![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82Hello, people. I'd apologize for my lack of posting over the past couple weeks, but at least I'm still posting at all, unlike SOME of you. Heh. Seriously though, if y'all don't get off your asses & keep this site alive, I'm going to show up on your doorsteps & force you to update with all 4 feet 10 and a half inches of my mighty, intimidating power.
Also, COMMENT ALREADY. I feel like my posts are floating off into a black hole.
-First up, one of my friends is fundraising so her daughter can visit China, and she needs help. It's totally a worthy cause, and both she & her daughter are awesome people, so if you can spare a few bucks please visit her journal here & find out how you can donate.
-My sister's house continues to deliver on the creepy front. Recently her closet door came off its track due to a broken part, and Joe went over there to fix & replace it. A few weeks later it fell completely over on top of Isabella, so he went over again to take a look at it. Once he did, he saw that it had been actually *physically unscrewed* this time. Of course no one unscrewed it, and it couldn't have done that on its own, so WTF. To me this has got to be the creepiest event yet, because I can't decide whether it was one of the kid ghosts playing an innocent prank (based on everything's that's happened, we know there are at least two kids there--or something pretending to be kids, agh--and two adults) or something more sinister. I mean, I'm just saying. Those closet doors are heavy, and it fell right on top of her. Kiiiinda scary. It'd be one thing if the part just broke again due to wear & tear. Things being unscrewed on their own is another matter.
ETA: Aaaand the creepyness returns. So I was just on the phone with my sister, right? And she tells me this new story: she was in the living room tonight talking with Izzie when they both heard a loud bang coming from Jayden's room. And it turns out it was something FLYING off his bookshelf & hitting a wall. Meanwhile he comes out, furious at Isabella because he thought she'd run in behind him and thrown it while he was facing the other direction (he was playing on his computer). Corinne tried to explain to him that Izzie had been with her the whole time, but it took a while to convince him. CRAZY.
-Speaking of Isabella, I was over there playing cobs & robbers with her & Jay recently, and I put her in jail for 500 years, and she was like, "That's fine -- I'll just take a nap!" Then she kicked back all chill with her arms & legs crossed. Hee. I love that she thinks 500 years is nap-time.
Also, unbeknownst to us, my sister started taking a couple vids of us playing with her cell phone. Unfortunately their length had to be cut when she emailed them to me, but they're still cute so I'm going to share.
(note: if you notice Isabella calling me "Mama" in the background, it's because we'd been playing house prior to this, and she was still in the zone. Our games tend to be very fluid, e.g. cobs & robbers turned into zombies right after those vids ended. P.S. the reason I complain at one point about something hurting was that I had a hellish, throbbing migraine coming on, but I was trying to push through & not let it interfere with our time together, which it unfortunately did a few moments later when I had to stop & go home. As you can see, I'm pretty good at not letting pain show even when it's a half a second away from making me bed-ridden & pukey)
Cute Vid One
Cute Vid Two
(don't ask me why it wouldn't let me embed these)
-I had another endoscopy last week, under a "twilight sleep" (i.e. light anesthesia) this time, and they were able to dilate the obstruction more. Fortunately I only half-woke up once while wiping slobber off my chin. Heh. But that's much better than waking up repeatedly & fighting the doctors because I was so aware of shit going down my throat.
I'm going to have yet another dilation next week. It seems to be helping so far, but I won't know my doctor's opinion until next Friday. Hopefully it's positive.
-I had to have my sister pick me up from the endoscopy (they wouldn't let me leave by myself), and for some reason Nanny FREAKED OUT over this. She basically screamed at her that she didn't have the gas money to do it, and that I wouldn't have it either, and that she shouldn't help me. Then she randomly brought up how I called the police on my mom that time, and how apparently all she wanted was to use my bathroom (this is the story she told my family, I guess). I was really upset about it for like a week, and then I decided to just let it go. It's too exhausting trying to defend myself for the nth millionth time. She's gonna believe what she believes, and as my sister said, maybe she was just having a moment. Plus she's old & gets really moody & mean sometimes these days. (whether she used to get mean like that to my mom is a question I don't know the answer to, but it's new to us) I think it was mostly due to money-related stress since she's been helping her financially (and me, a few times now) & she's worried what's going to happen when she dies.
I really don't appreciate her trying to convince people not to help me with shit I NEED for my health though. Especially when no one was asking her to help with the gas money for this. But whatever. I talked with her later & we had a conversation that was mostly fine, minus her nagging me to live with my sister again & questioning me about everything my sister is & isn't doing to better her situation. I do think I was able to calm her down some though by reminding her of the actions I'm taking to hopefully NOT need her help anymore & saying that I'd try to encourage my sister more to do the same, and mostly our talk was pleasant. She said as much to my sister later, and she mentioned to me that she doesn't call me more (a sore point for me, since she calls my sister all the time) because she doesn't want to "bother me too". I told her I'd like to hear from her more, but I have no idea if that sunk in. I'd call her more on my own, but I always get nervous over it. There's still so much baggage between us, as evidenced by what I just wrote above. Maybe that baggage would get lighter if we talked more, but then again maybe not. I love her, but she can be difficult even when she doesn't mean to be. Case in point when she started telling me how I "used to" look so cute, and how all I need to do is lose weight & get my hair done (something I can't afford, though she did offer to help me with it if I got a job) and bla bla bla. Like I didn't already feel unattractive enough lately. Thanks, Nanny! At least she did compliment me too, saying I should have an easy time finding a job since I'm "so smart" and easy to talk to & etc. She didn't argue with me either when I explained to her how my social anxiety disorder still limits the types of jobs I can accept, which I appreciated. I know it's probably hard for others to understand when they haven't experienced it on their own. Having a phobia of working behind a register probably seems like a ridiculous excuse to some, I imagine.
-I missed a Spanish class already, but I talked with my teacher about my disabilities, and we worked out an arrangement for me to make up absences (working on class activities with a tutor). I'm really glad now that I went through the process of getting my disabilities recognized by the school ahead of time. I'm also proud that I was able to talk with her about it, since it's something embarrassing for me.
-Jayden had an EEG this week, because his teachers wanted to rule out a physical cause for his gaps in memory before testing him further for more learning disabilities/psychological stuff, and because his primary care doctor thought he could be having tiny seizures (which would go unnoticed as it would just appear as if he were spacing out during them vs. convulsing). I don't expect that to be the answer, but it's good to rule it out just in case. I will admit to worrying over it a bit though, especially because the first EEG someone has doesn't always catch the seizures if they're having them. Sometimes they need to be in the hospital being observed for several days. I don't want anything serious like that to be wrong with him, obviously.
But anyway, we'll get the results back next week, and fingers crossed they say everything is physically fine at least.
-In regards to my own mental health, my psychiatrist raised my dose of Seroquel from 150 mg to 300, and I'll be stopping the Risperdal in its place tonight. I have been feeling somewhat better in the last week (psychologically, that is. My migraines are still actively trying to ruin my life), though it's unclear how much of that is the med change & how much is simply being back in school & having something meaningful to do. Either way, I hope going off the Risperdal doesn't cause any issues.
-I'm doing well in my classes so far, grade-wise, but I am struggling to understand everything that's being said in my Spanish class. I understand most, but sometimes everyone will laugh at something I miss, or I'll have to double-check what the instructions for an activity are. Sometimes I have a hard time piecing together what people say in English too, so there's that as well (especially on the phone). The teacher has a different accent than my previous ones, also, and as I explained to her, I already get nervous when trying to listen to the language in the first place (i.e. nervous that I won't understand and will look like an idiot) so that doesn't help. I just have to keep practicing listening to the language when & where I can, which isn't a problem since the majority of my neighbors and the people I ride the bus with are Spanish speakers. It'd just be helpful if there were closed captioning on them like on TV, heh. Right now my biggest problem is understanding bits & pieces as they're being said, but not being able to translate them all in my brain quickly enough to keep up when people are saying a lot & saying it fast. I seem to be better at conjugating & putting my words together correctly when speaking or writing in comparison to my classmates. I guess everyone has their own strengths.
-I officially got accepted to Portland State University to start in the fall, woo woo. I pretty much knew I would be at this point, but it was still exciting. I'd been working towards that for so long, telling people it was my goal but not even knowing if it'd ever happen. Now it looks like it really is.
-I had another appointment with my disability lawyer yesterday (for two hours, ugh) and worked on the last paperwork I should have to fill out before it's in the state's hands to approve or deny. Let's all cross our fingers that they'll approve it (quickly too), despite the odds being against me on my first try. I had a hard time explaining all my issues to my satisfaction, but I wrote as much as I could (I literally ran out of room), and all I can do is hope they understand. Worst-case scenario just involves appealing it if they deny my claim, but it'd really be great if I didn't have to go through that. I won't be surprised if I am denied though, because it really is absurdly difficult to get disability on your first try, or at all.
-I somehow contracted a computer virus which is making it freeze up constantly & give me fake search engine sites when I open new tabs. It was already slow enough due to age. Now it's just ridiculous, which is not at all helpful when I'm trying to do homework. And every time I've tried to download an anti-virus software it's slowed down my computer even more.dosidella offered to give me her old Mac book, but they can't afford to ship it right now, so I have to wait until I fly to PA & see them in person later this year (on their dime, 'cause they're amazing like that). In the meantime I'm just going slowly insane. Help.
-I have TV stuff to talk about, but this entry is long enough already. Next time I'll get on it, though.
For my Vid of the Day I'm going to share a song I discovered through The Walking Dead. I've been humming it to myself for days now. Love it.
Also, COMMENT ALREADY. I feel like my posts are floating off into a black hole.
-First up, one of my friends is fundraising so her daughter can visit China, and she needs help. It's totally a worthy cause, and both she & her daughter are awesome people, so if you can spare a few bucks please visit her journal here & find out how you can donate.
-My sister's house continues to deliver on the creepy front. Recently her closet door came off its track due to a broken part, and Joe went over there to fix & replace it. A few weeks later it fell completely over on top of Isabella, so he went over again to take a look at it. Once he did, he saw that it had been actually *physically unscrewed* this time. Of course no one unscrewed it, and it couldn't have done that on its own, so WTF. To me this has got to be the creepiest event yet, because I can't decide whether it was one of the kid ghosts playing an innocent prank (based on everything's that's happened, we know there are at least two kids there--or something pretending to be kids, agh--and two adults) or something more sinister. I mean, I'm just saying. Those closet doors are heavy, and it fell right on top of her. Kiiiinda scary. It'd be one thing if the part just broke again due to wear & tear. Things being unscrewed on their own is another matter.
ETA: Aaaand the creepyness returns. So I was just on the phone with my sister, right? And she tells me this new story: she was in the living room tonight talking with Izzie when they both heard a loud bang coming from Jayden's room. And it turns out it was something FLYING off his bookshelf & hitting a wall. Meanwhile he comes out, furious at Isabella because he thought she'd run in behind him and thrown it while he was facing the other direction (he was playing on his computer). Corinne tried to explain to him that Izzie had been with her the whole time, but it took a while to convince him. CRAZY.
-Speaking of Isabella, I was over there playing cobs & robbers with her & Jay recently, and I put her in jail for 500 years, and she was like, "That's fine -- I'll just take a nap!" Then she kicked back all chill with her arms & legs crossed. Hee. I love that she thinks 500 years is nap-time.
Also, unbeknownst to us, my sister started taking a couple vids of us playing with her cell phone. Unfortunately their length had to be cut when she emailed them to me, but they're still cute so I'm going to share.
(note: if you notice Isabella calling me "Mama" in the background, it's because we'd been playing house prior to this, and she was still in the zone. Our games tend to be very fluid, e.g. cobs & robbers turned into zombies right after those vids ended. P.S. the reason I complain at one point about something hurting was that I had a hellish, throbbing migraine coming on, but I was trying to push through & not let it interfere with our time together, which it unfortunately did a few moments later when I had to stop & go home. As you can see, I'm pretty good at not letting pain show even when it's a half a second away from making me bed-ridden & pukey)
Cute Vid One
Cute Vid Two
(don't ask me why it wouldn't let me embed these)
-I had another endoscopy last week, under a "twilight sleep" (i.e. light anesthesia) this time, and they were able to dilate the obstruction more. Fortunately I only half-woke up once while wiping slobber off my chin. Heh. But that's much better than waking up repeatedly & fighting the doctors because I was so aware of shit going down my throat.
I'm going to have yet another dilation next week. It seems to be helping so far, but I won't know my doctor's opinion until next Friday. Hopefully it's positive.
-I had to have my sister pick me up from the endoscopy (they wouldn't let me leave by myself), and for some reason Nanny FREAKED OUT over this. She basically screamed at her that she didn't have the gas money to do it, and that I wouldn't have it either, and that she shouldn't help me. Then she randomly brought up how I called the police on my mom that time, and how apparently all she wanted was to use my bathroom (this is the story she told my family, I guess). I was really upset about it for like a week, and then I decided to just let it go. It's too exhausting trying to defend myself for the nth millionth time. She's gonna believe what she believes, and as my sister said, maybe she was just having a moment. Plus she's old & gets really moody & mean sometimes these days. (whether she used to get mean like that to my mom is a question I don't know the answer to, but it's new to us) I think it was mostly due to money-related stress since she's been helping her financially (and me, a few times now) & she's worried what's going to happen when she dies.
I really don't appreciate her trying to convince people not to help me with shit I NEED for my health though. Especially when no one was asking her to help with the gas money for this. But whatever. I talked with her later & we had a conversation that was mostly fine, minus her nagging me to live with my sister again & questioning me about everything my sister is & isn't doing to better her situation. I do think I was able to calm her down some though by reminding her of the actions I'm taking to hopefully NOT need her help anymore & saying that I'd try to encourage my sister more to do the same, and mostly our talk was pleasant. She said as much to my sister later, and she mentioned to me that she doesn't call me more (a sore point for me, since she calls my sister all the time) because she doesn't want to "bother me too". I told her I'd like to hear from her more, but I have no idea if that sunk in. I'd call her more on my own, but I always get nervous over it. There's still so much baggage between us, as evidenced by what I just wrote above. Maybe that baggage would get lighter if we talked more, but then again maybe not. I love her, but she can be difficult even when she doesn't mean to be. Case in point when she started telling me how I "used to" look so cute, and how all I need to do is lose weight & get my hair done (something I can't afford, though she did offer to help me with it if I got a job) and bla bla bla. Like I didn't already feel unattractive enough lately. Thanks, Nanny! At least she did compliment me too, saying I should have an easy time finding a job since I'm "so smart" and easy to talk to & etc. She didn't argue with me either when I explained to her how my social anxiety disorder still limits the types of jobs I can accept, which I appreciated. I know it's probably hard for others to understand when they haven't experienced it on their own. Having a phobia of working behind a register probably seems like a ridiculous excuse to some, I imagine.
-I missed a Spanish class already, but I talked with my teacher about my disabilities, and we worked out an arrangement for me to make up absences (working on class activities with a tutor). I'm really glad now that I went through the process of getting my disabilities recognized by the school ahead of time. I'm also proud that I was able to talk with her about it, since it's something embarrassing for me.
-Jayden had an EEG this week, because his teachers wanted to rule out a physical cause for his gaps in memory before testing him further for more learning disabilities/psychological stuff, and because his primary care doctor thought he could be having tiny seizures (which would go unnoticed as it would just appear as if he were spacing out during them vs. convulsing). I don't expect that to be the answer, but it's good to rule it out just in case. I will admit to worrying over it a bit though, especially because the first EEG someone has doesn't always catch the seizures if they're having them. Sometimes they need to be in the hospital being observed for several days. I don't want anything serious like that to be wrong with him, obviously.
But anyway, we'll get the results back next week, and fingers crossed they say everything is physically fine at least.
-In regards to my own mental health, my psychiatrist raised my dose of Seroquel from 150 mg to 300, and I'll be stopping the Risperdal in its place tonight. I have been feeling somewhat better in the last week (psychologically, that is. My migraines are still actively trying to ruin my life), though it's unclear how much of that is the med change & how much is simply being back in school & having something meaningful to do. Either way, I hope going off the Risperdal doesn't cause any issues.
-I'm doing well in my classes so far, grade-wise, but I am struggling to understand everything that's being said in my Spanish class. I understand most, but sometimes everyone will laugh at something I miss, or I'll have to double-check what the instructions for an activity are. Sometimes I have a hard time piecing together what people say in English too, so there's that as well (especially on the phone). The teacher has a different accent than my previous ones, also, and as I explained to her, I already get nervous when trying to listen to the language in the first place (i.e. nervous that I won't understand and will look like an idiot) so that doesn't help. I just have to keep practicing listening to the language when & where I can, which isn't a problem since the majority of my neighbors and the people I ride the bus with are Spanish speakers. It'd just be helpful if there were closed captioning on them like on TV, heh. Right now my biggest problem is understanding bits & pieces as they're being said, but not being able to translate them all in my brain quickly enough to keep up when people are saying a lot & saying it fast. I seem to be better at conjugating & putting my words together correctly when speaking or writing in comparison to my classmates. I guess everyone has their own strengths.
-I officially got accepted to Portland State University to start in the fall, woo woo. I pretty much knew I would be at this point, but it was still exciting. I'd been working towards that for so long, telling people it was my goal but not even knowing if it'd ever happen. Now it looks like it really is.
-I had another appointment with my disability lawyer yesterday (for two hours, ugh) and worked on the last paperwork I should have to fill out before it's in the state's hands to approve or deny. Let's all cross our fingers that they'll approve it (quickly too), despite the odds being against me on my first try. I had a hard time explaining all my issues to my satisfaction, but I wrote as much as I could (I literally ran out of room), and all I can do is hope they understand. Worst-case scenario just involves appealing it if they deny my claim, but it'd really be great if I didn't have to go through that. I won't be surprised if I am denied though, because it really is absurdly difficult to get disability on your first try, or at all.
-I somehow contracted a computer virus which is making it freeze up constantly & give me fake search engine sites when I open new tabs. It was already slow enough due to age. Now it's just ridiculous, which is not at all helpful when I'm trying to do homework. And every time I've tried to download an anti-virus software it's slowed down my computer even more.
dosidella offered to give me her old Mac book, but they can't afford to ship it right now, so I have to wait until I fly to PA & see them in person later this year (on their dime, 'cause they're amazing like that). In the meantime I'm just going slowly insane. Help. -I have TV stuff to talk about, but this entry is long enough already. Next time I'll get on it, though.
For my Vid of the Day I'm going to share a song I discovered through The Walking Dead. I've been humming it to myself for days now. Love it.
