Overdue Catch-Up Time
May. 3rd, 2013 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82I've been experiencing a really stubborn communication block lately, but I'm trying to force myself out of it little by little. As a result, not everything here will be covered with an equal amount of depth.
In short, the last few weeks have been rough for me. Physically, my health has been pretty awful, and I've been extremely discouraged by my naturopath's semi-incompetent help (e.g. ordering a breath test for h. pylori & not telling me before I got there that it meant going off my stomach meds for two weeks prior, which OBVIOUSLY was not a do-able thing. HELLO, MORON. I'm giving them one more shot--a different method of testing, which hopefully will go smoothly, & a follow-up appointment to said test--before I search for alternative low-cost options). I've also experienced a significant uptick in grief following the one-year anniversary of my mom's death. That has not been easy at all. And between the health issues, grief, & resurging depression, I missed several math classes & fell behind enough to where dropping it became the most logical decision, both in terms of saving my Spanish grade & curbing (at least some of) a mental crisis. And I say "some of" because I definitely didn't avoid it completely. I ran out of one of my psych meds in mid-April because I was too sick & too depressed to drag myself out of my apartment to go pick it up (I even called & asked if someone could bring it to me, which had been offered to me as an option once before, but they were too busy & short-staffed that day), then I started my period right after. I ended up going from "depression that's becoming serious" to "shit passed serious three days ago, dude." Basically, self-injury got bad, suicidal urges got worse, and my mind just went to a really painful & dark place. Not helping matters, I felt way too clammed up to call anyone or write about it.
I finally went back on the medication the Tuesday before last, after roughly a week without it, and I didn't begin feeling less Danger Zone-y again until this past Monday. I'm feeling semi-okay now -- more so or less depending on the time of day & how bad my head and/or stomach are hurting. That being said, I learned from my psychiatrist that stopping an anti-depressant for a few days means it can take up to six weeks again once you restart it for your brain to be 100% back where it was. That's not the case with all psych meds, but yeah. I know better than to just quit these sorts of medications all willy-nilly, especially after watching my mom stop & start things for her bipolar disorder repeatedly, but for some reason when it comes to me running out of an anti-depressant for a few days I sort of had this notion of "I can push through it by sheer force of will & then I'll be back to normal after restarting it fairly quickly." Nope, try again.
We've raised my dose of Risperdal back up to 1 mg for now, and we'll see how that goes. As my doctor suggested, maybe I need the higher dose when things are more stressful & the lower dose when things are better. Looking back, I think it would've been better if we'd made the change in March or even February. Of course I kept missing my appointments with him during that period, so there you go.
Anyway, that's it for now. I plan to devote my next entry to TV & movies, and I'll try to post that soon.
For my Vid of the Day, I'm going to share a song I've been listening to a lot. I think the movie will probably turn out to be overhyped (much as I thought the book was, honestly), but I can't argue with Florence & the Machine or Lana Del Rey as soundtrack choices.
In short, the last few weeks have been rough for me. Physically, my health has been pretty awful, and I've been extremely discouraged by my naturopath's semi-incompetent help (e.g. ordering a breath test for h. pylori & not telling me before I got there that it meant going off my stomach meds for two weeks prior, which OBVIOUSLY was not a do-able thing. HELLO, MORON. I'm giving them one more shot--a different method of testing, which hopefully will go smoothly, & a follow-up appointment to said test--before I search for alternative low-cost options). I've also experienced a significant uptick in grief following the one-year anniversary of my mom's death. That has not been easy at all. And between the health issues, grief, & resurging depression, I missed several math classes & fell behind enough to where dropping it became the most logical decision, both in terms of saving my Spanish grade & curbing (at least some of) a mental crisis. And I say "some of" because I definitely didn't avoid it completely. I ran out of one of my psych meds in mid-April because I was too sick & too depressed to drag myself out of my apartment to go pick it up (I even called & asked if someone could bring it to me, which had been offered to me as an option once before, but they were too busy & short-staffed that day), then I started my period right after. I ended up going from "depression that's becoming serious" to "shit passed serious three days ago, dude." Basically, self-injury got bad, suicidal urges got worse, and my mind just went to a really painful & dark place. Not helping matters, I felt way too clammed up to call anyone or write about it.
I finally went back on the medication the Tuesday before last, after roughly a week without it, and I didn't begin feeling less Danger Zone-y again until this past Monday. I'm feeling semi-okay now -- more so or less depending on the time of day & how bad my head and/or stomach are hurting. That being said, I learned from my psychiatrist that stopping an anti-depressant for a few days means it can take up to six weeks again once you restart it for your brain to be 100% back where it was. That's not the case with all psych meds, but yeah. I know better than to just quit these sorts of medications all willy-nilly, especially after watching my mom stop & start things for her bipolar disorder repeatedly, but for some reason when it comes to me running out of an anti-depressant for a few days I sort of had this notion of "I can push through it by sheer force of will & then I'll be back to normal after restarting it fairly quickly." Nope, try again.
We've raised my dose of Risperdal back up to 1 mg for now, and we'll see how that goes. As my doctor suggested, maybe I need the higher dose when things are more stressful & the lower dose when things are better. Looking back, I think it would've been better if we'd made the change in March or even February. Of course I kept missing my appointments with him during that period, so there you go.
Anyway, that's it for now. I plan to devote my next entry to TV & movies, and I'll try to post that soon.
For my Vid of the Day, I'm going to share a song I've been listening to a lot. I think the movie will probably turn out to be overhyped (much as I thought the book was, honestly), but I can't argue with Florence & the Machine or Lana Del Rey as soundtrack choices.
