You say obsessed. I say highly invested.
Jan. 3rd, 2011 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82Things I should be doing right now: showering, looking for work, taking down my fake Christmas Tree.
Things I am doing instead: hanging out here. Wasting time. Preparing to unload massive linkage & rambling, as per usual. (Feel special)
Hey, it's not my fault I love you all so much. Okay, so it is (damn free will). But let's pretend it's not.
To the point (like I ever have only one): I'm feeling the urge today to, A. go on a multi-purpose musical tangent, B. rec some fics, and C. exhale some wordy stuff about stuff. In that order.
Let's roll.
A. It's been far too long since I overloaded your guys' computers with YouTube song vids. Totally unacceptable. Because I'm random, this time I'm going to make the soundtrack '80s-tastic, with a side of HBIC-liciousness.And throw in a few unrelated modern songs while no one's looking.
As for what inspired this XX chromosome Wang Chung Bonanza, that would be a comment I left![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ladysophiekitty earlier this afternoon. She asked her flist to let her know what they preferred to be called (i.e. names/nicknames). My response? "Rachael, Rach, Miss Jackson if you're nasty." Which of course meant I had to go rewatch the video afterward. Which then meant I got to thinking about the music from my early childhood & how I've dedicated time on here to my love of '90s music (to a degree at least. One of these days I'd really like to do a crazy, epic '90s soundtrack), but not so much the '80s yet. That simply cannot stand.
As my icon indicates, I was born in '82. The first eight years of my life were spent listening to '80s music. Even after 1990, I STILL listened to it. And fortunately, a good deal of that music included kick-ass women who didn't take no shit (double-negative, and what. *head swerve*). Or at least if they did? They didn't make it obvious, and they made a hell of a lot of money, knew how to kick a good beat, walked around all sassy, and talked a big talk, leaving men all "hey, what about me?" in their wake. Even when men got them down, they were too epic with their heartbreak to appear weak (in a bad way, that is. Instead, the heartbreak was all ~fierce & glamorous~). Or maybe it was just the big hair & cocaine making it seem that way. Hard to tell. Either way, it's only right to pay tribute to some of the women who helped shape my childhood as a young girl.
-- Go-Go Gadget YouTube Time Machine! --
Like I wouldn't include this, c'mon. Miss Jackson if you're nasty! It was totally either this or Rhythm Nation.
Awwww yeah!
Oh man, I used to love the ever-loving shit out of this woman. Still do. I'd listen to her CDs before catching the bus in middle school, put on her records when I was little (yes, I said records), the whole nine yards. "Why" & "No More I Love Yous" are both still such good songs/vids. And she was one of my faves especially for helping to stretch gender norms in mainstream culture.
It's impossible now for me to listen to this song without thinking of Brennan, hee. But I also can't ever listen to it without thinking of The Goonies, so hey. (for people scratching their heads right now, they play Cyndi Lauper in the background while the big brother is stealing the little girl's bike. And yes, my brain does involuntarily remember things like this. P.S. The Goonies was totes filmed at the Oregon coast, i.e. Astoria, i.e. I've been there. Unrelated, but, y'know, just sayin'. Hee.)
Ahhh, Madonna. God bless ya. (there are no words to describe my worship of her icon-ness. Well, actually, that's not true. I totally wrote a paper on the subject once. Got an A. Haha. But STILL) Remember what a big controversy this song was? People are such idiots.
I still think she is so freaking cute.
I can't believe I almost forgot to include Joan. What the Hell, self.
All-girl bands FTW.
I may or may not have the hots for Blondie. *shifty eyes* Deny everything.
Also: after watching this vid, I feel the need to share a non-music related & yet still 100%-related vid:
Oh, drugs.
Not that Blondie took drugs. . .or anything. *return of the shifty eyes*
Moving on.
Okay, okay, so this is from 1976. But, dude, close enough. I listened to Heart constantly while growing up. Throw me a bone here.
DON'T JUDGE ME. Ha. So what if she's a Crazy McCrazerson now. Back then she was a Dancey McDancerson. Plus,5brokenfingers and I sort of like to joke that this song is our anthem (not the "he's been tellin' lies" part, though. Both of us are honest to a fault. But we are some ice-cold bitches. Ha. In a wonderful way, of course). Or at least I do, and then she laughs about it. Hee. WE DON'T PLAY BY RULES.
P.S. I legit made up a dance routine when I was eight to "Straight Up" & was going to perform it for my school and everything. I was sitting in the principal's office with my cassette tape, waiting to hand it over (it was a talent show & you had to enroll), when I realized, "I'm going to make a complete fool of myself. Retreat! Retreat!" I then promptly got the Hell out of there. Haha.
Because I have no shame:
I love Stevie Nicks & Fleetwood Mac from way back. I used to watch the video of their reunion concert on VH1 when I was a teenager over & over again. She is fantabulous. And I can't remember if I've mentioned it here before, but my mom told me once that at one point she had planned to name one of her kids Rhiannon, after this song. It's interesting to me because I've always loved this song, and listening to it now, it sort of would've fit in a weird way.
Yep, cheating again. This was 1979. Too bad. Close enough. I love this song, & it was either this or something from The Beaches soundtrack, which would've meant leaving everyone crying themselves to sleep tonight from the mere association. Can't have that.
Now, I mentioned above I was also going to throw in some random (and unrelated) modern songs too. Here's where I do that. They have nothing to do with the '80s & nothing to do with female singers. I just wanted to rec them. Have at it:
HOW IS IT THIS MAN NEVER PUTS OUT ANYTHING BAD? It shouldn't be possible.
Seriously. Look up any song by him. Any. You will like it. I promise you.
I've been listening to a lot of Lovage since Christmas. I'd like someone to make a season 6 spoilery Booth/Brennan vid to this song, plz & thank you. Full o' angst & dark intensity, oh yes. "And can't you see we could've had it all?" Nghhhhh.
B. Fic-reccin'.bloodwrites was asking recently if anyone had any good XF fic recs and I of course was like, "haha, *do* I? You don't know who you're dealin' with, lady." I figured I'd share at least three with you all as well. (all can be found here at the Gossamer Project)
-"Contact High" by Penumbra
-"Aquinnah" by Anjou
-"Good Vibrations" by Lysandra
The first two are serious recs & the last is a cracky crack-filled romp o' drunken hilarity & vibratin' goodtimes. Obviously, I have so many others I could rec as well, but I felt I would be remiss not to pass on at least a few when I've got a freakin' library of authors & titles chillin' up in my brain. The knowledge should be put to use somehow.
P.S. If you don't watch XF, but watch Bones? Read 'em anyhow. I swear, a good majority of XF fic can be read as Bones fic if you simply do "find & replace" with the names. Which I've sooo done, btw. NO SHAME. Haha. And if you don't watch *either* show? They're still well-written & entertaining stories. Worth a read.
C. Wordage. I had a few things on my mind this evening and that's sort of what this journal is for (when I'm not killing everyone's brains with vids, that is), so forgive me while I take a moment to ramble aimlessly.
This is going to start out random, so again: forgive me.
I was rewatching a few eps of Parenthood last night, to remind myself of what happened before the hiatus, and I couldn't help but relate to the character of Max on two fronts (not unusual, but I have a point to make in this case):
1. The morbid bunkbed-worrying. I totally used to think about the top bunk collapsing & killing me too, haha. In fact, I remember asking a camp counselor at Outdoor School once if it could. She was like, "Um, no. Go to sleep." "But what if there's an earthquake? It is possible, isn't it?" "I, well, I guess. . .wait, what?! Just go to sleep! WTF."
2. "Are you having fun?"<---SO ME. Which is what brings us to our final topic. The two parts of that scene combined, that is: the fact that it was (for him) a party, and the fact that he felt the need to *ask* if she was having fun. He couldn't just tell on his own.
Here's the thing. I haven't had my party yet. You know, the one my counselor wanted me to throw? I was sort of putting it off until Coda came out, but then she left & now I'm just plain putting it off. Like I said before, I've never had one. Not as an adult anyway (and when I say "party", I mean not even a dinner gathering. Nothing. Just that time I invited coworkers over for the candle-selling thing my sister was hosting, which happened to be at my place). I only had birthday parties as a kid & those were semi-fun, but generally very anxiety-inducing at the same time. Somewhat because I was so worried my family would fight or my mom would freak out in front of them (not an irrational fear considering her delusions/OD in front of my friend when I was eleven), etc, but also because I would get really tense about wanting to make sure the other kids were enjoying themselves. And I was thinking about it tonight & remembered actually asking my friends if they were having fun, like over & over again. I even got in a fight with my best friend at one party because of it, simply due to the fact that she said the party was "okay." To me that meant "average" & a party is supposed to be an "above average" experience by its very nature, so her comment was interpreted as intentionally critical. So I asked her what we could do to improve it & she wouldn't (or more likely couldn't) say, so I got completely frustrated & she ended up leaving & I ended up storming off in a huff. I was just SLIGHTLY sensitive as a child. Ha.
And while I'm no longer so emotionally volatile that I'll storm off in huffs--I'll slowly walk off, taking deep breaths, instead. TOTALLY different, err--I still have that same "are they having fun?" uncertainty that drives me NUTTY in social situations that are left in my control (it came up as an issue again, if I recall correctly, when I lived with Jen. Though I think with her it may have been more like "Are you liking such & such?"<--insert whatever thing I had picked for us to do. And it eventually drove her crazy, which she eventually told me) If the activity is chosen by me, I feel pressured to make sure the other person(s) enjoys it, because if they don't, I feel bad. And not only do I feel bad, but I become concerned they may not want to continue being my friend, which I believe is caused by two things: 1. probably low self-esteem, and 2. my belief that friendships are largely based on/supported by common interests/shared activities. Yes, bla bla bla, love is in there too, whatever. But honestly, without the shared interest or activity, most relationships fade. People don't want to just hang out & stare at each other. And you can't always rely on talking. Even THAT relies on interests. You don't want to bore people. It's just so fucking hard to keep friends, in my experience. If you haven't seen them in a while, a boring party might be the tipping point.
As for being able to *tell* if people are having fun? Fuck if I know. Even when I think they are, I'll frequently find out later that they weren't. Or I'll think they weren't & then later find out that they were. It drives me insane. I think it's a major part of why I never feel confident about how others see me or where I stand with anyone.
Obviously, a guaranteed way to promise "fun" for people at the party would be liquor, but I don't like worrying about people getting home afterward. I don't know why people have drinks at parties as it is, knowing they'll be driving when it ends. I've never understood that. I realize the theory is for everyone to limit themselves or have a designated driver, but it never freaking happens. Douchebags always think they can get away with having "a few drinks", and I'm like, "YOU KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY STILL OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT RIGHT NOW, YOU A-HOLE. I HOPE YOU CRASH." (for the doubting Toms, you can be 140 pounds, drink literally three lite beers, & be over the limit in every state. Just sayin')
Yeah, I'm mean. And I don't care. I really, really hate drunk drivers.
(my dad drank in the car with me all the time as a kid, which scared me & pissed me off more than I can even say. Both he and my mom have gotten DUIs. I still have anger issues about it<--probably worth mentioning)
I could go dry at the party, I suppose, so I wouldn't have to worry about feeling responsible for the above issues, but even then I still have to plan what everyone will be doing. I had considered making it a game night, but is that even fun? I DON'T KNOW. If so, what games do I provide? Do I ask people to bring their own? Do I play music? I don't have an IPOD. I'd have to make CDs or something as the ones I already have wouldn't make for a very good party mix. This is very stressful. WHY AM I SO FULL OF FAIL?
On top of that, most of my friends have been super distant for months now (as for why, I'm not sure. It seems to not be personal, but it bothers me that it's so widespread). I don't even know if anyone would come. When I mentioned it recently on facebook, no one even had anything to say about it.
My birthday is this month, so I suppose I could do something then--Aimee threw herself a birthday party, after all--but seriously, if I did, and it sucked, and/or no one came? UGHHHH. Why is all of this so exhausting? Other people seem to be so automatically good at it.
Okay, now I'm just throwing a pity party. That ain't good either. Let's back up. I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. I'm not sure if my friends from last year would want to come to a party (I'm honestly not sure if they're really even my friends anymore, and I don't mean that in a mean/bad way. I mean it in a literal way. We don't really talk. I don't know if they even want to talk to me, for the most part. I do have to say it once again leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to the promises people make & generally don't/aren't able to keep. I really would prefer people not say things like "we're going to do such & such later in the year" or "I'll always be here" if they cannot follow up on such an assurance. It's why I don't say things like that), am not sure what I can afford to do money-wise, and really don't want to throw some fail-ass party that leaves me feeling crappy afterward.
It'd be so nice if others could just plan a party for me. I suppose that wouldn't carry the same meaning though, huh? Argh. Whatever, we'll see. I'll keep you guys updated if I decide to ever do it.
For my Vid of the Day (yep, still including one. Music Fest above didn't count), we're gonna throw some love to Max via this Halloween clip since I was mentioning him above. Love. this. kid. so. muchhhhh.
Things I am doing instead: hanging out here. Wasting time. Preparing to unload massive linkage & rambling, as per usual. (Feel special)
Hey, it's not my fault I love you all so much. Okay, so it is (damn free will). But let's pretend it's not.
To the point (like I ever have only one): I'm feeling the urge today to, A. go on a multi-purpose musical tangent, B. rec some fics, and C. exhale some wordy stuff about stuff. In that order.
Let's roll.
A. It's been far too long since I overloaded your guys' computers with YouTube song vids. Totally unacceptable. Because I'm random, this time I'm going to make the soundtrack '80s-tastic, with a side of HBIC-liciousness.
As for what inspired this XX chromosome Wang Chung Bonanza, that would be a comment I left
ladysophiekitty earlier this afternoon. She asked her flist to let her know what they preferred to be called (i.e. names/nicknames). My response? "Rachael, Rach, Miss Jackson if you're nasty." Which of course meant I had to go rewatch the video afterward. Which then meant I got to thinking about the music from my early childhood & how I've dedicated time on here to my love of '90s music (to a degree at least. One of these days I'd really like to do a crazy, epic '90s soundtrack), but not so much the '80s yet. That simply cannot stand.As my icon indicates, I was born in '82. The first eight years of my life were spent listening to '80s music. Even after 1990, I STILL listened to it. And fortunately, a good deal of that music included kick-ass women who didn't take no shit (double-negative, and what. *head swerve*). Or at least if they did? They didn't make it obvious, and they made a hell of a lot of money, knew how to kick a good beat, walked around all sassy, and talked a big talk, leaving men all "hey, what about me?" in their wake. Even when men got them down, they were too epic with their heartbreak to appear weak (in a bad way, that is. Instead, the heartbreak was all ~fierce & glamorous~). Or maybe it was just the big hair & cocaine making it seem that way. Hard to tell. Either way, it's only right to pay tribute to some of the women who helped shape my childhood as a young girl.
-- Go-Go Gadget YouTube Time Machine! --
Like I wouldn't include this, c'mon. Miss Jackson if you're nasty! It was totally either this or Rhythm Nation.
Awwww yeah!
Oh man, I used to love the ever-loving shit out of this woman. Still do. I'd listen to her CDs before catching the bus in middle school, put on her records when I was little (yes, I said records), the whole nine yards. "Why" & "No More I Love Yous" are both still such good songs/vids. And she was one of my faves especially for helping to stretch gender norms in mainstream culture.
It's impossible now for me to listen to this song without thinking of Brennan, hee. But I also can't ever listen to it without thinking of The Goonies, so hey. (for people scratching their heads right now, they play Cyndi Lauper in the background while the big brother is stealing the little girl's bike. And yes, my brain does involuntarily remember things like this. P.S. The Goonies was totes filmed at the Oregon coast, i.e. Astoria, i.e. I've been there. Unrelated, but, y'know, just sayin'. Hee.)
Ahhh, Madonna. God bless ya. (there are no words to describe my worship of her icon-ness. Well, actually, that's not true. I totally wrote a paper on the subject once. Got an A. Haha. But STILL) Remember what a big controversy this song was? People are such idiots.
I still think she is so freaking cute.
I can't believe I almost forgot to include Joan. What the Hell, self.
All-girl bands FTW.
I may or may not have the hots for Blondie. *shifty eyes* Deny everything.
Also: after watching this vid, I feel the need to share a non-music related & yet still 100%-related vid:
Oh, drugs.
Not that Blondie took drugs. . .or anything. *return of the shifty eyes*
Moving on.
Okay, okay, so this is from 1976. But, dude, close enough. I listened to Heart constantly while growing up. Throw me a bone here.
DON'T JUDGE ME. Ha. So what if she's a Crazy McCrazerson now. Back then she was a Dancey McDancerson. Plus,
5brokenfingers and I sort of like to joke that this song is our anthem (not the "he's been tellin' lies" part, though. Both of us are honest to a fault. But we are some ice-cold bitches. Ha. In a wonderful way, of course). Or at least I do, and then she laughs about it. Hee. WE DON'T PLAY BY RULES.P.S. I legit made up a dance routine when I was eight to "Straight Up" & was going to perform it for my school and everything. I was sitting in the principal's office with my cassette tape, waiting to hand it over (it was a talent show & you had to enroll), when I realized, "I'm going to make a complete fool of myself. Retreat! Retreat!" I then promptly got the Hell out of there. Haha.
Because I have no shame:
I love Stevie Nicks & Fleetwood Mac from way back. I used to watch the video of their reunion concert on VH1 when I was a teenager over & over again. She is fantabulous. And I can't remember if I've mentioned it here before, but my mom told me once that at one point she had planned to name one of her kids Rhiannon, after this song. It's interesting to me because I've always loved this song, and listening to it now, it sort of would've fit in a weird way.
Yep, cheating again. This was 1979. Too bad. Close enough. I love this song, & it was either this or something from The Beaches soundtrack, which would've meant leaving everyone crying themselves to sleep tonight from the mere association. Can't have that.
Now, I mentioned above I was also going to throw in some random (and unrelated) modern songs too. Here's where I do that. They have nothing to do with the '80s & nothing to do with female singers. I just wanted to rec them. Have at it:
HOW IS IT THIS MAN NEVER PUTS OUT ANYTHING BAD? It shouldn't be possible.
Seriously. Look up any song by him. Any. You will like it. I promise you.
I've been listening to a lot of Lovage since Christmas. I'd like someone to make a season 6 spoilery Booth/Brennan vid to this song, plz & thank you. Full o' angst & dark intensity, oh yes. "And can't you see we could've had it all?" Nghhhhh.
B. Fic-reccin'.
bloodwrites was asking recently if anyone had any good XF fic recs and I of course was like, "haha, *do* I? You don't know who you're dealin' with, lady." I figured I'd share at least three with you all as well. (all can be found here at the Gossamer Project)-"Contact High" by Penumbra
-"Aquinnah" by Anjou
-"Good Vibrations" by Lysandra
The first two are serious recs & the last is a cracky crack-filled romp o' drunken hilarity & vibratin' goodtimes. Obviously, I have so many others I could rec as well, but I felt I would be remiss not to pass on at least a few when I've got a freakin' library of authors & titles chillin' up in my brain. The knowledge should be put to use somehow.
P.S. If you don't watch XF, but watch Bones? Read 'em anyhow. I swear, a good majority of XF fic can be read as Bones fic if you simply do "find & replace" with the names. Which I've sooo done, btw. NO SHAME. Haha. And if you don't watch *either* show? They're still well-written & entertaining stories. Worth a read.
C. Wordage. I had a few things on my mind this evening and that's sort of what this journal is for (when I'm not killing everyone's brains with vids, that is), so forgive me while I take a moment to ramble aimlessly.
This is going to start out random, so again: forgive me.
I was rewatching a few eps of Parenthood last night, to remind myself of what happened before the hiatus, and I couldn't help but relate to the character of Max on two fronts (not unusual, but I have a point to make in this case):
1. The morbid bunkbed-worrying. I totally used to think about the top bunk collapsing & killing me too, haha. In fact, I remember asking a camp counselor at Outdoor School once if it could. She was like, "Um, no. Go to sleep." "But what if there's an earthquake? It is possible, isn't it?" "I, well, I guess. . .wait, what?! Just go to sleep! WTF."
2. "Are you having fun?"<---SO ME. Which is what brings us to our final topic. The two parts of that scene combined, that is: the fact that it was (for him) a party, and the fact that he felt the need to *ask* if she was having fun. He couldn't just tell on his own.
Here's the thing. I haven't had my party yet. You know, the one my counselor wanted me to throw? I was sort of putting it off until Coda came out, but then she left & now I'm just plain putting it off. Like I said before, I've never had one. Not as an adult anyway (and when I say "party", I mean not even a dinner gathering. Nothing. Just that time I invited coworkers over for the candle-selling thing my sister was hosting, which happened to be at my place). I only had birthday parties as a kid & those were semi-fun, but generally very anxiety-inducing at the same time. Somewhat because I was so worried my family would fight or my mom would freak out in front of them (not an irrational fear considering her delusions/OD in front of my friend when I was eleven), etc, but also because I would get really tense about wanting to make sure the other kids were enjoying themselves. And I was thinking about it tonight & remembered actually asking my friends if they were having fun, like over & over again. I even got in a fight with my best friend at one party because of it, simply due to the fact that she said the party was "okay." To me that meant "average" & a party is supposed to be an "above average" experience by its very nature, so her comment was interpreted as intentionally critical. So I asked her what we could do to improve it & she wouldn't (or more likely couldn't) say, so I got completely frustrated & she ended up leaving & I ended up storming off in a huff. I was just SLIGHTLY sensitive as a child. Ha.
And while I'm no longer so emotionally volatile that I'll storm off in huffs--I'll slowly walk off, taking deep breaths, instead. TOTALLY different, err--I still have that same "are they having fun?" uncertainty that drives me NUTTY in social situations that are left in my control (it came up as an issue again, if I recall correctly, when I lived with Jen. Though I think with her it may have been more like "Are you liking such & such?"<--insert whatever thing I had picked for us to do. And it eventually drove her crazy, which she eventually told me) If the activity is chosen by me, I feel pressured to make sure the other person(s) enjoys it, because if they don't, I feel bad. And not only do I feel bad, but I become concerned they may not want to continue being my friend, which I believe is caused by two things: 1. probably low self-esteem, and 2. my belief that friendships are largely based on/supported by common interests/shared activities. Yes, bla bla bla, love is in there too, whatever. But honestly, without the shared interest or activity, most relationships fade. People don't want to just hang out & stare at each other. And you can't always rely on talking. Even THAT relies on interests. You don't want to bore people. It's just so fucking hard to keep friends, in my experience. If you haven't seen them in a while, a boring party might be the tipping point.
As for being able to *tell* if people are having fun? Fuck if I know. Even when I think they are, I'll frequently find out later that they weren't. Or I'll think they weren't & then later find out that they were. It drives me insane. I think it's a major part of why I never feel confident about how others see me or where I stand with anyone.
Obviously, a guaranteed way to promise "fun" for people at the party would be liquor, but I don't like worrying about people getting home afterward. I don't know why people have drinks at parties as it is, knowing they'll be driving when it ends. I've never understood that. I realize the theory is for everyone to limit themselves or have a designated driver, but it never freaking happens. Douchebags always think they can get away with having "a few drinks", and I'm like, "YOU KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY STILL OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT RIGHT NOW, YOU A-HOLE. I HOPE YOU CRASH." (for the doubting Toms, you can be 140 pounds, drink literally three lite beers, & be over the limit in every state. Just sayin')
Yeah, I'm mean. And I don't care. I really, really hate drunk drivers.
(my dad drank in the car with me all the time as a kid, which scared me & pissed me off more than I can even say. Both he and my mom have gotten DUIs. I still have anger issues about it<--probably worth mentioning)
I could go dry at the party, I suppose, so I wouldn't have to worry about feeling responsible for the above issues, but even then I still have to plan what everyone will be doing. I had considered making it a game night, but is that even fun? I DON'T KNOW. If so, what games do I provide? Do I ask people to bring their own? Do I play music? I don't have an IPOD. I'd have to make CDs or something as the ones I already have wouldn't make for a very good party mix. This is very stressful. WHY AM I SO FULL OF FAIL?
On top of that, most of my friends have been super distant for months now (as for why, I'm not sure. It seems to not be personal, but it bothers me that it's so widespread). I don't even know if anyone would come. When I mentioned it recently on facebook, no one even had anything to say about it.
My birthday is this month, so I suppose I could do something then--Aimee threw herself a birthday party, after all--but seriously, if I did, and it sucked, and/or no one came? UGHHHH. Why is all of this so exhausting? Other people seem to be so automatically good at it.
Okay, now I'm just throwing a pity party. That ain't good either. Let's back up. I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. I'm not sure if my friends from last year would want to come to a party (I'm honestly not sure if they're really even my friends anymore, and I don't mean that in a mean/bad way. I mean it in a literal way. We don't really talk. I don't know if they even want to talk to me, for the most part. I do have to say it once again leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to the promises people make & generally don't/aren't able to keep. I really would prefer people not say things like "we're going to do such & such later in the year" or "I'll always be here" if they cannot follow up on such an assurance. It's why I don't say things like that), am not sure what I can afford to do money-wise, and really don't want to throw some fail-ass party that leaves me feeling crappy afterward.
It'd be so nice if others could just plan a party for me. I suppose that wouldn't carry the same meaning though, huh? Argh. Whatever, we'll see. I'll keep you guys updated if I decide to ever do it.
For my Vid of the Day (yep, still including one. Music Fest above didn't count), we're gonna throw some love to Max via this Halloween clip since I was mentioning him above. Love. this. kid. so. muchhhhh.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-04 05:20 pm (UTC)Yeah, I don't blame you for not wanting alcohol at your party. My dad got into a bad wreck while DUI when I was little, so. (He wasn't hurt, but the car was totaled. He was lucky he didn't hit somebody else). When one of my younger brothers got a DUI a couple years ago, I was thinking, "Fool, did you not learn anything???" Then my parents were all like, "They're punishing him too harshly for a first offense" when he had his license suspended, and I was all like, "You do the crime, YOU DO THE TIME."
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-04 08:08 pm (UTC)