rachg82

I don't think I've mentioned this here yet, but dosidella recently linked me to this site, which allows you to play old-school games like Dr. Mario & Donkey Kong online legally for free (no downloading required). I figured more than a few of you would be interested. So!

In other news:

-Rizzoli & Isles continues to be the gayest thing to ever happen to me. I'm saying. Gayer than my on-again, off-again WTFship with Amy. Gayer than RuPaul's Drag Race on Logo. Gayer than Ms. Jay teaching you how to smize. Gayer than all six seasons of The L Word, including that time Dana took a hit of acid and danced around on stage with Tegan & Sara. ( Okay, maybe not THAT gay, but pretty effing gay nonetheless )

-I don't have anything to say about Psych, Community, or Parks & Rec this week except to give all-around gold stars.

-Revenge is the crackiest shit that ever cracked.

-I'm still watching Castle, and I enjoyed it this week, though it made me wrack my brain trying to remember the name of the XF fic I read way back when which started out basically the same way. Oh, interwebz.

-( Bones )

-I was thinking it'd be fun to do a poll here asking people to choose which three eps they'd use to introduce a newb to the fandom(s) of their choice, but then it was like -- um, I don't know what shows you'd pick or how much room you'd need for your answers. And then of course I could pick the shows, which is what I'm about to do, but creating a real, actual poll for that kind of dealio sounds like a lot of work. And see my mood icon? Right.

So, instead, here's a list of shows (I'm limiting myself to ten). You can share your answers in the comments (and feel free to add new fandoms of your own):

-Bones
-X Files
-Battlestar Galactica
-Buffy
-Angel
-Gilmore Girls
-My So-Called Life
-Community
-Parks & Rec
-Psych

I'll share my choices in my next entry, obviously.

In RL news:

-I made home-made GF mac & cheese tonight, and it was pretty dang good. If you'd handed it to me without telling me it was GF, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference.

-Similarly, the GF rigatoni I had with B earlier this week tasted great as well. This is a big hoo-ray thing for me, because up until now I hadn't been able to find any good rice-based noodles, and it was very tragic.

-Aside from the cooking, I've been super lacking in motivation this week. One of those ~I don't want to do anything, say anything, move my body, or think~ situations. Where it's all you can do to get your dishes done, drag yourself to the store, etc. Like, writing this entry is an accomplishment. I missed my appointment with my psych today (though I'm still seeing my counselor tomorrow), spent a lot of time in bed for no reason, took forever to do anything or go anywhere, and yeah. I just feel stressed, I guess. And it's adding to the depression, so that sucks. I think I'm nervous about talking to my sister as well, especially after I reread the email she sent me (from when our uncle died) while I was working on my Year in Review post this week. It's like -- how much could she have changed in five or six months? And what caused her to change? How do I know she doesn't still feel that way underneath it all? How do I know it's not LIKELY she'll say that kind of stuff to me again soon? I'm going to talk to my counselor about it tomorrow, but in the meantime it's weighing on me.

And I think that's it. For my Vid of the Day, here's a lighthearted one by TaraGel:

Let's start with a meme I snatched today from alias_jems:

List ten things that you love that begin with that letter and then post that list on your journal.

Last time I did this, I got the letter B. This time, I got R.

( R is for cooookie…okay, not really )

And now for some randomness:

-I may not get the SNAP assistance money until October 18th. That's cool; I didn't want to eat anyway. *hates life*

In all seriousness, it's possible I'll get it before then--I've been hounding my caseworker, & she said she'd try to work on it today, but "can't guarantee" that--and I do have a little bit left in my checking account (under $40, I think), but I'd probably need to visit a food pantry too or something if not.

-Rent is late after today, and I still don't have an answer from unemployment. I need to go talk to my apartment manager about it again, though I don't know what to tell her in terms of when I can actually pay. My stress is to a point where it's almost like a body in shock -- it doesn't even seem real. I still feel almost completely paralyzed by it.

-I called & left a voicemail on my dad's cell on Sunday (they never gave me their new house # after moving this summer), asking him to pass along a Happy Birthday message to my brother & let him know he can call me back any time, that I'd love to talk to him. Have I heard back? Of course not. Not from my brother & not from my dad.

-No one probably cares, but it's my current re-discovered obsession, so just go with it: I finished the Donkey Kong Country series a while back, getting a 101% score on the first game, a 102% score on the second, and both a 103 & 105% score on the third (the latter requires a code getting rid of all halfway barrels, making the levels more difficult. I played it twice, once the normal way & once with the cheat). Now, I'm going through the old-school NES Mario games. I already beat the third one (plus Super Mario World) & am now moving backwards to the second. I played all these games like a fiend as a kid, but I don't remember if I actually ever beat the first two. I was pretty little then (I got my first NES at five years old -- my sister, stepbrother, and I all combined our Christmas money together to buy it), so my memories of those first couple games aren't as clear. Replaying the second one now is kind of a trip, really. It's definitely the weirdest & most random of the bunch.

-I've discovered a new TV love: Dark Matters. It's on the Science channel & is full of awesomeness. Like, they're all, "Don't you want to hear about the dude who stole Einstein's brain & then stuck it in his wife's mayo jar next to the pickles?" And I'm like, "UM, YEAH. HOW DID YOU KNOW."

-Since it's October, I'm already watching a ton of shit that will probably give me nightmares for years. A+, self. Seriously though, Paranormal Witness? *shudders* The whole first half of this episode (legit already dreamt about it last night) and also this one? Ahhh. AHHH.

I think that's it for now. I'm not gonna do a Vid of the Day this time because I already did some YouTubeing in this post, and I'm feeling lazy.

1. We'll just get it out of the way first: I didn't go to work yesterday. My stomach was hurting most of the night, along with that morning, and it was just too much for me. My cousin called me last night to check in, and I think he sounded disappointed in me when I told him. Maybe not though. It's hard to tell. It may have been him feeling bad for me/worrying. Who knows. He was like, "They can't fire you if it's for medical reasons." And I was like, "Oh, yes, they can." Wouldn't it be nice if they couldn't, though? He kept trying to tell me I should look into FMLA, even after I told him it was only for employees who'd worked a certain amount of hours already, like, "Well, at least look into it!" I didn't have the heart to be like, "No, dude. You're wrong. I'm right. I'm sorry." Sometimes people just want to feel like they're helping, I guess, even when they're totally not (especially guys, it seems). So I just told him I would. And obviously confirmed what I already knew once I did. So, yeah. It was nice that he called though.

I do feel a bit down about it (and worried. I hope I can just pick back up on unemployment easily. I think I can, but don't know for sure yet), but I'm also trying to be reasonable about it. As sumpta said, I only have one body, but there are lots of jobs. My health takes precedent. And as keenai said, I should stop thinking so much of what I *should* do, and do what I want to do (within reason, obvs. Heh), meaning if I'd rather be going to school full-time than working full-time, I should try to make that happen. Or at least work part-time if necessary, while attending classes. I don't know yet. But I do know I want to look into it. Finally. And it's not like getting sick repeatedly doesn't cause issues with classes/schoolwork, but it's just different. And at least then I'd feel like my efforts are going into something that has meaning. The lack of meaning in the work I've been doing over the last few years has honestly been getting to me a lot.

2. On a positive note, I finished another section of my fic & am up to 3,000+ words now. Slowest fic ever, I know. But it's coming together. I have no idea if others will like it, but again, who's always right? keenai, that's who. (Well, and Jasmine. They sort of go together. Heh. Twinsies!) And so I'm not doing it for others. I'm doing it for me. That being said, if others do like it, that'd be a bonus.

3. Question for y'all: when, if ever, will it stop being hot? Listen up, fall, you need to be here now, aiight? No, not later. Now. I'm tired of sweating.

4. I rewatched "Bowling For Columbine" last week & also checked off a couple new docs from the list: "The Kid Stays in the Picture" and "King of Kong." I got so into the second one, ha. I was like, "HE HAD BETTER WIN THE WORLD RECORD OR I WILL BE PISSED." It kind of cracked me up how extremely-obviously aspie so many of the gamers were, too. JUST SAYING. Not surprising. (Bear in mind my dad's nickname for me over the years was "The Video Game Queen." Sooo, yeah. 'Nuff said.)

As for "The Kid Stays in the Picture," that was actually really entertaining & interesting. Robert Evans is a great storyteller, and he's lived an amazing life. Watch it.

5. The Energizer Bunny of Picspams lives on. ( I have three new categories. )

6. Speaking of BSG, it does my heart proud to see all the ads on BBC America. Hopefully lots of new people are joining the fandom because of it.

7. How gay was Rizzoli & Isles this week? I swear, every episode, it just gets gayer. ( cut for spoilers )

8. I watched "Saved" on Logo the other night, and I could've sworn I'd seen it before. But that could've just been because there were so many clips of it floating around a few years back. It was good times though. I am FILLED with Christ's love!. Haha.

9. I feel like I should come up with more things to say, because I like doing listy posts of 3, 5, or 10, but whatever.

10. See, I can just make my Vid of the Day my 10th point. So smart.

This one's by sandhyni:

1. Two hours cleaning = I iz tired nao. No mas, por favor. Still need to do laundry though, ugh.

2. New icon, check it. I bet you feel gayer already. (Feel free to swipe as long as you give me credit.)

3. Speaking of R&I, I rewatched this week's ep last night and couldn't resist jotting down some of my favorite lines & moments this time: ( cut for spoilers )

4. I told y'all this tag of picspams would never end. ( Three new categories, ahoy )

5. Current finished its "50 Documentaries To See Before You Die" series last week, and the complete list can now be viewed here. I watched "Trouble the Water" and "An Inconvenient Truth" yesterday, both of which are on the list. Most everyone's seen An Inconvenient Truth, so I'll skip talking about it in detail, but I will say that I enjoyed it. As for Trouble the Water, it was really, really good. Great timing for seeing it, too, what with the six year anniversary of Katrina this week.

For my VotD this time, let's go with a Bones pick. This one's by BONESgeek & contains spoilers through season 6:

1. The Energizer Bunny of Picspams continues. We've got another brand new category AND an update to #46. ( clicky )

2. I checked another doc off the list this week: Roger & Me (link to watch on YouTube + the trailer). Michael Moore before he was Michael Moore, alll the way back in 1989. I really enjoyed it, especially the editing. The juxtaposition at the end between Roger Smith quoting Charles Dickens and the family in Flint being evicted on Christmas Eve? Genius.

3. I renewed my icon package/paid account a few days ago, & it actually gave me three additional icon spaces for free, which: yay. Hence the adorableness above. I love themmm.

4. Speaking of FNL, I checked out season 3 from the library last night & am already done with the first disc. I'll probably have more to say after I get a bit further in, but for now I'll just reiterate my undying love for Eric & Tami, Landry, Tyra, Matt (and his grandma!), and basically everyone. Though I still sometimes want to smack Lyla & Julie upside the head, but that's okay. Heh.

5. I've made it my mission to do all the laundry sitting on my bedroom floor by next Friday. If possible, I'd like to also go through my wardrobe for items to give/throw away, because seriously. My dresser is full of shit I haven't worn in years. It's ridiculous. Whether I'll actually be successful in this endeavor is another matter, but we'll see.

For my Vid of the Day (this time by narvinek), I have some amazeballs shiznit for y'all. This was recommended by Coda on facebook the other day, so I have her to thank for my not missing it. Definitely one of the best BSG vids I've seen. I seriously cannot stop watching it. THIS is the show I love. Right here. SO intense, so good.

First up, a meme (courtesy of torigates):

If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.
— Alfred Hitchcock

When I write a story, what do you immediately look for?

This should be interesting. Heh.

In other news:

-I've lost a couple pounds so far since changing my diet. And by "a couple," I literally mean two. I'm assuming it's water weight, which would be a good thing, because my stomach has had a habit for a long time now of getting extremely bloated -- like, I often can't even move without hearing/feeling this massive slosh slosh, and all I can picture are these tiny little surfers partying it up in my intestines. Right now, I still have some discomfort, but the sloshing is gone. I'm hoping it stays that way.

And…yeah, TMI. I know. Heh. Sorry. (Not really)

-Rizzoli & Isles tonight! BRING ON THE GAY.

-I had a mini-marathon of s1 Bones yesterday, doing it like I used to with X-Files -- picking certain scenes I wanted to watch from various episodes & just skipping to those moments, rather than sitting through everything. True story: when I was a teenager, I used to talk with my BFF about hooking up a second VCR so we could copy specific clips over & make our own "best of" tape. Like a fanvid before fanvids. Goodtimes. Hee. Old schoolin' it, yo!

Anyway, so, between that & Motherland (which is largely about processing grief, something my fic uses as a theme as well), it gave me what I think will be a significant idea for my story. On that same note, though, I've kind of figured out why this fic has taken me so much longer & been so difficult to get through for me -- it triggers so many emotions. I mean, the others did too, but this one goes deeper in a way. Also, I really want to get it right. Ignoring my perfectionist side & just acknowledging that there's not really a "right" here in the first place is hard. Eventually though, I swear, I WILL finish this thing. Heh.

-I made gluten-free pasta last night, which left me feeling extremely accomplished. Seriously, I don't cook. Ha. So, like, that's some gourmet shit for me. ~Boiling water! Sauce from a jar! Look out.

And I think my decision to eliminate gluten first--waiting on the others to do one at a time--was best, because even with this meal, I couldn't completely avoid the other things. I mean, not without it being a giant pain in the ass. Like, I don't know how to make sauces, okay? And I don't want to. Heh. Not yet at least. Like I said above: sauce from a jar = cooking, to me. I can't remember the last time I went to that much trouble, which, yeah: don't give me that look. I even took deli chicken (like, sandwich chicken, already cooked) and fried it with olive oil, adding it to the sauce. (I'd bought it before I saw the doctor, and, again, one thing at a time. That dish seriously would've had a piddly diddly amount of protein without it.)

As for how it tasted, the chicken & sauce were good; the noodles were meh, albeit acceptably so. Work in progress. FWIW, I have been trying to find new things to eat too, rather than just ~versions~ of stuff I'm already used to, since I think that'll help. For one, almond butter? Amazing. maryng, you were so right. I was thinking about it tonight, too, and considering putting it on banana slices as a snack. Crazy? Or crazy delicious? We shall see.

On an interesting note, while looking up info I came across a site that said lactose intolerance is a common issue for gluten-sensitive/celiac people, though it's often temporary in their case (unlike those who inherited it) & gets better after the gluten is gone for a while & your stomach chills out. It's kind of like if you have a forest fire, the wind would obviously be problematic, right? But normally the wind might not be an issue. Makes sense, and it goes along with what the doctor & her students were trying to explain to me, I think.

-For those of you who, like me, either hated or couldn't even make it through Supersize Me, I watched what basically amounted to an anti-Supersize Me doc yesterday (Fat Head). It leaned a little too far into the "carbs will be our downfall! Dun dun DUN!"-zone for my preferences, but it said so much of what I was thinking while watching Supersize Me (especially in regards to the villifying of fat people + its often classist/condescending/judgmental tone. And this is coming from someone who otherwise has liked Morgan Spurlock), does a great job of bashing both the BMI & the much-hyped "obesity epidemic", and has a load of good information/humor. I was going to recommend it on facebook until I realized it could lead to some of my more fanatical foodie friends lecturing me about fast food, which: HOW ABOUT NO. EFF OFF. I figured a few of you would probably like it, though. I know that, for me, every little thing I see discounting the BMI is extremely helpful, so when they showed this wiry-ass little doctor saying that his BMI was overweight? I was like, "Okay. Point made. Thank you." It still bugs me sometimes that I'm not in the "normal" weight, despite being fewer than five pounds away from it. I appreciate whenever something reminds me that it really doesn't matter.

-This entry feels boring, but whatev.

For my Vid of the Day, here's some awesomeness to make up for the boringness:

1. ( Here are my answers for that ship meme )

2. I was on hold with the unemployment agency for three--count them, THREE--hours today. Let me break it down for y'all:

First hour: Waiting, waiting, waiting -- whoops, my cordless phone died. SON OF A.

Second hour: Calling back on old school coiled-cord-having phone (bonus: it magically turns modern hold music into funky victrola jamz (not really)), waiting, waiting, almost falling asleep while waiting, waiting -- whoops, wrong department, ma'am! Let me transfer you…(nooo)

Third hour: Wait, wait, aaaand wait some more -- FINALLY GET SOMEONE ON THE LINE WHO CAN HELP.

I swear to the gods. BUT. Good news is they filed a new claim & did the benefit year fix-y thing, so I'll still get the same amount per week as before. For now, at least. I was so anxious during that call, though, can I just say. I've taken to repeating The Serenity Prayer to myself over the last few days, whenever my anxiety/stress levels start hitting the roof, and I definitely had to remind myself of it a couple times then.

3. I finally walked over to that call center up the street yesterday. The person I needed to talk to wasn't available, but I spoke with another guy who gave me the info I needed to apply online (which I did, once I arrived home). I was wicked nervous while talking to him/handing over my resume (my hand was like a pissed-off faultline), but I'm not really surprised by that. It's gonna be hard for me to suddenly be around a lot of people again (in new situations), but as long as the job itself is something I can do (physically & mentally/psychologically -- i.e. it's not something completely out of my comfort zone that's constantly inducing panic), then I know the rest will ease up some in time. The beginning is always the hardest part for me. I remember when I started at Xerox (and again, anytime I underwent a big change there), I was such an anxious wreck that I'd end up throwing up/getting sick in the restroom more days than not. SO miserable. But I got through it.

The online application process involved a few tests, too, e.g. one for math, one for your personality, etc. I haaaate when employers do the personality ones. Everything feels like a trick question, all, "Sooo, do you like people?" Like, what? Which people? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Sometimes…I guess? Is that okay? I HATE YOU. You're "people". NOW WHAT.

(…I seem to be into capslock today. Don't mind me. This is what happens after three hours on hold & thinking shiny happy shippy thoughts for that meme. Now I'm simultaneously drained & hyper.)

Anyway, I didn't hear back from them yet, and I don't know if that's not a big deal or bad news, or what. We'll see.

4. Since I knew I wasn't going to be on the streets in the near future, I let myself buy some art supplies earlier. Two pads of paper (one for charcoal/pastels & one for wet media), a small set of paintbrushes, and watercolor paints. I'm used to using oils, but that means disposing of paint thinner & all that hassle, so I decided to branch out this time. We'll see how it goes.

5. I was supposed to get together with my friend last night, but for boring reasons I won't bore you guys with, it got pushed back to next week. I told her there'd be a cancellation fee if she does it again. Heh. MY TIME IS MONEY.

Aaand that's it for today. For my VotD, I'll cap off the vidspamming above with a bit more shippy-action (by Very987). This one combines a great episode with great music. Kinda can't go wrong, there.



ETA: Why is Mother Russia LJ making me have to repeatedly refresh the page to get embedded videos to appear? I do not approve!

1. TNT's advertising + some pimping from teachlikeroslin got me to check out Rizzoli & Isles a couple days ago. The show itself isn't especially amazing, at least not what I've seen so far anyway, but the two leads? Whoa, nellie. THE SLASHYNESS, CAP'N. I DON'T HAVE THE POWERRR.

I mean, honestly, look at the promo:



Best part? The two top comments:



Hahaha. For real though! I watched two episodes, and by the end I was like "UM, THEY ARE CUTE, AND THEY NEED TO HAVE THE SEX. LIKE NOW, PREFERABLY." I'm just saying.

2. I watched "Islanded in a Stream of Stars" today. I kinda forgot how damned sweet Adama & Roslin are toward the end. I still flail a bit when he talks about "his women." Aww.

3. Got a fic rec for you guys: When the Time Comes by kungfuwaynewho. I like the idea of Laura having the Opera House visions as a kid, but not being able to fully remember them -- just being left sort of ~haunted~ afterward. It works for me, especially because of how the writer describes it.

4. ( I attended my uncle's Celebration of Life yesterday )

5. I've been having a lot of family dreams again. In one I got so angry with my mother for insulting me that I grabbed onto her hair & pulled as hard as I could--that was kind of disturbing, the level of anger I felt, even if it was in a dream. In another, I was trying to tell her & my sister again about Joe, about the criminal records I found, and their reaction was just to laugh & belittle the credibility of the whole thing. Then I carried on, like "what about [insert thing here]", one effed-up example after another, and THAT got a reaction. My sister got in my face, upset, but I just kept going. It still didn't matter though. Like, I knew it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change.

Most of the other dreams have been about me finding myself living with them again, stuck in a bedroom COVERED in junk, thinking to myself how I have to get out of there & move back into my apartment but not being able to. Ugh. CUT IT OUT, SUBCONSCIOUS.

At least my dreams are carrying on the weird-ass recurring animal theme though. That's always fun. I fled a Grizzly Bear down a mountainside the other night. I should've tossed it a pic-a-nic basket.

For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna share one by chaila43 from a series I've recced here before (the rest of which you can find here). All three are based around the women & mysticism of BSG. This one focuses on Athena & Hera, specifically. I love the song, and the part around the 1:30 mark actually gave me a little chill the first time I saw it. Good stuff.