And can't you see we could've had it all?
Feb. 11th, 2011 02:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82Damn period. It's making my head hurt. I kind of want to try my hand at a drabble fic in response to tonight's ending, but I don't think I can properly focus on one with the whole fire-in-my-eyes deal goin' on. We'll see.
In the meantime,
First off, remember how I said this song should be one of Booth & Brennan's themes for season 6?
…I rest my case.
To everyone who kept saying they didn't see the pissyness last Fall? TOLD YOU. The man's been pissed since he came back from Afghanistan (understandably. He's got a lot of stress to deal with--heartbreak, his childhood, the trauma of being a soldier/sniper, recovery from addiction, his career, etc). I've been waiting for him to put some of it--any of it--into words for quite a while now. I knew it was coming. He's always Mr. Cocky belt buckle. Always F.I.N.E., which as my good friend![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
keenai so correctly told me recently, really only means "fucking insecure neurotic & emotional." Seriously.
I mean, for God's sake, he's killed fifty people. Socially sanctioned or not, HE KILLED FIFTY PEOPLE (and you know he cared. He could've been killing Charles Manson clones fifty times in a row & he still would've cared). One of whom was at his son's birthday party. After growing up in a physically abusive, alcoholic home. Lord only knows what happened to his mother. He ended up an addict too, gambling & then trying to fix the problem on his own (when do they ever show him attending meetings? When?). He still drinks, which no matter how you slice it, probably eats away at him sometimes. Because he NEVER TALKS ABOUT HIS PAST. The first time he made a move on Brennan, he was drunk. The second time? He was "the gambler." When he proposed to Hannah? It was after deciding to do so while drunk. After she said no? He went and got drunk again. See a pattern?
Booth isn't an alcoholic; that's not what I'm saying. What I AM saying is that he's a recovering gambling addict, and copes with his emotions with addictive behaviors in general, especially because that's how he was raised. He knows it deep down, Sweets *must* know it full-well (and thus should've been looking out for him in this episode as a therapist), and it's part of what holds him back & makes him believe he's somehow inherantly "wrong". He comes from "wrong", he couldn't fix that "wrongness" in his family, he's still unconsciously repeating their "wrong" behaviors to a degree now, and so he thinks he's somehow "wrong" too. He blames himself for all of it as well as for things he couldn't possibly control. He's the fixer, the worrier, the one who makes things right but is never right (in his eyes) himself. I get him. I get him SO DAMN DEEPLY. So many of us came from homes just like he did. We don't all look alike, we don't all choose the exact same lifestyles, but you better believe we can spot each other in a crowd.
Not to mention:
Like I said, the man has been through a lot. Assuming he's not anywhere near the diagnostic criteria for PTSD (they haven't indicated he is--despite occasional temper flare-ups & withdrawing from friends since his return, etc), the point remains that people don't necessarily come back from numerous trips into a warzone mentally unscathed just because they've got a picture of a girlfriend on their cellphone & a pair of snazzy socks.
So, yes. It's about time he just flipped & had a total meltdown. That's what I'm sayin' here. WAY overdue. I don't even think his meltdown is done yet, to be frank. I think it's just beginning (though it's likely to be turned back down to a simmer for a while). Which is how it should go, because Brennan is finally opening up, so damn't, he should too. Come on, Booth. LET IT FLY. He acts like he's 100% honest & non-detached & all that, but it's pretty much crap once you get past a certain point. I SEE YOU THERE WITH YOUR PANTS ON FIRE, DUDE. YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME. You are insecure like a mofo, & you need to start dealing with your shit.
That being said, c'mere & let me hug you. *squish*
Poor little thing. My God. With the tears? And the wavering voice? He was really, really about to lose it when he gave Brennan that ultimatum at the end. Like, to the point where I basically had the feeling that if she'd walked out the door, the man would've just drank himself to fucking death. I'm not kidding. Maybe not literally that, but damn near close. He wouldn't have come back from it. It would've just been a one-way walk towards destruction & emotional oblivion. Dominoes falling, one by one. He was pushing her away like an "I'm tearing my house down, and I don't want you to stop me. If you can't bear to watch, just leave, just leave," knowing if she were to go it would mean the end of everything & it would be all wrong & all his fault, but all right at the same time because that's what he deserves (in his mind), and not being able to keep himself from saying the words anyway. Either way, thank God she didn't listen.
Re: Hannah, is it wrong that I like her better in my mind than on the show? Ha. Every time I make sense of her & play devil's advocate & bla bla bla, she comes back & gets on my nerves. Damn't. It's like they do it on purpose. I go back & forth regarding my opinion towards her though. It's hard.
On one hand, it makes sense to me that she was never that jealous towards Brennan because she never expected a commitment there, even if she loved him. I can completely understand that, especially if she told him outright that was her deal. It's such a Booth thing to do too to stay with her anyway when he knows he wants more (yet not tell her that), thinking he can somehow ~change her mind~. Whatever, Booth. Heh.
But here's where she lost points with me: when she was all "I thought we'd have more time before we got to this part." She expected him to want more? WTF, homes. Now, if she only suspected it? I'd cut her slack. But if she expected it? She should've cut him loose. To be fair though, Booth knew what he was getting (she said she'd told him she didn't want to get married before). So he was being equally manipulative by proposing in the first place. That put her in a crappy position. He should've ended it way before then, just like she should've (he said he'd been planning it! Booth, come on! "No" means no! Hee). ESPECIALLY because he loved another woman more. Duh. AND because he was keeping things from her about himself, like his past as a sniper, etc. So. But, as I wrote in my fic, he was way deep in a state of self-aware denial (mmm cognitive dissonance), and I understood that. Doesn't mean it was okay though. It just means I don't think he's a bad guy. He was hurt & lost. Hell, he still is. She never meant to hurt him, either. I'm sure of it. But these things happen.
Bottom line: they both made mistakes. I can easily make sense of them. But I admit, here's where I was *really* like, "okay, that's enough outta you, Hannah. Sense-makin' or not, you need to get 'da steppin." Heh. When she was trying to basically be all "pity me" about how long it would take for her to mourn him? And was coming back to tell him that they weren't really over for good in her mind & bla bla bla? Yeah, NO. MOVE ALONG, SNOOKUMS.
I believe Gloria has something she'd like to say about that:
Haha, okay, now I'm just getting snarky. But dude, you gotta admit, Hannah got a little bitchfacey & whiney in that last ep. "You talked about love & didn't mention me?" or whatever she said? And "you didn't answer me!" and so on? Ugh. Cut it out! And really, when you turn down someone for a marriage proposal, no matter what the circumstances, you really, really don't try to follow it up by getting them to feel bad for you. YOU DON'T. Just let it be over with & walk away. Jesus.
Anyway. Sorry, but that bugged me. I'm sure she probably meant it to actually make him feel better or reconnect with him or something, but it just wasn't cool.
As for the Booth/Brennan relationship, I actually predicted that if Booth were to go forward with a proposal, this is what would happen. I only thought of it today (I kept thinking they wouldn't have him propose at all, to be fair. Tonight's the first time I let myself consider other possibilities), but yeah. Once I thought of him proposing, I knew he'd follow it up with some hardcore bitterness & go the route of being all, "We are partners & friends & that's all & btw FUCK MARRIAGE & I HATE LOVE! I QUIT!" So, I wasn't surprised. It was great though. Their FACES & VOICES, gah. I kind of almost expected Brennan to swoop in while he was talking & just kiss him, then start explaining her feelings & go on some Stuart Smalley "Because you're good enough! You're smart enough! And doggone it, people like you!"-type speech, but then he went & told her how angry he was at her & basically cockblocked her. Hee. DAMN YOU, BOOTH. (kidding, heh) You know our girl, though. She's gonna respect his wishes.
It'll be all right, though. This is good. He doesn't just need to get over what happened with Hannah. He needs to start dealing with the fact that he thinks he's not good enough. He needs to understand why Brennan actually told him no last year. Brennan needs to understand it's not something she needs to "make up to him" either (please, viewers, stop saying this). There's nothing to make up FOR, except in their own minds. She's still learning to love herself too. It looks like the show is taking their sweet-ass time, putting lots of roadblocks in their way, but at least in the process they're letting both characters potentially discover themselves & gain confidence so that once they DO pair up? They'll both be ready. It'll be equal. All cards on the table, no bullshitting around, ~here I am~. My flaws, my strengths, my quirks, my everything. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO SEE. Preferably naked.
But they need to be friends for a bit again first before they can get there. Just as long as they DO get there, that's what matters. Because so help me God, they'd better fucking get there. For, like, a full season, at least. I WANT MY B/B SEXYTIMES SEASON, HH. DON'T YOU MAKE ME COME UP THERE WITH A PITCHFORK & AN ANGRY SHIPPER MOB.
Can we also please talk though about how wonderful it is that Brennan feels so comfortable just flat-out admitting she was the second woman Booth fell in love with? elaihailgholahggh Booth's too angsty & soused to really deal with that fact yet, but hot diggity dog, COME ON. BRENNAN. LET ME SQUISH YOU.
Oh yeah, and I suppose there was a case too, huh? Angela was funny (she should follow them to crime scenes more often, heh), Hodgins seems to be getting sympathy pregnancy hormones (he's totally snippier again! And he ate Cam's food! Haha. It amuses me), and Cam is still gorgeous. Just, y'know, in case anyone forgot. Which I'm sure they didn't.
P.S. Booth & Brennan are also still gorgeous. I really doubt anyone forgot that though. It should just be announced at the beginning of every entry I write: I WANT TO BONE BOOTH & BONES. And then a morse code could be sent out to the masses. Beep beep bo-boop-beep-beep. OVER.
'Kay, I'm getting to that stage of tired/headacheyness now where it's getting cracky. Sorry about that. Heh. Or maybe not sorry, depending on how entertaining it is. I don't know.
(my brain is still thinking about morse codes, just as an fyi. There's a carrier pigeon in the mix too. And possibly a message in a bottle getting picked up by a sailor named Skippy.)
MOVING ON.
The BMX stuff itself was boring. The ending left me like, "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU FOR REAL? DID HE JUST SAY THE WORD PLUMS?" Writers, take more naps. Okay?
Also: "there's an app for that"? NO, NO THERE'S NOT. AT LEAST THERE WON'T BE ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU PRODUCT-PLACEMENT-LOVING WHORES.
Okay, I think that's just about it.
*eta: except I can't believe I almost forgot to mention Noel! (it's just the normal spelling, right? I'm too tired to check right now. Plus, remember my new rule about the 20% fuck-up factor? So, even if I'm wrong--WHATEV) Welcome back, you! Please come back & stalk more often!
Can't wait 'til next week. Especially because it means Valentine's Day goes away. I went to the store tonight & there were balloons everywhere. I could hardly stand to look up. I wanted to find couples & lay down tripwire. "In your FACE, SMILEY MCGEE! Literally!"
Since I'm clearly in a music-y mood, my Vid of the Day will be another song I'm enjoying right now. Very appropriate in tone to my B/B babies at the moment:
In the meantime,
First off, remember how I said this song should be one of Booth & Brennan's themes for season 6?
…I rest my case.
To everyone who kept saying they didn't see the pissyness last Fall? TOLD YOU. The man's been pissed since he came back from Afghanistan (understandably. He's got a lot of stress to deal with--heartbreak, his childhood, the trauma of being a soldier/sniper, recovery from addiction, his career, etc). I've been waiting for him to put some of it--any of it--into words for quite a while now. I knew it was coming. He's always Mr. Cocky belt buckle. Always F.I.N.E., which as my good friend
keenai so correctly told me recently, really only means "fucking insecure neurotic & emotional." Seriously. I mean, for God's sake, he's killed fifty people. Socially sanctioned or not, HE KILLED FIFTY PEOPLE (and you know he cared. He could've been killing Charles Manson clones fifty times in a row & he still would've cared). One of whom was at his son's birthday party. After growing up in a physically abusive, alcoholic home. Lord only knows what happened to his mother. He ended up an addict too, gambling & then trying to fix the problem on his own (when do they ever show him attending meetings? When?). He still drinks, which no matter how you slice it, probably eats away at him sometimes. Because he NEVER TALKS ABOUT HIS PAST. The first time he made a move on Brennan, he was drunk. The second time? He was "the gambler." When he proposed to Hannah? It was after deciding to do so while drunk. After she said no? He went and got drunk again. See a pattern?
Booth isn't an alcoholic; that's not what I'm saying. What I AM saying is that he's a recovering gambling addict, and copes with his emotions with addictive behaviors in general, especially because that's how he was raised. He knows it deep down, Sweets *must* know it full-well (and thus should've been looking out for him in this episode as a therapist), and it's part of what holds him back & makes him believe he's somehow inherantly "wrong". He comes from "wrong", he couldn't fix that "wrongness" in his family, he's still unconsciously repeating their "wrong" behaviors to a degree now, and so he thinks he's somehow "wrong" too. He blames himself for all of it as well as for things he couldn't possibly control. He's the fixer, the worrier, the one who makes things right but is never right (in his eyes) himself. I get him. I get him SO DAMN DEEPLY. So many of us came from homes just like he did. We don't all look alike, we don't all choose the exact same lifestyles, but you better believe we can spot each other in a crowd.
Not to mention:
Like I said, the man has been through a lot. Assuming he's not anywhere near the diagnostic criteria for PTSD (they haven't indicated he is--despite occasional temper flare-ups & withdrawing from friends since his return, etc), the point remains that people don't necessarily come back from numerous trips into a warzone mentally unscathed just because they've got a picture of a girlfriend on their cellphone & a pair of snazzy socks.
So, yes. It's about time he just flipped & had a total meltdown. That's what I'm sayin' here. WAY overdue. I don't even think his meltdown is done yet, to be frank. I think it's just beginning (though it's likely to be turned back down to a simmer for a while). Which is how it should go, because Brennan is finally opening up, so damn't, he should too. Come on, Booth. LET IT FLY. He acts like he's 100% honest & non-detached & all that, but it's pretty much crap once you get past a certain point. I SEE YOU THERE WITH YOUR PANTS ON FIRE, DUDE. YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME. You are insecure like a mofo, & you need to start dealing with your shit.
That being said, c'mere & let me hug you. *squish*
Poor little thing. My God. With the tears? And the wavering voice? He was really, really about to lose it when he gave Brennan that ultimatum at the end. Like, to the point where I basically had the feeling that if she'd walked out the door, the man would've just drank himself to fucking death. I'm not kidding. Maybe not literally that, but damn near close. He wouldn't have come back from it. It would've just been a one-way walk towards destruction & emotional oblivion. Dominoes falling, one by one. He was pushing her away like an "I'm tearing my house down, and I don't want you to stop me. If you can't bear to watch, just leave, just leave," knowing if she were to go it would mean the end of everything & it would be all wrong & all his fault, but all right at the same time because that's what he deserves (in his mind), and not being able to keep himself from saying the words anyway. Either way, thank God she didn't listen.
Re: Hannah, is it wrong that I like her better in my mind than on the show? Ha. Every time I make sense of her & play devil's advocate & bla bla bla, she comes back & gets on my nerves. Damn't. It's like they do it on purpose. I go back & forth regarding my opinion towards her though. It's hard.
On one hand, it makes sense to me that she was never that jealous towards Brennan because she never expected a commitment there, even if she loved him. I can completely understand that, especially if she told him outright that was her deal. It's such a Booth thing to do too to stay with her anyway when he knows he wants more (yet not tell her that), thinking he can somehow ~change her mind~. Whatever, Booth. Heh.
But here's where she lost points with me: when she was all "I thought we'd have more time before we got to this part." She expected him to want more? WTF, homes. Now, if she only suspected it? I'd cut her slack. But if she expected it? She should've cut him loose. To be fair though, Booth knew what he was getting (she said she'd told him she didn't want to get married before). So he was being equally manipulative by proposing in the first place. That put her in a crappy position. He should've ended it way before then, just like she should've (he said he'd been planning it! Booth, come on! "No" means no! Hee). ESPECIALLY because he loved another woman more. Duh. AND because he was keeping things from her about himself, like his past as a sniper, etc. So. But, as I wrote in my fic, he was way deep in a state of self-aware denial (mmm cognitive dissonance), and I understood that. Doesn't mean it was okay though. It just means I don't think he's a bad guy. He was hurt & lost. Hell, he still is. She never meant to hurt him, either. I'm sure of it. But these things happen.
Bottom line: they both made mistakes. I can easily make sense of them. But I admit, here's where I was *really* like, "okay, that's enough outta you, Hannah. Sense-makin' or not, you need to get 'da steppin." Heh. When she was trying to basically be all "pity me" about how long it would take for her to mourn him? And was coming back to tell him that they weren't really over for good in her mind & bla bla bla? Yeah, NO. MOVE ALONG, SNOOKUMS.
I believe Gloria has something she'd like to say about that:
Haha, okay, now I'm just getting snarky. But dude, you gotta admit, Hannah got a little bitchfacey & whiney in that last ep. "You talked about love & didn't mention me?" or whatever she said? And "you didn't answer me!" and so on? Ugh. Cut it out! And really, when you turn down someone for a marriage proposal, no matter what the circumstances, you really, really don't try to follow it up by getting them to feel bad for you. YOU DON'T. Just let it be over with & walk away. Jesus.
Anyway. Sorry, but that bugged me. I'm sure she probably meant it to actually make him feel better or reconnect with him or something, but it just wasn't cool.
As for the Booth/Brennan relationship, I actually predicted that if Booth were to go forward with a proposal, this is what would happen. I only thought of it today (I kept thinking they wouldn't have him propose at all, to be fair. Tonight's the first time I let myself consider other possibilities), but yeah. Once I thought of him proposing, I knew he'd follow it up with some hardcore bitterness & go the route of being all, "We are partners & friends & that's all & btw FUCK MARRIAGE & I HATE LOVE! I QUIT!" So, I wasn't surprised. It was great though. Their FACES & VOICES, gah. I kind of almost expected Brennan to swoop in while he was talking & just kiss him, then start explaining her feelings & go on some Stuart Smalley "Because you're good enough! You're smart enough! And doggone it, people like you!"-type speech, but then he went & told her how angry he was at her & basically cockblocked her. Hee. DAMN YOU, BOOTH. (kidding, heh) You know our girl, though. She's gonna respect his wishes.
It'll be all right, though. This is good. He doesn't just need to get over what happened with Hannah. He needs to start dealing with the fact that he thinks he's not good enough. He needs to understand why Brennan actually told him no last year. Brennan needs to understand it's not something she needs to "make up to him" either (please, viewers, stop saying this). There's nothing to make up FOR, except in their own minds. She's still learning to love herself too. It looks like the show is taking their sweet-ass time, putting lots of roadblocks in their way, but at least in the process they're letting both characters potentially discover themselves & gain confidence so that once they DO pair up? They'll both be ready. It'll be equal. All cards on the table, no bullshitting around, ~here I am~. My flaws, my strengths, my quirks, my everything. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO SEE. Preferably naked.
But they need to be friends for a bit again first before they can get there. Just as long as they DO get there, that's what matters. Because so help me God, they'd better fucking get there. For, like, a full season, at least. I WANT MY B/B SEXYTIMES SEASON, HH. DON'T YOU MAKE ME COME UP THERE WITH A PITCHFORK & AN ANGRY SHIPPER MOB.
Can we also please talk though about how wonderful it is that Brennan feels so comfortable just flat-out admitting she was the second woman Booth fell in love with? elaihailgholahggh Booth's too angsty & soused to really deal with that fact yet, but hot diggity dog, COME ON. BRENNAN. LET ME SQUISH YOU.
Oh yeah, and I suppose there was a case too, huh? Angela was funny (she should follow them to crime scenes more often, heh), Hodgins seems to be getting sympathy pregnancy hormones (he's totally snippier again! And he ate Cam's food! Haha. It amuses me), and Cam is still gorgeous. Just, y'know, in case anyone forgot. Which I'm sure they didn't.
P.S. Booth & Brennan are also still gorgeous. I really doubt anyone forgot that though. It should just be announced at the beginning of every entry I write: I WANT TO BONE BOOTH & BONES. And then a morse code could be sent out to the masses. Beep beep bo-boop-beep-beep. OVER.
'Kay, I'm getting to that stage of tired/headacheyness now where it's getting cracky. Sorry about that. Heh. Or maybe not sorry, depending on how entertaining it is. I don't know.
(my brain is still thinking about morse codes, just as an fyi. There's a carrier pigeon in the mix too. And possibly a message in a bottle getting picked up by a sailor named Skippy.)
MOVING ON.
The BMX stuff itself was boring. The ending left me like, "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU FOR REAL? DID HE JUST SAY THE WORD PLUMS?" Writers, take more naps. Okay?
Also: "there's an app for that"? NO, NO THERE'S NOT. AT LEAST THERE WON'T BE ONCE I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU PRODUCT-PLACEMENT-LOVING WHORES.
Okay, I think that's just about it.
*eta: except I can't believe I almost forgot to mention Noel! (it's just the normal spelling, right? I'm too tired to check right now. Plus, remember my new rule about the 20% fuck-up factor? So, even if I'm wrong--WHATEV) Welcome back, you! Please come back & stalk more often!
Can't wait 'til next week. Especially because it means Valentine's Day goes away. I went to the store tonight & there were balloons everywhere. I could hardly stand to look up. I wanted to find couples & lay down tripwire. "In your FACE, SMILEY MCGEE! Literally!"
Since I'm clearly in a music-y mood, my Vid of the Day will be another song I'm enjoying right now. Very appropriate in tone to my B/B babies at the moment:
