The city sun sets over me
May. 15th, 2011 09:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82It's been a couple days since I updated, so I feel like I should, but I'm having one of those issues where I can't think of what to write & everything I CAN think of sounds boring. So I end up just sitting & staring at the computer screen all "BLAH" like a human question mark. "Entry! Why won't you write yourself? Be a team player!" I hate that.
Anyway, I'll just ramble for a minute & we can all pretend it's interesting.
-I had a really bad migraine the night before last, and as a result I've slept more than I've been awake the last two days. I still don't feel quite "over it" yet--my limbs feel heavy, my stomach is frakked, it's hard to read things, when I went to the store yesterday I had difficulty talking (words came out wrong/stilted), etc. Immediately afterward, I felt simultaneously exhausted & yet extremely relaxed/almost good (migraine euphoria, in other words), but then (and now) I just came back to feeling out of it & vaguely depressed yet not. I'm used to all of it, but it's strange, especially because I don't always experience the postdrome phase so severely. It really depends on how bad the migraine itself is, usually (in this case, it was pretty bad). It's good to know there's a reason for all of it though. I find it comforting when I can understand what's going on with my body. It's kind of interesting, almost. The brain is an odd thing.
-During the few hours I was awake yesterday, I watched a couple episodes of some ghost show on cable (I always end up watching the most random crap when sick, I swear). It was your usual fare of sillyness--every ghost in the world apparently wears white dresses circa the Victorian era--but I heard a quote from one of the women that I liked: "God's delay doesn't necessarily mean God's denial." She said her dead father appeared to her & said that, which--whatever, who knows--but I don't think it matters whether it's true or even whether you believe in God. It's still a nice concept.
-Speaking of things I've heard lately that I liked, here's a few more:
"You make your choices and you live with them, and in the end you are those choices."-BSG
"Sometimes we have to leave people behind so that we can go on--so that we can continue to fight."-BSG
"Success is not a goal. It's a byproduct."-Friday Night Lights
"A friend once said, and I found to be true, that everyday people--they lie to God too--so what makes you think that they won't lie to you?"-Lauryn Hill
The last one is a line from a song, and I've of course heard it before, but it had been a while. I've been talking with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jasminelily about some of the things my mom said to me in those emails, and the likelihood that she was lying about what my nephew said, so that lyric resonated with me.
-Parks & Rec this week was freaking hilarious. "I'm gonna make out with him. On his face." HA. Also: everyone drunk. BEST EVER.
-Community doesn't know how to be anything but awesome, I don't think. ABED WAS HAN SOLO, Y'ALL. HE MADE OUT WITH ANNIE & THEN WAS JUST LIKE, "COOL", AND WALKED OFF. Hahaha.
-I continue to enjoy Friday Night Lights. If I had Netflix, I'd stream it from the beginning, but I prefer living in the 20th century so I don't. Okay, so that's a joke, but it's not far off from the truth. Heh. I do want to rent the first season though. I suspect I will over the summer. There's a few other shows I plan to check out, too, most likely. Probably Farscape, Castle, and maybe Dr. Who. Maybe. I've seen a couple episodes & really didn't get sucked in, but I know a lot of people who are into it, so I'm open.
-Lastly, I'm still slowly but surely working on my fic, though this one has been giving me a hard time. I talked about it withkeenai the other day though, , and that helped.
me: i don't know why this fic insists on being so much harder to get right than the others
akilah: I can't help you with that one
are you trying to force it in one direction and it's trying to go in another? are you thinking too much about what other people would think of it?
me: probably a little of both, and a lot of the latter. i'm being very picky on how everything flows, too. my perfectionism is getting the better of me.
akilah: try not to think too hard about what other people will think of your fic. write it for yourself
me: okay. but what if it suuuuucks? heh
akilah: if you like it, it doesn't suck
well, that's not true
BUT. if you like it, odds are there is someone else who will
remember, Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight because it was the book she wanted to read
me: that's a really good point
see, this is why i keep YOU around
akilah: I have to remind myself of that
because part of my deprogramming from my creative writing program is remembering that I liked to write because I liked my stories
and I didn't start thinking of other people until my stupid MA, and now it has ruined my writing life and I am almost perpetually blocked
which is why I should just write fanfic or something, I know
so I can get back into the fun of writing
me: dude, you're so right though. 'cause, like, with my first fic i got started because i had ideas for stories that i wanted to read. i kept coming up with plot ideas etc & phrases that i wanted other people to do something with. it was only later, after writing a couple, that i started thinking about others' reactions
akilah: but then I overthink it, and I feel like I need to COMMIT and then I freeze up again
it's so dumb
yep
me: you feel like you need to commit with fic? commit to what?
akilah: commit to WRITING
I never said it made sense, Rach
well, b/c all the writers say you have to write EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME and you should have goals and ugh, I think of that and just don't do anything
me: oh, man. frak that. i write when i want. ha
akilah: this is what i know, but then I let myself get distracted by other things and then I beat myself up for not writing and IT IS A VICIOUS CYCLE, OKAY?
me: hee, okay. i get it.
i want you to write fic though
akilah: I only want to write High School Musical fic
I am not sure you would be interested
me: haha. no, not really. but you could start there & then move on to other things. i want you to write that psych/bones crossover
akilah: omg, that would be amazing
me: see? and it would be cracky, so you have a free pass at not making it all perfect
akilah: I wish they would do a House/Bones crossover
I just...seeing Booth and Brennan and House interact would be the best thing ever
because you know Booth would want to shoot House
me: write it!
and yes, booth would HATE house
akilah: and House would be FASCINATED by Brennan, especially because he wouldn't rattle her
me: he'd want to bug her even more, like with cuddy. it'd become his mission to rile her up
akilah: I can think of no reason for them to interact is the thing
Bones/Psych, sure
me: there's a dead body found at the hospital & it was one of his previous patients
voila
akilah: see, you should write it
me: i'm only a casual viewer of house though, so i'd be uncertain writing him
akilah: I haven't watched in aaaaages and don't want to anymore, so
that's why I think they should just do an actual one on FOX, and then the people who know the characters can write them
me: yeah, same here. i haven't watched it in a long, long time. but it's one of those shows where if i were bored & came across it on cable, i'd watch.
it would be amazing to see a crossover like that on my tv screen though.
akilah: and then we could write fic based on that!
see? much easier all around
me: heh. but you still need to do a psych/bones crossover
akilah: we'll see
me: keep hope alive![/jesse jackson moment]
For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna get my convert-powerz on. It's come to my attention that some of you are still not watching Community. This simply won't do. Hence, I shall provide clips to help make it right. You're welcome.
Anyway, I'll just ramble for a minute & we can all pretend it's interesting.
-I had a really bad migraine the night before last, and as a result I've slept more than I've been awake the last two days. I still don't feel quite "over it" yet--my limbs feel heavy, my stomach is frakked, it's hard to read things, when I went to the store yesterday I had difficulty talking (words came out wrong/stilted), etc. Immediately afterward, I felt simultaneously exhausted & yet extremely relaxed/almost good (migraine euphoria, in other words), but then (and now) I just came back to feeling out of it & vaguely depressed yet not. I'm used to all of it, but it's strange, especially because I don't always experience the postdrome phase so severely. It really depends on how bad the migraine itself is, usually (in this case, it was pretty bad). It's good to know there's a reason for all of it though. I find it comforting when I can understand what's going on with my body. It's kind of interesting, almost. The brain is an odd thing.
-During the few hours I was awake yesterday, I watched a couple episodes of some ghost show on cable (I always end up watching the most random crap when sick, I swear). It was your usual fare of sillyness--every ghost in the world apparently wears white dresses circa the Victorian era--but I heard a quote from one of the women that I liked: "God's delay doesn't necessarily mean God's denial." She said her dead father appeared to her & said that, which--whatever, who knows--but I don't think it matters whether it's true or even whether you believe in God. It's still a nice concept.
-Speaking of things I've heard lately that I liked, here's a few more:
"You make your choices and you live with them, and in the end you are those choices."-BSG
"Sometimes we have to leave people behind so that we can go on--so that we can continue to fight."-BSG
"Success is not a goal. It's a byproduct."-Friday Night Lights
"A friend once said, and I found to be true, that everyday people--they lie to God too--so what makes you think that they won't lie to you?"-Lauryn Hill
The last one is a line from a song, and I've of course heard it before, but it had been a while. I've been talking with
jasminelily about some of the things my mom said to me in those emails, and the likelihood that she was lying about what my nephew said, so that lyric resonated with me.-Parks & Rec this week was freaking hilarious. "I'm gonna make out with him. On his face." HA. Also: everyone drunk. BEST EVER.
-Community doesn't know how to be anything but awesome, I don't think. ABED WAS HAN SOLO, Y'ALL. HE MADE OUT WITH ANNIE & THEN WAS JUST LIKE, "COOL", AND WALKED OFF. Hahaha.
-I continue to enjoy Friday Night Lights. If I had Netflix, I'd stream it from the beginning, but I prefer living in the 20th century so I don't. Okay, so that's a joke, but it's not far off from the truth. Heh. I do want to rent the first season though. I suspect I will over the summer. There's a few other shows I plan to check out, too, most likely. Probably Farscape, Castle, and maybe Dr. Who. Maybe. I've seen a couple episodes & really didn't get sucked in, but I know a lot of people who are into it, so I'm open.
-Lastly, I'm still slowly but surely working on my fic, though this one has been giving me a hard time. I talked about it with
keenai the other day though, , and that helped. me: i don't know why this fic insists on being so much harder to get right than the others
akilah: I can't help you with that one
are you trying to force it in one direction and it's trying to go in another? are you thinking too much about what other people would think of it?
me: probably a little of both, and a lot of the latter. i'm being very picky on how everything flows, too. my perfectionism is getting the better of me.
akilah: try not to think too hard about what other people will think of your fic. write it for yourself
me: okay. but what if it suuuuucks? heh
akilah: if you like it, it doesn't suck
well, that's not true
BUT. if you like it, odds are there is someone else who will
remember, Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight because it was the book she wanted to read
me: that's a really good point
see, this is why i keep YOU around
akilah: I have to remind myself of that
because part of my deprogramming from my creative writing program is remembering that I liked to write because I liked my stories
and I didn't start thinking of other people until my stupid MA, and now it has ruined my writing life and I am almost perpetually blocked
which is why I should just write fanfic or something, I know
so I can get back into the fun of writing
me: dude, you're so right though. 'cause, like, with my first fic i got started because i had ideas for stories that i wanted to read. i kept coming up with plot ideas etc & phrases that i wanted other people to do something with. it was only later, after writing a couple, that i started thinking about others' reactions
akilah: but then I overthink it, and I feel like I need to COMMIT and then I freeze up again
it's so dumb
yep
me: you feel like you need to commit with fic? commit to what?
akilah: commit to WRITING
I never said it made sense, Rach
well, b/c all the writers say you have to write EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME and you should have goals and ugh, I think of that and just don't do anything
me: oh, man. frak that. i write when i want. ha
akilah: this is what i know, but then I let myself get distracted by other things and then I beat myself up for not writing and IT IS A VICIOUS CYCLE, OKAY?
me: hee, okay. i get it.
i want you to write fic though
akilah: I only want to write High School Musical fic
I am not sure you would be interested
me: haha. no, not really. but you could start there & then move on to other things. i want you to write that psych/bones crossover
akilah: omg, that would be amazing
me: see? and it would be cracky, so you have a free pass at not making it all perfect
akilah: I wish they would do a House/Bones crossover
I just...seeing Booth and Brennan and House interact would be the best thing ever
because you know Booth would want to shoot House
me: write it!
and yes, booth would HATE house
akilah: and House would be FASCINATED by Brennan, especially because he wouldn't rattle her
me: he'd want to bug her even more, like with cuddy. it'd become his mission to rile her up
akilah: I can think of no reason for them to interact is the thing
Bones/Psych, sure
me: there's a dead body found at the hospital & it was one of his previous patients
voila
akilah: see, you should write it
me: i'm only a casual viewer of house though, so i'd be uncertain writing him
akilah: I haven't watched in aaaaages and don't want to anymore, so
that's why I think they should just do an actual one on FOX, and then the people who know the characters can write them
me: yeah, same here. i haven't watched it in a long, long time. but it's one of those shows where if i were bored & came across it on cable, i'd watch.
it would be amazing to see a crossover like that on my tv screen though.
akilah: and then we could write fic based on that!
see? much easier all around
me: heh. but you still need to do a psych/bones crossover
akilah: we'll see
me: keep hope alive![/jesse jackson moment]
For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna get my convert-powerz on. It's come to my attention that some of you are still not watching Community. This simply won't do. Hence, I shall provide clips to help make it right. You're welcome.
