You can't get to Heaven in your Sunday best

1. More photo meme funtimes, ahoy! Here's torigates' request: "I'd like to see your kitchen and inside your fridge", and ( here's the oh-so-fascinating result )

2. My dreams continue to be wack-ass weird. I mean, on one hand I'm still getting the predictable family dreams, so that part's sort of status: normal, but on top of that they've just been so damned ODD lately. I found myself in some cheesy horror movie last night, and the baddie was a green-skinned (like the Wicked Witch) chick who would pop up out of nowhere and, like, stab you with her nails and shit if you didn't do whatever she wanted. Plus she had some magical power to make men obsessed with her. That by itself wouldn't be so weird (for a dream), but then guess how I convinced her to chill out & leave this one kid in my mom's family room alone? Why, I brought in Freddy Krueger of course. And she was all, "I'm not like that, am I?" And I was like, "Well, you're kind of a jerk. I mean, no offense." Hee hee. Then she felt all bad & let the kid go.[/clearly I'm a hero in my head]

Oh, and I totally hardcore made out with her afterward. HAHA. I think she had normal skin by then though.

What the fuuuuuck.

3. I've been working on my fic more, and I'm having a much easier time with it now. It's good to have something positive to focus on.

4. You know how you have to choose a mood for each entry? I keep running into the issue lately where I don't know what mood I am. There's honestly so many different things I feel about various parts of my life right now, and sometimes it leaves me feeling sort of…~nothing~ all over. Like, a big question mark. I just don't know. I do know I feel a bit lost regarding what to hope for & do with everything right now. There's still a lot of hopelessness & disillusionment in me, which I just sort of try to ignore. There's pain & anxiety over family stuff. There's a sense of failure, and the rut I feel stuck in when it comes to jobs & schooling & RL friendships & weight loss & self-improvement and…yeah, pretty much everything. But there's also, hey, at least my living room & kitchen are clean. Like, that's good. And fic writing also makes me feel good when it's going well, and I have a new candle lit in here that smells nice, and the weather's finally becoming spring-like, so those things are all positive. I've gained weight, which bothers me enormously, but I'm still rational enough to know five pounds is not the end of the damned world, and it could quickly be lost by walking. I don't know, whatever. Some of you know my depression has been pretty stealthy lately, getting much worse at nighttime/when I'm not distracted, but I'm still here, aren't I? And I'm trying to figure out how to find a balance between cheering myself up & not pushing problematic feelings down so that they'll just inevitably come rushing up later, like, "Surprise! Thought we were gone? THINK AGAIN. NOW WE'RE EVEN WORSE." You know? Oy, stupid FEELINGS.

Okay, ramble over. I will add though that I would really like to try & go to an ACA meeting this weekend. I'd also like to take a walk in Forest Park. I don't know if I'll follow through though (largely because my new jeans still aren't hemmed, and my other stuff is crappy looking. It's hard enough getting myself to walk anywhere nearby right now, let alone go downtown where people look nicer. Common sense would tell me "just go freaking get your jeans hemmed then! And do some laundry, stupid!" but it's like RIDIC levels of hard when you're depressed to get off your ass & do anything physical, especially for me if it involves possibly seeing other people). So, I won't say I'm doing it for sure, but I'm at least thinking about it. If I can just get myself to bring those jeans to the cleaners, that'll probably make other things easier & provide more motivation.[/ramble over for real this time. Don't mind me as I write think outloud about stuff no one else in their right mind probably cares about.]

5. My DVR failed to record Parks & Rec + Community AGAIN this week. WTF, mate? I changed the settings though to allow for reruns as well now; maybe it was marking new eps as repeats & then ignoring them or something. *shakes fist*

( It did however record Bones, thankfully. )

For my Vid of the Day, here's a fun Community tribute that I found today by bopradar. Makes me want to go rewatch all of season 1 all over again.