You'll be the road, rolling below
Dec. 6th, 2010 03:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82Taken from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
xmaidelx:
When you see this on your friends list, make a post, with a music video (or song, whatever works) that used to be your go to jam back in the day. The terms are relative and it's up to you, but keep spreading it around or you'll end up with wrinkles on your memories
This was a hard choice for me, as Love Like This really was the shit for me for a long time (and still is, who am I kidding)--along with many others (anything by Biggie, Bjork, Nine Inch Nails, Tori Amos, Lauryn Hill, Sarah McLachlan, Nas, Tupac, Tool, Ani Difranco, etc, was right up my alley, plus I drove my best friend *insane* singing the chorus to this song, haha. I had some very eclectic tastes as a teenager--and still do--we're just gonna leave it at that).
However, the song that won for me was the one all my friends and I used to sing CONSTANTLY to each other my senior year of high school. And I do mean constantly, complete with the clapping sections of the piece, ha. It didn't matter if we were in the middle of graphic design, computer animation, photography, WHATEVER--we wanted to know whether that bitch had ODB's money *clap clap*.
Moving on, you'll notice that I'm using a new icon. *insert tada noise here* I'm quite proud of this one. Heh. I was talking withmelissasjack today about her new fic, & about Booth's connection to The Serenity Prayer (she quotes it in her fic, and I'd already snuck a reference to it in my upcoming fic as well), and I brought up the idea of creating an icon for it & she was like, "DO IT," so I did. Ha. At first my idea was to have it be one of those shots where he's staring at her lookin' all hot & what-not, like "Lord give me the strength not to devour this woman right now," but then I came across that screencap of them on my computer & started cracking up--it was just too perfect. She's got that "Booth, do you mind if I ask you a few questions about Zombie!Jesus?" look on her face, they're both sitting there in the church together, he's all "I can't even. . .is it wrong I want to marry you right now? That, or possibly kill you? Either way" and she's all oblivious as always, and I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, THEY'RE TOO MUCH. Wanna squish 'em.
So, yeah. Every time I look at that icon, I'm gonna laugh. Heh. Feel free to swipe it obviously, just as long as you credit me.
In other (less positive) news: Honestly, I just don't have the money (like, really, really don't). That, and they moved offices so it'd take almost two hours to get there by bus (we're talkin' one-way). I just can't deal with it. I was already paying her half the cost of a normal visit and that was only once every *other* time. I couldn't stand the thought of being all, "yeah, I can't even afford that anymore." Especially when I have to travel FOUR HOURS by bus on top of that. It's way too much. Particularly since I really, really didn't want to talk to her about my recent bout with SI, or the issues I've been having with food. I sort of feel like I might need someone now who's an actual psychologist/psychiatrist (she's a social worker/therapist). Which makes me feel bad, because I believe she has helped, and I think she was the right person for me over this last year in a lot of ways, but I just don't know if she is anymore. I've been wondering lately if I've reached the limit on how much she can help, based on her qualifications. I do still want to see someone, absolutely, and you guys know how hard change is for me, but seeing as I can't afford to pay her anymore anyway--and seeing as how her new location is enormously inconvenient anyway--I now have more reason. My biggest concern now will be figuring out how I can find someone new within my budget in the near future. I'm a little scared I'll end up going a long time not seeing anyone now, which wouldn't be good either. For what it's worth, she does have an office in Portland too (just in case), but it's totally out of the way also. That's why I was seeing her on the west side before she moved. Argh. Really though, finding a new doctor was probably going to be an inevitability anyway, because I imagine I probably wouldn't have been able to make it to either location on time once I started a new job. I got lucky that the Wells Fargo job had such an early shift.
Oy, life is stressful. It just figures that finding yourself therapy would add to that stress. Gotta love the health system in America, right?
On a more positive note though, 25 more days until I'll have accomplished my goal to stay alive until the end of this year. That's something. I've started going back through old entries as I prepare to begin compiling my Year in Review post, and I ended up having a really strong reaction to the entry I wrote back on the night I called the hotline. Specifically, to the song I posted that night. By the time the cello started playing, I was basically sobbing. The thing is, I could've been in the ground three months ago. Really, I could've been gone way before then too--and since then for that matter--but I REALLY could've been that night. It's just, I don't know how to explain it. There are moments when you realize yourself, when you feel like your head comes above water--like you've been drowning--and you suddenly feel alive again & are *glad* to be alive. Even if you know there's still that part of you that doesn't want to be alive. You're still glad, and you're so grateful, just for that moment, that you didn't succeed all those months ago. All you can do in reaction is just sit there & cry. There but for the grace of God, you know?
It's been a really hard year. I really kind of can't wait to turn the page & say it's over. I know it's just a date, and that it doesn't actually mean anything, but New Years this year is going to be incredibly symbolic for me.
And I know I already technically posted a vid for this entry, but with all that said, I still want to do an actual Vid of the Day. Especially as I've been talking about ringing in the New Year and all. For that reason, I'm going to post the same vid I used with my Decade in Review at the beginning of this year. As I said then: sing us into the new year, won't you, Judy?
xmaidelx:When you see this on your friends list, make a post, with a music video (or song, whatever works) that used to be your go to jam back in the day. The terms are relative and it's up to you, but keep spreading it around or you'll end up with wrinkles on your memories
This was a hard choice for me, as Love Like This really was the shit for me for a long time (and still is, who am I kidding)--along with many others (anything by Biggie, Bjork, Nine Inch Nails, Tori Amos, Lauryn Hill, Sarah McLachlan, Nas, Tupac, Tool, Ani Difranco, etc, was right up my alley, plus I drove my best friend *insane* singing the chorus to this song, haha. I had some very eclectic tastes as a teenager--and still do--we're just gonna leave it at that).
However, the song that won for me was the one all my friends and I used to sing CONSTANTLY to each other my senior year of high school. And I do mean constantly, complete with the clapping sections of the piece, ha. It didn't matter if we were in the middle of graphic design, computer animation, photography, WHATEVER--we wanted to know whether that bitch had ODB's money *clap clap*.
Moving on, you'll notice that I'm using a new icon. *insert tada noise here* I'm quite proud of this one. Heh. I was talking with
melissasjack today about her new fic, & about Booth's connection to The Serenity Prayer (she quotes it in her fic, and I'd already snuck a reference to it in my upcoming fic as well), and I brought up the idea of creating an icon for it & she was like, "DO IT," so I did. Ha. At first my idea was to have it be one of those shots where he's staring at her lookin' all hot & what-not, like "Lord give me the strength not to devour this woman right now," but then I came across that screencap of them on my computer & started cracking up--it was just too perfect. She's got that "Booth, do you mind if I ask you a few questions about Zombie!Jesus?" look on her face, they're both sitting there in the church together, he's all "I can't even. . .is it wrong I want to marry you right now? That, or possibly kill you? Either way" and she's all oblivious as always, and I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, THEY'RE TOO MUCH. Wanna squish 'em. So, yeah. Every time I look at that icon, I'm gonna laugh. Heh. Feel free to swipe it obviously, just as long as you credit me.
In other (less positive) news: Honestly, I just don't have the money (like, really, really don't). That, and they moved offices so it'd take almost two hours to get there by bus (we're talkin' one-way). I just can't deal with it. I was already paying her half the cost of a normal visit and that was only once every *other* time. I couldn't stand the thought of being all, "yeah, I can't even afford that anymore." Especially when I have to travel FOUR HOURS by bus on top of that. It's way too much. Particularly since I really, really didn't want to talk to her about my recent bout with SI, or the issues I've been having with food. I sort of feel like I might need someone now who's an actual psychologist/psychiatrist (she's a social worker/therapist). Which makes me feel bad, because I believe she has helped, and I think she was the right person for me over this last year in a lot of ways, but I just don't know if she is anymore. I've been wondering lately if I've reached the limit on how much she can help, based on her qualifications. I do still want to see someone, absolutely, and you guys know how hard change is for me, but seeing as I can't afford to pay her anymore anyway--and seeing as how her new location is enormously inconvenient anyway--I now have more reason. My biggest concern now will be figuring out how I can find someone new within my budget in the near future. I'm a little scared I'll end up going a long time not seeing anyone now, which wouldn't be good either. For what it's worth, she does have an office in Portland too (just in case), but it's totally out of the way also. That's why I was seeing her on the west side before she moved. Argh. Really though, finding a new doctor was probably going to be an inevitability anyway, because I imagine I probably wouldn't have been able to make it to either location on time once I started a new job. I got lucky that the Wells Fargo job had such an early shift.
Oy, life is stressful. It just figures that finding yourself therapy would add to that stress. Gotta love the health system in America, right?
On a more positive note though, 25 more days until I'll have accomplished my goal to stay alive until the end of this year. That's something. I've started going back through old entries as I prepare to begin compiling my Year in Review post, and I ended up having a really strong reaction to the entry I wrote back on the night I called the hotline. Specifically, to the song I posted that night. By the time the cello started playing, I was basically sobbing. The thing is, I could've been in the ground three months ago. Really, I could've been gone way before then too--and since then for that matter--but I REALLY could've been that night. It's just, I don't know how to explain it. There are moments when you realize yourself, when you feel like your head comes above water--like you've been drowning--and you suddenly feel alive again & are *glad* to be alive. Even if you know there's still that part of you that doesn't want to be alive. You're still glad, and you're so grateful, just for that moment, that you didn't succeed all those months ago. All you can do in reaction is just sit there & cry. There but for the grace of God, you know?
It's been a really hard year. I really kind of can't wait to turn the page & say it's over. I know it's just a date, and that it doesn't actually mean anything, but New Years this year is going to be incredibly symbolic for me.
And I know I already technically posted a vid for this entry, but with all that said, I still want to do an actual Vid of the Day. Especially as I've been talking about ringing in the New Year and all. For that reason, I'm going to post the same vid I used with my Decade in Review at the beginning of this year. As I said then: sing us into the new year, won't you, Judy?
