![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82I hate when I fall behind here. Can't I just get paid to sit & write LJ entries all day? I mean, I'm just saying -- two birds with one stone & all. Plus, I'd totally be willing.
Every time I go a few days between updates, I end up all, "TOO MANY THINGS!", and as a result struggle to write anything. So, to make it easier on myself today, I'm just going to wrap up some memes & leave RL-related matters for next time. At which point there'll surely be even more things (the beginning of this week was rough, admittedly. I'm pretty exhausted right now, both emotionally & physically. P.S. this job involves WAY more moving of the body than I anticipated. My muscles, they are le sore), but nevermind that. At least I'm posting.
First up, a meme from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lytab5:
Comment to this post with "Five Me" and I will list five things I associate with you. They might make sense or they might be totally random. Then post that list, with your commentary, to your LJ (or just add a reply back to me). Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.
1. Raaaaach
Well, that IS my name. Heh. So, y'know, makes sense. I don't have any super interesting commentary to give on this, but I will say that I appreciate the enthusiasm conveyed by the extra letters. Hee.
2. Bones
Who, me? What? I never watch that show. Pshh. (I feel like I needcareyleah's "I neverrr watch TV" Abed icon here)
3. Writing
Aw, that's a nice association. Writing is sort of my frenemy at times, but same goes for anything I can be perfectionistic & competitive about. In other words: everything. Heh.
4. Tortoises and gay
Ha, YES. They go together like peanut butter & jelly…with a side of vagina. (Tastes great; less filling!)
And for those of you who don't get the association, head on over here.
5. Oregon
Born & raised, yo. Native Oregonians are very proud of that sort of thing, by the way. We like to lord it over the Californians & advertise it on personalized license plates as if it were some kind of accomplishment.
Speaking of my home turf, enjoy an upcoming clip from Portlandia's second season (starting in January!):
"Broken umbrellas and broken HEARTS."
Heh. Sounds like an average Tuesday to me.
And, finally, let's finish that 30 song challenge, shall we?
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
("The Shape of Things To Come," Bear McCreary)
Bonus: mastering this version would also mean learning to play the piano, which is something I've wanted to do forever anyway. Obviously I'd be down with learning it on the violin, too, but that'd be far easier (though it would certainly take some work getting over decade-long rusty-ness, but still). Either way, I've been in love with this piece of music for over two years now. The only way I know to explain how it makes me feel is to say that it fills my heart. Every time.
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
("Up, Down, Touch the Ground," Winnie the Pooh)
I used to sing this song (and do the "exercise") with my nephew when he was a toddler. I sang to him a lot in general, really. It's a complicated set of emotions for me whenever I'm reminded of him now, especially when it's of him as a baby, because there's joy there--in the memory--but so much sadness as well. After my sister left me that message the other day, I wrote her a short email in reply (just to let her know she didn't need to call the agency back, and also to ask her to tell the kids I love them/think about them every day/am sorry I haven't been around), and--though I know I probably shouldn't have--I looked in my spam folder later & read a few messages my mom sent me, one of which said that Jayden had cried the night before after seeing a photo of me, that he "didn't understand" why I'd "vanished from his life", & so on. I know she manipulates, exaggerates, and lies, but it's been circling my mind ever since, like slowly being pulled into a drain. It's just heartbreaking. The idea that he's crying because of anything to do with me, regardless of whether it's really my "fault" or if I ever had a healthy choice. I had to remind myself the other night that, if I were dead, I still wouldn't be in his life anyway. All it would do is hurt me; it wouldn't make anything better for him. But it's like, for that moment, when you're thinking of someone SO precious to you, with whom you always had such a bond (and not just a bond that "happened", but one you WORKED on, put effort into, and *made* into something amazing), and when you know the people they're now solely surrounded by are utterly 100% dysfunctional, & that you were the person who constantly showed this child stability & love--in both action and in word--and now that person is just ~gone~? It's like, well, that person should just be dead. Because they are horrible.
And I could keep going, especially because there's a lot more to her emails than even just that (the typical roller coaster of promises one second--which, I swear, those are what fuck me up the most--cruelty the next, and random batshittery after that), but it's opening up a larger can of worms that I know I won't have time to get into tonight. I already went on longer than I meant to. So, let's put this back in the "next entry" folder & move on.
day 29 - a song from your childhood
("Lately," Jodeci)
This was my SHIT back in the day. I clearly remember this song coming on over the radio one afternoon during recess, probably in the 5th grade, and I was all, "HOLD UP, EVERYONE. I HAVE THINGS TO DO", and then basically just took off so I could listen to the epicness in solitude. Heh. (seriously though, 4:15 to 4:30? I JUST. CAN'T EVEN.)
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year
("Mercy Seat," Nick Cave)
It was hard to decide between this one, stuff by Amanda Palmer, and many others off my 2010 soundtrack, but I really did play the hell out of this song last winter. If it wasn't my "favorite", it certainly came close. This version in particular.
Every time I go a few days between updates, I end up all, "TOO MANY THINGS!", and as a result struggle to write anything. So, to make it easier on myself today, I'm just going to wrap up some memes & leave RL-related matters for next time. At which point there'll surely be even more things (the beginning of this week was rough, admittedly. I'm pretty exhausted right now, both emotionally & physically. P.S. this job involves WAY more moving of the body than I anticipated. My muscles, they are le sore), but nevermind that. At least I'm posting.
First up, a meme from
lytab5:Comment to this post with "Five Me" and I will list five things I associate with you. They might make sense or they might be totally random. Then post that list, with your commentary, to your LJ (or just add a reply back to me). Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.
1. Raaaaach
Well, that IS my name. Heh. So, y'know, makes sense. I don't have any super interesting commentary to give on this, but I will say that I appreciate the enthusiasm conveyed by the extra letters. Hee.
2. Bones
Who, me? What? I never watch that show. Pshh. (I feel like I need
careyleah's "I neverrr watch TV" Abed icon here) 3. Writing
Aw, that's a nice association. Writing is sort of my frenemy at times, but same goes for anything I can be perfectionistic & competitive about. In other words: everything. Heh.
4. Tortoises and gay
Ha, YES. They go together like peanut butter & jelly…with a side of vagina. (Tastes great; less filling!)
And for those of you who don't get the association, head on over here.
5. Oregon
Born & raised, yo. Native Oregonians are very proud of that sort of thing, by the way. We like to lord it over the Californians & advertise it on personalized license plates as if it were some kind of accomplishment.
Speaking of my home turf, enjoy an upcoming clip from Portlandia's second season (starting in January!):
"Broken umbrellas and broken HEARTS."
Heh. Sounds like an average Tuesday to me.
And, finally, let's finish that 30 song challenge, shall we?
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
("The Shape of Things To Come," Bear McCreary)
Bonus: mastering this version would also mean learning to play the piano, which is something I've wanted to do forever anyway. Obviously I'd be down with learning it on the violin, too, but that'd be far easier (though it would certainly take some work getting over decade-long rusty-ness, but still). Either way, I've been in love with this piece of music for over two years now. The only way I know to explain how it makes me feel is to say that it fills my heart. Every time.
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
("Up, Down, Touch the Ground," Winnie the Pooh)
I used to sing this song (and do the "exercise") with my nephew when he was a toddler. I sang to him a lot in general, really. It's a complicated set of emotions for me whenever I'm reminded of him now, especially when it's of him as a baby, because there's joy there--in the memory--but so much sadness as well. After my sister left me that message the other day, I wrote her a short email in reply (just to let her know she didn't need to call the agency back, and also to ask her to tell the kids I love them/think about them every day/am sorry I haven't been around), and--though I know I probably shouldn't have--I looked in my spam folder later & read a few messages my mom sent me, one of which said that Jayden had cried the night before after seeing a photo of me, that he "didn't understand" why I'd "vanished from his life", & so on. I know she manipulates, exaggerates, and lies, but it's been circling my mind ever since, like slowly being pulled into a drain. It's just heartbreaking. The idea that he's crying because of anything to do with me, regardless of whether it's really my "fault" or if I ever had a healthy choice. I had to remind myself the other night that, if I were dead, I still wouldn't be in his life anyway. All it would do is hurt me; it wouldn't make anything better for him. But it's like, for that moment, when you're thinking of someone SO precious to you, with whom you always had such a bond (and not just a bond that "happened", but one you WORKED on, put effort into, and *made* into something amazing), and when you know the people they're now solely surrounded by are utterly 100% dysfunctional, & that you were the person who constantly showed this child stability & love--in both action and in word--and now that person is just ~gone~? It's like, well, that person should just be dead. Because they are horrible.
And I could keep going, especially because there's a lot more to her emails than even just that (the typical roller coaster of promises one second--which, I swear, those are what fuck me up the most--cruelty the next, and random batshittery after that), but it's opening up a larger can of worms that I know I won't have time to get into tonight. I already went on longer than I meant to. So, let's put this back in the "next entry" folder & move on.
day 29 - a song from your childhood
("Lately," Jodeci)
This was my SHIT back in the day. I clearly remember this song coming on over the radio one afternoon during recess, probably in the 5th grade, and I was all, "HOLD UP, EVERYONE. I HAVE THINGS TO DO", and then basically just took off so I could listen to the epicness in solitude. Heh. (seriously though, 4:15 to 4:30? I JUST. CAN'T EVEN.)
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year
("Mercy Seat," Nick Cave)
It was hard to decide between this one, stuff by Amanda Palmer, and many others off my 2010 soundtrack, but I really did play the hell out of this song last winter. If it wasn't my "favorite", it certainly came close. This version in particular.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-17 03:56 pm (UTC)I hear you, sista *g*
Don't worry about the 'all the things building up' feeling - I think that's totally normal. I get it all the time, and then I don't know if I'll feel better if I write the shit down or try and move on and forget about it - aaaah!
Also: Jodeci! That time reminds me so much of a certain friend I had growing up - totally her kind of music!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-18 05:34 pm (UTC)Dude, seriously, this is me all the time. Everything has to be ~processed~, even my lack of processing. Ha.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-18 08:10 pm (UTC)When you see a piece being played on the piano you don't need to hear the music or see the sheet music to know if it's classical or modern music, it's so different.
I know she manipulates, exaggerates, and lies, but it's been circling my mind ever since, like slowly being pulled into a drain.
Because parents are not supposed to behave like that. You are right and your mom is wrong, but what the mind knows doesn't always translate into the rest of you (sorry if it sounds smug, it wasn't supposed to).
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-19 05:44 pm (UTC)Haha, my "Galactic show"? Yes.
You raise an interesting point. That it's maybe not just my sadness/guilt over my nephew that her words triggered, but also the incongruity between what a parent should be & what she is. There's some cognitive dissonance there, and that might be adding to the angst.