Welcome to the Tillamook Ice Creamatorium

[rachg82]

1. Guess who went to the beach today & had lots o' fun? That would be me.

First up, pictures:



Remember last August, when 5brokenfingers, Aimee, Kristin, and I went to this same beach & then left because of the fog? (and then ended up at another freezing, foggy beach anyway? Hee. Oh, Oregon Coast. Ninety degrees in Portland? Fifty degrees at the beach. OF COURSE.) Right, well, Dani and I ended up right back at it today. And look how beautiful this time! In January! Randommmm.



There was a dog frolicking in the water right before I got this shot. I was mad I missed him. Heh.



Obligatory seagull shot (like we don't ever have them in Portland, shh. IT'S OBLIGATORY. I don't make the rules).



Haha, Dani's face here.



Hey, look. Rocks.



I like having friends who allow me to sneak up on them, taking pictures. It helps when they used to do photo shoots & have bad backs. Makes them more apathetic about escaping.



Our expressions = priceless.



Purty. Though I wish I could've gotten a shot of the moon on the way home, which was CRAZY EPIC looking in the fog. Dani was gettin' all capslocky in the car over it & everything. ("I want to shout!" Haha)

Overall, it was very much funtimes. We stopped & had lunch at an empty restaurant with a view of the ocean (no one was there but us until we finished), and each ate dessert. We decided my slice of chocolate peanut butter pie totes counts as a birthday cake substitute. I'd already decided today could be part of my birthday celebration anyway, despite being a week prior (who cares, right?), so it works for me. No candle, but fuck it. I had the beach.

Afterward, we walked around for a while, chatted, took pictures, & that's pretty much it. The rest of the day was driving there & back (which took longer than it should have because God decided it should be the Day of Landslides & Construction). But it was good. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. She literally asked me "are you okay?" at one point, because I was bent over, just silently *shaking*. Haha. Hey, it's not my fault she called the driver in front of her a "wad of cocks," okay? Especially since I'd had like three hours of sleep last night (oh, how cracky & over-caffeinated I was today, Lord help me) and she kept doing things like turning her lights off & going "STEALTH MODE!" WHAT WAS I TO DO?

Also, just for the record? I love having a friend whom I can share the following interactions with:

Me: *staring out the window, observing names* Gamble Street. . .
Dani: Sounds like a gamble to me.
Me: *barks out laughing*
Dani: That shouldn't have been funny.
Me: It was just dumb enough to be funny.
Dani: Oh, okay. Well, good.

---

Me: *again staring at signs, sees one for "Tillamook Crematorium"--begins desperately trying to contain morbid laughter, thinking of the "Tillamook Ice Creamery"*
Dani: What?
Me: You know crematoriums? *begins sputtering out said evil laughter; cannot contain it*
Dani: For burning dead bodies. . .Yes? *eyebrow*
Me: The sign back there? Said Tillamook Crematorium. . .[/still laughing]
Dani: Yessss?
Me: They could make it TILLAMOOK ICE CREAMATORIUM. *keels over*

And she didn't even kick me out of the car or anything. WHAT A NICE FRIEND. Hahaha.

Also: it was established that deer never go on beaches, BUT SHOULD, and might--if only we would lead them there with marshmallows. So, y'know, get on that, people.

Of course Dani thinks marshmallows will block their intestinal tract, but concedes that it might extend their life span (ooh, ~science~). So, again, I WIN. Stay Puft Bambi. ALL THE WAY.

Oh, and P.S. I'm still a ghost, apparently. But not just to her boyfriend, now. It's just become a thing. So, if you're on my facebook and saw me getting called a poltergeist today, now you know why. Ha. BOO.


2. Changing topics, I'm feeling a little less mojo-y about my new fic, though I think it's mostly just me being picky & critical towards myself & unhappy about not having it done by tomorrow night. I know it makes NO rational difference, but I originally planned to have it done by then, and I definitely don't expect that to happen now, and it's bugging me. Plus I'm getting all overthinky about how it sounds so far, and whether it's okay to let my brain be experiment-y with style like it wants to & how far is too far and if I can successfully combine that with a story-story again like I seemed to last time, and bla bla bla SHUT UP, BRAIN.

Clearly, the issue at hand here is I am raining on my own parade & need to simma don nah. SO.

Dear self,

This fic will get done when it damn well gets done.

Write the thing how you want for frak's sake. Who cares if it sucks. GET A GRIP & HAVE FUN WITH THIS.

Love,
A bossier version of you.

3. I checked out The Gift of Fear from the library yesterday, which I believe had been recommended to me by dosidella a long time ago, and which again was recommended by sonneta just the other day. I still have other books I've actually bought over the last year without finishing (I go in waves with my reading), but I really would like to take a look at this one right now, so I moved it to the top of the priority list.

4. I never heard back from Aimee, but it's okay. At least I tried. Hopefully something will come of it eventually. In the meantime, I'll continue trying to push the momentum forward. Dani invited me to a record release party thingie the night of my birthday next week (I'll have to take a cab home, but I can splurge for a one-time thing like this, even FUNemployed & broke as I am), so at least I won't be sitting by myself, staring into the depths of 29, like "NOOOOOO, WHYYYY."

The age thing is so funny though, because honestly, I don't care about the parts of aging that I'm *supposed* to care about, like I don't care about the fact that I'll get wrinkles as I grow older or any of that. Fuck that. Look at Roslin & her gorgeous ass. I LOVE HER WRINKLES. Fuck you if you don't like her wrinkles. I've always felt that way about them, too. I mean, do I want lines now? No, because the rest of my face is all babyface, so it'd be bizarre looking. But later, sure. I personally think women should start decorating them with paint/makeup or something & just rock it. GO WITH IT. Stop fighting it. Like, *BAM*, bitches, here's my wrinkles: don't be jealous.

What gets me about aging are the (American) cultural expectations of what you're supposed to have "accomplished" by certain points in your life in order to feel like a "grown-up." I feel like there's a difference between the women I know from my peer group--i.e. 25-35 or so--and the women I talk to who are more like 40-50+, when it comes to how we feel about our age. It seems to me that older women I deal with have this "you're not allowed to ask a woman how old she is!" joke-y thing going on (WTF DOES IT MATTER? IS THERE A MAN AROUND THE CORNER WHO MIGHT OVERHEAR & NOW NOT WANT TO MATE WITH YOU? WHAT THE HELL? Men don't make stupid jokes about their age like this! Stop trying to be younger & downplaying your own experiences & wisdom! It's not cute!), while those around my age seem to struggle more with the feeling of "I'm not ready to grow old yet--I'm not a grown-up. I DON'T HAVE A HOUSE. DIDN'T TV TELL ME I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET A HOUSE? AND A CAREER? AND STUFF?" Seriously: WHERE IS ALL OF IT? With the life I've had, I simultaneously feel both 91 and 19. So, so old & yet so, so young. TV & Hollywood told me I was supposed to be done with college by now. I should've been married off, had a kid or two, gotten that house with the yard, a dog & a cat, a stable career & health insurance, and possibly a boat. Oh yes, and a car. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE. I haven't had sex. I am a strange individual. Turning 29 is just. . .odd.

We talked about it today, which made me feel slightly better about it, because she's right--I need a new paradigm. Not everyone is on the same route. And lately I'm getting the message that more & more of us are lost. Especially with the economy. And I HATE people that use that as their "excuse" for just any ole wide-ranging general shit, but honestly. We were raised with this certain image in our heads of how we thought things were supposed to go in our twenties & thirties, and guess what? It doesn't look like that's how it's going. Buying a house? Not so easy. Getting a job? Not so easy. Going to college? HA. Maybe if you had parents who loved you (I know there are exceptions to this--but you know what I'm saying). Otherwise, ENJOY YOUR LOANS, FUCKER. Not to mention trying to juggle working & classes at the same time at ye olde community college.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Just to be clear. Nothing *should* be easy. And I never actually assumed it would be. I just assumed that if you worked for things, you could accomplish them within these certain time frames in a sort of smooth fashion. I planned when I was a little kid that I would be married at twenty six (it was my favorite number & thus it just seemed right. I then decided I would have kids at 28--it was all very matter of fact. Heh). I didn't get that "Oh my God, wait. Actually, I'm always going to be alone" feeling until I was a teenager.

And. . .yeah. I'm not even sure what my point is anymore. I guess it's just like I was saying to Dani today, I don't know what age I feel like. I really don't. I honestly feel both old & young. 29 seems unreal. The last few years seem unreal. The fact that I've been watching Battlestar Galactica for almost two years now seems unreal. 2010 seems unreal. 30 on the horizon seems like a JOKE. A crazy joke. Not possible. And it is slightly frightening, only because if I do make it for my entire life--like living the whole dang thing out, no early exit--then I don't want one whole chunk of it to be some major waste. Has it been a waste so far? How can one tell? Do you go by your cultural rites of passage? Do you have to figure it out for yourself? It's all so vague. I HATE THAT.


5. Did you guys know that Hulk Hogan is a rappin' fool? You do now.

(don't look at me for that one. I think you know who to blame)

For my Vid of the Day, I think it's time to get back to our BSG Appreciation Fest. Technically, this is the last of the group I came across, but I've enjoyed getting to focus on one show so heavily like this & may do "appreciation weeks" again from time to time. I reserve the right to do nothing but BSG vids all next week too, if I want. Ha. I probably won't though.

Anyway, today's vid (by rogerthealien359) is all about my good man Saul "It's in the frakkin' ship!" Tigh. And it's set to Johnny Cash. Reason enough for a thumbs up on both counts in my mind.

"Randomness with Rachael" (Watch on YouTube)

Comments

[flanneryflyer.livejournal.com]

You said "beach," and I got excited to see pics of warmth and sunshine! I was not prepared for beach with coats! But it looks lovely, regardless :)

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Hey, man, our beaches have winters! Ha. I can't control the weather!. . .(yet) *plots*

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous pics!

And lately I'm getting the message that more & more of us are lost.

Re: age. I've recently been going through the same thoughts (why hello there, 29, nice meeting you, no really, now get the BLEEP out). I think the people who are currently in their 20s are a bit of a lost generation. We've grown up with well to-do parents, richer than their parents, in any case. We've been told and taught by our families, society and media that anything was possible. You can be whoever you want! You can achieve anything! Travel the world, have a great job, a fabulous family, buy a house, be a merry bachelor, whatevs floats your boat. As long as you want it badly enough, it's there for the picking!

Reality turned out so different. We're poorer than our parents (e.g. nobody here can buy a house unless the parents chip in), we're stuck in sucky jobs with our fabulous human sciences diploma's... Most of my friends are getting married and having babies, building families just like the ones they grew up in. I'm not saying that's bad, but it's a far cry from all those dreams we were fed as we grew up. It's disconcerting.

I often feel lost over that discrepancy between how I was supposed to have been handed all these opportunities, all these possibilities and all that freedom and how little I've managed to do with them so far. Oh, so I can do whatever I want? Ummm. I don't know what I want. Like, at all. I feel guilty over that, because it feeds into this wrong reasoning that I'm to blame - if only I had known what I wanted, it would have fallen into my lap, you know?

Oh god, I'm rambling! All this to say that I identify with what you're saying and I've heard many of my friends share similar feelings. It definitely defines our generation. We're like the generation of lost opportunities or something.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

why hello there, 29, nice meeting you, no really, now get the BLEEP out

For SERIOUS. Heh. There is like an epidemic of 29ers on my flist right now all having meltdowns of identity. I think we should form a club.

We're like the generation of lost opportunities or something

That is so what I'm calling us from now on.

P.S. Please drop by & ramble more often. It's so comforting to know we're all in this together!

[sonneta.livejournal.com]

TV & Hollywood told me I was supposed to be done with college by now. I should've been married off, had a kid or two, gotten that house with the yard, a dog & a cat, a stable career & health insurance, and possibly a boat. Oh yes, and a car. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE. I haven't had sex. I am a strange individual. Turning 29 is just. . .odd.

Yeah, I feel like I'm Not Accomplished Enough For My Age, either. Not married, never had sex, not really in my grown up career yet. I have been to college & I drive, but I also live with my parents - which is apparently a sign I'm going through a ~delayed adolescence~ according a couple of the blogs I read. (To which I am like "Fucker, please.")

Let's ~change the paradigm~, Rachael. What do those fuckers know, anyway. WE'RE AWESOME. (Yeah, that didn't work at all, I still feel like a loser.) D:

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Dude, y'know what? We ARE awesome. I am down for the paradigm-changin'. Let's do this.

First order of business? Steal underpants.

Oh, wait, that's on my "world domination" agenda. My bad.

*shuffles papers*

HERE WE GO. As per Dani's comment below, everything leading up to this point has been worth it because it made us who we are, and who we are is--as has already been established above--AWESOME. Ergo, we are Accomplished Grown-Ups. Because if we'd been distracted doing all that "normal people shit," we might not be US. And that would suck. Because we are AWESOME. Once again.

I'm just gonna keep repeating it until it's smashed into my head like a brick. Eventually it's gotta stick.

[5brokenfingers.livejournal.com]

To continue on in the vein about age and all, we all have things we feel comparatively we should have accomplished but have not. I felt like this a lot as a teenager and forced myself into situations that were bad just so I could feel like I was "accomplishing" those things other people my age were. But it doesn't matter. Milestones are fine, but I think they mean more when they are for ourselves, dictated by us, and with love and not demand. ie. when I decided to finally go through with learning to drive. I set a goal, to get it done and get my license and buy a car before my permit was to expire again, and I did it. That felt wonderful. So what if I was 27 by the time I got my driver's license, I did it, and I know the hurdles I had in front of me, so it felt extra good to accomplish. Everyone has different struggles and so expecting the same out of everyone is impossible. We have a whole host of things going for us Rachael, we're intelligent beings and even if it seems like "so what", there are a LOT of dumb people out there who wouldn't even think about all the stuff you wrote here. Being smart is a double-edged blade but you know you'd rather be intelligent than float through life like some inbred redneck. We are unique people, both of us, we are very alike but very different, these are things to be celebrated. Accomplishments are mostly only accomplishments to ourselves. Few people in my life have celebrated my personal accomplishments, but to me it does not matter - going for it myself with no support and actually achieving feels great. Both of us, because of who we are, have accomplished a lot more than others who have come from wreckages like ours. I try to think of that on occasion when I am beating myself up... like, sure, other people younger than me have had cars for years and are in long-term stable relationships and have college degrees, but damn it, I know the personal struggles I had to go through before I could even THINK about *those* things. And handling the daily struggles of depression is a whole hell of a lot of accomplishment that most people never can even fathom in their lifetimes. So don't forget to pat yourself on the back for those things- even if they are unpleasant to think about, the battles you've been through in your life, you've come out on top, and you are a better person for it, and stronger than most people could ever imagine.

Again I hope this makes sense.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Way to make me cry. Yes, that made sense, and it is so, so completely what I needed to hear right now. I can't even tell you.

Thank you, Dani. I really mean that. ♥