rachg82

Title: Abandon
Fandom: Bones
Author: rachg82
Rating: A squeaky-clean PG
Characters/Pairings: Booth + Papa Booth (not to be confused with Papa Smurf or Papa Doc)
Word Count: 718
Spoilers: Nada (unless you count "The Blackout in the Blizzard," which: c'mon, that was last season.)
Disclaimer: I don't own this show, nor do I own Booth & his daddy issues.
Summary: Game Six of the World Series -- one perfect day in the eyes of a man who never truly got to be a child.

P.S. I knocked this ficlet out over the last couple days, as usual without a beta, so I apologize in advance for any possible craptasticness.

( Let him be happy from time to time, and leap over abysses )

You know what I really hate? When you actually feel motivated to do things, but your health is all, "NO. DENIED." I have had the same unrelenting migraine since yesterday morning, albeit now on the opposite temple because my brain likes to ~mix it up~. And I mean, my head hurts every day anyway (even if not *all* day), but I'm talking about the kind that straight owns your ass, i.e. the kind I generally only get a couple times a month, fortunately (or unfortunately, I suppose, depending on your perspective. I'm personally grateful for every moment in my life that doesn't include pain). It's receded now to the point of being tolerable as long as I keep the lighting dim, stay in a quiet place, & don't move my head around much, but it's still totally interfering with what I'd LIKE to be doing, and it frustrates me. On top of that, I really need to eat something, but the last thing I want to do is cook or go to the store, plus my stomach is icky feeling anyway.

But I'm not going to complain too much, because at least my SNAP benefits finally got processed. So when I am able to walk to the store, I CAN buy food. I do have a pork chop thawing in my fridge right now, plus potatoes, so I already have a set option for one meal as it is (two if I decide to try cheesy potato tacos, though that doesn't have much protein, and I need protein when I'm fighting a migraine); however, see above, re: the last thing I want to do. Grr, argh. River was right; food is problematic.

Anyway. Enough about that. Here's some other stuff:

-As soon as I feel a bit more clearheaded, probably after I've eaten, I'm going to follow my therapist's advice & write down a list of things I need to do/am worried about/or whatever, and try to prioritize how much I can handle doing at once & when I'll try to do them, etc. Hopefully that will make it easier for me to approach things like uber-overdue bills & job searches. As it stands, I can't even hear a mention of unemployment on TV without tensing up. I may post the list here afterward, or bring it with me to my next appointment, but I haven't decided on that yet. It'd probably be a good idea if I did, though.

-Speaking of my therapist, I had another appointment with her yesterday. ( cut for rambling )

-There's an ACA retreat up in Washington next month that I'd really like to attend--like a non-summer summer camp for stunted adult children--but I'm not sure yet whether it costs anything (I'm sure it does). Wah. THEY HAVE CANOES.

-We'll wrap this up with some TV/movie talk:

( Parenthood )

-( Psych )

-I watched a couple documentaries yesterday as well. One was from Current's Top 50 list ("Tarnation"), and the other I just came across randomly while browsing the library ("Finding Normal"). Both were really interesting to watch and well-made, though I'll admit Tarnation left me sad because it touched on a lot of stuff I've been trying to work through lately in regards to my mom's history with mental illness and doctors/hospitals, while bringing up a lot of new emotions & memories too. But it was extremely evocative & something that needed to be expressed. Kind of brilliant, actually. I just couldn't help also feeling like it was somehow incomplete or unbalanced by the end, though maybe that was intentional in its own way as well. Either way, I understand why they put it on the list.

I was totally satisfied by "Finding Normal" though (more than satisfied, really. I pretty much loved it & didn't want it to end. Seriously), despite it being much less flashy & artistic; it's the kind of documentary I'd buy if I had more money, because I can see myself wanting to rewatch it every now & again. I identified with so much of it, not just on behalf of addicts I've known (it's about a treatment/housing program here in Portland & follows both new patients & their mentors -- who are also recovering addicts themselves), but on behalf of myself & the ACA traits I picked up from them. It's like 100% real talk throughout the whole thing, no bullshit. And I love that they manage to take the topic and stay realistic, destigmatize the process of having a problem & getting help, show that not everyone makes it, yet also leave you feeling uplifted by the end. It's just exactly the kind of thing I needed to see.

For those who would like to check out the trailers, voila: Tarnation and Finding Normal.

-Lastly, I got a day behind on my song challenge, so today's VotD will cover two: ( Days 3 and 4 )

1. TNT's advertising + some pimping from teachlikeroslin got me to check out Rizzoli & Isles a couple days ago. The show itself isn't especially amazing, at least not what I've seen so far anyway, but the two leads? Whoa, nellie. THE SLASHYNESS, CAP'N. I DON'T HAVE THE POWERRR.

I mean, honestly, look at the promo:



Best part? The two top comments:



Hahaha. For real though! I watched two episodes, and by the end I was like "UM, THEY ARE CUTE, AND THEY NEED TO HAVE THE SEX. LIKE NOW, PREFERABLY." I'm just saying.

2. I watched "Islanded in a Stream of Stars" today. I kinda forgot how damned sweet Adama & Roslin are toward the end. I still flail a bit when he talks about "his women." Aww.

3. Got a fic rec for you guys: When the Time Comes by kungfuwaynewho. I like the idea of Laura having the Opera House visions as a kid, but not being able to fully remember them -- just being left sort of ~haunted~ afterward. It works for me, especially because of how the writer describes it.

4. ( I attended my uncle's Celebration of Life yesterday )

5. I've been having a lot of family dreams again. In one I got so angry with my mother for insulting me that I grabbed onto her hair & pulled as hard as I could--that was kind of disturbing, the level of anger I felt, even if it was in a dream. In another, I was trying to tell her & my sister again about Joe, about the criminal records I found, and their reaction was just to laugh & belittle the credibility of the whole thing. Then I carried on, like "what about [insert thing here]", one effed-up example after another, and THAT got a reaction. My sister got in my face, upset, but I just kept going. It still didn't matter though. Like, I knew it wouldn't matter. Nothing would change.

Most of the other dreams have been about me finding myself living with them again, stuck in a bedroom COVERED in junk, thinking to myself how I have to get out of there & move back into my apartment but not being able to. Ugh. CUT IT OUT, SUBCONSCIOUS.

At least my dreams are carrying on the weird-ass recurring animal theme though. That's always fun. I fled a Grizzly Bear down a mountainside the other night. I should've tossed it a pic-a-nic basket.

For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna share one by chaila43 from a series I've recced here before (the rest of which you can find here). All three are based around the women & mysticism of BSG. This one focuses on Athena & Hera, specifically. I love the song, and the part around the 1:30 mark actually gave me a little chill the first time I saw it. Good stuff.

-I'm feeling especially sleepy & lazy right now. What I'd really like to do is plan an evening in front of the TV with pop & snacks, but nooo.

-There's an ACA meeting this afternoon, but there's also one on Monday evenings. I'd have to get ready in a hurry (and pay for a cab) to go to the one today without being late, so I'm kinda tempted to do the Monday one instead. Especially because public transit is more convenient on weekdays.

-I do however want to go somewhere today. I just don't want to rush. I'm thinking I'll make myself a sandwich for lunch, take a shower, and then bus it down to Portland. I can make a pitstop at Forest Park to finish gina227's photo meme question from way back & then take care of keenai's by hitting up Voodoo Doughnut. The one downtown is still closed for renovation, but dear God have I been craving their donuts something fierce lately, so I don't even care--I'll go to the NE one. And I can excuse the gluttony by having taken a walk. TADA.

-teachlikeroslin and scifi_mel have created their own Hot 25 lists as well, in case some of you missed them & would like to see. You can find them here & here.

-Big-ups to New York, y'all. I'm sure you've all heard the news by now, so I'll just say this: I really needed a big smile this week & they delivered.

-Many of you on my flist are bemoaning the late Fall premiere of Bones this year & wondering how you'll fill your time. Fortunately, you have me, the TV-obsessed oompa loompa who never tires of pimping new shows. ( May I suggest any of the following? )

-I worked on my fic a bit more last night. It still feels a lot like chipping away at a huge block of granite, but sometimes that's just how it goes. At least there's progress being made, albeit incredibly slowly. I guess on the bright side the longer summer hiatus means less of a hurry for things like this.

-I put a temporary halt to my BSG rewatch after my uncle's death (being at the end of s4, I think most of you will understand why), but I think I'm ready to jump back into it now, once my TV's working again that is. I only have a few eps left. Pretty sure the finale's gonna kill me, but I don't mean that in a bad way. It'll just be emotional because of the subject matter.

Anyway, I'm gonna get going now, before I can convince myself that napping would be a better way to spend the rest of the day.

For my VotD, here's an appropriately themed song:

1. Is anyone else but me watching the trial for the Casey Anthony case? I'm pretty hooked at this point, I have to admit. I haven't been watching it the whole time, but I did see the live courtroom coverage today & yesterday, and I caught up on clips from what I had missed online this morning. The prosecution's cross examination of the forensic entomologist today? Dayum. I wouldn't be surprised if he walked out of there limping.

P.S. For those who haven't heard already, Kathy Reichs (yes, that Kathy Reichs) will be an expert witness for the defense, though I don't know when she'll be testifying. At this time, I believe the defendant is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt--not just because of the circumstantial evidence, but because of the forensics--but I'm really looking forward to seeing what she has to say.

2. I got into a musey mojo zone the other night & had a good, long session of fic-writing (up to 1,970 words<--still not much, I know, but at least there's progression), thanks at least in part to a great playlist of songs by Tom Pyrdol. It helped me fall asleep later on my couch, too, after tossing & turning in bed for an hour. Let's hear it for relaxing/evocative tunes!

3. I emailed my resume to that HR chick a week ago & haven't heard back yet. I'm tempted to just walk over in person (maybe she wasn't the right person to contact? I got her name from my friend, not online or anything). We'll see.

4. I'm having kind of a lazy, irritable day. One of those days where you don't want to do anything, look in your fridge/freezer because you're hungry & go "BUT I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS. UGH!", and are just generally being a whiny baby. I'm probably PMSing, but it might have to do with certain things stressing me out in the background too. There's my nephew's birthday in a couple weeks, for one. There's the "I AM SICK OF BEING UNEMPLOYED, BUT DON'T REALLY WANT TO WORK AGAIN EITHER BECAUSE--CHAAAAANGE," for two. There's me acting like I don't care about my weight when I totally do. There's me being frustrated at myself for procrastinating so many things. And, finally, there's the emotional fallout that comes with reading the ACA book. Some of it is *extremely* insightful & fitting--in revelatory fashion, which is affecting in its own right--but then there's also things that drive me up a wall. I am NOT spiritual enough to want to hear about my ~Higher Power~ every minute, nor do I want to live an "ACA way of life" (what does that even mean? If you're talking about The Promises, fine, but SPELL IT OUT), or be told not to take *any* prescriptions (I'm sorry, but I don't agree that taking an anti-depressant is "self-medicating" for a "so-called mental disorder." UGH), or be told I have to attend meetings regularly (again: what does that mean?) & avoid "intellectualizing" in order to get anything from the program. I understand the benefit of feeling your feelings, and same goes for trying to attend meetings consistently, but the language is just so annoying. Especially when you add the spiritual stuff.

That being said, it's definitely worth reading for the things they say regarding family dynamics in a dysfunctional home--it's all pretty dead on, and even helps you see things you didn't previously (though like I said, it is emotionally affecting, so I find that I sometimes need breaks)--so I can put up with the bits that make me roll my eyes. I wish those parts didn't exist though, because it makes me feel more removed from the process than I'd like. It leaves me feeling oddly stressed; I have to separate what I agree with from what I don't agree with, and yeah. It's just difficult.

5. For my Vid of the Day, how about bringing back the "three songs I'm listening to today"-dealio? Not with the s-theme in this case, but just a few picks from the playlist I mentioned above. ( enjoy teh pretty )