The way things are, and the way they've always been

-Without any spoilers, I'll just say that I thought Parenthood's series finale last night was perfection. I got literally everything I could've wanted and more. My fangirl heart hurts when I think of all the empty Thursday nights in front of me now, but at least I can always re-watch the series whenever I feel like it on netflix. Still, no new episodes anymore -- it's depressing. My spirits are lifted, however, when I consider how the show went out--in my opinion--on top. I only got more invested in it as time went by, not less. That's something special. It's an example too of why I think most shows should last 7 or fewer seasons (Parenthood went for six).

I've always said that Sex and the City's series finale was my favorite, but now it's a tie.

-I saw my new counselor one-on-one for the first time yesterday, and I liked him. I actually do feel optimistic now that I'll make more progress with him than with Katherine, but it could also just be that it's the right time for a change. Maybe she's what I needed then, and he's what I need now.

He gave me some homework to do -- first, a list of how I think I deserve to be treated, and second, a list of how people in my life *actually* treat me. He also wants me to try to write a letter to my dad that I may or may not actually send, but he told me I can take as much time as I need to write it, because I let him know it's going to be hard for me to get through it. It's going to bring up a lot of emotions, and I may not be able to deal with all of them at one time. He seemed to be in favor of me sending a letter like that & then not calling him unless he shows signs of changing & respecting my feelings. But he also told me it's okay if I'm not ready for that, now or ever. It's just his opinion, as it is my sister's and was my mom's & my old counselor's, that my dad is too smart not to know what he's doing to me (I didn't get a chance to ask him about emotional intelligence), and that him being in my life mostly hurts me more than it helps me. The only positive of having contact with him is not having to face losing him, and not having to worry about regrets & what-ifs later. But those are pretty heavy positives for me, so we'll see. I'm still unable to let go of the small hope that someday, over time or eventually, he could change at least a little. But I also know rationally that I'm probably wrong, and that I'm falling right into the role of an abuse victim & the crap they always say.

We also worked on setting some goals for the first six months of treatment, and I confirmed he's willing to work through CBT worksheets with me, which I think I need to start doing again, though I also dread it because I remember how long they used to sometimes take me. They're a lot of work when you have as many worries and thinking errors as I typically do. But it was worth it when I was younger, and it'd probably be worth starting up again now -- not just for my anxiety but for the type of thoughts I have while depressed as well.

-I've doubled my dose of progesterone and my period has only gotten heavier. Maybe it takes a few days to kick in, but it's not making me very optimistic.

'Kay, that's it. I'll probably be posting the second portion of that song meme later today, but for now let's get our 10 Day Challenge on.

The 10 Day Challenge

Day 1 - Ten random facts about yourself
Day 2 - Nine things you do every day
Day 3 - Eight things that annoy you
Day 4 - Seven fears/phobias
Day 5 - Six songs that you’re addicted to
Day 6 - Five things you can’t live without
Day 7 - Four memories you won’t forget
Day 8 - Three words you can’t go a day without
Day 9 - Two things you wish you could do
Day 10 - One person you can trust

Day 9 - Two things you wish you could do

1. Play the piano well. Or simply start playing the violin again & be able to pay for lessons. Either would make me very happy.

2. Go to space. That, or at least travel the world. But preferably both.

You make me sing

So, remember when I did that ginormous song meme the other day & warned you that a second half was coming soon? Well, here's where that comes to fruition. Going into this, I thought I'd actually have fewer songs on this list (which, for those of you who've been absent, will focus on songs I like & which I discovered for the first time via fanvids. The first list was all about songs discovered through TV & movies). HA. Nooooo. I've got like sixty-odd songs here. But just think, now you'll have music to listen to and fanvids to watch FOREVER. And, oh yes, wherever possible, I'll link to both the song & the fanvid that inspired me to discover it. So in a way this is kind of two lists in one. Many of these I've never shared before on this journal too, so y'all can benefit from my years of obsessive fanvid watching & music listening all in one post. Whether your thing is music, fanvids, or both, you're sure to find something you like here. (I don't think a spoiler warning for any of them is warranted though, right? I mean, some of these shows have been over for years. Time to catch up.)

Now, I know this list is probably overwhelming at first glance, but it's not like you have to listen to or watch all of them at once, or even all of them period. What you *can* do though is do me a solid and leave a comment just letting me know you're going to listen or have already listened to any of them or even simply agree with some of my choices -- that way I know I didn't waste all this time for nothing (DAYS of coding, I tell you). And really, me going to all this effort will look pretty pathetic without any comments. So, yeah. Be a friend & toss me a hello at least.

( Mega Song Meme Part 2: With a Vengeance )