Soylent green is GLUTEN
Mar. 17th, 2011 03:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg821. I had a dream last night wherein I was both watching & simultaneously present within what *apparently* was supposed to be an episode of Glee (WTF), and all the characters--none of whom of course looked anything like the people on the show--got together to sing Feelings by Floetry to apologize to a girl in their group for hurting her wittle teenaged feelings or some crap. One even broke out with the spoken word poetry, much to my horror, while they all stood there in a cheesy semi-circle, wearing headbands & looking earnest. And in the dream I was all, "NO NO NO! GLEE CANNOT SING FLOETRY! NOT THIS DAY!" Haha. I was so annoyed.
2. Hey, did you guys know it's Thursday? Wanna know something else? IT'S BONES DAY. I cannot WAIT for tonight's episode, oh my God. It looks so good.
3. Sometime either today, tomorrow, or in the next few days, I have to give in & call the unemployment people about requesting an extension for my benefits. I don't want to do it. I have to do it. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
4. I'm really into capslock this week. Don't know if you guys have noticed.[/sarcastic] Heh.
5. I had a terrible migraine last night, so I'm already feeling nervous about the "going off Topiramate" thing (i.e. the preventative-migraine meds). I'm down to one pill per day now (I was taking three--I've been tapering off the dose). Then again, it was at the end of my period, and I'd woken up from a long nap + hadn't eaten enough, and yeah. I don't know. I don't really have good choices here. All I can say to myself is that, when I get a job again, I'll find a new doctor & reassess my options. Like I said before, I can always go back on it in the future (if that seems to be the right decision), but in the meantime, I was becoming concerned that the side effects were worsening my eating issues/depression/energy levels. Plus, it's that much more money to spend every month, and the refills will soon be out--hence what started the whole thing.
I guess we'll just see. It's not even that, oh, I can't deal with being in pain, y'know? Clearly, I can. But it's a lot easier when you're unemployed. The problem is that I can't stay unemployed forever and, when you have a job, *that's* when getting the really severe migraines become an Issue<--intentionally capitalized.
But at least over the last year I did make efforts to reduce the stress in my life--if you think about it. That's one of the things my doctor told me to do, when it came to helping the migraines in the long-term. Stepping away from my family IS part of that. If I can get a job, begin sleeping & eating consistently again (i.e. regular/predictable times & amounts), start exercising again, those things will probably also help. And, again, this is something that can be reassessed later. I don't need to ~figure it all out~ right now & obsess, even though that's what my mind always wants to do.
6. On a positive note, I created tags for my Year/Decade in Review posts (I enjoy being organized), and while I was at it I took some time reading excerpts of entries from this month over the years, i.e. March in '02 & March in '03 and so on. It's an interesting way to get perspective on yourself, especially when you're in one of those "I've accomplished nothing & have no chance of getting anywhere!" shame-spirals (truth is, I *have* progressed. I'm better at understanding/acknowledging what it is I'm feeling now; I'm better at standing up for what I need; I'm better at trying new things--like writing fanfic, for instance; it's something I didn't think I'd ever have the nerve to do--etc. I'd say I'm more in touch with myself in general, which is certainly an accomplishment. It's just hard to see sometimes, understandably).
Anyway, I was thinking it'd make for a good meme in case anyone else wanted to swipe it for their lj: take whatever today's date is--in this case, 3/17--and choose an excerpt(s) from an entry posted on that day (or another day that's close, if there's nothing applicable) for each year that you've had your journal. Post the quotes together all in one entry & ~voila~. Instant self-reflection.
3/13/02:
"She's always angry. I went up there and she told me that my problem was excessive laziness, that's the disease I had…I got back in bed and locked my door. I didn't go to class. I kept thinking more about killing myself. Thinking how I'd do it. Wondering if there'd be peace after death, or more suffering. I came very close to trying. I was thinking about calling some kind of hotline or something, when my sister came over (Mom had left by then). I felt like it was God stepping in saying "Don't do it, Rachael. Here's your sign." Instead of not saying anything like normally though, I actually told her I'd wanted to.
…I'm still surprised she cried. I just didn't think she'd be emotional about it. I never believe I'm that much to anyone. Don't ever think I'd be mourned if I were to die.
I'm worried about myself though, because I can't beat this on my own. I have no interest in anything, no desire to live. I am so dead inside. Except for those rare moments, I cannot smile and mean it. Being hugged feels empty to me, and I'm limp and stiff all at the same time in their arms, uncomfortable returning the gesture. Everything is overwhelming to me."
3/17/03:
"You know, a lot of the time, I really don't care much about my lack of a sex life…But, every now and then, I feel like going all Margaret Cho on some random guy (you know, like my lovah, for instance). Like, just walk up all nonchalantly to him, and then yell "STICK IT IN!" Hahaha. God, I love that. "I'm gonna have to cover with leaves, and hope somebody falls in!"
…I showed Kyle and Mary the pictures, and I actually got the nerve to ask Dad if he wanted to see them, and he said no. He didn't even ask me how the wedding went. And he doesn't ever ask how she is, or inquire about how the pregnancy is going."
3/18/04:
"I'll be meeting![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dosidella in about three hours. Three hours! I kind of feel like a kid, the night before Christmas or something.
…Aaaaggh, it's so cool. Hee. Like I'm on the bus going there, and randomly yell "awesome!" and laugh, and everyone's like "the Hell?" And I turn to the person next to me, like "I'm meeting dosi! Fucking dosi, man!" and they're like "Kay?"
3/07/05:
"I can't even totally explain what my problem is…It's all kind of mixed up and confused…I feel bad about myself, and ugly and stupid and flawed, and alonealonealone…I haven't worked in the public in a while, and I'm afraid of being confused and incompetent…I feel fat and disgusting…
I would like to make my life so that I'm happy all on my own, and like I don't need to look outside myself ever for pleasure or contentment…when it comes to my relationships with others, or lack thereof. So that I could feel more fulfilled and balanced right now, and then if things pick up and I meet people or friendships grow stronger or whatever, then I can appreciate it, but I don't NEED it. You know? Because all you can rely on is yourself."
5/11/06: (note: I didn't write much in 2006, hence the gap in time)
"I just feel like I'm in a big, fat rut…I think I'm also just spread too thin right now, since I've been helping my sister…I've been having headaches and stomach problems like crazycrazy, and missing work badbadbad.
…So I was going to tell you guys about this girl I knew who had been increasingly questioning her sexuality over the last year or so, and wondering whether she was bi, gay, straight, or who knows what. Oh wait, except that's not another girl, that's me. Right… The only people I've talked about it to have been Kevin and Jen. Whose reaction was like I'd told them I had a ham sandwich for lunch, amusingly enough. Heh. Well, and then Kevin was like "so does this mean you'll finally give in and have an orgy with Jen while I watch?" But aside from that, the reaction was pretty mundane. Which is why I love them."
3/15/07:
"Number one: I quit my job last week. Number two: I now have a new job."
7/4/09: (again, note the lapse in time)
"my boss recently took my name tag off the outside of my cubicle and replaced it with "Chronic Overthinker." Haha. Then I finally "earned" my name back the other week. It was a proud moment, hee. My old lead--who I'm still friends with at work--came by and saw it before it was changed and laughed over it for like a minute straight. She was like "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT WHEN WE WORKED TOGETHER?!"
…I joined two groups on meetup.com in the Portland area to make new friends a few months ago…I've come to accept that I lean more toward girls and fall closer to gay on the spectrum, but still do occasionally find a guy attractive so my identity is still within bi-territory. Still sometimes wish I was easier to stick in a cookie-cutter box with a clean-cut label, but that would just be far too simple now wouldn't it?"
3/17/10:
"Mom had been feeding her bullshit about the prozac I'm taking (ugh), and I knew Nanny had been saying she didn't think Joe meant what he said, but after we talked for a minute she said she understood where I was coming from & agreed I was doing the right thing…I asked her, "Nanny, when Mom went into rehab when I was eleven, why did I come & live with you? Why didn't I stay with Joe?" and she was like "We would never have let you stay with your stepdad who had been convicted of, well, you know" and I was like, "HELLO, NANNY, POINT EXACTLY. We're talking about the same guy now you know, WTF"…she's terrified of my mom living on her own…She did try to say though that she wouldn't be "hurt" by it that much, or at least wouldn't let it hurt her, which is just like: c'mon, really?
…But she's not trying to talk to me about "Satan" and all the other bullshit my mom is trying to throw at me…she thinks it's time I got to live my own life and get away from other people's drama for a while, and that even if Mom never gets her act together & we stopped talking permanently, she'd still understand it. She then told me she was proud of me and how I've lived my life, which was nice. So at least everything is okay between us, which is really important to me.
Lastly, she also agreed I should go to Al-Anon…I'm not sure my sister's ready for it yet…I'll just go myself."
And there you have it.
It makes me a little sad to read about my grandma, because I haven't talked to her since then. She didn't send me a Christmas card or a Birthday card. When my sister told me "everyone" in the family thought I was "weird" and "not normal," I can only assume she was including Nanny in that. Same goes for the emails I read from my mom going on about what "everyone" thought of me. Whatever, I don't know. Even when she was (grudgingly, after debating the issue) telling me she agreed with my actions--saying she was proud of me & what-not--I still knew it was going to come between us. Because she *didn't* really agree. Not completely. She was still enabling my mother, still staying in her life without requiring any healthy change. Just like my sister. Which makes sense, because my sister's life/behavior was also dysfunctional, and was also something I had to get away from. I knew Nanny didn't understand that either.
It's just another bit of fallout. One more person lost. There's a huge wall between us now. I can't imagine trying to talk to her after the year that's gone by.
It's been four months since I last saw my nephew & niece. We went five months without seeing one another last year. I look back now & realize it was a mistake (or, not a "mistake" per se, but certainly something that was doomed from the start considering the circumstances) to begin talking to my sister again. I wouldn't say I regret it, because it let me see the kids & I'm grateful for those memories, but I think it set me back. I think I'm still trying to recover from it, on top of everything else that happened last winter & everything else in my LIFE + unemployment + my brain + ugh.
But, hey, again, it's nice to be able to look back & see that SOME things did progress. Like a very, very subtle arc, holding up everything else.
7. Speaking of shame-spirals & feeling like a failure, I got to talking with Jen about that yesterday (fyi, I decided during our convo that "gluten" should only now be typed in all caps. It's ~dramatic~ like that).
Example #1,078,641 why we're friends:
---
me: ooh, if there's a "i feel like a failure" club, we could have parties. except they'd be really depressing.
permockable: yeah, those would be depressing parties. and the t-shirts would be kind of sad
me: the shirt would say, "president of the fail club, and all i got was this fail shirt"
permockable: but what if you fail to be president?
me: of the fail club? is that like being the "biggest loser"?
permockable: i don't know. what does it mean when you fail to be worst failure?
me: instead of having a self-destructive streak, you have a self-winning streak. YOU'RE BI-WINNING, LIKE CHARLIE SHEEN.
hahahahha
permockable: hee
is that the secret?
the key to success is to be a failure at failing?
me: you are BLOWING MY MIND
. . .
me: i think GLUTEN is like its own trend
permockable: yeah, GLUTEN is pretty widespread
because it's like evil
me: "have you tried hating GLUTEN yet? it's so NOW"
"your cheeks will be less puffy & everything!"
permockable: right!
me: people won't shut up about the puffy cheeks
WHAT IF YOU WERE PART CHIPMUNK. WHAT THEN.
permockable: haha
. . .
me: soylent green is GLUTEN is totally going to be my next lj heading
it might be the title of my memoir
permockable: haha that's awesome
to serve GLUTEN is a cookbook
i know that made no sense, but
me: i thought there was going to be an ellipsis after that
like
a cookbook. . .
for disaster
permockable: ohh nice
i didn't think of that
it must be the GLUTEN
me: that could be the next 007 movie. GLUTEN IS A DISH BEST SERVED DEAD.
permockable: hahaha
i'll just be over here with my bread
me: watch those cheeks!
---
SERIOUSLY. WHAT IS IT WITH EVERYONE & GLUTEN ALL OF A SUDDEN?
8. My BSG rewatch continues. Yesterday, I watched "You Can't Go Home Again," "Litmus," "Six Degrees of Separation," & "Flesh and Bone." Two things: One--"Six Degrees of Separation" cracks me up every single time (No more Mr. Nice Gaius!), and two--"Flesh and Bone" is awesome. AWESOME. "To know the face of God is to know madness." And everything he says to Kara about her childhood? Ahh, so good. The whole thing. Wanna roll around in it.
9. This entry's already pretty long, but I'm sitting on good music & feel like sharing some of it.
I want to make out with Leonard Cohen's voice. Also his face, back in the '60s at least. (Not now. Heh). HIS WORDS. Ngh.
I had a fangirl heartattack when I came across this the other day. I hadn't heard it in SO LONG. I felt like I was fifteen years old all over again.
This is my freakin' jam right now.
10. And, finally, for my Vid of the Day, here's what I kept thinking of all throughout my rewatch of "You Can't Go Home Again." I still wish Gary the Cylon were a real show, haha. "Get ready to do your stand-up routine in Hell."
2. Hey, did you guys know it's Thursday? Wanna know something else? IT'S BONES DAY. I cannot WAIT for tonight's episode, oh my God. It looks so good.
3. Sometime either today, tomorrow, or in the next few days, I have to give in & call the unemployment people about requesting an extension for my benefits. I don't want to do it. I have to do it. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
4. I'm really into capslock this week. Don't know if you guys have noticed.[/sarcastic] Heh.
5. I had a terrible migraine last night, so I'm already feeling nervous about the "going off Topiramate" thing (i.e. the preventative-migraine meds). I'm down to one pill per day now (I was taking three--I've been tapering off the dose). Then again, it was at the end of my period, and I'd woken up from a long nap + hadn't eaten enough, and yeah. I don't know. I don't really have good choices here. All I can say to myself is that, when I get a job again, I'll find a new doctor & reassess my options. Like I said before, I can always go back on it in the future (if that seems to be the right decision), but in the meantime, I was becoming concerned that the side effects were worsening my eating issues/depression/energy levels. Plus, it's that much more money to spend every month, and the refills will soon be out--hence what started the whole thing.
I guess we'll just see. It's not even that, oh, I can't deal with being in pain, y'know? Clearly, I can. But it's a lot easier when you're unemployed. The problem is that I can't stay unemployed forever and, when you have a job, *that's* when getting the really severe migraines become an Issue<--intentionally capitalized.
But at least over the last year I did make efforts to reduce the stress in my life--if you think about it. That's one of the things my doctor told me to do, when it came to helping the migraines in the long-term. Stepping away from my family IS part of that. If I can get a job, begin sleeping & eating consistently again (i.e. regular/predictable times & amounts), start exercising again, those things will probably also help. And, again, this is something that can be reassessed later. I don't need to ~figure it all out~ right now & obsess, even though that's what my mind always wants to do.
6. On a positive note, I created tags for my Year/Decade in Review posts (I enjoy being organized), and while I was at it I took some time reading excerpts of entries from this month over the years, i.e. March in '02 & March in '03 and so on. It's an interesting way to get perspective on yourself, especially when you're in one of those "I've accomplished nothing & have no chance of getting anywhere!" shame-spirals (truth is, I *have* progressed. I'm better at understanding/acknowledging what it is I'm feeling now; I'm better at standing up for what I need; I'm better at trying new things--like writing fanfic, for instance; it's something I didn't think I'd ever have the nerve to do--etc. I'd say I'm more in touch with myself in general, which is certainly an accomplishment. It's just hard to see sometimes, understandably).
Anyway, I was thinking it'd make for a good meme in case anyone else wanted to swipe it for their lj: take whatever today's date is--in this case, 3/17--and choose an excerpt(s) from an entry posted on that day (or another day that's close, if there's nothing applicable) for each year that you've had your journal. Post the quotes together all in one entry & ~voila~. Instant self-reflection.
3/13/02:
"She's always angry. I went up there and she told me that my problem was excessive laziness, that's the disease I had…I got back in bed and locked my door. I didn't go to class. I kept thinking more about killing myself. Thinking how I'd do it. Wondering if there'd be peace after death, or more suffering. I came very close to trying. I was thinking about calling some kind of hotline or something, when my sister came over (Mom had left by then). I felt like it was God stepping in saying "Don't do it, Rachael. Here's your sign." Instead of not saying anything like normally though, I actually told her I'd wanted to.
…I'm still surprised she cried. I just didn't think she'd be emotional about it. I never believe I'm that much to anyone. Don't ever think I'd be mourned if I were to die.
I'm worried about myself though, because I can't beat this on my own. I have no interest in anything, no desire to live. I am so dead inside. Except for those rare moments, I cannot smile and mean it. Being hugged feels empty to me, and I'm limp and stiff all at the same time in their arms, uncomfortable returning the gesture. Everything is overwhelming to me."
3/17/03:
"You know, a lot of the time, I really don't care much about my lack of a sex life…But, every now and then, I feel like going all Margaret Cho on some random guy (you know, like my lovah, for instance). Like, just walk up all nonchalantly to him, and then yell "STICK IT IN!" Hahaha. God, I love that. "I'm gonna have to cover with leaves, and hope somebody falls in!"
…I showed Kyle and Mary the pictures, and I actually got the nerve to ask Dad if he wanted to see them, and he said no. He didn't even ask me how the wedding went. And he doesn't ever ask how she is, or inquire about how the pregnancy is going."
3/18/04:
"I'll be meeting
dosidella in about three hours. Three hours! I kind of feel like a kid, the night before Christmas or something.…Aaaaggh, it's so cool. Hee. Like I'm on the bus going there, and randomly yell "awesome!" and laugh, and everyone's like "the Hell?" And I turn to the person next to me, like "I'm meeting dosi! Fucking dosi, man!" and they're like "Kay?"
3/07/05:
"I can't even totally explain what my problem is…It's all kind of mixed up and confused…I feel bad about myself, and ugly and stupid and flawed, and alonealonealone…I haven't worked in the public in a while, and I'm afraid of being confused and incompetent…I feel fat and disgusting…
I would like to make my life so that I'm happy all on my own, and like I don't need to look outside myself ever for pleasure or contentment…when it comes to my relationships with others, or lack thereof. So that I could feel more fulfilled and balanced right now, and then if things pick up and I meet people or friendships grow stronger or whatever, then I can appreciate it, but I don't NEED it. You know? Because all you can rely on is yourself."
5/11/06: (note: I didn't write much in 2006, hence the gap in time)
"I just feel like I'm in a big, fat rut…I think I'm also just spread too thin right now, since I've been helping my sister…I've been having headaches and stomach problems like crazycrazy, and missing work badbadbad.
…So I was going to tell you guys about this girl I knew who had been increasingly questioning her sexuality over the last year or so, and wondering whether she was bi, gay, straight, or who knows what. Oh wait, except that's not another girl, that's me. Right… The only people I've talked about it to have been Kevin and Jen. Whose reaction was like I'd told them I had a ham sandwich for lunch, amusingly enough. Heh. Well, and then Kevin was like "so does this mean you'll finally give in and have an orgy with Jen while I watch?" But aside from that, the reaction was pretty mundane. Which is why I love them."
3/15/07:
"Number one: I quit my job last week. Number two: I now have a new job."
7/4/09: (again, note the lapse in time)
"my boss recently took my name tag off the outside of my cubicle and replaced it with "Chronic Overthinker." Haha. Then I finally "earned" my name back the other week. It was a proud moment, hee. My old lead--who I'm still friends with at work--came by and saw it before it was changed and laughed over it for like a minute straight. She was like "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT WHEN WE WORKED TOGETHER?!"
…I joined two groups on meetup.com in the Portland area to make new friends a few months ago…I've come to accept that I lean more toward girls and fall closer to gay on the spectrum, but still do occasionally find a guy attractive so my identity is still within bi-territory. Still sometimes wish I was easier to stick in a cookie-cutter box with a clean-cut label, but that would just be far too simple now wouldn't it?"
3/17/10:
"Mom had been feeding her bullshit about the prozac I'm taking (ugh), and I knew Nanny had been saying she didn't think Joe meant what he said, but after we talked for a minute she said she understood where I was coming from & agreed I was doing the right thing…I asked her, "Nanny, when Mom went into rehab when I was eleven, why did I come & live with you? Why didn't I stay with Joe?" and she was like "We would never have let you stay with your stepdad who had been convicted of, well, you know" and I was like, "HELLO, NANNY, POINT EXACTLY. We're talking about the same guy now you know, WTF"…she's terrified of my mom living on her own…She did try to say though that she wouldn't be "hurt" by it that much, or at least wouldn't let it hurt her, which is just like: c'mon, really?
…But she's not trying to talk to me about "Satan" and all the other bullshit my mom is trying to throw at me…she thinks it's time I got to live my own life and get away from other people's drama for a while, and that even if Mom never gets her act together & we stopped talking permanently, she'd still understand it. She then told me she was proud of me and how I've lived my life, which was nice. So at least everything is okay between us, which is really important to me.
Lastly, she also agreed I should go to Al-Anon…I'm not sure my sister's ready for it yet…I'll just go myself."
And there you have it.
It makes me a little sad to read about my grandma, because I haven't talked to her since then. She didn't send me a Christmas card or a Birthday card. When my sister told me "everyone" in the family thought I was "weird" and "not normal," I can only assume she was including Nanny in that. Same goes for the emails I read from my mom going on about what "everyone" thought of me. Whatever, I don't know. Even when she was (grudgingly, after debating the issue) telling me she agreed with my actions--saying she was proud of me & what-not--I still knew it was going to come between us. Because she *didn't* really agree. Not completely. She was still enabling my mother, still staying in her life without requiring any healthy change. Just like my sister. Which makes sense, because my sister's life/behavior was also dysfunctional, and was also something I had to get away from. I knew Nanny didn't understand that either.
It's just another bit of fallout. One more person lost. There's a huge wall between us now. I can't imagine trying to talk to her after the year that's gone by.
It's been four months since I last saw my nephew & niece. We went five months without seeing one another last year. I look back now & realize it was a mistake (or, not a "mistake" per se, but certainly something that was doomed from the start considering the circumstances) to begin talking to my sister again. I wouldn't say I regret it, because it let me see the kids & I'm grateful for those memories, but I think it set me back. I think I'm still trying to recover from it, on top of everything else that happened last winter & everything else in my LIFE + unemployment + my brain + ugh.
But, hey, again, it's nice to be able to look back & see that SOME things did progress. Like a very, very subtle arc, holding up everything else.
7. Speaking of shame-spirals & feeling like a failure, I got to talking with Jen about that yesterday (fyi, I decided during our convo that "gluten" should only now be typed in all caps. It's ~dramatic~ like that).
Example #1,078,641 why we're friends:
---
me: ooh, if there's a "i feel like a failure" club, we could have parties. except they'd be really depressing.
permockable: yeah, those would be depressing parties. and the t-shirts would be kind of sad
me: the shirt would say, "president of the fail club, and all i got was this fail shirt"
permockable: but what if you fail to be president?
me: of the fail club? is that like being the "biggest loser"?
permockable: i don't know. what does it mean when you fail to be worst failure?
me: instead of having a self-destructive streak, you have a self-winning streak. YOU'RE BI-WINNING, LIKE CHARLIE SHEEN.
hahahahha
permockable: hee
is that the secret?
the key to success is to be a failure at failing?
me: you are BLOWING MY MIND
. . .
me: i think GLUTEN is like its own trend
permockable: yeah, GLUTEN is pretty widespread
because it's like evil
me: "have you tried hating GLUTEN yet? it's so NOW"
"your cheeks will be less puffy & everything!"
permockable: right!
me: people won't shut up about the puffy cheeks
WHAT IF YOU WERE PART CHIPMUNK. WHAT THEN.
permockable: haha
. . .
me: soylent green is GLUTEN is totally going to be my next lj heading
it might be the title of my memoir
permockable: haha that's awesome
to serve GLUTEN is a cookbook
i know that made no sense, but
me: i thought there was going to be an ellipsis after that
like
a cookbook. . .
for disaster
permockable: ohh nice
i didn't think of that
it must be the GLUTEN
me: that could be the next 007 movie. GLUTEN IS A DISH BEST SERVED DEAD.
permockable: hahaha
i'll just be over here with my bread
me: watch those cheeks!
---
SERIOUSLY. WHAT IS IT WITH EVERYONE & GLUTEN ALL OF A SUDDEN?
8. My BSG rewatch continues. Yesterday, I watched "You Can't Go Home Again," "Litmus," "Six Degrees of Separation," & "Flesh and Bone." Two things: One--"Six Degrees of Separation" cracks me up every single time (No more Mr. Nice Gaius!), and two--"Flesh and Bone" is awesome. AWESOME. "To know the face of God is to know madness." And everything he says to Kara about her childhood? Ahh, so good. The whole thing. Wanna roll around in it.
9. This entry's already pretty long, but I'm sitting on good music & feel like sharing some of it.
I want to make out with Leonard Cohen's voice. Also his face, back in the '60s at least. (Not now. Heh). HIS WORDS. Ngh.
I had a fangirl heartattack when I came across this the other day. I hadn't heard it in SO LONG. I felt like I was fifteen years old all over again.
This is my freakin' jam right now.
10. And, finally, for my Vid of the Day, here's what I kept thinking of all throughout my rewatch of "You Can't Go Home Again." I still wish Gary the Cylon were a real show, haha. "Get ready to do your stand-up routine in Hell."
