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Apr. 20th, 2003 01:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82Don't you hate it when you're bored out of your mind, nothing sounds interesting, and you don't feel like going to bed? Me too.
The new insoles I bought don't slip underneath my feet, but guess what? Even though I cut them exactly as they said, they aren't big enough for my shoe. There's room around the toes, like they weren't made wide enough down there. WHAT is that about? God. They weren't as bad in that aspect as the others were, though, but fucking-a. And another thing, they aren't quite as cushion-y as the others were. SIGH.
I heard there's a store in town that sells insoles and other foot stuff. I think I'll go there, and share my foot-related woes with them. Heh. See if they can't fix my problem.
I woke up to Mom screaming her head off, again. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming. Have I mentioned her doctor (NOT her psychiatrist, mind you) told her to take less depakote? Now, I know he was saying that, because he wanted her taking the most minimal amount of various medications as possible right now, so it could become more clear what's causing what. But, um, hi! She's manic-depressive! Way to make her feel even worse, because not only is she feeling sick physically, but worse off mentally as well. I'm sorry, but I don't agree with it.
On top of that, he said to her (the other day) "I think the lithium was the best for you", because it had less side effects listed for it. But she's said she's felt better--mentally, and emotionally--since being on the depakote. And we totally don't even KNOW if the depakote was causing her problems. joiafjeoa9jawoeghjaioghwoghawog;hwagaw!
Um, yeah, that pissed me off. Good thing he isn't her psychiatrist, and Mom says she wants to give the depakote a chance and everything. Hopefully, they'll raise her dose back up to normal, very soon.
As if there weren't enough possibilities as to what caused all her problems right now, we just figured out another one. I haven't actually even said what all the problems are though, have I? Well, aside from the thyroid problems she was having, which were bad, she also had an infection in her lymph glands, an allergic reaction all over her forearms (we think from pine needles, in the yard? We have big trees around our house, and they torture our lawn), horrible pain everywhere, eyes that she can barely keep open, and skin "eruptions" and cysts. Like, a bunch. I'm telling you guys, my Mom is a fucking MAGNET for bizarre health problems. Seriously, when she was nineteen or so, a tumor (or a cyst, whatever) in her uterus grew to the size of like a melon. I think they're called Gardners ducts, and they're pretty rare (or so Mom says). So of course one would happen to her. Heh.
But, anyway, last time she got the weird skin eruptions and cysts, she'd been eating walnuts, and we thought that was it (or knew? I'm not even sure if it was something doctors were sure of, or what). And, sure enough, we look at the cereal Mom's been eating, and it has walnuts. Add that to the fact that she took penicillin, which she's allergic to, and had a body that was trashed due to the thyroid issues, and maybe it was just all of it. Maybe neither depakote, nor advil, had a thing to do with it. I guess time will tell. I feel bad for her, though, because she's obviously in pain, and can't take anything for it, because they don't know yet whether it would be safe.
I was frustrated with her, when I woke up and heard her flipping out to herself, but at least when I went up there, it only took a couple seconds to get her to stop. I couldn't get back to sleep after that, though. Aside from a nap later on, anyway, and it sucked. One of those short, fitful naps, you know? Complete with anxiety-dreams. I dreamt I was at work, and was about to try to clock in, but suddenly I was all dizzy and sick feeling, and my vision got blurry. I was trying to reach the keys to put in my ID and everything, but felt all drunk-ish, and was swaying. Weird. Gave me the biggest deja vu when I actually got to work for real, and had to do it.
I got a little panicky about going to work, before leaving, but was able to deal. It started over just noticing my legs feeling a little jelly-like, as I descended the stairs. Not totally sure why, but I wasn't able to shake it very easily like I might've on another day, and had a hard time not letting anxiety brew about having a panic attack (like I did a couple months ago) again, at work. See, I knew I was going to have to walk through the mall again, and be there on a Saturday night. And hey, I did that exact thing--minus the Saturday, and sticking in a Friday--yesterday. But that's the thing about irrational anxiety, it doesn't really care about logic. Heh.
But on a positive note, I was able to get a hold of it, before it really got a grip on me. By the time I was walking outside, it was manageable.
Speaking of outside, too, some old dude honked his horn at me while I was waiting for the light to change at the intersection. Then proceeded to totally stare at me--not even smiling or anything, just staring--as he drove by. Um, okay then! Heh. I'm sorry, but I think it's just a tad sleazeball for a guy that looks at least 30 or more to pull that move on a girl like me. Because I know no guy be lookin' at me, guessing anything older than 21 for my age. I'm lucky if they even guess 21 to begin with, and not sixteen! So, yeah, pervy. Especially when you factor in the straight-faced stare-action, with not even a little smile or wink. Creepy.
Why must I always get the buses with the dumbest motherfuckers in my whole area? I'm just wondering. None of them know how to keep their conversations to themselves, either. And hey, that alone isn't necessarily a bad thing. Like, if someone is too loud, but is entertaining? Cool with me. Because I could use a little amusement to help pass the time. I know for a fact that I am probably always loud, everywhere I go. I get it from my family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it, we're all loud. But the loud ones I get on my buses are almost never smart, or interesting to be forced to listen to. They're always the skanky hos on their cellphones, and the Vanilla Ice Juniors who think they're fly. Like yeah, hi Eminem, you're from BEAVERTON, OREGON, not Compton. And you know I don't just mean a guy who wears his pants sagging, or listens to his music a little too loud. I'm talking the pimpley little 14 year old, with the toothpick hanging out of his mouth, yelling "fuck, yo!" every second in the back of the bus, and broadcasting to every senior citizen and possible law agent in the area just how many times he's smoked marijuana in the last week. "Yo, kid, me and Erik was lighting it up last night! And he had to sleep on the floor! HAHAHAHA!" And that's another thing, they always laugh uproariously over NOTHING. Kill. Them.
The worst is how they stare all wolf-ishly at you, as you walk down the aisle. HI to you too! Now feel free to look away! Dicks. Heh, I'm such a bitch. But you guys know how I feel about that sort of thing. If you're going to stare and be blatant about it, could you at least smile? Or at least look at me in some way that doesn't make me feel like you're judging my tits and ass? Seriously. I think that's what it is. Because not all stares are like that, you know, but I'm sure you guys know what I mean when it comes to the ones that are. When you feel like the guy isn't even looking at you, just rating your body, like you're suddenly a chickenhead in a Nelly video, there for his viewing pleasure. I know the whole "I'm not a piece of meat!" thing is cliche, but I relate.
I don't doubt that's the way they were thinking, because later on we passed a couple girls, and they shat their pants over them. As soon as I got off the bus, I walked past them again as they were talking to another guy they knew (who had just approached the girls), and the conversation was all "Nah, they ugly! I was tryin' to talk to these bitches, blah blah, bitches blah blah, etc." And yeah, I call women bitches too (when they really are bitches), use the term as a joke, even call friends "bitches" as a term of endearment. But this wasn't like that. Example #1,008, 967 of why the male gender (minus, of course, those of you on my friends list! Heh) often gives me RAGE! I was all ready to turn around and break out the Queen Latifah on them. Haha. U-N-I-T-Y!
Work itself was okay. Not great, but not horrible. Busy, but we had enough people. The only real bad part was that I was tired, and my feet hurt. I'm so glad I don't have to work tomorrow, since Sears isn't open. Thanks, Jesus! Hee.
My lovah wasn't there, at all from what I saw. Just as well, since I got a ride home with a coworker, so I wouldn't have been able to wait with him anyway. I am totally pouting, though, over how long it's been since I even got to spend longer than two seconds around him.
When I got home, Mom was still looking like she was obviously feeling like Hell, but at least she wasn't yelling, or crying anymore. I gave her a backrub this afternoon, but I don't think it helped much. And I hear I give a nice back rub, too.
Something nice that did happen, yesterday actually, was this cashier said to me "I'm going to tell [Peppy] about you. You're so good. I really appreciate all the help you gave, the other day." All I'd done was help her with some stuff that needed to be put on hold (there was a lot of it, though, to be fair), but hey, I'm not one to pass by a thank you. Heh.
I don't have any plans for tomorrow. Mom is sick, so I don't expect we'll go out to eat, or give/get candy or whatever (yes, my Mom still gets me candy at 21 years old. Hee. Shut up!). I just realized I could've called my Dad, to see if they were having a dinner with my uncle and cousins or whatever, but too late now. I suppose I could call them in the morning, though, to at least check. Might be nice. I don't know though if they do anything to celebrate it really, honestly. Mary is catholic, and Kyle is being raised the same, but they're totally relaxed about it. Like, never going to church. This last year, I was having a conversation with my brother, and it was revealed that he didn't even know the Virgin Mary really was supposed to be a virgin. He didn't know Jesus was supposed to have been conceived immaculately, if you will. This was a twelve year old boy, who had been through at least his first catechism. Haha. Way to go, Wilsonville Church! Seriously, is this common to not teach kids that kind of stuff until they're older? Because I just assumed a kid would know it by that age, like I did (assuming, of course, they're being raised Christian), and was astounded when I found out he didn't know it.
Oh, and Dad's an agnostic, and totally non-religious. So, there you go. Maybe I'll give them a call, though. Depends on whether I feel like it, tomorrow.
And now, a very Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!
I'd wish my Jewish friends a Happy Passover too, but I don't even know if it's still going on. Haha. Um, so if it is, Happy Passover! Way to get rid of those sins! Hee. And if it isn't still happenning, don't mind me.
While I'm on the subject of Easter, how much do I love the commercial right now, with all the bunnies, singing about Peter Cottontail? Oh my God, so much. Hee.
Random Question: Why is my pinky finger cold? This happens sometimes. Bizarre, isn't it? I mean, the rest of my fingers will be fine, but then my pinky will get kind of numb and cold. Circulation issues, perhaps? Too much time spent doing crap with my hands, like at work, and on the computer? Probably that.
Lastly, here's the Picture of the Day: April 20th
The new insoles I bought don't slip underneath my feet, but guess what? Even though I cut them exactly as they said, they aren't big enough for my shoe. There's room around the toes, like they weren't made wide enough down there. WHAT is that about? God. They weren't as bad in that aspect as the others were, though, but fucking-a. And another thing, they aren't quite as cushion-y as the others were. SIGH.
I heard there's a store in town that sells insoles and other foot stuff. I think I'll go there, and share my foot-related woes with them. Heh. See if they can't fix my problem.
I woke up to Mom screaming her head off, again. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming. Have I mentioned her doctor (NOT her psychiatrist, mind you) told her to take less depakote? Now, I know he was saying that, because he wanted her taking the most minimal amount of various medications as possible right now, so it could become more clear what's causing what. But, um, hi! She's manic-depressive! Way to make her feel even worse, because not only is she feeling sick physically, but worse off mentally as well. I'm sorry, but I don't agree with it.
On top of that, he said to her (the other day) "I think the lithium was the best for you", because it had less side effects listed for it. But she's said she's felt better--mentally, and emotionally--since being on the depakote. And we totally don't even KNOW if the depakote was causing her problems. joiafjeoa9jawoeghjaioghwoghawog;hwagaw!
Um, yeah, that pissed me off. Good thing he isn't her psychiatrist, and Mom says she wants to give the depakote a chance and everything. Hopefully, they'll raise her dose back up to normal, very soon.
As if there weren't enough possibilities as to what caused all her problems right now, we just figured out another one. I haven't actually even said what all the problems are though, have I? Well, aside from the thyroid problems she was having, which were bad, she also had an infection in her lymph glands, an allergic reaction all over her forearms (we think from pine needles, in the yard? We have big trees around our house, and they torture our lawn), horrible pain everywhere, eyes that she can barely keep open, and skin "eruptions" and cysts. Like, a bunch. I'm telling you guys, my Mom is a fucking MAGNET for bizarre health problems. Seriously, when she was nineteen or so, a tumor (or a cyst, whatever) in her uterus grew to the size of like a melon. I think they're called Gardners ducts, and they're pretty rare (or so Mom says). So of course one would happen to her. Heh.
But, anyway, last time she got the weird skin eruptions and cysts, she'd been eating walnuts, and we thought that was it (or knew? I'm not even sure if it was something doctors were sure of, or what). And, sure enough, we look at the cereal Mom's been eating, and it has walnuts. Add that to the fact that she took penicillin, which she's allergic to, and had a body that was trashed due to the thyroid issues, and maybe it was just all of it. Maybe neither depakote, nor advil, had a thing to do with it. I guess time will tell. I feel bad for her, though, because she's obviously in pain, and can't take anything for it, because they don't know yet whether it would be safe.
I was frustrated with her, when I woke up and heard her flipping out to herself, but at least when I went up there, it only took a couple seconds to get her to stop. I couldn't get back to sleep after that, though. Aside from a nap later on, anyway, and it sucked. One of those short, fitful naps, you know? Complete with anxiety-dreams. I dreamt I was at work, and was about to try to clock in, but suddenly I was all dizzy and sick feeling, and my vision got blurry. I was trying to reach the keys to put in my ID and everything, but felt all drunk-ish, and was swaying. Weird. Gave me the biggest deja vu when I actually got to work for real, and had to do it.
I got a little panicky about going to work, before leaving, but was able to deal. It started over just noticing my legs feeling a little jelly-like, as I descended the stairs. Not totally sure why, but I wasn't able to shake it very easily like I might've on another day, and had a hard time not letting anxiety brew about having a panic attack (like I did a couple months ago) again, at work. See, I knew I was going to have to walk through the mall again, and be there on a Saturday night. And hey, I did that exact thing--minus the Saturday, and sticking in a Friday--yesterday. But that's the thing about irrational anxiety, it doesn't really care about logic. Heh.
But on a positive note, I was able to get a hold of it, before it really got a grip on me. By the time I was walking outside, it was manageable.
Speaking of outside, too, some old dude honked his horn at me while I was waiting for the light to change at the intersection. Then proceeded to totally stare at me--not even smiling or anything, just staring--as he drove by. Um, okay then! Heh. I'm sorry, but I think it's just a tad sleazeball for a guy that looks at least 30 or more to pull that move on a girl like me. Because I know no guy be lookin' at me, guessing anything older than 21 for my age. I'm lucky if they even guess 21 to begin with, and not sixteen! So, yeah, pervy. Especially when you factor in the straight-faced stare-action, with not even a little smile or wink. Creepy.
Why must I always get the buses with the dumbest motherfuckers in my whole area? I'm just wondering. None of them know how to keep their conversations to themselves, either. And hey, that alone isn't necessarily a bad thing. Like, if someone is too loud, but is entertaining? Cool with me. Because I could use a little amusement to help pass the time. I know for a fact that I am probably always loud, everywhere I go. I get it from my family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it, we're all loud. But the loud ones I get on my buses are almost never smart, or interesting to be forced to listen to. They're always the skanky hos on their cellphones, and the Vanilla Ice Juniors who think they're fly. Like yeah, hi Eminem, you're from BEAVERTON, OREGON, not Compton. And you know I don't just mean a guy who wears his pants sagging, or listens to his music a little too loud. I'm talking the pimpley little 14 year old, with the toothpick hanging out of his mouth, yelling "fuck, yo!" every second in the back of the bus, and broadcasting to every senior citizen and possible law agent in the area just how many times he's smoked marijuana in the last week. "Yo, kid, me and Erik was lighting it up last night! And he had to sleep on the floor! HAHAHAHA!" And that's another thing, they always laugh uproariously over NOTHING. Kill. Them.
The worst is how they stare all wolf-ishly at you, as you walk down the aisle. HI to you too! Now feel free to look away! Dicks. Heh, I'm such a bitch. But you guys know how I feel about that sort of thing. If you're going to stare and be blatant about it, could you at least smile? Or at least look at me in some way that doesn't make me feel like you're judging my tits and ass? Seriously. I think that's what it is. Because not all stares are like that, you know, but I'm sure you guys know what I mean when it comes to the ones that are. When you feel like the guy isn't even looking at you, just rating your body, like you're suddenly a chickenhead in a Nelly video, there for his viewing pleasure. I know the whole "I'm not a piece of meat!" thing is cliche, but I relate.
I don't doubt that's the way they were thinking, because later on we passed a couple girls, and they shat their pants over them. As soon as I got off the bus, I walked past them again as they were talking to another guy they knew (who had just approached the girls), and the conversation was all "Nah, they ugly! I was tryin' to talk to these bitches, blah blah, bitches blah blah, etc." And yeah, I call women bitches too (when they really are bitches), use the term as a joke, even call friends "bitches" as a term of endearment. But this wasn't like that. Example #1,008, 967 of why the male gender (minus, of course, those of you on my friends list! Heh) often gives me RAGE! I was all ready to turn around and break out the Queen Latifah on them. Haha. U-N-I-T-Y!
Work itself was okay. Not great, but not horrible. Busy, but we had enough people. The only real bad part was that I was tired, and my feet hurt. I'm so glad I don't have to work tomorrow, since Sears isn't open. Thanks, Jesus! Hee.
My lovah wasn't there, at all from what I saw. Just as well, since I got a ride home with a coworker, so I wouldn't have been able to wait with him anyway. I am totally pouting, though, over how long it's been since I even got to spend longer than two seconds around him.
When I got home, Mom was still looking like she was obviously feeling like Hell, but at least she wasn't yelling, or crying anymore. I gave her a backrub this afternoon, but I don't think it helped much. And I hear I give a nice back rub, too.
Something nice that did happen, yesterday actually, was this cashier said to me "I'm going to tell [Peppy] about you. You're so good. I really appreciate all the help you gave, the other day." All I'd done was help her with some stuff that needed to be put on hold (there was a lot of it, though, to be fair), but hey, I'm not one to pass by a thank you. Heh.
I don't have any plans for tomorrow. Mom is sick, so I don't expect we'll go out to eat, or give/get candy or whatever (yes, my Mom still gets me candy at 21 years old. Hee. Shut up!). I just realized I could've called my Dad, to see if they were having a dinner with my uncle and cousins or whatever, but too late now. I suppose I could call them in the morning, though, to at least check. Might be nice. I don't know though if they do anything to celebrate it really, honestly. Mary is catholic, and Kyle is being raised the same, but they're totally relaxed about it. Like, never going to church. This last year, I was having a conversation with my brother, and it was revealed that he didn't even know the Virgin Mary really was supposed to be a virgin. He didn't know Jesus was supposed to have been conceived immaculately, if you will. This was a twelve year old boy, who had been through at least his first catechism. Haha. Way to go, Wilsonville Church! Seriously, is this common to not teach kids that kind of stuff until they're older? Because I just assumed a kid would know it by that age, like I did (assuming, of course, they're being raised Christian), and was astounded when I found out he didn't know it.
Oh, and Dad's an agnostic, and totally non-religious. So, there you go. Maybe I'll give them a call, though. Depends on whether I feel like it, tomorrow.
And now, a very Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!
I'd wish my Jewish friends a Happy Passover too, but I don't even know if it's still going on. Haha. Um, so if it is, Happy Passover! Way to get rid of those sins! Hee. And if it isn't still happenning, don't mind me.
While I'm on the subject of Easter, how much do I love the commercial right now, with all the bunnies, singing about Peter Cottontail? Oh my God, so much. Hee.
Random Question: Why is my pinky finger cold? This happens sometimes. Bizarre, isn't it? I mean, the rest of my fingers will be fine, but then my pinky will get kind of numb and cold. Circulation issues, perhaps? Too much time spent doing crap with my hands, like at work, and on the computer? Probably that.
Lastly, here's the Picture of the Day: April 20th
