rachg82

I know it was totally a fiscal no-no, but I just spent almost twenty dollars (tip included) on a GF pizza & Cherry Coke from Bellagio's. I'm not even supposed to have Coke, because of the corn syrup. But, seriously, can't I just chalk it up to an early Christmas present for myself? 'Cause this shit is really good. Like, it makes me want to do my Happy Food Dance & everything. The only other time I've broken that out in the past year was probably over the Mike & Ike candies my nephew gave me the other night. Heh. And then I invented a ~Sugar Train~ & started chugging my way around the living room, all, "Sugar-sugar-sugar-sugar, choo choo!" Because I'm secretly five years old.

Oh, hey, speaking of -- guess who has new pictures of her cute-ass niece & nephew? ( That'd be me )

As for how it went, hanging with them throughout the weekend, it was nice. I didn't feel pushed into watching them or anything--the first day was my idea, and the second day was Jayden's--and my sister washed my comforter for me (which is difficult to fit into the washers here at my apartments) & paid for dinner on Saturday (in turn, I made the kids lunch & smoothies the next day), so overall there was a reciprocal balance.

And while I'm sure there's some unwritten rule out there about schadenfreude-laced anecdotes & people who've just had a heart attack, I can't help but pass this one along (courtesy of my nephew): apparently my mom came to watch Isabella do gymnastics a while back, and right in the middle of it pulled a giant wooden spoon *out of her purse* and began using it to scratch her back--like I'm saying she'd specifically put it there for ~back-scratching purposes on the go~--then proceeded to pull her shirt up, right there in public, & ask Jayden if he could itch it for her too. Bear in mind, while telling me this story he had to keep catching his breath between giggles, and was all WTF-wide-eyed, like, "I THINK PEOPLE WERE WATCHING. IT WAS REALLY WEIRD! SHE HAD IT IN HER PURSE!" Haha. Story of my childhood, kid. Meanwhile my sister was laughing so hard over this that she was crying, and I wasn't far behind. It's just so HER.

Moving on, I've decided to split my responses to that meme I started into multiple entries, since I'm going ahead with the "three vids per fandom" dealio as well, and I don't want to overload people. We'll do two shows per entry--three episodes & three vids for each--and good times will be had by all. Woo woo.

( First up, Bones & Battlestar Galactica )

1. What a way to spend my last day before starting a new job -- getting my ass thoroughly kicked by an all-day migraine. I guess that's my body's way of showing me who's boss? (And here I thought it was Tony Danza.)

It's not surprising, what with the heat + being at the tail-end of my period, but it's still disconcerting. I had to just acknowledge to myself this afternoon that I'm not fully in control, y'know? I can't just *will* my body to be healthy & functional all the time, even if I try my damnedest to help it along. As much as it would suck, there's a chance I could lose another job due to this, and that'd just be how it goes. I'd simply have to deal with it. Hopefully that DOESN'T happen, but bottom line is that it could. And it's very stressful. As it is, all my plans today were totally thrown off. Nothing got accomplished. No laundry, no walk to the store, nothing. And it's okay, because I can work around that (I mean, I can find something decent to wear tomorrow, I have enough to eat for breakfast & lunch, etc), but I'm still in kind of a lousy mood as a result. I think I'm a bit nervous about tomorrow as well, which doesn't help. Not massively so or anything, at least not in comparison to the panic-attackstravaganzas that I used to go through with new jobs/anything people-related, but enough to be noteworthy. I really want a new start, and, just for once, to have that new start go smoothly.

2. I mentioned yesterday that my niece's birthday is coming up (on the 30th), and I feel like it's probably something I should talk about, and need to talk about, but it's hard. I'll admit that I had a good cry over it yesterday. Beyond that, trying to put my emotions regarding family right now into words (especially, re: my niece & nephew) is like trying to pour an ocean into a tiny paper cup. There's just too much there. Though I suppose saying that is in its own way at least articulating something. But I think you guys know what I mean.

3. I worked on my fic a lot yesterday, and a tiny bit today (when I wasn't bed-bound from pain), but only managed to add the equivalent of a drabble, basically. I'm still gonna pat myself on the back for that, though. Every little bit counts, and I am starting to like (read: accept) what the whole thing is turning into, finally.

4. I finished season 4 of Friday Night Lights this morning. As always, I have thoughts: ( cut for spoilers )

5. I checked two more docs off the list this week -- "Paris is Burning" and "Bus 174." Both can be watched on YouTube (here and here). Paris is Burning is one of those films that makes you grateful someone turned on the camera when they did, because it captured such an important (yet often overlooked) part of recent American history, especially if you're lgbtq. I'm really glad I didn't miss it.

As for Bus 174, it's one that'll stay with you. Just so sad. But it does a great job of not only telling the story of what happened that day, but also the hijacker's life leading up to that point.

For my Vid of the Day, I've got to swipe a rec from trust_your_hart. This one (by TheDreamhunter72) is just brill, especially the ending.

This icon is on behalf of Brennan & my hopes for her tonight.

Hee, okay, fine. So nothing might happen, for real, but dudes--that promo. THAT PROMO. I am not to blame for all the flailing 'round these parts.

Since we're all sitting around waiting & going bonkers, how about some music to tide us over?

( 6 songs I'm listening to today (ooh, look, it's a two for one special!) )

I'll end this with a Bones fanvid I came across today, so those of you who aren't into music but ARE going nutty waiting can still get some distraction out of this. It's by TheLovelyBones1 and it's uber sweet. Enjoy:

1. Song of the Day. It made me tear up. My mood is still closer to this (minus the last bit about pre-determined destiny, that is. I don't believe that. I relate to everything else though), particularly because I haven't left that staying-in-bed-for-most-of-the-day phase yet, but I have started feeling a shift. I'm incredibly stressed right now, to the point where all this unemployment stuff is making me feel nearly desperate (like, "Will I be able to keep living? What options do I have if I run out of money?"-desperate. I don't mean to scare people, but I need to be honest. A big issue is that certain jobs still feel off-limit to me, too, because of social anxiety. I feel trapped), but at least when those thoughts come up now they sound more bad than good. Still acceptable, but more bad than good. That's something, right? I may not exactly be gung-ho for life, but I don't like being forced into anything either, and for the first time in a long while I'm fighting the idea of death not just because I know I'm supposed to (and have told myself to in the past, i.e. the resolutions I've made with myself), but because I actually don't feel ready to die yet. So, yeah. That has to be worth something. I'm kind of in limbo.

That being said, things are very tenuous right now. Even if everything "works out" in a best-case scenario, it means getting a job. That stresses me out too. Deep breaths, in & out. It's all I can do. One step at a time. At least yesterday I both got the mail *and* opened it (yes, when you're like this--that's a task), and did the math to confirm that even with lesser benefits--if I do indeed qualify for the extended 20 weeks; they drop you to 80% of what you previously earned--I can still pay bills. It will be ridiculously tight, but that's fine. I have lived VERY cheaply before. I intentionally move into apartments with rent that's a good deal below what I can afford for this exact reason (plus it helps that, A. I don't have a car, B. I don't have a cell phone, C. I don't have anyone or anything depending on me, and D. I've never had any credit cards). You never know what situation you'll find yourself in. The only debt I have is from student loans & medical bills (and technically I'm a little behind on my electric bill, but not by much. Otherwise, there's simply rent + phone/internet/cable, & the miscellaneous stuff like medication & groceries & bus passes, etc). I also emailed my old friend/coworker to ask her for the address/name/phone number of the place where she works so I can go over & apply in person. I *really* don't want to work in a call center again--God, I hate it--but it would be close by, I have tons of experience in that area, and it would be better than sitting at home every day. Theoretically, it might make finding another job easier too, because then I could put on my resume that I'm currently employed, which looks better than "Hey, I've been unemployed for four months straight. Wanna hire me?" Know what I mean? I have to call the unemployment place before I do anything else though. I tried yesterday, but I called in the afternoon & the hold time was absurd. It's for the best anyway, because it allowed me to open the letter first, which they said you're supposed to do, though I don't see what difference it makes. But whatever. Today--8 am. I call. And panic. But call, regardless. Yay.[/monotone sarcasm]

2. My head has been hurting SO BAD the last week or so. I don't know how much of it is stress & how much is reducing the dose of the topamax (in fairness, I hate to admit it, but I've been even more terrible about eating, too. It's like my body suddenly feeling hungry made me even more determined to go without. I'm trying to deal with it. I did just finally have some Taco Bell, so, hey). I was going to make tonight my first night going off it completely, but the whole "staying in bed all day" deal screwed me up & consequently I missed getting the refill I needed for my antidepressent. Thus I missed it yesterday AND today. I don't want to throw my body for a crazy loop, so I'll wait on the topamax. And of course get my refill for the prozac tomorrow. Not really something I want to go without right now.

P.S. Sorry for all the body/brain talk, btw. For those of you who've never dealt with it, it's probably really boring, I know. It's what I'm dealing with right now, though. It helps me to break it down bit by bit sometimes.

3. On a positive note, the Cherry Blossom trees on my street are in bloom. Despite my allergies, that's my favorite part of spring. It'll depend on how I'm feeling, but I would like to take a walk soon (i.e. a ~Jaunty Woodland Walk~ along the nearby trails, like I used to--helpful link for pic-filled tree-hugging). I know I've been saying that forever, but the seasons changing does help up the motivation factor a little. We'll see.

4. I, like Cher in Clueless, love a good project--especially one that helps me feel more organized while also distracting me & wasting a bunch of time. As a result, I have a bunch of new tags now: Van Gogh-Go Gadget Cliched Artist (for pics of, you guessed it, my art), Voice Posts (I feel like they should have a tag. They're unique like that. P.S. Some of you don't know me well yet, so if there's questions you'd like to ask--ones I can answer in five minutes or less--feel free to drop them in the comments & I can do another voice post if you want. Woot woot. This counts for you lurkers too. I SEE YOU THERE. Heh. I won't bite!), Emotions Are Better on Paper (as an explanation for new flistmates: last summer, in an effort to better express certain feelings that otherwise were hard for me to access unfiltered, I began writing on paper--stream of consciousness/just-let it out-shit, in other words--and would sometimes later share it here. In many ways, I actually believe it's what helped lead me to finally writing fic. FYI, that tag also includes old poetry from ye olde teenaged days of yore, which I typed up. Be afraid), and, lastly, I Am a Special Snowflake (ASD-ish stuff. a.k.a. "I relate to Brennan: ASK ME HOW!").

Fun, fun.

Also: I'm even going to add to one of the above-mentioned tags…right now. *gasp* I KNOW. IT'S SO EXCITING. Heh. ( I uploaded some more of my old art. Feel free to come & take a looksie )

5. I'm so behind on my flist, and have enough piling up in my head as it is, so I'm just going to do a disorganized rundown of what I thought regarding Bones now, sans notes/rewatch. ( Bones ramblin' )

My Vid of the Day comes from TheLovelyBones1 and is a wonderfully edited take on B/B between episodes 6x09 & 6x13. Intense & delicious. This is where they're comin' from, folks. Remembering that makes the (still coming--it's just beginning & things are always repressed under the surface with them; don't forget that) happytimes that much more powerful. I'd go so far as to say they're *still* holding back a little. This vid shows a little of the KAPOW-quality I think we'll continue to see slowly rise (not all at once, but in bits) on their way towards them being a real couple. They're like pressure cookers, these two. I swear.

Random Music Spamming Time--everyone gather 'round.

Aaaaand…GO:

1. Throwback song I've been listening to all day without knowing why: Uh Oohhhh. *clap clap cla-clap-cla-clap-clap-cla-clap* (don't act like you don't do that too) What the eff. Random.

2. From my pervy brain to yours--a song to prompt/inspire the smut writers out there: Awww yeah.

Also, this lovely song fits nicely for B/B. Not necessarily for a vid (probably too slow), but stuff like this helps me when I'm writing. It puts me in the right mood.

3. Speaking of, here's one of the songs I'm listening to as I prepare to start the next section of my own fic (I've posted it here before, but TOO BAD. Watch me care. Heh): Nothing Can Be Explained.

4. A request for the BSG/Caprica and/or Dollhouse vidders out there. Please to be making one to this song for me. Thank you kindly.

5. I'll never stop campaigning for this one. Since no one has picked up the torch yet--i.e. made me the Brennan vid I asked for--I'll up the ante. You can also use this song as a Tribute to the Women of #46 on this picspam that I created (including River from Firefly if you want, whom I later added here).

This song was freakin' made for them and you know it.

6. One of my favorite songs (just overall) that I was thinking today could work as a Bones vid, specifically dealing with the events at the end of the 3rd, 4th, & 5th seasons: Going For the Gold. Feel free to let me know if you guys have no idea why I chose this one. Ha.

7. A song for our era & the epitome of the American spirit: Center of Attention. It could TOTALLY work as a Booth/Brennan vid too (not just their relationship, but both of them as individuals. While listening to it, I kept seeing them trying to be first through doorways/reaching for things, Booth adjusting his belt buckle, Brennan & her guns, etc). Hahaha.

On a similar note, Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better. It's a fairly standard, cliched choice (been there, done that), but it's perfect. If you're a vidder & you're reading this, take it & run with it.

8. An appropriately POC-tribute-y song for a possible Cam-centric vid: Because there should be more vids for her out there in general. Also, because she's hot. And my Whitey McCrackerson ass likes this song. Just go with it.

9. I first heard this song in an X-Files vid many years ago (like, before YouTube existed-manyyearsago), and it'd be great for B/B as well: Crazy Beautiful.

10. Someone needs to make a scifi vid about any show set in space (don't care which) for Whitey on the Moon. BECAUSE, COME ON. Really. It'd be hilarious.

And I'm done. For now.

*edited to add: No, I'm not. One more: ima_tv_junkie, if you're still in a Johnny Cash/Booth kinda mood, this one's for you.

-Moving on, I'm supposed to finally go to coffee/tea with my friend tomorrow. My sleep schedule is SO off. Getting up early & managing to both shower & do laundry before meeting her should prove interesting.

I can't even remember the last time I washed my hair. Ehhh.

-In other news, though I'm still not observing the comments at FMM anymore (best for my peace of mind to stay away right now), I did at least decide to keep voting. I want Troy to win the whole thing so badly I can taste it.[/exaggerating]

Okay, so I'm just kidding. But he is fantastic.

-Does anyone know when new episodes of Parenthood start up again? I know its finale is in April, but I can't find info anywhere on how many more new eps we'll get before that. This week was a rerun & next week is supposed to be as well. I DON'T APPRECIATE THESE TYPES OF SHENANIGANS, NBC.

-Lastly, when does Southland come back? Because--honestly? I KINDA NEED IT BACK IN MY LIFE SORTA TOUT DE SUITE. Like, chop chop. Not really down with this whole "hiatus" business.

And for those of you who missed the finale, plz take a moment to observe the promo:



EXACTLY.

( Let's talk about it, shall we? )

My Vid of the Day today comes from ima_tv_junkie. A good deal of you have probably already watched this (over at bones_ga), but this is just in case some of you missed it. It is Johnny Cash-TASTIC & Booth-angstalicious, just like I wanted.

Sometimes I really, really love my crazy ass little city.

Last night was so much fun. I have much in the way of story-telling, pictures, and vids to share. As a bonus, I'll also share a few clips from the new IFC show Portlandia, which pokes fucking brilliant fun at my home town, oh my God. I watched these tonight & was just dying.

( The dream of the '90s is not alive in Gallagher )

In other news, I wanted to talk about Bones & Southland tonight too. WAY TO KICK ASS, BOTH OF YOU. ( In fact, I think I shall call the pair of them Brothers Badass McGee this week )

I suppose I don't really need a Vid of the Day this time, what with all the other vids, but hey. Why not? For all my Bones peeps, here's one by fairykiss27.

I apologize for the spam, but my head is throbby (I think I'm getting a cold, which doesn't help) & I'm being too stubborn to simply go to bed. The result? Me, in front of my computer, consuming mass quantities of YouTube videos. In my defense, this is also my way of avoiding my last few hours of Christmas being spent in bed, staring wide-eyed awake up at the ceiling getting all buddy-buddy with my ~feelings & thoughts~. No thanks. The migraine is enough fun. After this I'll probably drag myself over to the couch & watch some tv though, but no promises.

Anyhoo, I had a point. What was it?

Oh, yes. Spam.

If it weren't for the migraine, something like tv or even some good ole stand-up clips would've sufficed, but seeing as I can't stand anything that makes me laugh or strain my eyes too hard right now, that leaves only a few options remaining: fanfic (until I need to lie down), chill fanvids (which I can sit close to & put at a low volume), & music.

As luck would have it, I not only came across a good new Brennan fanvid tonight, but was also introduced to some new music today as well. ( I figured I'd share. )

All right, now I swear I'm done spamming for the day. Peace.

Blame my boredom for this one, folks. This is what happens when you combine an abundance of Diet Pepsi, YouTube, Bones fanfic, and a random brain of randomness.

I hereby present to you--my lovely flist--the Booth/Hannah/Brennan love triangle of season 6, as summarized by the ladies of Sex & the City:

P.S. This is brought to you by a bona fide B/B shipper who *does*, just for the record, believe they will be together in the end (much as I knew Big/Carrie would be). Nevertheless, POINT REMAINS. Bones is totally K-k-k-k-katie.

(P.P.S. "The Way We Were" = classic)

I really, really need a .gif of Kermit flailing all over the place right now.

( Let's talk about Bones and that promo )

In other news: who saw Psych this week? I really should check out Twin Peaks one of these days, huh? (P.S. SHAWN & JULIET, I WANT TO SQUISH YOU. You see, Bones? NO MOONLIGHTING CURSE.)

Anyway, that's it for tonight as I don't have any real-life stuff I wanted to get into. It was nice to have nothing but TV flail to distract myself with for once. Like a vacation from Emo Land, complete with complimentary capslock. For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna go with this one by KatrinDepp that takes clips from several shows (X-Files, Bones, House, & Scrubs). It makes me smile every time I watch it, so I figure it's perfect to go with my Vacation from Emo Land theme here.

Time for some more random randomness:

1. Have I mentioned lately how much I love the Tao Te Ching? Because I really, really do. It's quite possibly my favorite book to re-read.

2. I had one of the worst migraines I've probably ever had last night. Second time in the last few weeks that I couldn't sleep all night because the pain was so bad and I couldn't stop vomiting (I actually lost about 1-2 pounds if that tells you anything). Even after taking advil pm, I still kept waking back up and nothing--not the advil, not imitrex, not a cold washcloth or ice-pack--would ease the pain even a little. So horrible. By about 4 o'clock in the morning, I was just shaking and crying on the bathroom floor, asking God to help me.

Not surprisingly, I missed work again today. So, that's the bad news. ( The good news is I went to the doctor )

3. I wish I could stop dreaming about my family. I took a nap today & woke up in a cold sweat because of a nightmare about my stepdad. He kept trying to hug me & was saying really inappropriate things to me, and I just couldn't get away from him. My mom was there too, and I kept trying to lock doors that wouldn't stay shut, and was pushing him away & yelling that he'd ruined everything and I hated him. Then one of my cousins (on my mom's side) in the dream found my lj & started writing to me about how horrible I was to leave them all. The whole thing was just. . .yeah. Subconscious, can you kindly cut it the fuck out?

4. ( On the things-going-well-front )

5. There haven't been any pieces yet this year that give me chills, but I've really been enjoying So You Think You Can Dance nonetheless. I love the All-Stars, flailed like a fangirl when they brought Anya & Pasha out to do their audition dance again, and love Kent so much I wish he were my little brother. I just want to pinch his cheeks.

6 And finally, a memelicious meme from astreamofstars:

1. If you're on my friends list/reading this journal, I want to know 35 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine.
2. Comment here with your answers and repost the questionnaire on your own journal, if you so desire.

( cut for meme & my own answers )

For my Vid of the Day today, I've gotta go with another Bones pick (this time by edolino82) as I was rewatching the show again this afternoon and am currently on a crazy Booth/Brennan high. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I can't even. . .gah.