rachg82

I don't think I've mentioned this here yet, but dosidella recently linked me to this site, which allows you to play old-school games like Dr. Mario & Donkey Kong online legally for free (no downloading required). I figured more than a few of you would be interested. So!

In other news:

-Rizzoli & Isles continues to be the gayest thing to ever happen to me. I'm saying. Gayer than my on-again, off-again WTFship with Amy. Gayer than RuPaul's Drag Race on Logo. Gayer than Ms. Jay teaching you how to smize. Gayer than all six seasons of The L Word, including that time Dana took a hit of acid and danced around on stage with Tegan & Sara. ( Okay, maybe not THAT gay, but pretty effing gay nonetheless )

-I don't have anything to say about Psych, Community, or Parks & Rec this week except to give all-around gold stars.

-Revenge is the crackiest shit that ever cracked.

-I'm still watching Castle, and I enjoyed it this week, though it made me wrack my brain trying to remember the name of the XF fic I read way back when which started out basically the same way. Oh, interwebz.

-( Bones )

-I was thinking it'd be fun to do a poll here asking people to choose which three eps they'd use to introduce a newb to the fandom(s) of their choice, but then it was like -- um, I don't know what shows you'd pick or how much room you'd need for your answers. And then of course I could pick the shows, which is what I'm about to do, but creating a real, actual poll for that kind of dealio sounds like a lot of work. And see my mood icon? Right.

So, instead, here's a list of shows (I'm limiting myself to ten). You can share your answers in the comments (and feel free to add new fandoms of your own):

-Bones
-X Files
-Battlestar Galactica
-Buffy
-Angel
-Gilmore Girls
-My So-Called Life
-Community
-Parks & Rec
-Psych

I'll share my choices in my next entry, obviously.

In RL news:

-I made home-made GF mac & cheese tonight, and it was pretty dang good. If you'd handed it to me without telling me it was GF, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference.

-Similarly, the GF rigatoni I had with B earlier this week tasted great as well. This is a big hoo-ray thing for me, because up until now I hadn't been able to find any good rice-based noodles, and it was very tragic.

-Aside from the cooking, I've been super lacking in motivation this week. One of those ~I don't want to do anything, say anything, move my body, or think~ situations. Where it's all you can do to get your dishes done, drag yourself to the store, etc. Like, writing this entry is an accomplishment. I missed my appointment with my psych today (though I'm still seeing my counselor tomorrow), spent a lot of time in bed for no reason, took forever to do anything or go anywhere, and yeah. I just feel stressed, I guess. And it's adding to the depression, so that sucks. I think I'm nervous about talking to my sister as well, especially after I reread the email she sent me (from when our uncle died) while I was working on my Year in Review post this week. It's like -- how much could she have changed in five or six months? And what caused her to change? How do I know she doesn't still feel that way underneath it all? How do I know it's not LIKELY she'll say that kind of stuff to me again soon? I'm going to talk to my counselor about it tomorrow, but in the meantime it's weighing on me.

And I think that's it. For my Vid of the Day, here's a lighthearted one by TaraGel:

Some of you already know this, but for the rest: I'm now unemployed. Or FUNemployed as I've decided to call it. This year has now reached epic proportions of win and I'm currently just waiting for the plague of locusts, basically.

Since this year began I went from loving my job to completely hating it, and in a weird way I suppose it's a favor. I wanted to quit but couldn't because I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to file for unemployment benefits, and also knew it would be a horrible move because of how bad the job market is. On the other hand, it was also extremely difficult to motivate myself to look for work while in the midst of already working full-time.

Meanwhile my contract at Xerox ended as of July 31st and initially my manager was going to temporarily extend it until the end of August while he "decided what to do next", i.e. whether to keep me as a Xerox temp (whoop-dee-do, same pay & still no benefits. What a great thank you for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in sales I've earned you! And no, that's not an exaggeration. I've never added up the exact total, but I remember in the summer of '08 alone I brought in a quarter of a million dollars. And yet? STILL A FUCKING TEMP), but today he decided to just end it as I missed on Friday and missed again today. Friday as you all know happened because of Barfapalooza. Today? I'll flat-out admit was simply due to feeling vaguely crappy from my period. I could've gone, but didn't. I was tired, headache-y, nauseated, & crampy. And I just couldn't drag myself in knowing full-well I probably wasn't going to be there after this month anyway, not hating that job like I do now. It went from being a place where people were able to get good bonuses and enjoy working together to a place where everyone is micro-managed, overworked, and suddenly you're not a sales rep anymore but a collections agent. It's not what I signed up for, especially since when I started it was supposed to be a temp-to-hire position. I cut them slack on that for a long time due to the recession & the hiring freeze, but once they started acting like d-bags to us on top of everything else I just couldn't take it anymore. A job with that much stress & hard work deserves to be permanent & have benefits. It's simply not worth it otherwise.

As it was, about five minutes after I got the phone call from my temp agency, I got a message on facebook from one of my coworkers letting me know she'll be a reference for me. I thought that was sweet. She also let me know another coworker's last day is Friday and he's going to go work for Comcast, and she plans to leave soon too. Considering yet another coworker just left a couple weeks ago (we're talking a team that started with like a dozen people and already lost Justin a couple months back), I predict an exodus on the horizon. It's kind of funny too because Justin and I and the guy whose last day is Friday all sat in the same corner with that girl, and since Justin's cube still hadn't been filled, she's going to be sitting over there in a ghost-town.

I'm kind of peeved my manager didn't even have the guts to tell me I was axed directly too. Whatever. Plus the lady from the temp agency was completely fake-nice/mean & condescending. "I don't know if we'll have anything else for you. . ." "So what you're saying is. . .you won't?" "Yeahhh, probably not." THEN JUST SAY THAT & DON'T PUSSYFOOT AROUND. Argh.

Despite the fact that I sound so okay about it though, I'm also kind of not. It's complicated. I've never felt so many mixed emotions in my life as I have this year. It's enough to make you feel crazy. Like, "how can I feel so unbelievably sad & hopeful at the same time? Am I nuts?" Seriously. But I know I'm not. It's not like I'm in a manic mixed state like my mom would go into (*edited to add: I feel I should proactivately clarify I don't mean to use the term "nuts" in a derogatory manner there. I have a weird relationship with that word & also with "crazy." But that's a topic for a whole 'nother entry). I'm just human, experiencing more than one emotion at the same time, but am not used to feeling my feelings and not suppressing them or compartmentalizing them. Allowing them to coexist is difficult. I do know however that I am depressed. Of course my period is NOT helping. Nor are the events of the past year. I tried tonight just watching some tv-comfort food--Bones & My So-Called Life--and then listened to some classical music & took a nap, but in the end what I needed the most was to write my emotions down on paper, free-form style. I haven't done that in years.

Since my journal has a history of being pretty open over the years--I don't hide a whole heck of a lot--I'm going to post what I wrote here. I didn't write it with the intention of anyone else seeing it, but it makes me feel less lonely not to keep it to myself. No one has to read it unless they want to though. It's mostly just for me. But at the same time, it's a lot more fully naked & honest than I've been in quite a while, I have to admit.

( sunlight on a broken column )

I don't know what this will mean for my counselor, whether I'll be able to afford her or pay her less or what. I'm not thinking about that right now. Right now I'm just thinking about getting unemployment, trying to get food stamps (I am broke as HELL), going to an Al-Anon meeting this weekend, throwing out that birthday bag tomorrow and probably sobbing after I do so, and most likely spending some time cleaning tomorrow. I honestly think I need to do that before I can even get my head in the right place to start looking for work. I'm a little overwhelmed right now, to tell you guys the truth. I know I'll be all right though. Okay, so I don't KNOW that, but I'm going to just say that.

Because I'm feeling hormonal & emo, and because it's uber-appropriate to how I've often felt this year, my Vid of the Day today comes in the form of one of my favorite songs:

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS, BITCHES.

Directions: Vote for your favorite Shipper Pairing of all time below. I'm trying to be as all-inclusive as possible, so there'll be a few polls in a row to allow for more options (the order's a little random though, just as a warning. I didn't group all the pairings from the same show together necessarily. Sorry). Only vote in one of the polls (if you voted for more than one by mistake, *eyes a couple of you, ha*, let me know in your comment which one is your top pick so I can count your vote). Once you've voted, spam the fuck out of this place in the comments (if you have the time & are so inclined) to campaign for your favorite ship, doing your best to convince others why they should vote for that pairing as well (or change their vote if need be). Anything's fair game, from a simple explanation as to why your ship pwns, to .gifs, pics, macros, quotes, vids, whatever. Be as silly or serious as you want & hang out for as long as you want. I'll leave the poll open until late-ish tonight, so people from different time zones hopefully have more time to join in on the fun.

Make sense? Good.

edited to add: The directions above appear to still be confusing folks, because I'm still seeing people vote in each poll. So, once again, this time with feeling: there are three polls before you. Only vote in one, my homegizzles. Whichever poll contains your favorite pairing of ALL three polls. . .VOTE IN THAT ONE. Okay, we should be good now. Hee. (next time I'll know how to make ONE poll and cheat the code to include as many options as I need--since juliedarling told me how--but alas, I did not know how to do that before tonight. Sometimes I = less than smart.)

[Poll #1540953]

[Poll #1540954]

[Poll #1540955]

*taps microphone* ahem. I would like to make a brief announcement: I AM DONE WITH MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. Yes, that's right folks, I am all done, and only one day before Christmas Eve! Go team! *waves pom-poms*

In other news: now that the holidays are nigh (oooh, Fancy Words McGee over here), I think it's about time I started my traditional ~Holiday TV Funtimes Marathon~, a.k.a. "Rachael will take any excuse she can get to veg out on her couch next to a stack of DVDs and call it festive."

( Here are the lucky episodes that made the list this year )

( Family update )

( The Vidspamming continues: On today's plate we've got an X-Files/BSG two-for-one special. Bon apetit! )

I'd like everyone to think back to where they were in 1994/1995. Go ahead, close your eyes. Picture the scrunchies, the doc martins, the flannel. And just for fun maybe throw in some knee-high socks, mary jane shoes, and babydoll dresses (Oh, 7th grade memories!). Recall what your favorite show was at the time. No, not Melrose Place. (hee) Well, okay, you can think of that one too if you want, but only to fondly remember Kimberly flinging off her wig and blowing up the apartment complex. (Good times.)

No, right now I want you to think more along the lines of Angela, Rickie, Rayanne, Brian, Sharon, and Jordan. Think back to the best teen show ever. Are you with me? Good. And if you aren't, I have good news for you. Hulu.com just got the rights to My So-Called Life (which I'm of course choosing to see as a shout-out to my recent post mentioning it. Heh). Every brilliant episode of its first and only season is available for online viewing, totally free. So if for some reason you've never watched the show (because you were either too old, too young, or living in the Congo at the time perhaps studying apes), now you have another chance.

I actually own the DVDs, but I was still all "OMGYAY!" when I heard the news. I even broke out said DVDs and watched a few episodes last night. Heh, what a dork. But honestly, that show just never gets old. I watch the Christmas episode probably every December, and still start to tear up the minute the ep starts.

It's one of those funny things too, because while you can get angry over the fact that the show was cancelled, at the same time it's almost a blessing that it never had the chance to diminish in quality. It never had a sophomore slump; it never started to suck. It's like this timeless, untainted gem. Always there to revisit and fall in love with all over again.

So, to those of you who never had the opportunity to catch it when it originally aired, get thee to hulu.com, post-haste. Trust me, you won't regret it.

And for everyone who did watch it, feel free to leave comments waxing nostalgic about your favorite My So-Called Life memories, and what kinds of embarassing clothes you were wearing back in the early to mid '90s. As for me, I think I pretty much tipped my hand above. Hee.

Speaking of things that make me happy, I felt inspired for my entry today to share with everyone the following listy list.

5 Random Things That Bring Me Joy:

including the following subjects --

-being a shipper
-the best video I've ever seen on YouTube
-Jerry Springer the Opera remixed
-Drunk!History
-Lauren Graham.

( I am an expert in the art of time-suckage, ask me how! )

Okay, so a few quick things. Number one: I quit my job last week. Number two: I now have a new job. It's only a temp gig (at least for now), but it's still a job, and pays ten dollars an hour (whereas the last one paid nine). And I know you guys will want more details than that, but if I go into it too much, I'll be here forever. Knowing how longwinded I am, and all. But I promise to explain more thoroughly soon. For tonight, I just wanted to at least check in, and give like a cliff's notes version. Basically I was just really tired of the job I had, wasn't making enough money, and really wanted a change. And then flipped out one day and spontaneously decided to up and quit, with like no notice. Which I know is very irresponsible and stupid, and realized that like two seconds after I did it. But it was a heat-of-the-moment decision. And one based also on the fact that I kept feeling really stressed out and sick all the time, and kept missing work constantly, and couldn't stand to go back after missing again. So, yeah. Again, I'll try to explain better, in my next entry. But what's done is done now, and at least I found something else right away, and one that even pays better. And it's not far away, either. Kind of boring and tedious (I'm a file clerk), but I only just had my first day today, and am hoping they find other tasks for me to do as time goes on, to make the job more interesting. We'll see. Whatever happens though, it's just a temp job, so I don't have to stay permanently if I don't want to. At least it gives me money for now, and some experience again in an office, which is what I need if I want to find something else in that area after this one ends. So if nothing else, I can use it on my resume.

Anyway, that's pretty much it for tonight, because I need to get to bed. I work again tomorrow (it's full time, monday-friday), and then tomorrow night will go over to my sister's to watch my nephew all weekend, while she and my brother in law go out of town. First time she's ever left him with anyone that long, actually. It'll probably be exhausting, but fun, so I'm looking forward to it.

Before I go though, I wanted to also do that tv meme thing sonneta posted a while back. But I'll put that in a cut: ( memelicious! )