I need a vacation from my vacation

So, I'm home from my vacation to the happiest place on Earth, much poorer, and sunburnt all over my face, shoulders, chest, and arms. You can even see where the straps of my camera bag and purse went. I think even the part in my hair got burnt, because it itches and I just showered. Now, after complaining for a week about the Californian ninety-degree heat (we were walking around with these little fans that sprayed water on us), we come home to a forecast full of 96 and 97 degree temps. Except now we don't have an air-conditioned hotel room or giant pools with water slides. And my relatives are always taking over my grandma's pool, soooo. Right. Kill me now.

We had a really good time, although not without some bumps in the road. My feet still hurt when I walk. I spent way more than I realized would happen, particularly because of the cost of food; Isabella cried & pouted most of the time (not the WHOLE time, but often enough. I think she didn't feel good. She was very clingy with her mom. Plus, Space Mountain scared her, the fireworks scared her, and she fell once & bled. She didn't have any of her toys from home with her either, and she's very into her routines); I went into fugue states and took more of my pain killers than I realized and ran out in a week without knowing how, which I am super concerned about because it's happened before, even when my sister had no access to them, and because there were other things I was forgetting which even Jay noticed; Jayden ran a fever one night (either from his skin burn or riding the river raft ride with me when it was too late at night, & he stayed in his wet clothes too long since he was determined to browse the lego store with me on our way home through Downtown Disney<--an area between the hotel & the parks); Corinne became bitchy with me, partially because the pain killers made her think of mom and triggered her aca-ness, and partially because she had trouble accepting everyone's physical limits -- the first day she didn't mind us coming back to the hotel & taking a mid-day disney break because she too had a migraine, but when we wanted to do the same after just arriving at California Adventure (we arrived, stood in line for one ride, and realized we were exhausted. Jayden and I both decided we'd rather go back to the pool for the afternoon--both parks were within a five-minute walk of the hotel--and return in the evening when it would be cooler & we'd be more relaxed + there'd be fewer people), Corinne flipped & was grumpy for hours. Then, the fourth day, both kids' feet still hurt, they were both still sick of the heat & the lines, and both wanted to stay at the pool vs. go to Universal Studios. I felt the same, but also felt really bad that they'd miss the experience and that my money for the tickets would go to waste. I also felt bad because Corinne was just on a tirade about it. She didn't calm down about my decision to let the kids take the lead until she'd been sitting beside the pool with a drink in her hand for a few hours. There were other mitigating factors as well -- we couldn't rent a car because reasons, and a taxi sounded expensive & awful, there wasn't a shuttle like she'd thought, bla bla bla. She's apologized on her own multiple times since about her attitude though, so I forgive her. Also crappy? The characters don't just wander around the park hugging kids anymore & signing autographs. You have to wait in line even to meet them. Such bullshit.

On the positive side, I have memories of Isabella's big smile on the teacup ride & pretending to take a road trip with her on Autopia, getting soaked on the river raft ride with Jayden (at California Adventure), everyone getting hyper in the hotel room at night (e.g. jumping from bed to bed & the kids dancing in their underwear), Corinne sleep-talking & me laughing so hard over it that I not only snorted but involuntarily farted ("you get the bottle caps with the Mickey menu down at the store! Why do I have to do everything?!"), going down the water slides over & over & OVER with the kids, everything in the hotel being shaped like Mickey's head -- right down to the handles on the faucet, the room service & the french toast that tasted like donuts, and the kids' excitement over their souvenirs. I got souvenirs for Corinne and myself at the last minute as well. She got a Tigger mug, and I got an Eeyore one. Goes perfectly with the Winnie the Pooh mug I already have from my last trip.

For what it's worth, our Universal Studios tickets are still valid until the end of the year, so if Corinne used Mom's old car or something, we could always just pay for the gas & maybe stay two nights at a cheap motel (I've road-tripped from Portland to L.A. in one day before, leaving at 4 a.m. and arriving at 10 p.m., only stopping for lunch in Sacramento). But who knows. All I know is the kids had fun, and they'll always remember it. And Corinne and I mostly had fun & got to splurge on things, which we deserved after the past few years.

I'm now down to something like five thousand dollars, and I still want to get my vision checked & maybe get new lenses + look for a new desktop computer & get some DVDs, but I also need to live off this money and put some away for emergencies. I don't really feel like taking another trip for a while, at least not until I'm a bit more physically fit and more in control of my health, physically & mentally. I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist about my memory issues too, plus bring up the possibility of PMDD.

Oh, yeah, and we came home on Jayden's birthday, but his party didn't happen because a bunch of people couldn't come at the last minute, and since they were going to reschedule it and just have pizza at Joe's house that night (without anyone else for me to talk to as a buffer for awkwardness), and because I had a migraine anyway, Corinne drove me home, & I didn't have to face Joe afterall. Yet.

I feel guilty for spending so much money & unsure that it was responsible since my grandma disapproved, and I did have an SI urge today (unfulfilled), especially because the trip wasn't perfect imo (some of which was out of my control, e.g. my recovering health + the length of some lines keeping us from going on as many rides as I would've liked--WHICH: WHY DID I NOT EXPECT THIS DURING THE 4TH OF JULY WEEKEND. GOD, DUMBASS--plus the change in policy to only allow one fast pass at a time, etc...), even though my sister assures me it was great & has thanked me for it every time we've talked since (Jay thanked me like a million times during the trip as well, the sweetheart. That's another thing, too: Corinne got a little jealous of our closeness. But Isabella was like PLASTERED to her side, so it made sense to split up into little teams when it came to who sat with whom on rides. I understand why it made her sensitive though. He's so much more like me than her, and she commented on that more than once while we were there. She kept calling us "two peas in a pod" and at one point was like, "You'd think he came out of your vijayjay" and Jayden was like, "MOM!" all horrified. Haha). P.S. When it comes to SI, I bought a swimsuit at the hotel, with short shorts (the longest board shorts they had that didn't look ridiculous), and actually went out in public with scars showing. I caught a couple people glancing over, and Jay commented, asking "Why are your thighs so weird?" I just told him I had an "old injury" and he left it at that. Oy.

I accidentally managed to schedule my counseling visit tomorrow at the same time as my PSU advising one (and the advisor emailed me all, "I've noticed you've rescheduled several times. If you need to reschedule again, just come in as a drop-in". Meanwhile, drop-ins are 15 min. appointments, and I have a list of questions), and I don't really know what to do. I need to talk to my counselor, but I also need to talk to an advisor. I guess the advisor is less pressing though, and I don't KNOW that I can't get my questions answered in fifteen minutes. Plus, then I can just go when I feel ready, and I won't have the pressure of an appointment.

Anyway, I took a bunch of videos when I was there, but I'm only going to share a handful with you all, because most are just boring family-memory type vids. But there's reasons I'm sharing each of these, so they're worth watching. Enjoy. (P.S. I only took a couple pictures, because I got lazy about that.) ( crab dances & barbie hate )