(no subject)

What box do you get put in?
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Hey, that's actually kind of true. And I do like classical music.

When I think about it, it's totally true. I never fit into any one group. I always had friends from lots of different groups, as well. It would wig people out, sometimes. Like, in middle school, I remember some of the "preppy" kids I was friendly with, always being like "Why are you friends with her?" referring to my friend Emily, who wasn't really in any one "group" herself, but wore black makeup around her eyes and enjoyed scowling at assholes. She was a lovely person, but I guess people thought she was a "freak." Whatever. Then, when I went to ACHS, everyone was all "Oh my God, why??? Freaks go there, Rachael!"

But, going the other direction, I didn't fit in with the "alternative" kids either. I mean, I fit in very easily at my High School, but I still always had to deal with people having pre-conceived notions of me, from those types of kids. My best friend Kim, would go around with her many piercings, and multi-colored hair, and I'd be with her, with my own little "Rachael look" as she called it. Heh. And, when she'd introduce me to her friends, they'd always trip over me. I guess they looked at me, and expected something different than what they got. I remember one guy in particular telling me I was a prep. Most of her friends and I got along very well, but they'd always be like "I thought you'd be a snob, when I first met you."

But, beyond even what kind of friends I have, personally, I really just don't fit in anywhere. I like nice clothes, but I could care less what other people wear. I was never some hard-core punk, but I'm definitely too much of a geeky smart-pants weirdo to be a very good prep. I remember talking about this sort of thing with Kim, after her friend said I was preppy. I asked her "So what am I, then? Do you think I'm a prep?" and she was like "No. You're. . .I don't know what you are. You aren't anything. You're Rachael. That's a group all its own." Hee. I like that. I hate the whole idea of forcing people to be in a box. I'm proud actually of the fact that I can't be boxed in by people, and that people who look at me and think they won't like me, end up often being good friends with me.

Your oompa-ness is turning me on, baby!

Sure, I could edit my last entry. Am I going to? Nah.

Today was aiight. I'm not gonna recap it again, because most of y'all have probably read about it at meta. Except Fishy maybe. So, for you sweetie, I'll do the cliff notes. I worked, was mad tired and worn out, limping like a cripple because I twisted my ankle (klutz like a mofo!), and that's pretty much it. Oh, and the manager I cried in front of, talked to me, and made me feel a little better. Peppy did, yesterday, too. So, looks like if Asshole continues to be a problem, at least I know people have my back.

This guy at work made me feel kinda spiffy. They paged for merchandise assist, and I went over there, and I don't know if the dude was expecting a guy or what (since it was the men's department), but when he saw me, his face lit up. All "hey!" And he totally checked me out. Apparently he didn't mind that my pants were falling off my ass, and I was gimping around on my poor ankle. Speaking of my pants, today was the last day that I'll have to be tugging up on them every other second, at work! I don't work again till Saturday, and my new pants should be hemmed by Thursday. Rock on. I'm not crazy about the black ones that much, but it's okay. They fit, and look all right; I know I'm just being picky. But I do like the grey ones. I wish that style came in black.

This young guy in the stock room tonight said to me "You are too small!" or something like that. But he said it smiling, so I don't think he meant it meanly or anything like that. It was almost flirty. Weird. Like "hey, you're almost short enough to qualify for dwarfism" is the new hot pick up line. Heh. Whatever.

The "Whole Lot of Nothin'" Contract, five years later.

I'm feeling down today. I spent time last night, looking at old letters and shit from friends, and thinking about myself and others. Now, I'm having one of those days where I feel very much alone, hopeless, sad, and self-hating. Wanting to just get in bed, and sleep, to make it stop. If anyone cares to read it, I wrote a very long, angsty thing about it all. I don't want to hear about the length this time. If it's too long, don't read it. But I don't need to hear about it. ( Like to hear it, here it goes. . . )

(no subject)

What Is Your True Aura Colour?
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And green's my favorite color too. Coincidence? Or is it?

The bitching thread getting closed at meta is totally annoying me. It was one of the most popular threads there. But, apparently, because a couple people don't like it, I guess that doesn't matter. It just gets closed with no warning, and no discussion. How very TWaT-ish.

disclaimer: If you agree with it being closed, fine. Cool for you. Don't comment to this, to be all "Get over it." I'm just venting. If I felt like starting a debate, I'd post that at meta itself.

I'm a lean, mean, entry-writin' machine today

I wanna go upstairs and punch my Mom in the face, right now. She's up there, ranting to my Stepdad's uncle about how she shouldn't have to take some sort of rehab class (I have no idea what she's talking about. I assume it has something to do with insurance. She was going to turn in her license today, but I don't think she did it), because it wasn't her fault that she got in all those accidents. BULLSHIT. Fucking bullshit. You guys have no idea how many accidents she's gotten in, over the years. No, really. No. Really. And I'm so motherfucking sick of her saying that's she's not an addict. Fuck you, you lying bitch. This is the first time in my entire life, that she's supposedly not taking anything. I'm apparently in a venting mood today, I feel like telling y'all about some shit. You guys feel like hearing a little about my Mom? How about a lot? ( Get ready, because here I go )

(no subject)

What Are You?

It's true, damn't.

By the way, thanks to Allie and Raq, for being sweethearts. Thanks, guys.

Don't laugh, we're having a Hallmark moment here!

Okay, can I just tell you guys how much I love you all? You know who you are. nancydrew01, raquelitah, sonneta, miiiike, dosidella. All of you. I hope you know you made me cry today, in a good way. And damn you Dosi, because this is the second time you've made me cry. Stop being such a damn good friend! I hate you! Hee. No, seriously. Fuck, I love you. In that "you make me SICK with the love!" kind of way. You know what I mean.

I feel so blessed, to have such kind, wonderful people in my life. Who are there for me, and support me, when I need them. I still have a hard time understanding why I'm so lucky, thinking there's a catch. You're all just good people, or damn, I don't even know. But the thoughtful words and love mean so, so much to me. It's enough to make me almost believe I'm not quite so "wrong" after all. Well, almost. But it's a start. Just, thank you. That's all I can say. I didn't expect this kind of support and love from people. What a pleasant surprise.