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Jan. 18th, 2003 04:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82I'm so glad I don't close, tonight. I do not envy those who are stuck with it. The freight was hella tedious and time-sucking, and people were coming in and trying on like ten thousand things at a time. I was a bit worried someone was going to be like "Rachael, can you stay longer?" Heh. But I escaped before anyone had the chance.
My shift wasn't that bad, though. I mean, I only worked three hours, because I was gone at the luncheon the rest of the time. Three exposures for the price of one! Heh. Seriously, eating (and with a utensil)? Check. Drinking? Check. Writing? Check. It's funny how, when I write that down too, I feel like such a jackass for being anxious over it all, but whatever. I know it's irrational, and I know how nutso it must sound to "normal" people to have such a problem with it, but I can't help that. I mean, I can help how I react to it, but well, someone's gotta be crazy. Heh. Someone has to fill the "crazy" quota of the population, and I'm doing my part for society here. Sounds better when you put it like that, huh? Hee.
But, yeah. I've gotten pretty good at eating with a fork around people, but lifting a glass still gets me sometimes. I had a hard time with it, today. There were just too many people, all around me. To my sides, and right on the other side of the table. Ugh. I started feeling like I was going to kind of panic, but I curbed it. Was only able to lift the cup to my mouth using solely my right hand like once or twice, though (the rest of the time, I discreetly used the left one as well. For some reason, that makes it easier), but hey, at least I did that. And at least I drank at all, even if I felt more anxious doing it than I prefer. Then they had us guess how many jelly beans were in this jar (whoever guessed right got to take the jar home with them), and write down our number/name on a piece of paper, and I did that fine. On a similar note, when I went shopping yesterday, I used the gift certificate I had, which necessitated me signing my name at the counter on the back of it. I haven't actually done that since around this time, last year. That time, I panicked, and it was a bad memory for me. I struggled again this time, but did okay. It's weird though, because it's like I go through phases with it. It seems like, for a while, certain things will be all right, then suddenly they'll become challenging again. Maybe it's only because the circumstances change. Like, drinking with a glass had gotten easier, but I'd been doing it before in slightly different circumstances. I'd been signing my name also, but hadn't done it at the mall like that, for a year.
I tried on some stuff, after work, but just bought one thing (at The Limited. Have I mentioned how much I flove them, lately?). Well, technically two, but they're two tops that go together. There's a tank-top (mostly nylon fabric), and then a silk, long-sleeved wispy thing that goes over it. It has this wrap-around thing you tie at the side. The tank is a darker shade than the silk thing, but they're both sort of a lime greenish color. I lurve it. I bought it, even though I was concerned I wouldn't be able to wear it to work, because you aren't supposed to wear sleeveless. Technically, it has sleeves, but you can see the arms beneath. I showed it to the people in HR as I was leaving the mall, though, and both the lady in there and a manager said it was okay. They were all oohing and aahing over it too. Hee. I love when that happens. It's the kind of outfit too that I know I'll get looks in, if anything just because it's unique and a very stand-out color (remember that people staring makes me self conscious, sometimes), but I was all "I don't care, it's pretty! I want!" Heh.
They had a similar set in this gorgeous shade of blue, but I didn't get it, because when I tried it on, it wasn't really that fitted. Then, when I was leaving the store, I saw that it had this wrap in the middle to make it fitted, on the mannequin. So I'm going to go back, and ask a saleslady what's up with that. Because if it fit me in a more flattering way, I'd be all over that shit. Yes, I know it's sixty more dollars, and almost the same as the one I now own. It's blue! Hee. Plus, with a slightly different wrap in the middle! See? I have to buy it!
My shift wasn't that bad, though. I mean, I only worked three hours, because I was gone at the luncheon the rest of the time. Three exposures for the price of one! Heh. Seriously, eating (and with a utensil)? Check. Drinking? Check. Writing? Check. It's funny how, when I write that down too, I feel like such a jackass for being anxious over it all, but whatever. I know it's irrational, and I know how nutso it must sound to "normal" people to have such a problem with it, but I can't help that. I mean, I can help how I react to it, but well, someone's gotta be crazy. Heh. Someone has to fill the "crazy" quota of the population, and I'm doing my part for society here. Sounds better when you put it like that, huh? Hee.
But, yeah. I've gotten pretty good at eating with a fork around people, but lifting a glass still gets me sometimes. I had a hard time with it, today. There were just too many people, all around me. To my sides, and right on the other side of the table. Ugh. I started feeling like I was going to kind of panic, but I curbed it. Was only able to lift the cup to my mouth using solely my right hand like once or twice, though (the rest of the time, I discreetly used the left one as well. For some reason, that makes it easier), but hey, at least I did that. And at least I drank at all, even if I felt more anxious doing it than I prefer. Then they had us guess how many jelly beans were in this jar (whoever guessed right got to take the jar home with them), and write down our number/name on a piece of paper, and I did that fine. On a similar note, when I went shopping yesterday, I used the gift certificate I had, which necessitated me signing my name at the counter on the back of it. I haven't actually done that since around this time, last year. That time, I panicked, and it was a bad memory for me. I struggled again this time, but did okay. It's weird though, because it's like I go through phases with it. It seems like, for a while, certain things will be all right, then suddenly they'll become challenging again. Maybe it's only because the circumstances change. Like, drinking with a glass had gotten easier, but I'd been doing it before in slightly different circumstances. I'd been signing my name also, but hadn't done it at the mall like that, for a year.
I tried on some stuff, after work, but just bought one thing (at The Limited. Have I mentioned how much I flove them, lately?). Well, technically two, but they're two tops that go together. There's a tank-top (mostly nylon fabric), and then a silk, long-sleeved wispy thing that goes over it. It has this wrap-around thing you tie at the side. The tank is a darker shade than the silk thing, but they're both sort of a lime greenish color. I lurve it. I bought it, even though I was concerned I wouldn't be able to wear it to work, because you aren't supposed to wear sleeveless. Technically, it has sleeves, but you can see the arms beneath. I showed it to the people in HR as I was leaving the mall, though, and both the lady in there and a manager said it was okay. They were all oohing and aahing over it too. Hee. I love when that happens. It's the kind of outfit too that I know I'll get looks in, if anything just because it's unique and a very stand-out color (remember that people staring makes me self conscious, sometimes), but I was all "I don't care, it's pretty! I want!" Heh.
They had a similar set in this gorgeous shade of blue, but I didn't get it, because when I tried it on, it wasn't really that fitted. Then, when I was leaving the store, I saw that it had this wrap in the middle to make it fitted, on the mannequin. So I'm going to go back, and ask a saleslady what's up with that. Because if it fit me in a more flattering way, I'd be all over that shit. Yes, I know it's sixty more dollars, and almost the same as the one I now own. It's blue! Hee. Plus, with a slightly different wrap in the middle! See? I have to buy it!
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Date: 2003-01-18 07:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-18 09:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-18 09:33 pm (UTC)It would be such a shame if you couldnt receive your honors because of this problem. And I really think it does show just how much you have improved.