All things good or ungood

[rachg82]

1. I'm tired of my brain. I want a break.

2. I made an effort to eat more than once today, walking up to Taco Bell for lunch (I've gotten used to eating in the evening), but it was followed by a panic attack on the way home. Social Anxiety is becoming a bit of an issue again, I think, plus the decision to go up there was an unplanned thing and you guys know how I am about spontaneous change. Add to that the fact that being malnourished can create physical symptoms that mimic anxiety anyway (lightheadedness, shortness of breath, etc) and it's not surprising I felt like crying by the time I got home. Especially since there were like a million cars on the road (it's bad enough feeling overwhelmed, but even worse when there's a bunch of shit going on around you). Or at least it felt like there were. Ugh.

I'll be okay, and I calmed myself down quickly afterward, but it was disconcerting. As it is, I don't want to keep eating so little, and I also don't want my social anxiety becoming a problem again. Perhaps while I'm unemployed I can combine the two issues and use trips to the store/etc to buy food as exposures for myself every few days? That would probably keep me in check anxiety-wise, and it would make it more likely I'd eat more often even when sitting at home (i.e. if I had food here already vs. having to go out & buy it/have it delivered. Right now I'm pretty much out of just about everything).

For the record: I never had a second meal, technically, but I did have a few handfuls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch tonight. That counts for something, right? At least I'm trying to push myself, despite my brain. I know my brain is wrong (and kind of a d-bag), that's the thing.

3. My head is killing me at the moment. I think it's because it's constantly thinking so much. CUT IT OUT, HEAD.

4. I got told by a friend on facebook today that I'm "always so literal." I was like (in my head), "uhhhh, basically, yes." Ha. Then the conversation somehow turned into us discussing duels & bad 1970s pornos. Also: my nickname is now Stabby McKnifey. Just, y'know, in case y'all were wondering. Which I'm sure you were.

5. Once Hart Hanson is finally done torturing us, I personally think this song should be the soundtrack for the Booth & Brennan Sexytimes Hour. Is it weird that I've put thought into this? (don't act like you haven't too)

Sadly, I have a horrible feeling this song will be the soundtrack to Brennan's feelings after next week's episode. I HOPE I'M WRONG. But that promo? Ahhhhh. Someone hold me. I just don't think HH is done torturing us yet. Season 6 = angstville, for real. I'm thinking of popping in some BSG DVDs to cheer myself up. (take a moment to soak that in)

6. I worked out a payment plan with my electric company. Onto the next one. *eyes cable bill. . .hides*

7. I still haven't started looking for work yet. I suppose I should start doing that, huh? Can't I just not?

8. Are any of you watching Amazing Race this season? I WANT ONE OF THE ALL-GIRL TEAMS TO WIN SO BAD. The guys this year are such unbelievable shitstains. Especially the punk rocker guy. Ugh, I want to punch him in the THROAT.

9. Only one month & some change until Southland returns! Woo! (Oh, TV. What would I do without you?)

10. Only about twelve more days (I think? Right?) until dradiscontact arrives in P-town. Awww yeah. Fangirl Party in the hizzouse! We've already established an X-Files rewatch will be going down so you know epic times are going to be had. Plus, have I mentioned she also likes Bones & BSG? This place is gonna be rockin'.

My Vid of the Day today comes from KatrinDepp, and it is ridiculously good. Like, nghhhh. I just want to send this video to Fox Studios right now with a note that says, "HOW DO YOU THINK HANNAH COMPARES TO THIS? HOW?! GIVE US BACK OUR B/B! DAMN YOOUUUUUUU."

All I gotta say though is once they finally do get it on? It's gonna so motherfuckin' intense, all the TVs across America will burst into flames in unison. Watch.

(P.S. I'll be the one there with the marshmallows)

"The Beatles - She's Leaving Home" (Watch on YouTube)

Comments

[seariderfalcon]

I'm thinking of popping in some BSG DVDs to cheer myself up. (take a moment to soak that in)

This made me gigglesnort...because that's totally what I'm doing this weekend with the express purpose of trying to cheer up too. XD

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

FOR REAL, would you just LOOK at Adama in this icon? This is the show that has its characters commit suicide, die of cancer, blow themselves up, kill their wives, survive nuclear genocide, & furiously brush their teeth in angsty-fashion (Oh, Bill), and yet all I can think right now is "hey, at least Roslin & Adama got to sex it up before she died. Remember Sine Qua Non? That was a pretty cheery episode." Hahahaha.

[vash26.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

*kicking social anxiety*

Hope you'll find a job soon. It's stressing to start a new job, but once you're in the new routine it's also something you can count on, not to mention the money.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Thanks, bb. That's a helpful/comforting reminder. :)

[crystalcazzie.livejournal.com]

Aw, YouTube won't let me see your Booth & Brennan's Sexytimes Hour song. I want to know what it was now! (And yes, I do totally think of things like that too.)

I love the Vid. Brings back memories of the good old days! I watched a couple of episodes of season one today with my friend (the one I told you I was indoctrinating into the Bones love!) So good!

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

It was "Kissing You" by Des'ree. Hee. And in case you need it, the second song is "The Garden" by Mirah.

Ahhh, I love season one. It's my favorite. "Soooo I can shoot them." Never gets old!