rachg82

I hate when I fall behind here. Can't I just get paid to sit & write LJ entries all day? I mean, I'm just saying -- two birds with one stone & all. Plus, I'd totally be willing.

Every time I go a few days between updates, I end up all, "TOO MANY THINGS!", and as a result struggle to write anything. So, to make it easier on myself today, I'm just going to wrap up some memes & leave RL-related matters for next time. At which point there'll surely be even more things (the beginning of this week was rough, admittedly. I'm pretty exhausted right now, both emotionally & physically. P.S. this job involves WAY more moving of the body than I anticipated. My muscles, they are le sore), but nevermind that. At least I'm posting.

First up, a meme from lytab5:

Comment to this post with "Five Me" and I will list five things I associate with you. They might make sense or they might be totally random. Then post that list, with your commentary, to your LJ (or just add a reply back to me). Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.

( Here are the five things I was given )

And, finally, let's finish that 30 song challenge, shall we?

( Days 27 - 30 )

Note to self,

Next time you ambitiously decide to sift through boxes of old clothes, trying things on & deciding what to toss/give away, kicking up invisible clouds of demonic dust mites in your wake, how's about you remember that you're wicked ALLERGIC to dust & build a time machine first -- y'know, that way you can go back a year or two & NEVER LET YOUR ROOM GET SO DAMNED DUSTY IN THE FIRST PLACE. Ugh.

…Okay, so they're obviously not ~demonic~, but props for alliteration, and I do feel rather possessed by them at the moment. Or perhaps "occupied" would be the better word. Like, there's currently a hayfever drum circle going on in my right nasal cavity. They keep yelling about how my sneezes will not be televised, and I'm like, "That doesn't even make sense, mucus!" It's sort of a thing.

In the interest of full disclosure, I've taken some cold medication in the blind hope that it'll help, and those tend to make my sense of humor slightly goofier than normal (heh, remember the whole "Robi: my BFF" bit last year?). At least it keeps me entertained though while sneezing every second (oh, you think I'm joking? While typing this, I've already sneezed something like, what, six times? Seriously). And it's been like this all day. Horrible. You know allergies are bad when even antihistamines won't put a dent in them. Next time I venture into those boxes, I'm totally wearing a dust mask. And probably buying a hepa filter once I have the money, particularly since turning on my heat for the first time every winter basically equals opening up the gates of Hell to months worth of stored up particulates. Thanks for that, vents!

Anyway, to the point: I started cleaning my room last night, and I even made some marginal progress--two bags worth--but I've been paying the price ever since. Serves me right for putting off shopping yesterday afternoon, as I clearly didn't even remotely feel like doing it today (in between all the itching & napping & pouting. I was very busy, you see), and now I have to deal with feeling bad about that. I mean, I called Nordstroms & confirmed they still do alterations, often for free, and that they can put a rush on the work when needed (I remember them hemming a dress for me once in 24 hours), plus they work during the weekends & are there whenever the place is open, so it's probably not a big deal to go in tomorrow & want the pants back by Sunday. However, I MEANT to go in yesterday, so my flaking out is annoying.

Oh, well. Time to get over it. I'll go in tomorrow after my counseling session. At least I cleaned a little, right? Words really can't express how much I dread either task--cleaning or shoe-shopping--so that's gotta be a win.

Moving on:

-BONES TONIGHT. Between certain spoilers & sneak-peeks, I kind of feel like I've already seen the ep (heh), but nevermind that, because BONES.

-Aside from the Robi-induced crackyness, I've actually been fairly melancholy today, and I don't know why, not fully anyway. Hopefully TV tonight will help. I'll probably feel better once I get over the procastination-guilt tomorrow as well.

-I dreamt yesterday that Mary McDonnell was hanging out with me & one my aunts, taking pictures, signing autographs, and talking about videogames in the living room of the apartment I lived in between 10-12 yrs old. I was all, "OMG, WE'RE TOTALLY BESTIES NOW. LET'S GO PLAY CRASH BANDICOOT!" Why can't all my dreams be like that?

-Most of the time, my reactions to commercials range from mild irritation to outright capslocky indignation ("WHY ARE ALL WRINKLE ADS AIMED AT WOMEN? YOU, SIR, CAN TAKE YOUR SUPPLY & DEMAND & SHOVE IT! GOOD DAY!" and what-not), but every now & again I'll see one that amuses me, ( like this brill series of Seattle-based insurance ads, for instance )

-I need to buy prilosec again, though my stomach has actually been doing pretty okay over the last day or so without it (still gonna get it though, obvs). I think it might have something to do with me taking the black licorice stuff again before meals, as my naturopath had advised. I'd given up on them for a while because I hated the taste so much, but seriously, self, get over it. Hopefully it continues helping, or the placebo effect continues helping (heh), either way.

-Okay, enough pointless rambling and onto what really matters: television. I don't have anything to say about Psych this week though (other than I enjoyed it), nor Modern Family (other than, "yay, Kevin Hart!", and the usual, "I ♥ Cam"), but let's talk Revenge, shall we? ( cut for spoilers )

( 30 song challenge: Day 18 )

1. I could not find my bat headband last night. Very sad. Also sad? No trick-or-treaters. Well, except for a group of teenaged boys who were probably too old for such a thing, though they were at least fully dressed up, & one of them enthusiastically (if not a little spazzily, ha. He like SHOUTED into my apartment) complimented my lava lamp. So, yeah, that was amusing. Except I wish they'd taken more candy; I fell into a bit of a sugar coma somewhere around 9 pm, even added a few of them into a banana mint chocolate chip milkshake, (made with coconut milk!), haha. Oh, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I wish I could quit you.

P.S. Obviously, my stomach is feeling better atm than last week. Well, not totally, but mostly. Regardless, nothing keeps me from hoards of candy on Halloween. Straight-up.

P.P.S. I did see trick-or-treaters on my way home while riding the bus. Tigard, which neighbors my town, does this thing every year on Main Street, opening up the businesses to kids & handing out candy & what-not. It's very cutesy, appropriately so for that area, which takes the "Main Street" cliche to heart, trying to be all down-home & folksy (especially ridic considering that when Jen and I used to live down the road from there it was like non-stop crime central). There are signs up & down the road for things like "burgers" & "stamps", which cracks me up because it's like, "Dude, they can see the McDonalds. They don't need a second sign for 'burgers', like it's the one & only ~burger district~ or something." My favorite though is the "stationary" sign in front of the stationery store. Haha. Spelling fail!

2. Energy assistance was not only able to cover my entire electric bill, but also apply a $50 credit toward my next bill, due in December. V. awesome.

3. I am weak & have already watched the five sneak-peeks for Bones this week. EXCITE. My hands, they are flaily.

4. I'm making my way through season 2 of Psych now, which it turns out I'd already seen a good deal of (I'll end a sentence with a prep if I want to.[/rebel]). But that's okay, because I hadn't seen all the eps, and I don't mind rewatching stuff anyway. This show is just so much joy, y'all. I mean, LASSIE WANTED A PONY AS A LITTLE BOY. Can you even? I WANT TO SQUISH THE LIFE OUT OF HIS STOIC MR. BEAN FACE.

Also: the quote in my subject heading? OMG, I was laughing for at least a minute afterward. I had to pause it.

5. I really need to clean & do laundry & things like that, but I don't want to. I'm trying to put the "five minute" concept into effect that my counselor and I discussed (basically, if you have something you're dreading that's difficult to start, just commit to doing it for five minutes a day or whatever you can handle), but it's still a challenge. I just want to sit/lie motionless all day -- is that so much to ask?

( 30 song challenge: Days 15 and 16 )

1. Why must Livejournal keep changing the font for posting? I don't approve, sir.

2. I also don't approve of the liquid-hot mag-ma (and the sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their freakin' heads, obviously[/Dr. Evil moment]) churning throughout my stomach, nor whatever the eff it is I did to my back this week (maybe carrying heavy groceries home? Jesus, I'm getting old). It's seriously the kind of pain that makes you want to run into walls, flailing, all, "JUST KNOCK ME OUT." As an alternative to that, I've sort of just been spazzily rocking back & forth, bouncing my leg, & breathing like a Tibetan monk. Y'know, as one does. Ugh. Aleve & Pepto are not really cutting it, can I just say.

3. Somehow I have managed to apply for a handful of jobs though, plus I walked to two different temp agencies today. I have an interview for one tomorrow (they'll probably be the most promising); the second place did an interview with me already (less promising). On a bizarre note, I took a drug test while I was there, and she said it came up positive for meth. Whaaaat in the actual fuck. I was like, "Uhh, no. Not even." I had to tell her the medications I'd taken recently, which didn't even include cold meds (those could explain it, if I had), but she looked up Cymbalta & said she found info indicating it can cause a false positive. So she marked it down as negative in my file. It makes me feel nervous though for future tests. I really hope it's not the medication doing it, and that it was just an error on her part. I've never taken a urine test before where it wasn't run in a lab, so I didn't trust her process much. Also: I looked it up when I got home & didn't find anything conclusive in regards to anti-depressants & false positives, only a bunch of anecdotal stuff. Now of course I'm paranoid it's a kidney infection or something that's causing it, like, "My back *does* hurt! Dun dun DUN." Whatever, brain, God.

4. Meanwhile my stress levels are RIDIC. I don't even have five bucks to my name, and I wish I were kidding. At least I have food, but still. STILL. My phone, internet, & power are all about a hot second from getting cut off. Rent for November is…yeah. I can't even ealihgigh. Where's that wall again? I'd like to run into it now.

You guys have already helped me so much, and I certainly don't expect anyone to help now if they aren't comfortable with it/aren't able, but I'm pretty desperate at the moment, so I'm going to post the link to my PayPal account again in the hopes I can gather at least enough to pay half my rent for November & some of my bills:

5. I realized a flaw in my plan to look for a job as a nanny again -- it was my nephew I used to watch, so it'd be my sister that people might want to call when checking that out. And it's not that I think she'd be so petty as to lie & say I was bad or something; it's more so that I'd worry about the fallout later, personally. Her emails still go straight into spam, but you just never know. Plus what if she got that call & started going off to my mom or my grandma or whomever about how I haven't seen Jayden or Isabella in almost a year but now I'm gonna ~go watch other people's kids~ & what a horrible person I am & bla bla bla, and then Jayden overhears, and God, IDEK. I'm gonna talk to my counselor about it on Thursday, probably, to get her perspective. It might be too much for me to have to think about at this point, but we'll see.

6. I finished season 1 of Psych yesterday -- super enjoyable. Especially the last two episodes. I swear, when Lassie got Shawn's bike back for him, my heart grew three sizes. And? Jules with a pink headband is just about the cutest shit ever. I wanted to tackle-squish her. Ooh, AND: Shawn/Jules = smack your mama-levels of adorbs + I'm in love with Gus. I think that about covers it.

7. My fic is pretty much done. I only have a line or two left to write & then a final read-through of the whole thing, so: probably tomorrow(ish), barring the Hellmouth in my GI tract opening up & swallowing us all whole. Let the drumroll begin!

8. I'm still watching Castle to give it a shot, and I'm liking it more now, though not quite to a fangirly degree. At least not yet; sometimes it happens gradually for me. But it's keeping my interest. I was amused by last night's Halloween episode having such a similar plot to the Psych finale I'd just watched, heh. Oh, TV. With your tropes!

9. I was looking for a clip on YouTube the other day by Maria Bamford (one of my longtime favorite comedians), and while I didn't find the exact one I was looking for, I ended up finding something even better. Basically, the story behind it is that she had a nervous breakdown a few years back, leading to her moving back in with her parents ('cross country), and while she was there--recovering, getting back on her feet--she filmed a series of "shows" in her room, sort of documenting the experience for her fans. If you're familiar with her comedy, you'll immediately recognize the family members she impersonates, but these vids go deeper than that. They're frequently hilarious, as you'd expect, but also brilliant, and honestly pretty damn moving at times. She talks so candidly about her depression & anxiety, things I very much identify with, at a level that is super brave imo considering her public status. There are twenty "episodes" in all, only a few minutes each, and OMG they just made my night while watching. The final one had me in tears, TWICE. Like, I rewatched it today & cried all over again. It's funny how sometimes you come across something you SO need to see at the exact right time. That's how it felt.

Anyway, so I absolutely knew I'd want to share the links here, which I'll do below. If you only have time to watch one for now, though, at least make it this one:



( And here are the rest )

…off to go rewatch all twenty again, brb.

10. Wrapping this up, I managed to get four days behind on that song challenge meme, so I'd better get on that. ( Days 7-10 )

You know what I really hate? When you actually feel motivated to do things, but your health is all, "NO. DENIED." I have had the same unrelenting migraine since yesterday morning, albeit now on the opposite temple because my brain likes to ~mix it up~. And I mean, my head hurts every day anyway (even if not *all* day), but I'm talking about the kind that straight owns your ass, i.e. the kind I generally only get a couple times a month, fortunately (or unfortunately, I suppose, depending on your perspective. I'm personally grateful for every moment in my life that doesn't include pain). It's receded now to the point of being tolerable as long as I keep the lighting dim, stay in a quiet place, & don't move my head around much, but it's still totally interfering with what I'd LIKE to be doing, and it frustrates me. On top of that, I really need to eat something, but the last thing I want to do is cook or go to the store, plus my stomach is icky feeling anyway.

But I'm not going to complain too much, because at least my SNAP benefits finally got processed. So when I am able to walk to the store, I CAN buy food. I do have a pork chop thawing in my fridge right now, plus potatoes, so I already have a set option for one meal as it is (two if I decide to try cheesy potato tacos, though that doesn't have much protein, and I need protein when I'm fighting a migraine); however, see above, re: the last thing I want to do. Grr, argh. River was right; food is problematic.

Anyway. Enough about that. Here's some other stuff:

-As soon as I feel a bit more clearheaded, probably after I've eaten, I'm going to follow my therapist's advice & write down a list of things I need to do/am worried about/or whatever, and try to prioritize how much I can handle doing at once & when I'll try to do them, etc. Hopefully that will make it easier for me to approach things like uber-overdue bills & job searches. As it stands, I can't even hear a mention of unemployment on TV without tensing up. I may post the list here afterward, or bring it with me to my next appointment, but I haven't decided on that yet. It'd probably be a good idea if I did, though.

-Speaking of my therapist, I had another appointment with her yesterday. ( cut for rambling )

-There's an ACA retreat up in Washington next month that I'd really like to attend--like a non-summer summer camp for stunted adult children--but I'm not sure yet whether it costs anything (I'm sure it does). Wah. THEY HAVE CANOES.

-We'll wrap this up with some TV/movie talk:

( Parenthood )

-( Psych )

-I watched a couple documentaries yesterday as well. One was from Current's Top 50 list ("Tarnation"), and the other I just came across randomly while browsing the library ("Finding Normal"). Both were really interesting to watch and well-made, though I'll admit Tarnation left me sad because it touched on a lot of stuff I've been trying to work through lately in regards to my mom's history with mental illness and doctors/hospitals, while bringing up a lot of new emotions & memories too. But it was extremely evocative & something that needed to be expressed. Kind of brilliant, actually. I just couldn't help also feeling like it was somehow incomplete or unbalanced by the end, though maybe that was intentional in its own way as well. Either way, I understand why they put it on the list.

I was totally satisfied by "Finding Normal" though (more than satisfied, really. I pretty much loved it & didn't want it to end. Seriously), despite it being much less flashy & artistic; it's the kind of documentary I'd buy if I had more money, because I can see myself wanting to rewatch it every now & again. I identified with so much of it, not just on behalf of addicts I've known (it's about a treatment/housing program here in Portland & follows both new patients & their mentors -- who are also recovering addicts themselves), but on behalf of myself & the ACA traits I picked up from them. It's like 100% real talk throughout the whole thing, no bullshit. And I love that they manage to take the topic and stay realistic, destigmatize the process of having a problem & getting help, show that not everyone makes it, yet also leave you feeling uplifted by the end. It's just exactly the kind of thing I needed to see.

For those who would like to check out the trailers, voila: Tarnation and Finding Normal.

-Lastly, I got a day behind on my song challenge, so today's VotD will cover two: ( Days 3 and 4 )

1. Rent for October is PAID. I couldn't pay the entire late fee (I'm still waiting for some of the PayPal funds to be transferred to my bank account. Once they go through, I'll have $128.49 left), but my apartment manager was willing to push the remaining $21 to next month. I'm kind of paranoid now that some surprise thing will get debited before the check goes through (like stupid Bally's Gym, for instance. HATE THEM), but that probably won't happen. I haven't used my card for anything in forever, and even Bally's hasn't charged me since July, which makes me wonder if my contract finally ended. I will so throw imaginary confetti in the air if that's the case. They have been such a pain in my ass over the last few years.

I did end up needing my friend's help after all, because rent assistance was already out of funds by the time I called. There was nothing I could've done about that, unfortunately, since I didn't get my eviction notice until yesterday, and I couldn't request assistance until then. Normally, people get their notice on the 8th & call that day; however, my apartments apparently don't hand eviction notices out until after the 10th.

I have a little over three weeks before November's rent becomes an issue, but: one thing at a time. I know she's willing to work out a payment plan with me if I can pay the full amount in three installments before that month is over; if I can't, but I can still pay at least half the full amount, she's willing to push the rest to the following month & try to work something else out. She told me she's helping me like this because she can tell I'm "really trying," and I have to say, I'm INCREDIBLY grateful for it. I'm so glad she took over a while back. If I were dealing right now with the old management? Ugh. This story would've gone a lot differently.

2. I'm not sure what to do about my phone/internet/tv bill or my electric bill just yet (both are overdue by a lot), but I can't think about that right now. I'll give it a few days, then revisit it.

3. When my friend dropped off the money today, she included a GF baking mix (works for pancakes, banana bread, cookies, etc), paper towels (which I needed), my favorite kind of GF bread (Udi's--it's the only kind that's good, seriously. Trader Joe's doesn't carry it), and a little bag of aroma therapy bath stuff. Some of it had already been used, so I think she had it around the house vs. buying it, but DUDE. Really, really nice of her. The lotion smells amazeballs, and the skin on my hands right now is like BUTTAH--as the Coffee Talk lady would say.

4. My stomach was still hurting like an a-hole last night, so I didn't get much done, but I did do a load of laundry for the first time in a while. Honestly, there's a blanket that I threw up on while camping last summer--which had been completely rinsed off but never truly washed--that had been lying on my bedroom floor all this time (well, more so "in a shin-high pile of other also-unwashed items" than the floor, but you get the idea). It finally got washed. I'd be embarassed to admit how long it took me to do, but I'm keeping it real here. This is what depression looks like.

5. I'm still going to look into school stuff first (I think I'll take the bus to PCC tomorrow & just try to talk to someone in person, since the financial aid dept's number's always busy), but I am thinking up preliminary job plans too. It's still scary, especially because of my crappy health, and because I despise anything that's up in the air, but yeah. Once more with feeling--one thing at a time. Amongst other things, I'm going to set up a profile on care.com and see if maybe there's a nanny/tutor/housekeeping-type job I can do. My friend B suggested it, and is now sending me all sorts of links, which is appreciated, though it's also kind of stressful because I feel like it puts pressure on me. I'm just reminding myself that all I can do is try. I may or may not meet people's expectations; I can't control that. I just don't want it to become one of those things where she wants to help me, but then ends up resenting me because she doesn't think I'm doing enough to help myself or am not being successful at it or whatever.

6. New Psych starts toniiiight. I am legit excited. I've been going through this list of quotes from the show today & cracking up. Like, my neighbors might've heard. Heh.

I'm pleased to say I'm feeling excited now for Bones' return next month, too. The spoilers have been getting better, and the reviews from critics who've seen the first couple eps already are super encouraging.

7. Facebook continues to be the most annoying thing on the planet--I try to use it, try to like it, but argh. It's like an instant douche converter--but every now & then I do see something funny on there. Case in point: ( True statements are true )

8. I need like an alarm bell to go off every time I pick a food item to eat, reminding me to thoroughly check the ingredients, I swear. Why must my new boysenberry jam have corn syrup? Why must Doritos include wheat? Life HARD.

9. ( Parenthood )

10. I had the most random childhood memory come back to me yesterday. It's really not interesting enough to share here, but watch me do it anyway. Heh. I was following a link that one of my LJ flistmates shared, looking related stuff up (as one does. I like to learn about crap, what can I say), and came across info about sensory issues in children. It offhandedly mentioned kids flipping their shit over vacuum cleaners, and instantly my mind was like, "OMG, I REMEMBER THAT." Totally all ~poof~ out of nowhere. Heh. My mom used to come & warn me if she were going to use the vacuum, literally apologizing for it & being all "I'll try to be quick," and I'm talking up to at least the age of 12 (now that I'm remembering it, I'm pretty sure it continued after that for some time), and I remember yelling at her to stop if she did it for too long. Also: if she were vacuuming in the same room as me, I'd tuck into a corner/sit on a chair hugging my knees/get as far away from it as I could & cover my ears until she was done. It was an especially funny time to remember this, too, because I'd just posted on facebook about how annoyed I was by my upstairs neighbors vacuuming for too long. Ha.

For my Vid of the Day, I'll share a vid that sumpta and I were laughing about earlier. It's fairly appropriate this week:

Ugh, worst part about being on my period? Even worse, perhaps, than the uptick in depression, irritability, and anxiety? The increase in my freaking "Good morning! Not! Muahaha" migraines, that's what. I HATE HORMONES.

Anyway, I'm tired of lying down with an icepack, so I'm in one of those "Y'know what, pain? I can't even hear you. La la la"-moods, trying to distract & detach. Ergo, spam for you lot. Enjoy.

First, another meme (P.S. I plan to answer your questions from yesterday's meme soon, promise):

Lyric Meme

Give me a character or a ship and I will give you a lyric (or a few) that reminds me of them.

And now for rambling:

1. Let me get this straight, this guy gets the death penalty amidst all the controversy (eyewitness testimony? Really, people? Do I need to point out the studies indicating how effing unreliable that shit is?), while these cruel bastards get 4-15 yrs? It's certainly not news to me, but it just sucks to be reminded how frakked the justice system in this country really is, not to mention the safety net for mentally ill/homeless people. My schizophrenic uncle's just lucky to have been in halfway homes & on proper medication for so much of his life, including the medication he takes now to deal with all the side effects from the shock therapy he received back in the day.

I like the comment too from the person who was all, "His dad ~let~ him be homeless and now wants to sue the police?" Yes, because A. his son's life ceased to matter after becoming homeless, apparently, and B. it's super easy to control a mentally ill adult, force them to live where you want, force them to stay on the right medication--or even have good access to it--and get them the help they need after most of the old hospitals got shut down & shelters/ERs across the nation became understaffed & overloaded (I still remember talking to ER nurses & listening to them vent about the system while my mom slept there on a gurney for days, waiting for a single bed to open up in the psych ward). I'd like to invite that guy to actually be related to a seriously unstable individual for a decade or two & then get back to me on that. God. Someday I will learn to stop reading Yahoo comments, but apparently that's still a work in progress.

2. I have several ignorant cooking questions to ask. ( Fortunately, I have you all to answer them (lookin' at you, especially, Jas) )

3. I haven't talked about Parenthood yet, so I should probably rectify that: ( cut for spoilers )

4. I watched "When We Were Kings" this week. It had a lot of clips I'd already seen (my dad had a vid of the entire Rumble in the Jungle match when I was younger, which included various bits of news footage from those years. I watched it with him once), but there was stuff I'd never seen too, and it was very entertaining overall. I'd listen to Ali talk all day. We're gonna get it on because we don't get along! Haha. Love him.

5. Facebook continues to be the devil. What's worse than obligatory friendships with people who really aren't your friends anymore? Seeing them talk to each other like BFFs & not include you. It's my fault though. For one, this is why I hide them (then occasionally look on their wall anyway, like some kind of masochist. It's like the Yahoo comments thing), and for two, it's not really obligatory to keep them as "friends" at all. It's just hard to defriend. You know people make such a big deal out of it, will probably tell the others, "Oh, you know, Rachael actually defriended me this week" (cue: "What's with her?" bla bla bla gossip), despite the fact that for all intents & purposes they haven't BEEN my friends for a good year now. It's just so annoying.

6. The guy I talked to at unemployment yesterday said his records showed that I called on the 13th, so the form's deadline shouldn't be an issue. Of course he also kept being like, "They'll honor the date of the postmark, don't worry" and was obviously not paying attention to my question. But I broke it down for him AGAIN, and was like, "The form is going to be postmarked LATE. L-a-t-e, late. But it also said I could call, which I did. And you show that, correct? Which means I'm okay?" And he said yes. So…I guess it's okay. I didn't really trust him though. We'll see. Either way, it still leaves the problem open-ended because I don't know if they'll reopen my claim, but I at least don't want it to be denied because of a postmark date of all things.

BTW, I wasn't really that rude to him, heh. But I'm feeling venty today, so just go with it.

7. I have a phone appointment with the SNAP people this Friday to determine my eligibility for food assistance & state health care. Fingers crossed, folks.

8. My first appointment with Luke Dorf is Monday. The intake lady told me that the crisis team already gave me a preliminary diagnosis of major depression, which didn't surprise me (I've been diagnosed with it before + Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Social Anxiety Disorder). It sounds like I'll be getting a full assessment next week though. The one I got with the psychiatrist wasn't one of those "let's diagnose you" deals, more so a medication check up with a short series of questions. The person I'll be seeing is only listed as a QMHP, though, I think, so I don't know what level of experience to expect or how relevant it'll be to my situation. But I hope it works out.

9. As for a RL update on how I'm doing, the last few days have been somewhat hard, emotionally. Not just for the financial stuff, but thoughts & dreams of family, friends, loneliness, etc. But it is helpful to know I'll be talking to someone soon. I did take a walk yesterday as well, for the first time in a while, which was nice. Sometimes it makes me sad now to be in nature, because I used to spend so much time outdoors with my nephew (we'd go for what we called "expeditions" and what-not, make it into a whole big thing, wandering in the forest, looking for bugs & animals, stuff like that), but it's still soothing to me, and brings my spirits up when I pass by toddlers driving their parents crazy with non-stop questions & the like. Heh. "Why is the dog sniffing that?" "Because that's what dogs like to do." "Why do they like to do that? Moo-oom? Why? Why do they like to sniff? Why--" "Because they just do." "Where'd the sky go? Where's the river?" "We can't see it because of the trees. It'll be back." "When?" Seriously, non-stop, this little girl was. I had to fight myself not to laugh.

10. For my Vid of the Day, here's some more purty music:

I have other things to talk about, including more documentary stuff, thoughts on my niece's upcoming birthday & how I'm feeling, Friday Night Lights, my new job on Friday, etc, but I think I'm too drowsy to get into all that right now. Instead, I'm just gonna be mindlessly spammy. ~Like so~.

-First, a GIF meme I swiped from xmaidelx:

1. Open your .gif folder.
2. Use every third .gif as a reaction to the statement.

I don't have that many .gifs saved, but I figured it'd still be fun to do a few. ( cutty mccutterson )

-Second, instead of a VotD, I thought I'd share some music. ( 5 songs I'm listening to today )

1. The job is a go, people. I'mma make it rain! (In Portland! Which neverrr happens otherwise. Y'know. Heh.) ( cut for more boring job stuff )

ETA: Ooh! And I almost forgot, the job includes free cell phone service (not sure if they literally give you a phone, too, or if you pay for that. We'll see). Kind of hilarious because, really? A free cell phone was probably the only possible way to make me willingly own one.[/curmudgeon]

2. Speaking of money, buying a blender is probably one of the best things I've ever done. SO MUCH FUN. Even when I was a kid, we didn't have one; my best friend & I would hand-stir milkshakes, haha. We thought we were brilliant at it though, like we were gonna go out & have a milkshake stand & get filthy rich or something.

3. I put season 3 of Friday Night Lights on request at the library yesterday, so I should be getting that soon (it needs to be moved from another location). Fingers crossed it arrives today. I need some Eric & Tami Taylor in my life.

4. Current has been airing some of the docs from that "50 Documentaries to See Before You Die" series I mentioned the other day, and yesterday they played "One Day in September" (about the 1972 Munich games/attack), which I'd never seen before. I have to say I agree with its placement on the list. Tense, disturbing, & frankly heartbreaking (the Philip Glass music doesn't help, heh. My tear ducts have like a pavlovian response to him). The whole thing is up on YouTube, too (Part One), in case anyone wants to watch. Here's the trailer as well.<--I know, I'm so helpful.

5. My sleep schedule is getting closer to normal--I'm going to bed in the evening, not the morning--but I keep waking up way too early. Like, 2 or 3 in the morning, completely opposite to my normal problem of konking out for 10-16 hours at a time. Cut it out, body!

And that's it. For my Vid of the Day, here's some random funnyness:

First up, a meme (courtesy of torigates):

If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.
— Alfred Hitchcock

When I write a story, what do you immediately look for?

This should be interesting. Heh.

In other news:

-I've lost a couple pounds so far since changing my diet. And by "a couple," I literally mean two. I'm assuming it's water weight, which would be a good thing, because my stomach has had a habit for a long time now of getting extremely bloated -- like, I often can't even move without hearing/feeling this massive slosh slosh, and all I can picture are these tiny little surfers partying it up in my intestines. Right now, I still have some discomfort, but the sloshing is gone. I'm hoping it stays that way.

And…yeah, TMI. I know. Heh. Sorry. (Not really)

-Rizzoli & Isles tonight! BRING ON THE GAY.

-I had a mini-marathon of s1 Bones yesterday, doing it like I used to with X-Files -- picking certain scenes I wanted to watch from various episodes & just skipping to those moments, rather than sitting through everything. True story: when I was a teenager, I used to talk with my BFF about hooking up a second VCR so we could copy specific clips over & make our own "best of" tape. Like a fanvid before fanvids. Goodtimes. Hee. Old schoolin' it, yo!

Anyway, so, between that & Motherland (which is largely about processing grief, something my fic uses as a theme as well), it gave me what I think will be a significant idea for my story. On that same note, though, I've kind of figured out why this fic has taken me so much longer & been so difficult to get through for me -- it triggers so many emotions. I mean, the others did too, but this one goes deeper in a way. Also, I really want to get it right. Ignoring my perfectionist side & just acknowledging that there's not really a "right" here in the first place is hard. Eventually though, I swear, I WILL finish this thing. Heh.

-I made gluten-free pasta last night, which left me feeling extremely accomplished. Seriously, I don't cook. Ha. So, like, that's some gourmet shit for me. ~Boiling water! Sauce from a jar! Look out.

And I think my decision to eliminate gluten first--waiting on the others to do one at a time--was best, because even with this meal, I couldn't completely avoid the other things. I mean, not without it being a giant pain in the ass. Like, I don't know how to make sauces, okay? And I don't want to. Heh. Not yet at least. Like I said above: sauce from a jar = cooking, to me. I can't remember the last time I went to that much trouble, which, yeah: don't give me that look. I even took deli chicken (like, sandwich chicken, already cooked) and fried it with olive oil, adding it to the sauce. (I'd bought it before I saw the doctor, and, again, one thing at a time. That dish seriously would've had a piddly diddly amount of protein without it.)

As for how it tasted, the chicken & sauce were good; the noodles were meh, albeit acceptably so. Work in progress. FWIW, I have been trying to find new things to eat too, rather than just ~versions~ of stuff I'm already used to, since I think that'll help. For one, almond butter? Amazing. maryng, you were so right. I was thinking about it tonight, too, and considering putting it on banana slices as a snack. Crazy? Or crazy delicious? We shall see.

On an interesting note, while looking up info I came across a site that said lactose intolerance is a common issue for gluten-sensitive/celiac people, though it's often temporary in their case (unlike those who inherited it) & gets better after the gluten is gone for a while & your stomach chills out. It's kind of like if you have a forest fire, the wind would obviously be problematic, right? But normally the wind might not be an issue. Makes sense, and it goes along with what the doctor & her students were trying to explain to me, I think.

-For those of you who, like me, either hated or couldn't even make it through Supersize Me, I watched what basically amounted to an anti-Supersize Me doc yesterday (Fat Head). It leaned a little too far into the "carbs will be our downfall! Dun dun DUN!"-zone for my preferences, but it said so much of what I was thinking while watching Supersize Me (especially in regards to the villifying of fat people + its often classist/condescending/judgmental tone. And this is coming from someone who otherwise has liked Morgan Spurlock), does a great job of bashing both the BMI & the much-hyped "obesity epidemic", and has a load of good information/humor. I was going to recommend it on facebook until I realized it could lead to some of my more fanatical foodie friends lecturing me about fast food, which: HOW ABOUT NO. EFF OFF. I figured a few of you would probably like it, though. I know that, for me, every little thing I see discounting the BMI is extremely helpful, so when they showed this wiry-ass little doctor saying that his BMI was overweight? I was like, "Okay. Point made. Thank you." It still bugs me sometimes that I'm not in the "normal" weight, despite being fewer than five pounds away from it. I appreciate whenever something reminds me that it really doesn't matter.

-This entry feels boring, but whatev.

For my Vid of the Day, here's some awesomeness to make up for the boringness: