You'll have to shout even louder
Jul. 1st, 2011 03:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg821. I think she sounds all right (though, really, who knows) but said she feels "like a piece [of her] is missing," which…yeah, makes sense. That's how I'd expect someone to feel in that situation. It is sad though, despite her also following it with "but I know I'll be okay."
They're having a "celebration of life" ceremony next Saturday at the house, which is a relief to me because I know that I, for one, need something like that for closure, but prefer wake-style closure to sad-funeral closure. It's more fitting for his memory anyway.
She told me my cousins are taking it hard, but again, that's what I'd expect. I mean, they're in their twenties & their dad is dead. Of course they're taking it hard. I can already tell I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of that though, like I already am with my aunt, because my instinct is to "fix" people's feelings when they're upset and it's hard to resist that pull. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, as a result--other than obvious stuff like "I'm here if you need anything." Y'know, you want to be there, but you also don't want to be that annoying person who's all, "here, let me smother you into feeling better" when the person just wants to feel what they feel. On the other hand, you don't want to be all awkward & silent either, like, "…yeah," when they express those feelings. It's hard to find a balance. To be fair though, I'm sure that part of that dilemma is cultural; some groups are more comfortable/patient with silence than others, and it makes things easier when you have an exact set of traditions that *everyone* follows in response to death (we don't). There's a few fairly common things to hold onto, for sure, but it's still so changeable & individualized overall.
My dad & stepmom are being sent an invitation, but I'd be really surprised if they came. Not just because they're so far away, but because I know my dad. It's not that he doesn't care; it's actually the opposite in this case. He doesn't deal well with emotions, whether they be his or other people's (he's the kind of person who gets all cold & irritated if someone starts crying. He simply can't handle it), and if you combine that with the fact that they were both really close then you've got a bit of a perfect storm. I just can't imagine him wanting to come & ~share~ this experience with others. He might--he did attend his parents' funerals after all--but it's much more likely to me that he'll use the physical distance as an excuse to stay away. Like, to drive the point home? When my uncle was first fighting his cancer, he told me he'd call & email my dad about it & not even get a response. They weren't fighting or anything; it was just him being avoid-y. He eventually laid into him over email for it, which got him to start responding at least, though he still never flew out to see him (he certainly had the money to if he'd wanted, and he hasn't been out here to see anyone since 2004). Bearing that in mind though: note that he never called me back after I phoned him twice the other week (the day my uncle died & the following day), and he apparently hasn't called my aunt back either. So, yeah. I know he started taking an anti-depressant last year too (which still blows my freakin' mind, btw -- he's ALWAYS had major 'tude about therapists & psychiatry), so there's also that. It's an interesting thing, because it lets me know he's been struggling, though of course I don't know to what degree (or to what degree he acknowledges it, for that matter), but it also lets me know he at least was open (FOR ONCE) to accepting outside help & letting down his walls a little. Whether that bodes well for him in the future…your guess is as good as mine.
As far as whether my sister is being invited, I have no idea. If she is, I still wouldn't expect her to show. I'm sure though that she'll find some way to vilify me for going, regardless, especially if she's NOT invited. I can't let myself dwell on that, however. This isn't about us.
I'll cut myself off here (and move on to other subjects), but I will probably post a flocked entry with more family talk later, maybe tonight or tomorrow, just as a heads-up. There's some ACA/emotional stuff I think I should write about, but I've been sort of putting it off because of the mental energy I know it'll take. I'll try to get to it soon though.
2. June-uary is officially over. It's supposed to get up into the eighties over the next few days. I'd really like to go buy some new capris or workout pants (my old ones are too big now. I have to fold the waistband down to keep them up) so I'll be more comfortable going for more frequent jaunty woodland walks again, but it'll have to wait after the chunk of dough I just spent on those prescription sunglasses. I mean, I COULD afford it--pants aren't that expensive--but I'd rather stagger out the spendyness. I have other things I can wear in the meantime. Still, it's on my mind. One way or another, I'd like to take advantage of the weather with some tree-huggin', especially now that I'll have sunglasses to protect mi ojos from ~el sol diablo~. Heh.
3. I watched the prosecution's rebuttal case today in the Casey Anthony trial, & can I just say--that is some slam-dunk shit right there. Homegirl is guiltyyy. I do feel bad for her though. She's clearly disturbed (regardless of guilt or innocence), going by her history of lying if nothing else. I don't mean that she's criminally insane--she's been found competent--but no one creates the kind of lies she did, taking them to the extremes that she did, without there being at least a few squirrels jugglin' knives in their head. Know what I'm saying? She's off. If she indeed was abused as a child, that would help explain things, but unfortunately imo that doesn't negate the evidence of her killing her daughter. It's a sad case no matter how you look at it. Utterly fascinating to watch from an objective standpoint though, especially for all the back & forth intensity between the lawyers (Ashton does not fuck around, seriously) & the forensic testimony. The Bones fangirl in me gets excited whenever a forensic anthropologist is called. Heh. I know, I have issues.
4. Let's talk about TV, y/y? As promised, I still plan to talk more in-depth about my BSG rewatch again soon, but for now here's a few other misc. tidbits:
-I know that Community is far too meta to warrant serious shipping, but I can't help it: in my mind, after the series is over? It'll be Britta/Jeff, Annie/Troy, and Abed/Robin (the Secret Service agent, hee. I ♥ them!). Troy & Abed will still be epic BFFs of course. Abed will totally be the cool uncle who teaches their kids about Batman & Kickpuncher. You know I'm right.
-What is up with Nigel & Mary on So You Think You Can Dance? Is it just me or is he being awkwardly flirty with her lately? I'm not just talking about the kiss.
-Kristin Chenoweth is my new fave guest judge, along with Debbie Reynolds. You know how I said recently that I like to imagine Cat & Mary as besties behind the scenes? From this point on I'm gonna create my own fantasy world where Kristin Chenoweth, Debbie Reynolds, & Debbie Allen all get together every Wednesday night & watch the show together while braiding each other's hair & sucking on Ring Pops.
5. Seeing as how effing fab SYTYCD was the other night, I'm gonna share my favorite five dances with you all now from the last two weeks as a VotD.
Ahh! I've watched this like three or four times already.
Prettyyy.
This is just joyful.
Her hands at the end!
Okay, I'm not normally into this couple, but this routine very nearly got me verklempt. The song & the theme, y'know?
They're having a "celebration of life" ceremony next Saturday at the house, which is a relief to me because I know that I, for one, need something like that for closure, but prefer wake-style closure to sad-funeral closure. It's more fitting for his memory anyway.
She told me my cousins are taking it hard, but again, that's what I'd expect. I mean, they're in their twenties & their dad is dead. Of course they're taking it hard. I can already tell I'm going to have to keep reminding myself of that though, like I already am with my aunt, because my instinct is to "fix" people's feelings when they're upset and it's hard to resist that pull. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, as a result--other than obvious stuff like "I'm here if you need anything." Y'know, you want to be there, but you also don't want to be that annoying person who's all, "here, let me smother you into feeling better" when the person just wants to feel what they feel. On the other hand, you don't want to be all awkward & silent either, like, "…yeah," when they express those feelings. It's hard to find a balance. To be fair though, I'm sure that part of that dilemma is cultural; some groups are more comfortable/patient with silence than others, and it makes things easier when you have an exact set of traditions that *everyone* follows in response to death (we don't). There's a few fairly common things to hold onto, for sure, but it's still so changeable & individualized overall.
My dad & stepmom are being sent an invitation, but I'd be really surprised if they came. Not just because they're so far away, but because I know my dad. It's not that he doesn't care; it's actually the opposite in this case. He doesn't deal well with emotions, whether they be his or other people's (he's the kind of person who gets all cold & irritated if someone starts crying. He simply can't handle it), and if you combine that with the fact that they were both really close then you've got a bit of a perfect storm. I just can't imagine him wanting to come & ~share~ this experience with others. He might--he did attend his parents' funerals after all--but it's much more likely to me that he'll use the physical distance as an excuse to stay away. Like, to drive the point home? When my uncle was first fighting his cancer, he told me he'd call & email my dad about it & not even get a response. They weren't fighting or anything; it was just him being avoid-y. He eventually laid into him over email for it, which got him to start responding at least, though he still never flew out to see him (he certainly had the money to if he'd wanted, and he hasn't been out here to see anyone since 2004). Bearing that in mind though: note that he never called me back after I phoned him twice the other week (the day my uncle died & the following day), and he apparently hasn't called my aunt back either. So, yeah. I know he started taking an anti-depressant last year too (which still blows my freakin' mind, btw -- he's ALWAYS had major 'tude about therapists & psychiatry), so there's also that. It's an interesting thing, because it lets me know he's been struggling, though of course I don't know to what degree (or to what degree he acknowledges it, for that matter), but it also lets me know he at least was open (FOR ONCE) to accepting outside help & letting down his walls a little. Whether that bodes well for him in the future…your guess is as good as mine.
As far as whether my sister is being invited, I have no idea. If she is, I still wouldn't expect her to show. I'm sure though that she'll find some way to vilify me for going, regardless, especially if she's NOT invited. I can't let myself dwell on that, however. This isn't about us.
I'll cut myself off here (and move on to other subjects), but I will probably post a flocked entry with more family talk later, maybe tonight or tomorrow, just as a heads-up. There's some ACA/emotional stuff I think I should write about, but I've been sort of putting it off because of the mental energy I know it'll take. I'll try to get to it soon though.
2. June-uary is officially over. It's supposed to get up into the eighties over the next few days. I'd really like to go buy some new capris or workout pants (my old ones are too big now. I have to fold the waistband down to keep them up) so I'll be more comfortable going for more frequent jaunty woodland walks again, but it'll have to wait after the chunk of dough I just spent on those prescription sunglasses. I mean, I COULD afford it--pants aren't that expensive--but I'd rather stagger out the spendyness. I have other things I can wear in the meantime. Still, it's on my mind. One way or another, I'd like to take advantage of the weather with some tree-huggin', especially now that I'll have sunglasses to protect mi ojos from ~el sol diablo~. Heh.
3. I watched the prosecution's rebuttal case today in the Casey Anthony trial, & can I just say--that is some slam-dunk shit right there. Homegirl is guiltyyy. I do feel bad for her though. She's clearly disturbed (regardless of guilt or innocence), going by her history of lying if nothing else. I don't mean that she's criminally insane--she's been found competent--but no one creates the kind of lies she did, taking them to the extremes that she did, without there being at least a few squirrels jugglin' knives in their head. Know what I'm saying? She's off. If she indeed was abused as a child, that would help explain things, but unfortunately imo that doesn't negate the evidence of her killing her daughter. It's a sad case no matter how you look at it. Utterly fascinating to watch from an objective standpoint though, especially for all the back & forth intensity between the lawyers (Ashton does not fuck around, seriously) & the forensic testimony. The Bones fangirl in me gets excited whenever a forensic anthropologist is called. Heh. I know, I have issues.
4. Let's talk about TV, y/y? As promised, I still plan to talk more in-depth about my BSG rewatch again soon, but for now here's a few other misc. tidbits:
-I know that Community is far too meta to warrant serious shipping, but I can't help it: in my mind, after the series is over? It'll be Britta/Jeff, Annie/Troy, and Abed/Robin (the Secret Service agent, hee. I ♥ them!). Troy & Abed will still be epic BFFs of course. Abed will totally be the cool uncle who teaches their kids about Batman & Kickpuncher. You know I'm right.
-What is up with Nigel & Mary on So You Think You Can Dance? Is it just me or is he being awkwardly flirty with her lately? I'm not just talking about the kiss.
-Kristin Chenoweth is my new fave guest judge, along with Debbie Reynolds. You know how I said recently that I like to imagine Cat & Mary as besties behind the scenes? From this point on I'm gonna create my own fantasy world where Kristin Chenoweth, Debbie Reynolds, & Debbie Allen all get together every Wednesday night & watch the show together while braiding each other's hair & sucking on Ring Pops.
5. Seeing as how effing fab SYTYCD was the other night, I'm gonna share my favorite five dances with you all now from the last two weeks as a VotD.
Ahh! I've watched this like three or four times already.
Prettyyy.
This is just joyful.
Her hands at the end!
Okay, I'm not normally into this couple, but this routine very nearly got me verklempt. The song & the theme, y'know?
