Sleep like your bed is on fire, 'cause it just might be.

[rachg82]

Micro Update, aaaaand GO:

(note that there's only three points here instead of the usual five or ten, hence how I can justify calling this longwinded ramble anything approaching "micro")

1. I want to see this movie so badly. I hope it finds a distributor. Of course I might lose my shit completely by seeing Emily play a character that's gay--if we get a love scene, I'll burst into ecstatic flames, mark my words--but it'll be a fun descent into madness, so I'm down.<--hyperbolic jokes, oh how I love thee

2. Dear Yahoo,

You know how Snooki used to have an eating disorder & has talked about it publicly? Bearing that in mind, how about you--y'know--NOT post a video like this on your front page, starting out with the happyhappy!words of, "Snooki is shrinking!" UGH, FU.

No love,
Me.

Seriously, going to the gym & drinking water? Great. But the perky reporter reading her tweets, like, "Water is my new best friend! #Dieting![/implied smiley face]" and "I just want to get back into shape like I used to be." Oh, you mean when she ate nothing but one or two saltine crackers all day, as she herself put it? Way to not mention that, Yahoo. Way to also pass by the possibility of a woman like her compulsively exercising as a trade-off (or in addition to) for self-starvation. You suck on an especially hardcore level today. Congrats.

'Kay, I feel better now. Also, I'm copying some of what I saw on a documentary the other day about heroin addicts going to live with monks in Thailand for rehab; they showed them meditating, & the monk told them to imagine all their emotions floating down toward the ground (also to visualize your inhalations entering through the top of your head & then filling up your body). I love meditation stuff (I used to do it all the time. I should really get back to that), so I immediately took to it. Anything to help me relax, seriously. I'm like one of those balls of wound-up rubber bands. Teeeeense. It's pretty much my natural state. Stupid Generalized Anxiety Disorder/overthinky brain.

P.S. What do I have to do to get a trip to hang with monks in Thailand? I don't want to do heroin, yo. But hey, my best friend was hooked on it by the age of 13--can't we have a section of the monastery for the codependents?

3. I am officially ridiculous. Once I didn't have to worry about adjusting to being off the topamax at the same time as starting a new job, I went back to my decision to go off it. It's true, it helps some of those intense migraines, but not the rest (though it does cut back on my night-migraines some too. I'm used to getting them in the morning/afternoon, but having them start up before bed only became a big issue in the last few years), and I still get freaked out over the potential "It could cause glaucoma!" side effect, especially since I get eye pain/sensitivity so much anyway. Every time my eyes hurt while I'm on it (and they do seem to hurt more consistently then), I get all hypochondriac-y. There was a question about glaucoma on Cash Cab right afterward too, like, "bla bla caused by excess pressure on the optic nerve" and I was all, "Um, that's what my doctor told me the med causes even without it being glaucoma--right before she was all, 'Eat some bananas. That'll help.' Huh? So, what, it could turn into it later or over time if you stay on it?! Thanks, back to being freaked out now!"

And honestly, I will admit part of me was panicky over being hungrier/gaining weight when I went back on it (plus thoughts of the job were messing with my social anxiety BAD, and I was worried I'd get shaky or something by trying to change brain-stuff around while jumping into that--I already felt shaky, so yeah. I started obsessing over, "What if it normally calms my shakyness down? I haven't been like this in a long time! AHH."), and that's not at all a good reason to be included in the mix. I don't know. It sucks, the whole thing. For years before I went on it, I knew about it but couldn't afford to take it due to the cost without insurance, and then when my pharmacy agreed to match the cheap-o price of Costco? I was like, "Yay! Time for the Wonder Drug to do! its! thing!" It's hard to give up that hope & admit, "It does help…sometimes. But it's an annoying drug. More annoying than it helps, if anything because of the constant debate over whether it's worth taking. I need to find a better solution." I just really, really hate my head, y'know? Like a lot. I just want some brain surgery up in this ish, seriously. FIX IT.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. At least I'm not on my period & not stressed over starting a new job, so my body can adjust for a few days without all sorts of extra shit making it even more migraine-y than usual. I wish I had lots o' money so I could do acupuncture every day.

For my Vid of the Day, let's hear it for pretty, talented, out LGBTQ women in the music scene:

Comments

[nomnivore.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I want to see The Perfect Family!

Good luck with going off the Tompamax. I hope that the migraines don't increase, and that you don't have any bad side effects.

I think meditating with the monks sounds like a great idea.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon'. So far my migraines have been about the same, fortunately. I've obviously had a dip in my mood & been very tired for a few days now, but I missed getting that refill of Prozac since too.

I'd be willing to give up TV etc for a week with monks in Thailand. That's like a dream vacation.