rachg82

1. I wrote up a to-do list this weekend (I'm calling it my "stress list" for now, heh), but I haven't gotten super organized yet with working out when I'll tackle each thing. I think I'll ask my counselor for help with that. I have at least crossed a couple things off so far, though. I did the dishes (already need to do them again, but whatever. That's life when you stop eating out every day), finished a load of laundry (many more to go--I want to clear the boxes of crap off my bedroom floor & donate old stuff, etc), took a shower, & completed my online FAFSA application for student aid. Tentatively, I think I'll plan on trying to go see an advisor on Monday, and I will probably set aside at least some time tomorrow for grocery shopping & job-related matters, most likely just filling out a profile on care.com to start & then seeing how I feel about applying for anything after. I've been having an uber hard time getting myself to start anything lately, or go anywhere, so it's slow-going. I mean, my anxiety's been pretty damn intense over the last few evenings, ngl. But I'm happy with myself for at least getting the FAFSA application done. I think that's important.

On a similar note, I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for attempting not one, but TWO new things in the kitchen yesterday. I still had potatoes from the food pantry as well as eggs--and while eggs are one of the things I'm sensitive to (on the "low" list), I really wasn't up to dragging myself to the store to buy new stuff with the SNAP benefits yet--so I watched a couple YouTube cooking vids & then made myself some tacos with fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, & cheese. I've never cooked anything with potatoes before (unless you count instant mashed potatoes, which you probably don't, heh), and same goes for eggs (unless you count adding them to baking mixes).

I struggle really badly with recipes that call for too many things to be juggled at once, especially if I don't have specific timelines for when I need to do each thing, plus I tend to put a LOT of pressure on myself to get things right, so I was already feeling wicked on edge before I even began. But it helped when I reminded myself that, y'know, no one else is here -- no one is going to get on my case if I screw up. It's not like how it used to be when I lived with my family, getting mocked or criticized or yelled at for every tiny thing. It's okay to be uncoordinated & spill things, it's okay to accidentally finish one thing way before another, it's okay if it takes me a hundred years to peel & slice potatoes, it's okay to need to look at directions over & over, it's okay to be anal about measurements, it's okay to overcook something when I'm being paranoid about undercooking it, it's okay if it ends up gross even. Fortunately, it didn't end up gross, but that's not the point. The point is I tried. And it is hard, because I did internalize a lot of how I was treated by my family over the years, so it's not easy for me to be patient with either myself or the process when it comes to things like this.

2. Thanks to a number of you, I've begun watching Revenge. ( I have a couple questions & thoughts )

3. I got season 1 of Psych from the library today. I'm feeling very--wait for it--PSYCHED to watch. Ahaha…ehh. Sorry about that. Heh.

4. I wish I could afford a haircut. Mine is way too long right now, like at least five inches past my shoulders. Such a pain. Also a pain? The psoriasis that's made a reappearance on my scalp as of late. UGH.

5. This entry seems like it's missing something, but whatevs, I want to go watch my DVDs. So. Time to wrap this up. ( 30 day song challenge: days 5 and 6 )

-I'm feeling especially sleepy & lazy right now. What I'd really like to do is plan an evening in front of the TV with pop & snacks, but nooo.

-There's an ACA meeting this afternoon, but there's also one on Monday evenings. I'd have to get ready in a hurry (and pay for a cab) to go to the one today without being late, so I'm kinda tempted to do the Monday one instead. Especially because public transit is more convenient on weekdays.

-I do however want to go somewhere today. I just don't want to rush. I'm thinking I'll make myself a sandwich for lunch, take a shower, and then bus it down to Portland. I can make a pitstop at Forest Park to finish gina227's photo meme question from way back & then take care of keenai's by hitting up Voodoo Doughnut. The one downtown is still closed for renovation, but dear God have I been craving their donuts something fierce lately, so I don't even care--I'll go to the NE one. And I can excuse the gluttony by having taken a walk. TADA.

-teachlikeroslin and scifi_mel have created their own Hot 25 lists as well, in case some of you missed them & would like to see. You can find them here & here.

-Big-ups to New York, y'all. I'm sure you've all heard the news by now, so I'll just say this: I really needed a big smile this week & they delivered.

-Many of you on my flist are bemoaning the late Fall premiere of Bones this year & wondering how you'll fill your time. Fortunately, you have me, the TV-obsessed oompa loompa who never tires of pimping new shows. ( May I suggest any of the following? )

-I worked on my fic a bit more last night. It still feels a lot like chipping away at a huge block of granite, but sometimes that's just how it goes. At least there's progress being made, albeit incredibly slowly. I guess on the bright side the longer summer hiatus means less of a hurry for things like this.

-I put a temporary halt to my BSG rewatch after my uncle's death (being at the end of s4, I think most of you will understand why), but I think I'm ready to jump back into it now, once my TV's working again that is. I only have a few eps left. Pretty sure the finale's gonna kill me, but I don't mean that in a bad way. It'll just be emotional because of the subject matter.

Anyway, I'm gonna get going now, before I can convince myself that napping would be a better way to spend the rest of the day.

For my VotD, here's an appropriately themed song:

1. The first section of my fic finally feels polished & complete, allowing me to move on to the next part. It's at about 1,620 words right now, and I could--if I wanted--probably get away with posting it as its own ficlet. I don't want to though, because I want to cover more stuff, and I'm not a fan of doing things in chapters as a WIP (for my own stories, I mean). But I'm glad to at least feel like I'm making more progress now. This one has really been tedious & slow-going, mostly probably because it's really important to me that I get it right.

2. I had a dream last night that St. Vincent (as in the singer) was my girlfriend. IF ONLY. Of course I was also apparently dating Booth (and there were two of him, might I add. I was only with one, however. The other was douchey. Ha. CLONES TODAY, I tells ya).

3. ( Speaking of fictional boyfriends )

4. I got my ACA book in the mail the other day. See, I knew it wouldn't take 4-6 weeks. Now to start reading it.

5. One of my meetup groups is going to a free classical concert event next week, and I signed up to go. So far there's only one other person going though, heh. But there's another meetup group (for music) that we'll be meeting up with there, so I'm assuming there'll be at least a handful of people attending. Hopefully it's a good performance.

That's pretty much it for now. There's other things I could talk about too, but they're even more boring.

For my Vid of the Day, ( how about three random ones? )

For once, I actually have nothing but positive things to write about. Let's take advantage of this & jot them down:

-I called the unemployment office. I qualify for extended benefits. My weekly amount will *not* go down--I misunderstood the letter--and I am safe for the next 20 weeks. If I still don't have a job by the end of July, I can call back & potentially qualify for the next tier of extended benefits, which also should be the same amount & simply last a shorter amount of time. Hopefully I won't need to do that though. That's still four months away.

I can't even explain how relieved I was when I found out. The call was WAY simple & the lady I spoke with was really nice. The hold time wasn't even nearly as long this time. I just feel really lucky right now, like I can take a deep breath & clear my head.

-I finally, FINALLY put away my fake Christmas Tree. I also cleaned up the pastels & paper that had been sitting on my living room floor--basically unmoved--since I used them with Isabella last year. Doing so meant me looking at these pictures (tw warning), which was the first time I'd seen them (off the computer) in a long time as they had been intentionally flipped over/covered. I feel like it means something (not hugely, in some grand cheesy way, but just a little), putting those pieces away in the closet with all my other old art. Putting it *away*, y'know? It's symbolic. I like things like that.

-Remember how my hair was thinning/falling out last year? I took a shower today--another positive thing; I can't remember when I took one last; I even straightened it afterward with the flat-iron--and the spots where I used to be able to lift layers of hair & see big, random patches of my scalp have almost entirely filled back in. Just goes to show--my doctor was right. She told me hair loss like that can happen anywhere between 3-6 months after an extremely stressful and/or traumatic life event, and in my case she was right on the dot, timing-wise. I'm sure the anemia didn't help either, but still. It's amazing how much stress can affect the body, especially in cases like that, when it doesn't happen until later.

It'll be nice to be able to start complaining about my hair being too thick again. Heh.

-My Bones-friends are rapidly being converted to the wondahs of BSG. First, we've got bloodwrites, who also gave me joyface by talking about Dollhouse in her last entry (P.S. if you're reading this, bb, I'm sorry I haven't replied yet to answer your request for BSG vids/fics. Hee. I love that I'm the one people think of for that stuff though. I'll try to hook you up soon!), and then we've also got gina227, who cracked me up with her last entry, flailing about the s1 finale (y'all know how I feel about that Opera House scene! eialhaoilghoighg). I LOVE WATCHING MY FRIENDS GET INTO MY SHOWS. IT'S MY MOST FAVORITE, FAVORITEST THING EVER.

-I went outside today while it was actually still light, got food, and though I don't know yet if I'll eat a second meal before the night is over or not--I still feel good about that. Going outside before dark has become a ~thing~ for me lately. You have to face more people & they can see you more easily and…yeah. It's more difficult. I even smiled & said hello to a neighbor. CRAZY.

-It feels like spring all of a sudden. I already mentioned the Cherry Blossom trees in my last entry, but seriously: it was almost warm enough to take off my jacket out there. I have my blinds slightly open right now (just slightly--ew, bright lighting & people staring in. Heh. NOT A FAN), along with the sliding glass door so my place can actually air out a bit.

It carries positive associations for me, because I was SO determined last spring--right after everything started to really hit the fan--to move on & survive, change my life, and be happy. On one hand, I'm nowhere near "over" things yet, and I still have a long way to go, but I do feel like it has to count for something that I've MADE IT through all of this, that I didn't just bare-knuckle it but I actually *felt* a lot of it--not all, but at least STARTED to--and I'm still here. It doesn't mean the depression is gone (one day of a few positive things/vaguely good mood doesn't equal "I'm all better!"--I've learned that before the hard way), nor does it mean things like Mother's Day or my nephew's birthday etc won't potentially cause problems for me in the upcoming months, but hey, again, it has to count for something that I'm still here. Right? And I've had at least one day again that felt partially good. That's something to appreciate, particularly after many, many days that were not even remotely good. Certainly not under the surface (and of course often blatantly as well). I mean, I can still feel the depression & pain & stress & bla bla bla under the surface now too, but the "good" on top of it feels more authentic/substantial. I don't know if that even makes sense, but there you go.

Of course the ACA in me is fighting feelings of nervousness because of this, like, "THE OTHER SHOE COULD DROP AT ANY MINUTE! YOU ARE GOING TO JINX EVERYTHING IF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE HAVING A DECENT DAY." Oh, issues.

Anyway, that's all for now. For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna recycle one of my faves from sczep84 in honor of the one-year anniversary for Adama & Roslin sweeping The Shipper Showdown like a couple of frakkin' champs. Let us not forget I even switched my vote from Mulder & Scully. THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE THESE TWO. Also, that's how good sumpta's campaigning was. Heh. Seriously. That girl was on a mission. Much respect.

I'm so bored I feel like I need a survey to fill out or something. Why isn't there more fanfic for Bones being written? I suppose I could write some, but meh. I'm tired. (DAMN ENNUI.)

I just feel like sleeping. And then sleeping some more. And after that? Perhaps a nap.

In my defense, my sinuses & right ear hurt. I'm not sure if it's allergies (I have hay fever & my body basically hates me year-round) or an actual cold, or what, but still. Can that be my excuse?

Of course my jaw also hurts. I REALLY need to remember to wear my bite guard at night. TMJ, stupid! You grind your teeth! Stop acting like you don't know this!

Okay, I'm done complaining now. Promise.

To (temporarily) cure my boredom, let's be narcissistic and talk about ourselves, shall we? I love personality tests, and softly_me talked about this first, so she started it. We can blame her.

Now, before we begin, join in on the fun & see which type you are.

Since I apparently like to be complicated, I remember getting INFJ a couple times when I was younger (like, teenager/early twenties-younger); however, since I've gotten older I always get INTJ every time I take it, no matter when & no matter where. At least the I-N-J are all consistent. Heh. To be real though, it's not actually surprising to me. For one, INTJ describes me *really* well, in a lot of ways (I laughed while reading most of it. Heh. SO accurate). And where it lacks, INFJ pops in--describing the parts of my heart that ARE there (that my trusted friends see), the things I do care about, the way I choose specific people to confide in, and the fact that I naturally am drawn towards writing, etc. I think, in the end, I'm a funky-ass hybrid mix of the two.

In other words: God help me & those I associate with. Haha.

Except I totally agree with & am proud of the fact that it said my relationships are characterized by consistency, communication, directness, and my ability to "work at" them. That is absolutely true. I may not have a million people in my life, but those I do keep? I take very seriously.

Anyhoo, moving on: I have another song-that-needs-to-be-a-fanvid for you guys. Of course none of these will probably ever be made into vids, but PISH POSH. No matter. Consider it like a really slow-going WIP fanmix. Ha. Aaand to make things even more interesting this time, I'm not even gonna tell you which pairing it's for/whose pov it's meant to be from. I wanna see who can guess correctly. Get to it!.

Lastly, it looks like my subconscious isn't done torturing me yet. I hope you all don't mind me talking about it here. If you do, just skip it. ( My brain doesn't think Europeans can drive )

I think I'm gonna spend a few hours now watching TV, but what to watch? I'm feeling a strange & utter random urge to watch Sex & the City. I think it's *just* light & fluffy enough to fit the bill. I need something cracky right now.

For my Vid of the Day though, I'm gonna go with something totally different. Remember when I used to talk about Dollhouse on here all the time? Let's bring it back for a moment. THEY MADE THEIR OWN FANVID FOR IT, Y'ALL. How have I never seen this before?!

So, I've got a few things I wanted to update about tonight. We'll just go through 'em one at a time:

1. I meant to post about this yesterday, but forgot because of my fail brain this week. Frak. Well, better late than never, right?



I hope you had a great one, sweetie! I'm assuming it was full of much Adama/Roslin & Mulder/Scully shipping. You are quickly turning into a mini-me (except probably taller). Ha. :-)

2. Speaking of BSG, I had the most ridic idea ever tonight and knew you guys would appreciate it. Try & tell me this wouldn't be hilariously brilliant: a BSG crack!vid set to the theme song of ~Gilligan's Island~. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT. Three hour tour, bitches! *lulz forever* Please someone make this happen.

3. So I'm sure you all remember the giant picspam I did a while back for the 51 things BSG, XF, Buffy, Angel, Bones, & Dollhouse had in common, right? Well, I thought of another thing I can add to the list tonight. ( Here's number 52: I'm on a boat, bitch! )

4. How many of you guys are watching Amazing Race this season? I have a few words I'd like to share with the stupid bitchass homophobe Miss California if you all don't mind:

Dear "the Iraq & such as",

I know you don't understand why "those lesbians" are "so mean" to you, and make fun of you for your tiara. Here's the deal. Maybe, just maybe, it could be because of your ASSHOLE comments about same-sex marriage. JUST A THOUGHT. Kindly fuck off & die.

P.S. I laughed & laughed when you guys forgot your coconut & had to go back. Please keep making mistakes like that. IT GIVES ME SUCH JOY IN LIFE.

Love,
Rachael.

(also: GO COWBOYS!)

5. From what bsg_stardust told me, it looks like we're all set to go for the XF rewatch and should be starting it with the first two episodes ("Pilot" and "Deep Throat"<---*twelve-year-old snicker*) around the end of this week. Most likely I'll do a post to include a few of my thoughts as well as hers, and then you crazy lot can jump in and comment & we'll have us a gay ole time of XF shenanigans. From that point on we'll do our best to maintain a schedule of about 1 to 2 eps a week, but we'll have to play it by ear obviously based on our schedules. Get ready for super random flail, people, because I rewatched a few s1 episodes the other night in preparation (y'know, to get in the mood, heh), and had forgotten the type of shit that gets me goin' when it comes to XF. "Mulder's hands are so pretty!" "Lulz, early '90s ATMs, haha!" "WTF IS UP WITH THOSE TIGHTS, NOOOOO SCULLY." "Oh, Mulder, YOU JUST GOT SERVED BY THE MUTHAFUCKIN' EYEBROW, WHAT UP!" And so on. Hee. So uh yeah, just brace yourselves now.

6. Speaking of TV flail, I feel so bad that I never finished my Dollhouse or BSG season 4.5 recapping during the tv hiatus like I'd planned. In my defense though, my real life sort of blew up in my face as you guys know all too well, so I'm kind of just glad I managed to stay even remotely in one piece during all of it. Still, I definitely plan to get back to the BSG recapping eventually (that's a for sure thing), so I wanted to make that clear. I'm not sure if I will end up recapping the last few eps of Dollhouse though. That one we'll just have to see about. But if you guys care about me finishing up the Dollhouse stuff, let me know and I'll make sure I get back to it too. Otherwise I'll just put it on a "maybe" list & get to it if I feel like it & have time later on. Most likely the BSG recaps will just come periodically over the next few months, in between the XF rewatch posts & Bones posts and so on. And if no one cares that's cool too, hee. But I still care, so I'm going to get back to them regardless. I just felt like giving a status update about it because I'm nerdy like that. And for those who might care, trust that the next BSG recap will totes be picspammy because it'll be for "Blood on the Scales." Which is partly why I feel so guilty for having gone so long not getting to it. Because seriously, WTF has caused me to wait so long to picspam the fuckin' "I AM COMING FOR ALL OF YOU" scene?! WHO AM I?

7. Remember my recent money-savin' mojo? Happy to say it's still in effect. I got my imitrex refilled last night & managed to convince them to match Costco's price again, even though I found out they're only supposed to do that if the pharmacy is within 5 miles (which they're not). That saved me over $150. Yeah, baby! *high-fives universe*

8. Except the universe unfortunately gets followed up with a *bitchslap* after its high-five, because my sister and I haven't talked since Sunday, which is just pissing me the hell off. I TOLD HER months ago I didn't want to talk to her about her problems with him anymore, and she said she was okay with that. Why is she all of a sudden not accepting it now and making me the bad guy for it? This is really not something I need to be dealing with right now at all.

9. ( In other news, I did return to work on Monday and talked to my boss. )

10. ( Lastly, I thought I'd let you guys know how the Topamax is working so far. )

For my Vid of the Day today, I figured I'd run with the "I'm on a ship boat, bitch!" theme I set above and post this vid by alltimemcfly. *Oh Trekkies, ILU.* (P.S. For the record, this vid is also what made me think of the Gilligan's Island idea, hee. It came to mind for me when I was on the hunt to see if someone had done a BSG vid for T-Payne's "I'm on a Boat," which I'm shocked & appalled to find has not been made yet either. What the hell, yo!)

Why am I updating when I'm so exhausted I feel like I'm going to fall asleep in this chair? Sometimes sense-making & I don't get along so well.

But I do have a few things I feel like writing about, so let's see how quickly I can get through them before I actually do pass out on my keyboard, shall we?

( Ten random things of randomness )

For those who haven't seen it already:



The people voting so far must be high because Roslin is not winning in the BSG category & Echo is currently beating out DeWitt. And Topher is beating both of them, which I can tolerate, but Echo?! Beating DeWitt? And anyone beating Roslin? And WTF is up with Anya only having 3% of the vote for Buffy? I realize she hasn't a snowball's chance in Hell of winning, but only 3%? THIS CANNOT STAND.

And for those of you who don't watch BSG and still need a little extra help knowing who to vote for in that category? I AM HERE TO HELP:



GOD SPEED, MY FRIENDS. GOD SPEED.

Also, remember the "First Time fan-debates" in my picspam earlier? Well, shit's about to get real because I'm ready to announce my verdict on the issue for both XF and BSG.

( Fangirl Brawl in 3, 2, 1. . . )

Ah, the joys of having an addict parent. Let's say you go to the doctor for migraines, right? And let's also say you are given a prescription for pain pills to treat said migraines when they get severe. Within two days, you are 100% guaranteed to get a call from your mother asking you to give her some. And when you refuse? She will hang up on you. Good times![/sarcastic]

It's fine though, because while I'm annoyed about it (hence the current mood status), I'm not particularly surprised or upset. It's just irritating is all, so I felt the need to share. Sharing is caring, y'all. Heh.

Moving on, I'm feeling random tonight and think it's about time for one of my Random Posts of Random:

Random Point #1: I finally watched the Dollhouse finale this week and I have one question for all of you:

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP GOING WITHOUT OLIVIA WILLIAMS & HER PRETTY, PRETTY FACE ON MY TV SCREEN EVERY WEEK? HOW, I ASK YOU?

For serious, people, I may have to go into some kind of DeWitt Rehab Center to deal with the withdrawals (hey, Mom, you have your addiction, I have mine). And. . .clearly I have been single for far too long. Haha. But I need my Adellllllllllle, yo. *is sad*

( Cut for more Dollhouse ramblage & spoilers )

Random Point #2: I think the whole world is watching Lost right now. Except for me that is. At work yesterday, one of my neighbors (the same one who kept wishing me a Happy Birthday last week and who also fyi said it to me again yesterday, hee) mentioned that he had to make dinner for his room-mates that night and wanted to know what we considered a "Lost-y" meal in honor of the premiere. Hahaha. You have to admire that kind of batshit fan-devotion. I mean really. Not that it's enough to make me watch the show necessarily, but the fangirl in me appreciates the nuttery nonetheless.

Random Point #3: As noted above, I went to the doctor's this week. I don't think I feel like going into all the details right now (I might at some point in the next few days though, we'll see), but I talked with her about my migraines & stomach problems and the general game-plan consists of the following three things: 1. A low-dose anti-depressant because apparently my issues with stress/tension/anxiety are not totally of the past (or so she believes at least, which to be fair I can understand. Despite how much better I do these days, I have had problems with generalized anxiety my whole life & my life has been especially stressful lately. Jury's still out on whether I completely agree that I need it right now--and how I feel about taking one again in general--but I'm willing to give it a try because my body is just unrelenting fail lately & if anxiety etc is exacerbating that, I need to do something about it), 2. possibly taking Topomax in a month once we know how I react to the anti-depressant (Topomax is a drug that used to be meant for preventing seizures, but is now frequently prescribed to prevent chronic migraines), and 3. Stopping the excedrin for at least 7 days to eliminate rebound headaches from the mix, which should be fun in that impossible & hellish kind of way. I'm going to wait a few days to start that though, just so I can see what effects the anti-depressant does or doesn't have first. And somewhere in that timeframe I'm also going to see if there's some insurance I can afford that would cover prescriptions like Imitrex & Topomax, because I'm not really in the mood to go bankrupt and both of those drugs are mothereffing ridiculously expensive. So yes. On the bright side though, guess who lost seven pounds since she last saw her doctor in November? THAT WOULD BE ME. GO TEAM.

Sidenote: I'm also thinking of going on a gluten-free diet (for health reasons, not to lose weight. Although the losing weight would be a bonus), but I haven't decided on that yet as I need to do more research first. I just felt like mentioning it because one of my other coworkers and I were talking about it today, and it's always been something I've wanted to try. If any of you know anything about it or have actually done it, feel free to chime in with advice/information/etc.

Random Point #4: And finally, because I'm feeling extra random today, ( who's in the mood for a Roslin/Adama picspam o' cuteness? )

( Vid of the Day: History Nerd Edition )

So, today was much better. My desk had been decorated with a big "Happy Birthday" banner when I got to work & there was a card waiting for me as well. Then everyone proceeded to tell me Happy Birthday all day long like yesterday never even happened, heh. The best part though was my cubicle neighbor who kept saying it everytime he walked by my desk (and I mean every time, ha), and who randomly would interrupt me in the middle of working/talking to someone to be like, "Hey Rachael?. . .Happy Birthday." Haha. Random shit like that always kills me. And by the 3rd or so time he did it, it was making everyone else around me laugh as well, so that was fun. *loves her coworkers*

Now, as promised, here's some more TV Ramblage for your reading pleasure. I haven't watched tonight's Bones yet (I keep falling behind! I am failtastic), and I still want to finish my thoughts on Caprica, but in the meantime here is my review of Dollhouse's much-talked-about unaired season one ep, "Epitaph 1", as well as a general review of last week's Bones. And I say "general review" because for once in my life I'm going to try to review a Bones episode without the benefit of a rewatch or nerdy note-taking. Check me out, ma! No hands!

( Dollhouse: Epitaph 1. ATTENTION JOSS WHEDON: Why could you have not kicked this much ass from day one? )

( Bones: The Proof in the Pudding )