sick. So, it was just Ms. Whatever downstairs (Breezy was in Men's, but doing some project, and left at noon), and me upstairs. Because being downstairs would've been too nice. Of course I had to go upstairs, where it's hot as Hell, people bug you every minute, the cashiers page you for customer assistance every other second, and the two phones you're carrying are ringing almost constantly. And did I mention that neither of the phones work? Because they don't. But they still make us use them upstairs, so that the following situation can take place. . .
Me: Hello, Sears, Washington Square, this is Rachael, how can I help you?
*static*
Customer: He--o? I ca-- he-r what you're *static*
Me: Hold on, I'm going to try to walk and find better reception, okay?
Customer: [annoyed]What??? You're breaking up, I can't he---*static*
Me: Ma'am, can you hear me?
Customer: I'm sorry, I still ca--*static*
*dial tone*
Fun, huh? Especially since there's two lines on each phone, and people call non-stop. It's a blast! On top of that, the cashier was like telling me that MCAs are going to have to start taking "snicks" (these hand-held things that you can scan barcodes with, to check prices, and see info about the item, etc. . .) to ring customers up, when there's at least four people in a line. Which is, what was that? Almost all the damn time? Right. Oh, and what else? We aren't cashiers? We're fucking MCAs, who have other shit to be doing? That we are barely able to do, as it is, now? And wouldn't that look nice, having random employees scanning shit on the floor? RIGHT. Moreover, I came back to this job, because I can't be behind the register. So, I went to find Peppy, to find out what the Hell this cashier was smoking. Panicking, and feeling about three seconds away from either throwing up or bursting into tears. Fun. Peppy said "What? No. That doesn't concern you, it's just a test thing the managers and cashiers are trying out today, called 'line busting.' But it may be something MCAs do, eventually." So I was like "Um, the thing is, I took time off work before, because I couldn't ring people up anymore. Like, I just can't. That would be bad, if that happenned, for me." Like, with tears in my eyes. Meanwhile she was looking at me, like "Okayyyy." I mean, nodding, but probably wondering what the Hell is wrong with me, that I'm about to cry over this. She probably thinks I'm a nut, now. Which, really, I guess I am. But whatever. And now I get to worry about them putting that policy into place. I know she said it's a test thing right now, and not for sure, but it's an idiotic policy, and those are what Sears does best. I don't know, maybe with some work, I could do whatever it is they want me to do. But the whole thing sounds bad. And doing something like that constantly? Right now, the thought is just, well, no. And what the fuck would I do, then? Try to find some other job, where my stupid, fucking social phobia isn't an issue? Or try to do it, and risk getting panic attacks at work and shit, again? On top of that, I know I won't have the support or understanding of most of my family, on the issue. Those of you who have read my entries in the MI thread at meta know how my Mom has acted to me, when it comes to that shit. Yeah, I really want to deal with that again.
After that, it was hard for me to shake off how I was feeling. Especially because the place was really busy, and I just wanted to get the Hell out of there. Oh, and Peppy asked me to work three extra days, this coming up week. I got it down to just two, but still. There goes the nice three days off, I was looking forward to. Yes, I know, boo hoo for you, Rachael, quit your bitching. But still, it was disappointing. Especially since I know the days I come in will suck, because I'm being asked to work to help make up for the fact that we've lost two employees this last week. I won't be surprised if we're short staffed, those nights. And one of the nights will be Friday, and I'm supposed to go to my Dad's that weekend. I was already working Saturday, but was going to maybe request the Sunday off, so I could have time to spend with them. Now I'll just have Sunday, really. Unless I request the following weekend off, and see him then, instead. Ugh. Whatever.
I got home, to my Mom saying "Sorry, I was tired" and offering candy, as her like apology or something. Which is always the sort of thing she does. And after a while, I just sort of resigned and was like "Fine, it's okay" which is what I said, but on the inside? I'm just like "Yeah, what the fuck ever. There's always an excuse, and nothing will ever change." Candy is not going to make that better.
Because "fuck" was probably the word that went through my mind the most, today. I think that sums up the day pretty well, actually. But that's not going to stop me from rambling on about it in excrutiating detail. Because that's like my job, you know. And I need to just get it the fuck (see?) out of my brain, so I can just shake it off.
So, I actually started the day out in a relatively good mood. I was like "Hey, I woke up on time, with only a mild headache. I just work for four hours, and I don't close; should be calm and easy going. Then I have the rest of the day off, and after tomorrow, I don't have to work again until Thursday. Rock." Now, recently my Mom was all "You can ask me for rides you know." and I was like "But you get mad at me, when I do. No thanks, I'll ride the bus." To which she said, "I won't get mad if you ask for a ride every now and then, as long as it's not last minute. Like, calling me up from work, and asking me to pick you up." So, last night I thought I'd take her up on her offer, and see if she could drive me to work this morning. She said yes. Yeah, I should've known better.
I woke her up this morning, just to be like "I'll be ready to go at twenty till, okay?" and from that moment on, she was pure bitch. And, when I said I couldn't go in and get her a latte on the way (because we wouldn't have time, and hello, Peppy and I just talked about my points and all yesterday. I'm not taking chances at being late. And, with her, allowing any sort of stop or whatever is no good.), she flipped at me. Pulling her lovely yelling and talking to herself routine. Like "Thanks for waking me up on my one day off!" Um, excuse me, YOU came to ME, to tell ME I could ask you for a ride sometime. So I did, like a fucking MORON. And you said YES. But of course, none of that mattered today. I'm still the bad guy, here. Second off, sorry for waking you up at nine in the morning. When days that we DON'T wake you up early like that, you sleep in, and then bitch at us for letting you sleep in. Because God forbid you wake your own damn self up. Basically it's a lose/lose thing. Then, she was all "You can't even get me a latte!" and I said "Mom, I will gladly get you one later on today, okay? I just don't want to risk being late. Seriously. I'll give you money, and you can get one on the way back. How about that?" and she was all "I can't go in there, looking like this! I haven't taken a shower! And now I don't even have time!" Then she went on, all "You can't even do me a favor! Yet you ask me to do one for you! You're selfish! You don't do anything around here!" I was like "I gave you five dollars the other day, Mom. That wasn't a favor? I offered to get you a latte later. I can't now." And she was like "One more fucking word, and you can ride the bus!" Fuck you, you crazy, fucking bitch. I like how she's been doing nothing but telling me how she isn't going to drink lattes anymore (something she's been saying FOREVER, by the way), because she's "trying" to lose weight (meaning doing nothing, unless of course you burn calories by being a fucking bitch). Finally, my stepdad apparently got tired of listening to her yell at me, and came down and offered to take me, himself. Beautiful start to a beautiful, fucking day.
Then I got to work, to find that two people hadn't showed. Lovely. It's so nice how everytime I come in lately, someone either hasn't showed, or has called in sick. So, it was just Ms. Whatever downstairs (Breezy was in Men's, but doing some project, and left at noon), and me upstairs. Because being downstairs would've been too nice. Of course I had to go upstairs, where it's hot as Hell, people bug you every minute, the cashiers page you for customer assistance every other second, and the two phones you're carrying are ringing almost constantly. And did I mention that neither of the phones work? Because they don't. But they still make us use them upstairs, so that the following situation can take place. . .
Me: Hello, Sears, Washington Square, this is Rachael, how can I help you?
*static*
Customer: He--o? I ca-- he-r what you're *static*
Me: Hold on, I'm going to try to walk and find better reception, okay?
Customer: [annoyed]What??? You're breaking up, I can't he---*static*
Me: Ma'am, can you hear me?
Customer: I'm sorry, I still ca--*static*
*dial tone*
Fun, huh? Especially since there's two lines on each phone, and people call non-stop. It's a blast! On top of that, the cashier was like telling me that MCAs are going to have to start taking "snicks" (these hand-held things that you can scan barcodes with, to check prices, and see info about the item, etc. . .) to ring customers up, when there's at least four people in a line. Which is, what was that? Almost all the damn time? Right. Oh, and what else? We aren't cashiers? We're fucking MCAs, who have other shit to be doing? That we are barely able to do, as it is, now? And wouldn't that look nice, having random employees scanning shit on the floor? RIGHT. Moreover, I came back to this job, because I can't be behind the register. So, I went to find Peppy, to find out what the Hell this cashier was smoking. Panicking, and feeling about three seconds away from either throwing up or bursting into tears. Fun. Peppy said "What? No. That doesn't concern you, it's just a test thing the managers and cashiers are trying out today, called 'line busting.' But it may be something MCAs do, eventually." So I was like "Um, the thing is, I took time off work before, because I couldn't ring people up anymore. Like, I just can't. That would be bad, if that happenned, for me." Like, with tears in my eyes. Meanwhile she was looking at me, like "Okayyyy." I mean, nodding, but probably wondering what the Hell is wrong with me, that I'm about to cry over this. She probably thinks I'm a nut, now. Which, really, I guess I am. But whatever. And now I get to worry about them putting that policy into place. I know she said it's a test thing right now, and not for sure, but it's an idiotic policy, and those are what Sears does best. I don't know, maybe with some work, I could do whatever it is they want me to do. But the whole thing sounds bad. And doing something like that constantly? Right now, the thought is just, well, no. And what the fuck would I do, then? Try to find some other job, where my stupid, fucking social phobia isn't an issue? Or try to do it, and risk getting panic attacks at work and shit, again? On top of that, I know I won't have the support or understanding of most of my family, on the issue. Those of you who have read my entries in the MI thread at meta know how my Mom has acted to me, when it comes to that shit. Yeah, I really want to deal with that again.
After that, it was hard for me to shake off how I was feeling. Especially because the place was really busy, and I just wanted to get the Hell out of there. Oh, and Peppy asked me to work three extra days, this coming up week. I got it down to just two, but still. There goes the nice three days off, I was looking forward to. Yes, I know, boo hoo for you, Rachael, quit your bitching. But still, it was disappointing. Especially since I know the days I come in will suck, because I'm being asked to work to help make up for the fact that we've lost two employees this last week. I won't be surprised if we're short staffed, those nights. And one of the nights will be Friday, and I'm supposed to go to my Dad's that weekend. I was already working Saturday, but was going to maybe request the Sunday off, so I could have time to spend with them. Now I'll just have Sunday, really. Unless I request the following weekend off, and see him then, instead. Ugh. Whatever.
I got home, to my Mom saying "Sorry, I was tired" and offering candy, as her like apology or something. Which is always the sort of thing she does. And after a while, I just sort of resigned and was like "Fine, it's okay" which is what I said, but on the inside? I'm just like "Yeah, what the fuck ever. There's always an excuse, and nothing will ever change." Candy is not going to make that better.
