Do it for the kids
Oct. 22nd, 2011 09:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg821. I wrote up a to-do list this weekend (I'm calling it my "stress list" for now, heh), but I haven't gotten super organized yet with working out when I'll tackle each thing. I think I'll ask my counselor for help with that. I have at least crossed a couple things off so far, though. I did the dishes (already need to do them again, but whatever. That's life when you stop eating out every day), finished a load of laundry (many more to go--I want to clear the boxes of crap off my bedroom floor & donate old stuff, etc), took a shower, & completed my online FAFSA application for student aid. Tentatively, I think I'll plan on trying to go see an advisor on Monday, and I will probably set aside at least some time tomorrow for grocery shopping & job-related matters, most likely just filling out a profile on care.com to start & then seeing how I feel about applying for anything after. I've been having an uber hard time getting myself to start anything lately, or go anywhere, so it's slow-going. I mean, my anxiety's been pretty damn intense over the last few evenings, ngl. But I'm happy with myself for at least getting the FAFSA application done. I think that's important.
On a similar note, I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for attempting not one, but TWO new things in the kitchen yesterday. I still had potatoes from the food pantry as well as eggs--and while eggs are one of the things I'm sensitive to (on the "low" list), I really wasn't up to dragging myself to the store to buy new stuff with the SNAP benefits yet--so I watched a couple YouTube cooking vids & then made myself some tacos with fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, & cheese. I've never cooked anything with potatoes before (unless you count instant mashed potatoes, which you probably don't, heh), and same goes for eggs (unless you count adding them to baking mixes).
I struggle really badly with recipes that call for too many things to be juggled at once, especially if I don't have specific timelines for when I need to do each thing, plus I tend to put a LOT of pressure on myself to get things right, so I was already feeling wicked on edge before I even began. But it helped when I reminded myself that, y'know, no one else is here -- no one is going to get on my case if I screw up. It's not like how it used to be when I lived with my family, getting mocked or criticized or yelled at for every tiny thing. It's okay to be uncoordinated & spill things, it's okay to accidentally finish one thing way before another, it's okay if it takes me a hundred years to peel & slice potatoes, it's okay to need to look at directions over & over, it's okay to be anal about measurements, it's okay to overcook something when I'm being paranoid about undercooking it, it's okay if it ends up gross even. Fortunately, it didn't end up gross, but that's not the point. The point is I tried. And it is hard, because I did internalize a lot of how I was treated by my family over the years, so it's not easy for me to be patient with either myself or the process when it comes to things like this.
2. Thanks to a number of you, I've begun watching Revenge.
-So, what's the deal -- is Lydia dead for sure? Because I swear I saw her eyelids flutter after hitting that car. And yes, I know. Detail-oriented much? It's how I roll.
If she is dead, that puts a major buzzkill on my burgeoning Lydia/Victoria feelings. Dang it.
-Speaking of shippy feelings, I might be shipping Victoria & the security dude too. The fact that he's a lady-killer, *literally*, should probably give me pause, but…ngl, it totally doesn't. Ha. Their dynamic reminds me of DeWitt/Dominic on Dollhouse. Just think of all the BAMF-y things they can plot together.
-Have I mentioned I've had a crush on Madeleine Stowe for about a hundred years now? Ever since the mid-'90s. Mmm.
-Everyone on my flist talks a lot about what a wackjob Emily is, but I think the show works because she's not the only one. Seriously, they're all horrible people, minus maybe one or two. And it's awesome. Heh. It's bringing me back to my old school Melrose Place days. Yeah boyeee.
3. I got season 1 of Psych from the library today. I'm feeling very--wait for it--PSYCHED to watch. Ahaha…ehh. Sorry about that. Heh.
4. I wish I could afford a haircut. Mine is way too long right now, like at least five inches past my shoulders. Such a pain. Also a pain? The psoriasis that's made a reappearance on my scalp as of late. UGH.
5. This entry seems like it's missing something, but whatevs, I want to go watch my DVDs. So. Time to wrap this up.
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
(Leader of the Pack - Shangri-Las)
This song reminds me of my maternal grandma. There used to be this themed diner my family would sometimes go to, which had cherry cokes (for some reason this was huge to me, heh), mini-burgers, and '50s/'60s music & decor. One day I was eating there with Nanny, and this song came on. Out of nowhere, she started crying, which was not at all common for her. I asked her why, and I didn't get the whole story, just snippets, but I still remember "old high school boyfriend", "tragic", "rebel without a cause", and "James Dean" being somewhere in there. Needless to say I was v. confused. Hee. Especially since she wouldn't have been in high school when this song came out. I remember I kept trying to listen to the lyrics to figure out what they had to do with this boyfriend of hers, and how he was a leader of a "pack" (yes, my mind was straight to wolves), and for years I thought he'd driven a motorcycle off a cliff or something. Good times.
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
(Olympia (Rockstar) - Hole)
I'm using a loose interpretation of "somewhere" here, I know, but this one reminds me of middle school. My best friend and I in 7th grade used to listen to this song all the time, and we felt a silly personal kinship with it because we were all, "Hey, Olympia's not that far from here. She feels our pain." Heh. In reality, I think we all know middle school just about anywhere is a pain.
On a similar note, I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for attempting not one, but TWO new things in the kitchen yesterday. I still had potatoes from the food pantry as well as eggs--and while eggs are one of the things I'm sensitive to (on the "low" list), I really wasn't up to dragging myself to the store to buy new stuff with the SNAP benefits yet--so I watched a couple YouTube cooking vids & then made myself some tacos with fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, & cheese. I've never cooked anything with potatoes before (unless you count instant mashed potatoes, which you probably don't, heh), and same goes for eggs (unless you count adding them to baking mixes).
I struggle really badly with recipes that call for too many things to be juggled at once, especially if I don't have specific timelines for when I need to do each thing, plus I tend to put a LOT of pressure on myself to get things right, so I was already feeling wicked on edge before I even began. But it helped when I reminded myself that, y'know, no one else is here -- no one is going to get on my case if I screw up. It's not like how it used to be when I lived with my family, getting mocked or criticized or yelled at for every tiny thing. It's okay to be uncoordinated & spill things, it's okay to accidentally finish one thing way before another, it's okay if it takes me a hundred years to peel & slice potatoes, it's okay to need to look at directions over & over, it's okay to be anal about measurements, it's okay to overcook something when I'm being paranoid about undercooking it, it's okay if it ends up gross even. Fortunately, it didn't end up gross, but that's not the point. The point is I tried. And it is hard, because I did internalize a lot of how I was treated by my family over the years, so it's not easy for me to be patient with either myself or the process when it comes to things like this.
2. Thanks to a number of you, I've begun watching Revenge.
-So, what's the deal -- is Lydia dead for sure? Because I swear I saw her eyelids flutter after hitting that car. And yes, I know. Detail-oriented much? It's how I roll.
If she is dead, that puts a major buzzkill on my burgeoning Lydia/Victoria feelings. Dang it.
-Speaking of shippy feelings, I might be shipping Victoria & the security dude too. The fact that he's a lady-killer, *literally*, should probably give me pause, but…ngl, it totally doesn't. Ha. Their dynamic reminds me of DeWitt/Dominic on Dollhouse. Just think of all the BAMF-y things they can plot together.
-Have I mentioned I've had a crush on Madeleine Stowe for about a hundred years now? Ever since the mid-'90s. Mmm.
-Everyone on my flist talks a lot about what a wackjob Emily is, but I think the show works because she's not the only one. Seriously, they're all horrible people, minus maybe one or two. And it's awesome. Heh. It's bringing me back to my old school Melrose Place days. Yeah boyeee.
3. I got season 1 of Psych from the library today. I'm feeling very--wait for it--PSYCHED to watch. Ahaha…ehh. Sorry about that. Heh.
4. I wish I could afford a haircut. Mine is way too long right now, like at least five inches past my shoulders. Such a pain. Also a pain? The psoriasis that's made a reappearance on my scalp as of late. UGH.
5. This entry seems like it's missing something, but whatevs, I want to go watch my DVDs. So. Time to wrap this up.
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
(Leader of the Pack - Shangri-Las)
This song reminds me of my maternal grandma. There used to be this themed diner my family would sometimes go to, which had cherry cokes (for some reason this was huge to me, heh), mini-burgers, and '50s/'60s music & decor. One day I was eating there with Nanny, and this song came on. Out of nowhere, she started crying, which was not at all common for her. I asked her why, and I didn't get the whole story, just snippets, but I still remember "old high school boyfriend", "tragic", "rebel without a cause", and "James Dean" being somewhere in there. Needless to say I was v. confused. Hee. Especially since she wouldn't have been in high school when this song came out. I remember I kept trying to listen to the lyrics to figure out what they had to do with this boyfriend of hers, and how he was a leader of a "pack" (yes, my mind was straight to wolves), and for years I thought he'd driven a motorcycle off a cliff or something. Good times.
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
(Olympia (Rockstar) - Hole)
I'm using a loose interpretation of "somewhere" here, I know, but this one reminds me of middle school. My best friend and I in 7th grade used to listen to this song all the time, and we felt a silly personal kinship with it because we were all, "Hey, Olympia's not that far from here. She feels our pain." Heh. In reality, I think we all know middle school just about anywhere is a pain.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-23 05:31 am (UTC)I also love that everyone on REVENGE is CRAZY. Like the college friend, who is clearly lying about everything and has no money and is living off his rich friends. Love it so much.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 01:22 am (UTC)Haha, I know. The second he showed up, I was just like, "UM, HELLO, SUSPECT."
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-23 01:26 pm (UTC)Am enjoying your songs meme :)
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 01:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-23 02:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-23 02:37 pm (UTC)Cooking does get better the more you do it, and I still struggle with getting everything done at the same time (I swear it has only happened ONCE in my cooking life, and I've been doing this for at least ten years) so I'm glad you realized that it doesn't really matter, ha.
I used to get pissed when my food was not good, but then I just remind myself that, hey, at least now I know that the dish/food is something I don't like and can move onto the next thing.
Cooking, like life, is a work in progress. Get it, Rach!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 01:30 am (UTC)*gets it*
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 01:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-23 09:14 pm (UTC)Also go you for the cooking. That's awesome. I am also terrible at timing things to be done together, and I tend to get stressed over it (as well as I AM GOING TO SCREW EVERYTHING UP, still), but in the end it's super unimportant. Especially when it's just you, so awesome that you were able to get past that enough to make something.
I am totally lacking knife skills as well and it really didn't help that every time Kev tried to teach me, he'd get all "OMG YOU ARE GOING TO CUT YOUR FINGER OFF!" Or that we only have a Chinese chef's knife, which is scary looking and awkward to hold properly. But it's whatever. It's totally fine to be slow with that stuff, and take time to learn things, or just never get better and go with what you have. I know there are a lot of reasons you have anxiety around cooking, so I'm really happy you've been able to get more into it lately. That's a huge thing, and it's one you should be giving yourself credit for. Along with stuff like even making a list, filling out your FAFSA, all of it. I still don't really like cooking, myself, ngl. I've fallen in love with baking, but cooking...ugh. It still feels like an accomplishment to make things, though.
Why are my comments always so long? Whatever.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 01:40 am (UTC)Dude, I'm always afraid I'm about to cut my finger off. That's a big part of the slowness.
I like baking better too. The recipes are often simpler to follow & more exact, while also being easier to experiment with. Plus, when you're finished, you get a treat.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 10:10 pm (UTC)I don't worry about the finger-cutting-off as much anymore, but I am still painfully slow and don't really know techniques. I only finally managed to get the "how to hold a knife" thing down because at one point George overheard Kevin giving me a "lesson" and was like, "Um, freaking out like that is a good way to MAKE her cut a finger off" and then said he'd show me. But still, yeah, knives are scary.
I like baking for that reason, too, and it makes me laugh because it's the same reason Kevin is so terrible at baking. He's all "What do you mean I can't just make a crust using random amounts of butter and flour, without even knowing the proper ratio?" or "What do you mean I can't just leave out the baking soda for no reason?" or "What are these 'measuring cups' you keep talking about?" It's pretty funny to watch him try, but he won't anymore -- he just gets all grumpy-faced, tells me to do it, and then goes to roast a duck or something.
I like it better when there are people to eat it, though, because I'm not big on sweets anymore, so I'll eat, like, two cookies and then look around, all confused, and scream, "NOW WHO IS GOING TO EAT THE OTHER TWO DOZEN?!" I am super psyched that it's coming up on the holiday baking season because I can make so many things and it won't go to waste.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-25 03:07 pm (UTC)And, heh, you're a cookie pusher. I can see you just, like, showing up at your brother's door with a wheelbarrow full of snickerdoodles, all, "EAT IT."
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-23 11:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 01:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 03:37 am (UTC)I wish I could cook at all. It's awesome you tried to cook and it wasn't awful! That sounds like a victory to me.:)
I LOVE Revenge. I don't ship anyone. I like it for the Revenge aspect and that's it. LOL. I think Lydia is dead and I think how she died was pretty fucked up. I don't think Emily is crazy at all... I would do that to everyone that screwed me over if I could!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 06:01 am (UTC)I couldn't really cook a whole lot before this either. YouTube vids, yo. You can find one on almost anything.
I don't think Emily is crazy at all... I would do that to everyone that screwed me over if I could!
OMG, remind me not to get on your bad side. Haha. ILU.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 06:14 am (UTC)Oh cool! Youtube videos. I will check that out. I was just watching youtube videos to learn how to talk in a British and Australian accents. LOL. They are hot and I would love to know how to talk like that.
I always hold grudges! I forgive but I don't forget. ILU 2 btw!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-24 04:46 pm (UTC)See, I like that you own that. Haha. I think most people hold grudges to some degree, honestly, regardless of what they say.