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Apr. 20th, 2003 01:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82Don't you hate it when you're bored out of your mind, nothing sounds interesting, and you don't feel like going to bed? Me too.
The new insoles I bought don't slip underneath my feet, but guess what? Even though I cut them exactly as they said, they aren't big enough for my shoe. There's room around the toes, like they weren't made wide enough down there. WHAT is that about? God. They weren't as bad in that aspect as the others were, though, but fucking-a. And another thing, they aren't quite as cushion-y as the others were. SIGH.
I heard there's a store in town that sells insoles and other foot stuff. I think I'll go there, and share my foot-related woes with them. Heh. See if they can't fix my problem.
I woke up to Mom screaming her head off, again. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming. Have I mentioned her doctor (NOT her psychiatrist, mind you) told her to take less depakote? Now, I know he was saying that, because he wanted her taking the most minimal amount of various medications as possible right now, so it could become more clear what's causing what. But, um, hi! She's manic-depressive! Way to make her feel even worse, because not only is she feeling sick physically, but worse off mentally as well. I'm sorry, but I don't agree with it.
On top of that, he said to her (the other day) "I think the lithium was the best for you", because it had less side effects listed for it. But she's said she's felt better--mentally, and emotionally--since being on the depakote. And we totally don't even KNOW if the depakote was causing her problems. joiafjeoa9jawoeghjaioghwoghawog;hwagaw!
Um, yeah, that pissed me off. Good thing he isn't her psychiatrist, and Mom says she wants to give the depakote a chance and everything. Hopefully, they'll raise her dose back up to normal, very soon.
As if there weren't enough possibilities as to what caused all her problems right now, we just figured out another one. I haven't actually even said what all the problems are though, have I? Well, aside from the thyroid problems she was having, which were bad, she also had an infection in her lymph glands, an allergic reaction all over her forearms (we think from pine needles, in the yard? We have big trees around our house, and they torture our lawn), horrible pain everywhere, eyes that she can barely keep open, and skin "eruptions" and cysts. Like, a bunch. I'm telling you guys, my Mom is a fucking MAGNET for bizarre health problems. Seriously, when she was nineteen or so, a tumor (or a cyst, whatever) in her uterus grew to the size of like a melon. I think they're called Gardners ducts, and they're pretty rare (or so Mom says). So of course one would happen to her. Heh.
But, anyway, last time she got the weird skin eruptions and cysts, she'd been eating walnuts, and we thought that was it (or knew? I'm not even sure if it was something doctors were sure of, or what). And, sure enough, we look at the cereal Mom's been eating, and it has walnuts. Add that to the fact that she took penicillin, which she's allergic to, and had a body that was trashed due to the thyroid issues, and maybe it was just all of it. Maybe neither depakote, nor advil, had a thing to do with it. I guess time will tell. I feel bad for her, though, because she's obviously in pain, and can't take anything for it, because they don't know yet whether it would be safe.
I was frustrated with her, when I woke up and heard her flipping out to herself, but at least when I went up there, it only took a couple seconds to get her to stop. I couldn't get back to sleep after that, though. Aside from a nap later on, anyway, and it sucked. One of those short, fitful naps, you know? Complete with anxiety-dreams. I dreamt I was at work, and was about to try to clock in, but suddenly I was all dizzy and sick feeling, and my vision got blurry. I was trying to reach the keys to put in my ID and everything, but felt all drunk-ish, and was swaying. Weird. Gave me the biggest deja vu when I actually got to work for real, and had to do it.
I got a little panicky about going to work, before leaving, but was able to deal. It started over just noticing my legs feeling a little jelly-like, as I descended the stairs. Not totally sure why, but I wasn't able to shake it very easily like I might've on another day, and had a hard time not letting anxiety brew about having a panic attack (like I did a couple months ago) again, at work. See, I knew I was going to have to walk through the mall again, and be there on a Saturday night. And hey, I did that exact thing--minus the Saturday, and sticking in a Friday--yesterday. But that's the thing about irrational anxiety, it doesn't really care about logic. Heh.
But on a positive note, I was able to get a hold of it, before it really got a grip on me. By the time I was walking outside, it was manageable.
Speaking of outside, too, some old dude honked his horn at me while I was waiting for the light to change at the intersection. Then proceeded to totally stare at me--not even smiling or anything, just staring--as he drove by. Um, okay then! Heh. I'm sorry, but I think it's just a tad sleazeball for a guy that looks at least 30 or more to pull that move on a girl like me. Because I know no guy be lookin' at me, guessing anything older than 21 for my age. I'm lucky if they even guess 21 to begin with, and not sixteen! So, yeah, pervy. Especially when you factor in the straight-faced stare-action, with not even a little smile or wink. Creepy.
Why must I always get the buses with the dumbest motherfuckers in my whole area? I'm just wondering. None of them know how to keep their conversations to themselves, either. And hey, that alone isn't necessarily a bad thing. Like, if someone is too loud, but is entertaining? Cool with me. Because I could use a little amusement to help pass the time. I know for a fact that I am probably always loud, everywhere I go. I get it from my family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it, we're all loud. But the loud ones I get on my buses are almost never smart, or interesting to be forced to listen to. They're always the skanky hos on their cellphones, and the Vanilla Ice Juniors who think they're fly. Like yeah, hi Eminem, you're from BEAVERTON, OREGON, not Compton. And you know I don't just mean a guy who wears his pants sagging, or listens to his music a little too loud. I'm talking the pimpley little 14 year old, with the toothpick hanging out of his mouth, yelling "fuck, yo!" every second in the back of the bus, and broadcasting to every senior citizen and possible law agent in the area just how many times he's smoked marijuana in the last week. "Yo, kid, me and Erik was lighting it up last night! And he had to sleep on the floor! HAHAHAHA!" And that's another thing, they always laugh uproariously over NOTHING. Kill. Them.
The worst is how they stare all wolf-ishly at you, as you walk down the aisle. HI to you too! Now feel free to look away! Dicks. Heh, I'm such a bitch. But you guys know how I feel about that sort of thing. If you're going to stare and be blatant about it, could you at least smile? Or at least look at me in some way that doesn't make me feel like you're judging my tits and ass? Seriously. I think that's what it is. Because not all stares are like that, you know, but I'm sure you guys know what I mean when it comes to the ones that are. When you feel like the guy isn't even looking at you, just rating your body, like you're suddenly a chickenhead in a Nelly video, there for his viewing pleasure. I know the whole "I'm not a piece of meat!" thing is cliche, but I relate.
I don't doubt that's the way they were thinking, because later on we passed a couple girls, and they shat their pants over them. As soon as I got off the bus, I walked past them again as they were talking to another guy they knew (who had just approached the girls), and the conversation was all "Nah, they ugly! I was tryin' to talk to these bitches, blah blah, bitches blah blah, etc." And yeah, I call women bitches too (when they really are bitches), use the term as a joke, even call friends "bitches" as a term of endearment. But this wasn't like that. Example #1,008, 967 of why the male gender (minus, of course, those of you on my friends list! Heh) often gives me RAGE! I was all ready to turn around and break out the Queen Latifah on them. Haha. U-N-I-T-Y!
Work itself was okay. Not great, but not horrible. Busy, but we had enough people. The only real bad part was that I was tired, and my feet hurt. I'm so glad I don't have to work tomorrow, since Sears isn't open. Thanks, Jesus! Hee.
My lovah wasn't there, at all from what I saw. Just as well, since I got a ride home with a coworker, so I wouldn't have been able to wait with him anyway. I am totally pouting, though, over how long it's been since I even got to spend longer than two seconds around him.
When I got home, Mom was still looking like she was obviously feeling like Hell, but at least she wasn't yelling, or crying anymore. I gave her a backrub this afternoon, but I don't think it helped much. And I hear I give a nice back rub, too.
Something nice that did happen, yesterday actually, was this cashier said to me "I'm going to tell [Peppy] about you. You're so good. I really appreciate all the help you gave, the other day." All I'd done was help her with some stuff that needed to be put on hold (there was a lot of it, though, to be fair), but hey, I'm not one to pass by a thank you. Heh.
I don't have any plans for tomorrow. Mom is sick, so I don't expect we'll go out to eat, or give/get candy or whatever (yes, my Mom still gets me candy at 21 years old. Hee. Shut up!). I just realized I could've called my Dad, to see if they were having a dinner with my uncle and cousins or whatever, but too late now. I suppose I could call them in the morning, though, to at least check. Might be nice. I don't know though if they do anything to celebrate it really, honestly. Mary is catholic, and Kyle is being raised the same, but they're totally relaxed about it. Like, never going to church. This last year, I was having a conversation with my brother, and it was revealed that he didn't even know the Virgin Mary really was supposed to be a virgin. He didn't know Jesus was supposed to have been conceived immaculately, if you will. This was a twelve year old boy, who had been through at least his first catechism. Haha. Way to go, Wilsonville Church! Seriously, is this common to not teach kids that kind of stuff until they're older? Because I just assumed a kid would know it by that age, like I did (assuming, of course, they're being raised Christian), and was astounded when I found out he didn't know it.
Oh, and Dad's an agnostic, and totally non-religious. So, there you go. Maybe I'll give them a call, though. Depends on whether I feel like it, tomorrow.
And now, a very Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!
I'd wish my Jewish friends a Happy Passover too, but I don't even know if it's still going on. Haha. Um, so if it is, Happy Passover! Way to get rid of those sins! Hee. And if it isn't still happenning, don't mind me.
While I'm on the subject of Easter, how much do I love the commercial right now, with all the bunnies, singing about Peter Cottontail? Oh my God, so much. Hee.
Random Question: Why is my pinky finger cold? This happens sometimes. Bizarre, isn't it? I mean, the rest of my fingers will be fine, but then my pinky will get kind of numb and cold. Circulation issues, perhaps? Too much time spent doing crap with my hands, like at work, and on the computer? Probably that.
Lastly, here's the Picture of the Day: April 20th
The new insoles I bought don't slip underneath my feet, but guess what? Even though I cut them exactly as they said, they aren't big enough for my shoe. There's room around the toes, like they weren't made wide enough down there. WHAT is that about? God. They weren't as bad in that aspect as the others were, though, but fucking-a. And another thing, they aren't quite as cushion-y as the others were. SIGH.
I heard there's a store in town that sells insoles and other foot stuff. I think I'll go there, and share my foot-related woes with them. Heh. See if they can't fix my problem.
I woke up to Mom screaming her head off, again. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming. Have I mentioned her doctor (NOT her psychiatrist, mind you) told her to take less depakote? Now, I know he was saying that, because he wanted her taking the most minimal amount of various medications as possible right now, so it could become more clear what's causing what. But, um, hi! She's manic-depressive! Way to make her feel even worse, because not only is she feeling sick physically, but worse off mentally as well. I'm sorry, but I don't agree with it.
On top of that, he said to her (the other day) "I think the lithium was the best for you", because it had less side effects listed for it. But she's said she's felt better--mentally, and emotionally--since being on the depakote. And we totally don't even KNOW if the depakote was causing her problems. joiafjeoa9jawoeghjaioghwoghawog;hwagaw!
Um, yeah, that pissed me off. Good thing he isn't her psychiatrist, and Mom says she wants to give the depakote a chance and everything. Hopefully, they'll raise her dose back up to normal, very soon.
As if there weren't enough possibilities as to what caused all her problems right now, we just figured out another one. I haven't actually even said what all the problems are though, have I? Well, aside from the thyroid problems she was having, which were bad, she also had an infection in her lymph glands, an allergic reaction all over her forearms (we think from pine needles, in the yard? We have big trees around our house, and they torture our lawn), horrible pain everywhere, eyes that she can barely keep open, and skin "eruptions" and cysts. Like, a bunch. I'm telling you guys, my Mom is a fucking MAGNET for bizarre health problems. Seriously, when she was nineteen or so, a tumor (or a cyst, whatever) in her uterus grew to the size of like a melon. I think they're called Gardners ducts, and they're pretty rare (or so Mom says). So of course one would happen to her. Heh.
But, anyway, last time she got the weird skin eruptions and cysts, she'd been eating walnuts, and we thought that was it (or knew? I'm not even sure if it was something doctors were sure of, or what). And, sure enough, we look at the cereal Mom's been eating, and it has walnuts. Add that to the fact that she took penicillin, which she's allergic to, and had a body that was trashed due to the thyroid issues, and maybe it was just all of it. Maybe neither depakote, nor advil, had a thing to do with it. I guess time will tell. I feel bad for her, though, because she's obviously in pain, and can't take anything for it, because they don't know yet whether it would be safe.
I was frustrated with her, when I woke up and heard her flipping out to herself, but at least when I went up there, it only took a couple seconds to get her to stop. I couldn't get back to sleep after that, though. Aside from a nap later on, anyway, and it sucked. One of those short, fitful naps, you know? Complete with anxiety-dreams. I dreamt I was at work, and was about to try to clock in, but suddenly I was all dizzy and sick feeling, and my vision got blurry. I was trying to reach the keys to put in my ID and everything, but felt all drunk-ish, and was swaying. Weird. Gave me the biggest deja vu when I actually got to work for real, and had to do it.
I got a little panicky about going to work, before leaving, but was able to deal. It started over just noticing my legs feeling a little jelly-like, as I descended the stairs. Not totally sure why, but I wasn't able to shake it very easily like I might've on another day, and had a hard time not letting anxiety brew about having a panic attack (like I did a couple months ago) again, at work. See, I knew I was going to have to walk through the mall again, and be there on a Saturday night. And hey, I did that exact thing--minus the Saturday, and sticking in a Friday--yesterday. But that's the thing about irrational anxiety, it doesn't really care about logic. Heh.
But on a positive note, I was able to get a hold of it, before it really got a grip on me. By the time I was walking outside, it was manageable.
Speaking of outside, too, some old dude honked his horn at me while I was waiting for the light to change at the intersection. Then proceeded to totally stare at me--not even smiling or anything, just staring--as he drove by. Um, okay then! Heh. I'm sorry, but I think it's just a tad sleazeball for a guy that looks at least 30 or more to pull that move on a girl like me. Because I know no guy be lookin' at me, guessing anything older than 21 for my age. I'm lucky if they even guess 21 to begin with, and not sixteen! So, yeah, pervy. Especially when you factor in the straight-faced stare-action, with not even a little smile or wink. Creepy.
Why must I always get the buses with the dumbest motherfuckers in my whole area? I'm just wondering. None of them know how to keep their conversations to themselves, either. And hey, that alone isn't necessarily a bad thing. Like, if someone is too loud, but is entertaining? Cool with me. Because I could use a little amusement to help pass the time. I know for a fact that I am probably always loud, everywhere I go. I get it from my family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, you name it, we're all loud. But the loud ones I get on my buses are almost never smart, or interesting to be forced to listen to. They're always the skanky hos on their cellphones, and the Vanilla Ice Juniors who think they're fly. Like yeah, hi Eminem, you're from BEAVERTON, OREGON, not Compton. And you know I don't just mean a guy who wears his pants sagging, or listens to his music a little too loud. I'm talking the pimpley little 14 year old, with the toothpick hanging out of his mouth, yelling "fuck, yo!" every second in the back of the bus, and broadcasting to every senior citizen and possible law agent in the area just how many times he's smoked marijuana in the last week. "Yo, kid, me and Erik was lighting it up last night! And he had to sleep on the floor! HAHAHAHA!" And that's another thing, they always laugh uproariously over NOTHING. Kill. Them.
The worst is how they stare all wolf-ishly at you, as you walk down the aisle. HI to you too! Now feel free to look away! Dicks. Heh, I'm such a bitch. But you guys know how I feel about that sort of thing. If you're going to stare and be blatant about it, could you at least smile? Or at least look at me in some way that doesn't make me feel like you're judging my tits and ass? Seriously. I think that's what it is. Because not all stares are like that, you know, but I'm sure you guys know what I mean when it comes to the ones that are. When you feel like the guy isn't even looking at you, just rating your body, like you're suddenly a chickenhead in a Nelly video, there for his viewing pleasure. I know the whole "I'm not a piece of meat!" thing is cliche, but I relate.
I don't doubt that's the way they were thinking, because later on we passed a couple girls, and they shat their pants over them. As soon as I got off the bus, I walked past them again as they were talking to another guy they knew (who had just approached the girls), and the conversation was all "Nah, they ugly! I was tryin' to talk to these bitches, blah blah, bitches blah blah, etc." And yeah, I call women bitches too (when they really are bitches), use the term as a joke, even call friends "bitches" as a term of endearment. But this wasn't like that. Example #1,008, 967 of why the male gender (minus, of course, those of you on my friends list! Heh) often gives me RAGE! I was all ready to turn around and break out the Queen Latifah on them. Haha. U-N-I-T-Y!
Work itself was okay. Not great, but not horrible. Busy, but we had enough people. The only real bad part was that I was tired, and my feet hurt. I'm so glad I don't have to work tomorrow, since Sears isn't open. Thanks, Jesus! Hee.
My lovah wasn't there, at all from what I saw. Just as well, since I got a ride home with a coworker, so I wouldn't have been able to wait with him anyway. I am totally pouting, though, over how long it's been since I even got to spend longer than two seconds around him.
When I got home, Mom was still looking like she was obviously feeling like Hell, but at least she wasn't yelling, or crying anymore. I gave her a backrub this afternoon, but I don't think it helped much. And I hear I give a nice back rub, too.
Something nice that did happen, yesterday actually, was this cashier said to me "I'm going to tell [Peppy] about you. You're so good. I really appreciate all the help you gave, the other day." All I'd done was help her with some stuff that needed to be put on hold (there was a lot of it, though, to be fair), but hey, I'm not one to pass by a thank you. Heh.
I don't have any plans for tomorrow. Mom is sick, so I don't expect we'll go out to eat, or give/get candy or whatever (yes, my Mom still gets me candy at 21 years old. Hee. Shut up!). I just realized I could've called my Dad, to see if they were having a dinner with my uncle and cousins or whatever, but too late now. I suppose I could call them in the morning, though, to at least check. Might be nice. I don't know though if they do anything to celebrate it really, honestly. Mary is catholic, and Kyle is being raised the same, but they're totally relaxed about it. Like, never going to church. This last year, I was having a conversation with my brother, and it was revealed that he didn't even know the Virgin Mary really was supposed to be a virgin. He didn't know Jesus was supposed to have been conceived immaculately, if you will. This was a twelve year old boy, who had been through at least his first catechism. Haha. Way to go, Wilsonville Church! Seriously, is this common to not teach kids that kind of stuff until they're older? Because I just assumed a kid would know it by that age, like I did (assuming, of course, they're being raised Christian), and was astounded when I found out he didn't know it.
Oh, and Dad's an agnostic, and totally non-religious. So, there you go. Maybe I'll give them a call, though. Depends on whether I feel like it, tomorrow.
And now, a very Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!
I'd wish my Jewish friends a Happy Passover too, but I don't even know if it's still going on. Haha. Um, so if it is, Happy Passover! Way to get rid of those sins! Hee. And if it isn't still happenning, don't mind me.
While I'm on the subject of Easter, how much do I love the commercial right now, with all the bunnies, singing about Peter Cottontail? Oh my God, so much. Hee.
Random Question: Why is my pinky finger cold? This happens sometimes. Bizarre, isn't it? I mean, the rest of my fingers will be fine, but then my pinky will get kind of numb and cold. Circulation issues, perhaps? Too much time spent doing crap with my hands, like at work, and on the computer? Probably that.
Lastly, here's the Picture of the Day: April 20th
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-20 04:40 am (UTC)Why must I always get the buses with the dumbest motherfuckers in my whole area?
I've often wondered why I get the trains with all the wierdos. We're special!
(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-20 10:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-20 08:50 pm (UTC)hahaha. It goes on for 8 days (and nights), so it's defintely still going on. And the "getting ride of sins" holiday is Yom Kippur-- "Day of Atonement." This one is just to remember what the people had to go through when they left Europe, has nothing to do with sins. (Giving up bread and stuff is just to empathize with the exodus-ers.) How cute you are! Anyway, I dont celebrate or recognize it (bagel and butter with coke at breakfast today, yo!), but thanks for the sentiment.
I just found out 2 people that I am sort of by-proxy close to (one of Patrick's good friend's brother, and the fiance of Patrick's favorite brother) are bipolar. The Brother was just recently diagnosed, because he's been manic the last 3 weeks. Totally out of his gourd, crazy. Like coming out to people that he is gay, when he isnt. Or maybe he is, but it was still strange. Anyway, his family just put him in the mental ward, which is tough because it means he had to drop out of school this semester (with just a few weeks left) and since he is manic, he totally doesnt think he has a problem, so its bad for him.
The fiance I love. They are set to marry in May, and she has been skipping her medication and having wedding worries (nothing to do with Sean-- they've lived together for years, I think just Wedding worries and Future worries), so she's been mental a bit lately, too. P says it isnt negatively affecting her and Sean's relationship, and wedding invitations havent been sent out yet, so I think she'll end up fine.
Anyway, it just made me think of you. Weird how all the online bipolar people I know (your mom, Nehallania, and Lofty Expert) are doing SO SO SO terribly (uhh, your mom; homelessness; new mental hospital), and just recently 2 people pretty close to P are having problems, too. Its especially strange, to me, because this is the time of year when S.A.D. stops being so bad because the weather is so much better. Uhh. I really didnt have a point in telling you all that. And now I am totally typed out, so I dont know if I will even write the entry that I've been meaning to write since TUESDAY. Tuesday, people.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-20 09:59 pm (UTC)You were at least half-jewish or something, right? But you don't celebrate it anymore, correct?
and since he is manic, he totally doesnt think he has a problem, so its bad for him
Oh, yeah, that's something that makes it wicked hard for the actual person who has the disease, and then also everyone dealing with them. Because you have to step in, sometimes, but you feel bad as you do it, because they're all "Why are you doing this" or "why are you accusing me of this", like they're really fine, when they aren't. And you just can't talk to them, when they're like that.
As far as the SAD thing and the weather goes, you might find this article interesting (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20030417/hl_nm/suicide_months_dc_1). I'm not sure why that is, but maybe it's because people come out of depression then just enough to finally carry out the suicide. You know, because it's often true that a person will kill themselves as they're coming out of deep depression. Of course there's a billion other variables and reasons that could be involved, but that's what it makes me think of.
Also, when it comes to manic-depression and the seasons, it's hard for me to compare others to my Mom, because she rapid-cycles. Like, I was going to say "Hey, she does seem to get depressed more often in the winter, and big-time manic in the warmer months." But then I realized that, no, she also has gotten manic in the winter, and depressed during the warmer months. Heh. Damn. But I will say mania often follows depression, or directly precedes it. So if P's friend's brother and the fiance were a little/lot depressed before, maybe the emergence of spring and everything might make it more likely for them to be bounced into mania? Of course I'm just thinking outloud, and talking out of my ass. Don't mind me. Heh.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-20 10:52 pm (UTC)But hey, I always will take anyone up on the chance to get rid of my sins!
That is an intersting article. I remember in 7th grade health, we were told there were the most suicides in January and February because (get this) people tried to bring themselves out of depression for the holidays, but then got their credit card statements and bills after Christmas and couldnt handle it. Right.
Anyway, things always get terrible in October for me, then even worse in January, then even worse in February and March. Generally I've fucked my life over so badly that April seems bad, but in hindsight, I realize it didnt really get worse or anything. Then I slightly (oh, so slightly) improve May-Sept, then it starts again. Except that I am always starting in October from a lower point than the year before, so its really true that pretty much every day is the worst day of my life.
I am a big ball of happiness, arent I, on this wonderful day of resurrection. Arg. I swear. I really need to do an entry, I feel like I have lots to fill people up on, but at the same time, I dont feel like typing. Until I get to your or Roury's comments page.
Seems like the more health problems your mom gets, the harder she tries to be understanding and good with you. Otherwise, if its just her normal problems, its like she feels completely free to judge and harsh on you. Probably because she can focus more on your mistakes when she doesnt have to think about infections and things. Anyway, its interesting to me. Hope she gets all that medicine stuff sorted out soon. Real soon.
How are you feeling about classes overall? Like taking some in the summer, or going back full time? I mean, I know you are behind on your reading, but I cant think of anyone that is ever really on top of that.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-21 12:26 am (UTC)Aww, I feel special now.
How are you during the warmer months, when it comes to depression? I know you said that each October is worse than the last, but that you generally improve just a little in the late spring/summer. But is the improvement large enough to shove you out of clinical depression, do you think? Or just slightly less severe depression? How long have you been consistently depressed? And how is the effexor working, now? It's times like these when I wish I lived nearby, so we could speak in person, because it's easier that way. Well, at least in the sense of real-life conversations not having word limits. Hee. Of course I could just email you, but that would just be practical.
Re: Mom. Actually, sometimes physical sickness just complicates the manic depression and makes it worse. And other times, when it seems her health might get better, she starts being all Ms. Positive. Who knows. She changes so often, it's really hard to pin her down, and know why her moods swing one way or another. But I do know that when it comes to making a connection between illness and how she treats me, you'd probably be better off just making it with her mental stability, because it's when she's depressed or manic that she usually attacks me. That's not always, of course, but generally true. Because she gets VERY irritable, both when depressed and manic. And when she's manic, she's just like positive that she's right about everything, and is totally belligerent. Of course I mean when she's manic enough to be causing problems, and not just when it starts out, and she's all "I'm going to redecorate the house! Tonight! Who needs sleep?" Which is actually how she has been, the last couple weeks. But at least the mania seemed to stop at the point of making her not sleep (if indeed it caused that, to begin with), and yell so much. In other words, she didn't end up in a hospital this time. They said the depakote was supposed to be better in that way, so that's why I mention it. Anyway, I'm rambling.
I'm not positive yet if I'll take classes over the summer, but I'm leaning toward doing that. I will probably just go part-time again, for at least that term. I'm not sure yet when I'll go full-time again. I don't want to do it until I have a term or two under my belt with good, solid grades, and I feel ready (anxiety-wise, and all). Not to mention when I have enough money, as I barely had enough to take two classes, this term.