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Dec. 6th, 2002 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82I HATE PEPPY. I just ARGGGHHHHHHHH! Can't even finish the sentence because I'm incoherent with the RAGE! I hate her. Hate. Her. HATE!
I had tried getting a hold of her earlier today, to talk about my schedule for next week, and see if she got the note I left about going to my Dad's. I wasn't able to, but she called me later, saying that I was supposed to have been there today. Um, no I wasn't. She was all "The schedule was revised mid-week." I saw the schedule when they revised it before, and wrote down the corrections. I was not scheduled tonight. I checked it multiple times. I'll have to ask her tomorrow if she meant they revised it a second time, because that's the only explanation, unless I'm blind. She was like "Frowney Face went around, talking to people about it." Right, except that she didn't. And she worked with me, too. Never said a word. So, I had no idea they expected me in, tonight. Obviously, I apologized profusely. I don't exactly enjoy leaving other MCAs understaffed on a Friday night. She was all "There was only one MCA in women's tonight." Okay, first off? That's your fault; you're an idiot. TWO PEOPLE AREN'T ENOUGH TO CLOSE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, YOU DUMB BITCH. A cashier told me that at Meier and Frank's, they have people on-call just in case someone calls in, they're always over-staffed, whereas Sears is under-staffed and STUPID. How is it that we had four closers on Wednesday night, and two on Friday? IDIOTS. Second off, I said I was sorry. It was an honest mistake. Obviously, I only said sorry, not the first part. Heh. But, yeah.
She was like "We'll have to discuss this. I'll have to talk with Judy in HR, see what we can do about this, if we can make an exception even." I was like (nicely) "Well, what is there really to discuss, though? I mean, I seriously didn't do this on purpose. I honestly did not see me on the schedule tonight. Really. It's not something I plan on having happen again. As far as my points go, I know I was late the other day. I'm really sorry. Other than that though, I haven't been late or missed since we last talked. I'm making a real effort here, I know I can't get any more points taken away." Like, I know this, tonight was a mistake, there isn't anything to discuss. Unless you want to fire me. It's a waste of time. And, another thing, they hadn't even talked with me about the point system until I'd used up almost all of them. I didn't even fucking know about it. But of course they don't take that into consideration, because they're bitches.
There's only a few more weeks until we get new points. She knows I've made an effort, and have improved. I show up on time, and do good work when I'm there. Tonight was a mistake. One that came with extremely bad timing. I hate this bureaucracy bullshit. The way it used to be, if you missed or whatever, it was a case-by-case basis between you and your manager. Now, it doesn't matter if you made a mistake that you otherwise never make. It's a point! And we have a system! Fuckers.
Then she asked why I'd wanted to talk to her before, so I brought up the schedule thing. Like "I was wondering about my schedule this week. I'm scheduled seven hour shifts, and an eight hour one. So, um, was that an accident? Or. . .?" like, trying to be polite about it and not let my frustration show through (since she's done this shit so much) and she goes "Do you have a doctor's note for why you can only work five or six hours?" Excuse me? When they hired me back on, it was with the understanding that I worked five or six hour shifts. They said it was okay. Now suddenly I need a doctor's note? And she didn't even ask me if I could work eight hours, she just fucking scheduled me for it? BITCH. I told my sister, who's a manager elsewhere, and she was like "She doesn't even have the fucking right to ask you that! They hired you with that availability, and it's not her fucking business what your reason is!" I don't know if that's legally true or whatever, but I do know that she's a fucking bitch. So I got nervous and was like "I can work this week, but. . ." and didn't say anymore, because I just didn't know what to say, I was so thrown off by her. Fuck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tell her why I don't want to work long shifts, and say that my availability was that in the beginning and hasn't changed. And that if she wants me to work longer on a certain day, by all means, ASK. But don't just schedule me for it. It's just not right. It's so fucking passive aggressive and I, God, I just hate her.
Moreover, she knew about how I'd requested the Saturday and Sunday off to go to my Dad's--something that I do every month and she is well aware of (though every month she "forgets" and I have to bug her), and had done every month all year long, in Intimates, even during the holidays. Every once in a while, they'd ask me to work on that weekend, but they'd ASK, not just schedule me and act like they didn't know damn well I usually get it off--but purposefully scheduled me anyway, and didn't feel the need to say anything to me about it. I was like "Well, I just needed to know. Because I understand if you need me during the holidays. But I was going to see my Dad this weekend, and needed to know if I was going to be able to get a weekend off this month to do that." Like, HELLO, if you need me to work, tell me, but it's slightly rude to not even give me that consideration. My other managers would've been like "We need you this month, Rachael. So we really can't give you that weekend off, like you requested." Same result, totally different approach. You see?
God, I hate her. HATE. The way she talks, the way she acts, ALL OF IT. I've tried being nice and just doing what she asks, but it's never enough. In the beginning, I had said I'd work five hour shifts. Then I started getting scheduled six, but it was by Tanna and it was a mistake, and I said "No, it's okay. Actually, six is better, because I get a lunch but it's not too much longer and it works" and she was like "Oh, that's true. Okay, cool." She never asked why I wanted six hour shifts, just respected it, because I'd been hired back with that availability. Then Peppy started doing the schedules, and randomly started scheduling me seven hours, and I said "I can do it now, but normally you know I work six hours, right? Okay." Now, she's scheduling me eight hours, and giving me shit over bringing it up, even though I was hired back on basically with the knowledge that I didn't work eight hour shifts. And, like I said, if she asked me "Rachael, we really are short-staffed right now. We could use you for longer hours, during the holidays. Could you work 4-midnight, on such and such day?" I'd most likely say "Yeah, I can do that." But, no, instead it's "Do you have a doctor's note, saying why you can only work six hours?" I don't fucking need a doctor's note, bitch. It's my availability, which everyone knew when I came back. Fuck you. If I say I can work eight hours, she'll start giving me ten hour shifts--just like how she started giving me eight hour shifts when I said I could do seven that week--like she's doing to other people right now. I'm not going there.
I don't know how to handle this situation. I've never had a manager treat me this way, before. Even this manager at Shitbuster I had for a while, who I wasn't too crazy about (he was rude to customers, so I just didn't really like him) wasn't even remotely like this. The worst part is I feel like if I stand up for myself, saying my availability hasn't changed since I started, and she really can't just change it on me without asking, she'll take it as incentive to use my points against me and fire me. Obviously I wouldn't phrase it like that, but still. I guess I'll just do what my Mom said, and explain it to her like I explained it to Mom. I can work the occasional longer shift now during the holidays, and maybe if she asks occasionally after that, but on a regular basis it's just too much on my body, mind, everything, to be there that long always. I can't do it. I get migraines every time I'm there for six or seven hours, and doing it four days in a row or whatever, my body is just worn the Hell out by the end. I don't want to be doing it for nine hours, with my flat-ass feet in heels; I just can't do it. Furthermore, I will be going back to school, either next term or the following one (depending on my financial situation after the holidays) and with school the way it is, I don't want to be full-time there. When I worked at Sears all last year, I always worked five/six hour shifts. They were always very nice about accomodating everyone's schedules, when they were in school. Because they knew how many of us were in school, and they had to. So maybe I'll just tell her, that physically, eight hour shifts for multiple days in a row really, REALLY kill me (I'm not being a baby here, I'm being serious. It was okay as a cashier, but not as an MCA. It's way more taxing on the body. Definitely mine.). If she wants me to work a longer shift every now and then, during the holidays, okay, as long as it's not longer than eight hours (just NO to that), but that my basic availability hasn't changed. I don't know. This is all just pissing me the Hell off. They knew my availability when I came back this summer, and now suddenly she's acting like she has the right to demand doctor's notes for it? Fuck her.
This job is just too fucking stressful and troublesome. More than it's worth. I did temp work at Joe's office last spring for a while, working 8-5 a few days a week, and it was SO MUCH BETTER. I mean, sitting all day can get your ass sore when you're not used to it at first, but they'd be all "Once an hour, go get something to eat, stretch, whatever." and it really helped keep you from getting stiff. So let's compare, nine hours there, to nine hours on your feet in heels as an MCA. Hmmm, oh, and how many dollars more? A few. And you got an hour lunch, and the pace was calm and people were friendly. They had a full-time position there, doing basically the same type of work as I was doing as a temp, but it was already taken. Too bad, too. Because I wouldn't mind full-time work quite so much, there. I'd be getting way more money, I'd be getting benefits, and it would be a fuck of a lot less stressful.
It's hard looking for work like that though, when you depend on the bus--or rides--for your transportation. I need to get my stupid car fixed so I can get it through the DEQ, and get my damn license. I need it like fucking yesterday. It's hard working full-time and being in school, though. But then again I'd have the more money and benefits and all that to make it worth it maybe, though. If I had the license, and found a job that was full-time and looked good, I think I could make it work. And even though I'm a bit scared of making that commitment, I need to eventually. I'm thinking of getting in touch with my old doctor at the anxiety clinic again, now that I at least have some money I could give him (he's not covered by my new insurance), and finishing the program. I want to at least have the option of working behind a register, or whatever, and not worrying about my anxiety. Because then I could at least for another part-time job, with way more options open to me. I feel so trapped as it is. Like, if I get fired, I don't know what I'd do. If it gets so bad that I want to quit, what could I do? Where my sister works seems nice, and the hours would certainly be better (although it's far away enough to where it would be way easier working there with a license. Almost impossible on the bus, really, if I were in school. Because they close at like six or seven, so it would make scheduling classes around it kind of hard, when you add commuting time on the bus, which would be substantial), but I'd have to be able to do the register, and not be afraid. Fucking social anxiety.
The whole thing just got me so upset, tonight. Couldn't stop crying. I feel all stressed out, and depressed. Sigh.
I had tried getting a hold of her earlier today, to talk about my schedule for next week, and see if she got the note I left about going to my Dad's. I wasn't able to, but she called me later, saying that I was supposed to have been there today. Um, no I wasn't. She was all "The schedule was revised mid-week." I saw the schedule when they revised it before, and wrote down the corrections. I was not scheduled tonight. I checked it multiple times. I'll have to ask her tomorrow if she meant they revised it a second time, because that's the only explanation, unless I'm blind. She was like "Frowney Face went around, talking to people about it." Right, except that she didn't. And she worked with me, too. Never said a word. So, I had no idea they expected me in, tonight. Obviously, I apologized profusely. I don't exactly enjoy leaving other MCAs understaffed on a Friday night. She was all "There was only one MCA in women's tonight." Okay, first off? That's your fault; you're an idiot. TWO PEOPLE AREN'T ENOUGH TO CLOSE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, YOU DUMB BITCH. A cashier told me that at Meier and Frank's, they have people on-call just in case someone calls in, they're always over-staffed, whereas Sears is under-staffed and STUPID. How is it that we had four closers on Wednesday night, and two on Friday? IDIOTS. Second off, I said I was sorry. It was an honest mistake. Obviously, I only said sorry, not the first part. Heh. But, yeah.
She was like "We'll have to discuss this. I'll have to talk with Judy in HR, see what we can do about this, if we can make an exception even." I was like (nicely) "Well, what is there really to discuss, though? I mean, I seriously didn't do this on purpose. I honestly did not see me on the schedule tonight. Really. It's not something I plan on having happen again. As far as my points go, I know I was late the other day. I'm really sorry. Other than that though, I haven't been late or missed since we last talked. I'm making a real effort here, I know I can't get any more points taken away." Like, I know this, tonight was a mistake, there isn't anything to discuss. Unless you want to fire me. It's a waste of time. And, another thing, they hadn't even talked with me about the point system until I'd used up almost all of them. I didn't even fucking know about it. But of course they don't take that into consideration, because they're bitches.
There's only a few more weeks until we get new points. She knows I've made an effort, and have improved. I show up on time, and do good work when I'm there. Tonight was a mistake. One that came with extremely bad timing. I hate this bureaucracy bullshit. The way it used to be, if you missed or whatever, it was a case-by-case basis between you and your manager. Now, it doesn't matter if you made a mistake that you otherwise never make. It's a point! And we have a system! Fuckers.
Then she asked why I'd wanted to talk to her before, so I brought up the schedule thing. Like "I was wondering about my schedule this week. I'm scheduled seven hour shifts, and an eight hour one. So, um, was that an accident? Or. . .?" like, trying to be polite about it and not let my frustration show through (since she's done this shit so much) and she goes "Do you have a doctor's note for why you can only work five or six hours?" Excuse me? When they hired me back on, it was with the understanding that I worked five or six hour shifts. They said it was okay. Now suddenly I need a doctor's note? And she didn't even ask me if I could work eight hours, she just fucking scheduled me for it? BITCH. I told my sister, who's a manager elsewhere, and she was like "She doesn't even have the fucking right to ask you that! They hired you with that availability, and it's not her fucking business what your reason is!" I don't know if that's legally true or whatever, but I do know that she's a fucking bitch. So I got nervous and was like "I can work this week, but. . ." and didn't say anymore, because I just didn't know what to say, I was so thrown off by her. Fuck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tell her why I don't want to work long shifts, and say that my availability was that in the beginning and hasn't changed. And that if she wants me to work longer on a certain day, by all means, ASK. But don't just schedule me for it. It's just not right. It's so fucking passive aggressive and I, God, I just hate her.
Moreover, she knew about how I'd requested the Saturday and Sunday off to go to my Dad's--something that I do every month and she is well aware of (though every month she "forgets" and I have to bug her), and had done every month all year long, in Intimates, even during the holidays. Every once in a while, they'd ask me to work on that weekend, but they'd ASK, not just schedule me and act like they didn't know damn well I usually get it off--but purposefully scheduled me anyway, and didn't feel the need to say anything to me about it. I was like "Well, I just needed to know. Because I understand if you need me during the holidays. But I was going to see my Dad this weekend, and needed to know if I was going to be able to get a weekend off this month to do that." Like, HELLO, if you need me to work, tell me, but it's slightly rude to not even give me that consideration. My other managers would've been like "We need you this month, Rachael. So we really can't give you that weekend off, like you requested." Same result, totally different approach. You see?
God, I hate her. HATE. The way she talks, the way she acts, ALL OF IT. I've tried being nice and just doing what she asks, but it's never enough. In the beginning, I had said I'd work five hour shifts. Then I started getting scheduled six, but it was by Tanna and it was a mistake, and I said "No, it's okay. Actually, six is better, because I get a lunch but it's not too much longer and it works" and she was like "Oh, that's true. Okay, cool." She never asked why I wanted six hour shifts, just respected it, because I'd been hired back with that availability. Then Peppy started doing the schedules, and randomly started scheduling me seven hours, and I said "I can do it now, but normally you know I work six hours, right? Okay." Now, she's scheduling me eight hours, and giving me shit over bringing it up, even though I was hired back on basically with the knowledge that I didn't work eight hour shifts. And, like I said, if she asked me "Rachael, we really are short-staffed right now. We could use you for longer hours, during the holidays. Could you work 4-midnight, on such and such day?" I'd most likely say "Yeah, I can do that." But, no, instead it's "Do you have a doctor's note, saying why you can only work six hours?" I don't fucking need a doctor's note, bitch. It's my availability, which everyone knew when I came back. Fuck you. If I say I can work eight hours, she'll start giving me ten hour shifts--just like how she started giving me eight hour shifts when I said I could do seven that week--like she's doing to other people right now. I'm not going there.
I don't know how to handle this situation. I've never had a manager treat me this way, before. Even this manager at Shitbuster I had for a while, who I wasn't too crazy about (he was rude to customers, so I just didn't really like him) wasn't even remotely like this. The worst part is I feel like if I stand up for myself, saying my availability hasn't changed since I started, and she really can't just change it on me without asking, she'll take it as incentive to use my points against me and fire me. Obviously I wouldn't phrase it like that, but still. I guess I'll just do what my Mom said, and explain it to her like I explained it to Mom. I can work the occasional longer shift now during the holidays, and maybe if she asks occasionally after that, but on a regular basis it's just too much on my body, mind, everything, to be there that long always. I can't do it. I get migraines every time I'm there for six or seven hours, and doing it four days in a row or whatever, my body is just worn the Hell out by the end. I don't want to be doing it for nine hours, with my flat-ass feet in heels; I just can't do it. Furthermore, I will be going back to school, either next term or the following one (depending on my financial situation after the holidays) and with school the way it is, I don't want to be full-time there. When I worked at Sears all last year, I always worked five/six hour shifts. They were always very nice about accomodating everyone's schedules, when they were in school. Because they knew how many of us were in school, and they had to. So maybe I'll just tell her, that physically, eight hour shifts for multiple days in a row really, REALLY kill me (I'm not being a baby here, I'm being serious. It was okay as a cashier, but not as an MCA. It's way more taxing on the body. Definitely mine.). If she wants me to work a longer shift every now and then, during the holidays, okay, as long as it's not longer than eight hours (just NO to that), but that my basic availability hasn't changed. I don't know. This is all just pissing me the Hell off. They knew my availability when I came back this summer, and now suddenly she's acting like she has the right to demand doctor's notes for it? Fuck her.
This job is just too fucking stressful and troublesome. More than it's worth. I did temp work at Joe's office last spring for a while, working 8-5 a few days a week, and it was SO MUCH BETTER. I mean, sitting all day can get your ass sore when you're not used to it at first, but they'd be all "Once an hour, go get something to eat, stretch, whatever." and it really helped keep you from getting stiff. So let's compare, nine hours there, to nine hours on your feet in heels as an MCA. Hmmm, oh, and how many dollars more? A few. And you got an hour lunch, and the pace was calm and people were friendly. They had a full-time position there, doing basically the same type of work as I was doing as a temp, but it was already taken. Too bad, too. Because I wouldn't mind full-time work quite so much, there. I'd be getting way more money, I'd be getting benefits, and it would be a fuck of a lot less stressful.
It's hard looking for work like that though, when you depend on the bus--or rides--for your transportation. I need to get my stupid car fixed so I can get it through the DEQ, and get my damn license. I need it like fucking yesterday. It's hard working full-time and being in school, though. But then again I'd have the more money and benefits and all that to make it worth it maybe, though. If I had the license, and found a job that was full-time and looked good, I think I could make it work. And even though I'm a bit scared of making that commitment, I need to eventually. I'm thinking of getting in touch with my old doctor at the anxiety clinic again, now that I at least have some money I could give him (he's not covered by my new insurance), and finishing the program. I want to at least have the option of working behind a register, or whatever, and not worrying about my anxiety. Because then I could at least for another part-time job, with way more options open to me. I feel so trapped as it is. Like, if I get fired, I don't know what I'd do. If it gets so bad that I want to quit, what could I do? Where my sister works seems nice, and the hours would certainly be better (although it's far away enough to where it would be way easier working there with a license. Almost impossible on the bus, really, if I were in school. Because they close at like six or seven, so it would make scheduling classes around it kind of hard, when you add commuting time on the bus, which would be substantial), but I'd have to be able to do the register, and not be afraid. Fucking social anxiety.
The whole thing just got me so upset, tonight. Couldn't stop crying. I feel all stressed out, and depressed. Sigh.
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(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-06 11:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-07 05:12 am (UTC)