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Just a few things to talk about today:
1. I babysat my niece again yesterday while my sister went to the dentist, and we had fun together despite both of us being sick. There was some hide-and-seek action, and lots of cartoon-watching. I ended up staying there with Jayden later too, while my sister worked a couple hours and Izzie went to her dad's, because the traffic was too crazy for her to take me home and still make it to work on time (I would've taken the bus or a cab, but we had a deal that she'd give me a lift home if I babysat. Plus I felt too crappy to sit on a bus for two hours, and I didn't want to spend $50 on a cab). Jayden meanwhile stayed with me instead of going with Izzie because I didn't want to be left alone in the house, and I have no shame in my game admitting that.
CASE IN POINT: Remember in my last written entry, how I mentioned my sister's front door opening on its own? Yeah, well, it happened again, and this time I saw it with my own two eyes. First I was looking away, facing Isbella & talking, when I heard the door creak and saw it being pushed partially open out of the corner of my eye. So I turned and said, "hello?", thinking it was Lance and that the door had been left unlocked, and I then saw it being pushed slowly forward again. But this time I also noticed that the knob was still locked (but not the deadbolt), and that NO ONE WAS THERE. And no, there was no gust of wind. No explanation what-so-freaking-ever. My sister even shut the door again and showed me how hard you could pull on it without it opening while shut & locked. I tried my hand at it as well, and it would not open. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.
2. While I was there, I mostly just felt dizzy, tired, and nauseated, but suddenly during the time while Jay and I were left alone, I started getting a horrible migraine again. Corinne got me home as quickly as she could once she returned, and I made sure to eat something with protein along the way, but it just got worse & worse as the night progressed. I started throwing up and couldn't stop even after nothing was left, and I was just leaning over the toilet, gagging & crying. I couldn't keep anything down, including medications & water. I tried distracting myself, tried accepting the pain & relaxing, but it was just unbearable. So I called a cab around two in the morning & went to St. V's again. This time, however, I asked first what the wait time was like and was told FOUR HOURS, so I was like, "um, FUCK THAT," and turned right around, calling the cab company back and going to the Hated Hospital instead. At that point I was willing to accept any help. Fortunately, I got a room there right away, and contrary to what that bitchy nurse told me once, they have no policy against treating migraines with pain pills. Or at least they don't when you tell them your sinuses & ears are killing you too. Either way, the doctor just asked me what St V's had done the previous week and repeated it. Again, it didn't get rid of the migraine entirely, but it caused it to recede enough for me to find some peace and doze off for a while. He was also kind enough to prescribe me 15 oxycodone pills (at half the dose I'm used to, but still) and some antibiotics for what he thought was "probably" a sinus infection. I ended up having to take two of the oxys this afternoon as the migraine started returning, and it still vaguely hurts now, but at least I'm not in agony. I keep drifting off to sleep though, which is annoying because I'm out of my sleep meds and thus I know I'll probably be up all night.
And yes, my sister will be coming over later to take some of the pills away from me; that way she can dole them out to me a few at a time, and it'll be less likely I'll lose the whole bottle again.
3. I've been invited to Thanksgiving at Joe's house next week, and I'm no less conflicted feeling. I'm going to accept the invitation, but I wish I could feel less nervous about it. I'm apprehensive about what grief feelings regarding my mom might pop up too, because I know it'll feel so wrong that she won't be there. But I guess on the positive side this means I won't be alone on the holiday for once, and that I get to see the kids? I just hope this reconciliation is the right path to healing for me.
4. I see my psychiatrist on Monday, and I'm going to ask him about adding Effexor back in, which I took years ago, and whether he thinks I should stay on the Abilify as well (considering it did seem to help my depression a bit, but it hasn't helped the anxiety AT ALL, which is pretty out-of-control at this point, and my sleep is fucked). For once I don't know what I want him to do, and that makes me anxious. I'm trying to stay positive though.
That's it for now, but I think I'm going to try to update my "Best Of" tag for So You Think You Can Dance in the next few days. I'm pretty sure I left off in 2012, so I've got some newer routines to sort through. I don't think there'll be nearly as many picks as with previous years though, since I haven't been particularly impressed with the show since season 9.
No Vid of the Day, because I'm exhausted. Sorry.
1. I babysat my niece again yesterday while my sister went to the dentist, and we had fun together despite both of us being sick. There was some hide-and-seek action, and lots of cartoon-watching. I ended up staying there with Jayden later too, while my sister worked a couple hours and Izzie went to her dad's, because the traffic was too crazy for her to take me home and still make it to work on time (I would've taken the bus or a cab, but we had a deal that she'd give me a lift home if I babysat. Plus I felt too crappy to sit on a bus for two hours, and I didn't want to spend $50 on a cab). Jayden meanwhile stayed with me instead of going with Izzie because I didn't want to be left alone in the house, and I have no shame in my game admitting that.
CASE IN POINT: Remember in my last written entry, how I mentioned my sister's front door opening on its own? Yeah, well, it happened again, and this time I saw it with my own two eyes. First I was looking away, facing Isbella & talking, when I heard the door creak and saw it being pushed partially open out of the corner of my eye. So I turned and said, "hello?", thinking it was Lance and that the door had been left unlocked, and I then saw it being pushed slowly forward again. But this time I also noticed that the knob was still locked (but not the deadbolt), and that NO ONE WAS THERE. And no, there was no gust of wind. No explanation what-so-freaking-ever. My sister even shut the door again and showed me how hard you could pull on it without it opening while shut & locked. I tried my hand at it as well, and it would not open. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.
2. While I was there, I mostly just felt dizzy, tired, and nauseated, but suddenly during the time while Jay and I were left alone, I started getting a horrible migraine again. Corinne got me home as quickly as she could once she returned, and I made sure to eat something with protein along the way, but it just got worse & worse as the night progressed. I started throwing up and couldn't stop even after nothing was left, and I was just leaning over the toilet, gagging & crying. I couldn't keep anything down, including medications & water. I tried distracting myself, tried accepting the pain & relaxing, but it was just unbearable. So I called a cab around two in the morning & went to St. V's again. This time, however, I asked first what the wait time was like and was told FOUR HOURS, so I was like, "um, FUCK THAT," and turned right around, calling the cab company back and going to the Hated Hospital instead. At that point I was willing to accept any help. Fortunately, I got a room there right away, and contrary to what that bitchy nurse told me once, they have no policy against treating migraines with pain pills. Or at least they don't when you tell them your sinuses & ears are killing you too. Either way, the doctor just asked me what St V's had done the previous week and repeated it. Again, it didn't get rid of the migraine entirely, but it caused it to recede enough for me to find some peace and doze off for a while. He was also kind enough to prescribe me 15 oxycodone pills (at half the dose I'm used to, but still) and some antibiotics for what he thought was "probably" a sinus infection. I ended up having to take two of the oxys this afternoon as the migraine started returning, and it still vaguely hurts now, but at least I'm not in agony. I keep drifting off to sleep though, which is annoying because I'm out of my sleep meds and thus I know I'll probably be up all night.
And yes, my sister will be coming over later to take some of the pills away from me; that way she can dole them out to me a few at a time, and it'll be less likely I'll lose the whole bottle again.
3. I've been invited to Thanksgiving at Joe's house next week, and I'm no less conflicted feeling. I'm going to accept the invitation, but I wish I could feel less nervous about it. I'm apprehensive about what grief feelings regarding my mom might pop up too, because I know it'll feel so wrong that she won't be there. But I guess on the positive side this means I won't be alone on the holiday for once, and that I get to see the kids? I just hope this reconciliation is the right path to healing for me.
4. I see my psychiatrist on Monday, and I'm going to ask him about adding Effexor back in, which I took years ago, and whether he thinks I should stay on the Abilify as well (considering it did seem to help my depression a bit, but it hasn't helped the anxiety AT ALL, which is pretty out-of-control at this point, and my sleep is fucked). For once I don't know what I want him to do, and that makes me anxious. I'm trying to stay positive though.
That's it for now, but I think I'm going to try to update my "Best Of" tag for So You Think You Can Dance in the next few days. I'm pretty sure I left off in 2012, so I've got some newer routines to sort through. I don't think there'll be nearly as many picks as with previous years though, since I haven't been particularly impressed with the show since season 9.
No Vid of the Day, because I'm exhausted. Sorry.
