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rachg82Man, what is up with the sleepiness? I actually went to bed at around eleven, last night. Willingly. And I wasn't depressed or anything, nor had I taken benadryl or something like that. I was just tired. I woke up at like 2:30, but fell back asleep after a little bit. And would you believe I slept in till eleven, this morning? Slept solid too, like a rock. And now, at almost two in the afternoon, I swear I feel sleepy enough for a nap. What. In. The fuck?
Okay, body, enough with the yawns! I get that you're tired, already. Sheesh. Wake the Hell up!
Before I jump into my rambling, though, I just heard a little tidbit of info that I thought I'd share with you all. I'm watching the local news right now, and the weather guy says if it rains this week (which it will), we'll have had forty days and nights of rain. Haha! We're like the Bible, here. Pity us.
Another thing I heard, which is less funny, was that if the cheap-ass bitches don't agree to up the taxes in Multnomah County, a shit-load of budget cuts in the schools will have to be made. Like, 600 teachers laid off, a 30% increase in class-size, all athletics being cut, and more. Uh, guys, STOP BEING CHEAP BASTARDS! We don't even have a sales tax! The money has to come from somewhere, and that somewhere is taxes! So vote for it! God, I'm glad I'm not in the public schools anymore. Although PCC is affected by the budget cuts too, but not as badly, it seems.
Right, now, back to the rambling about my health.
I wonder if the more recent drowsiness is due to the Inderal. Let's hope not, because I'll have to raise the dose, since it's not helping the migraines AT ALL. I've had bad ones every day, the last three days. But I was ending my period too, so it was to be expected. But still, if I want to see if this Inderal can help, the dose needs to go up. And yeah, I'm a little worried about whether side effects will get worse, in doing so. Not just the drowsiness, but the dizziness also. I've been nauseous a lot lately, too, although I'm not sure if it's all the Inderal causing that, or what. It didn't list nausea as a common side effect. I've sure been having it, though. But I can't remember if it started before I started the Inderal, or after. Darn it all.
I wonder if it's the blood sugar business causing the nausea. And maybe some of the drowsiness. You know, it's a pain in the ass, sometimes, trying to figure out why you feel the way you do, when things can be caused by like five thousand different problems. I mean, for God's sake, look at the symptoms of high blood sugar:
a.. Tiredness or fatigue.
b.. Increased appetite
c.. Increased thirst
d.. Frequent urination
e.. Blurred vision
f.. Dry itchy skin
g.. Slow or poor healing of wounds.
h.. Flu-like achiness
i.. Headaches
j.. Weight loss
h.. feeling sick to your stomach
i.. breathing problems
And, yeah, let's just go through those, shall we? Tiredness and fatigue? Check. Increased appetite? Lately, yeah. Don't know if it's just a coincidence, or what. Like the rest of these. But I have had that.
Next, increased thirst? Definitely. But the thing is, I've been thirsty as Hell for a long time. I thought maybe it was the Effexor. Even though I was really thirsty, compared to other people, before that. But I thought it was because I just got thirsty, at work. Maybe not. I do know it's gotten worse, over the last year. But, again, I thought maybe it was the Effexor. Who the Hell knows.
Frequent urination? What's frequent? Lately, I've felt like I was going more than usual, yeah. But I don't know what's considered frequent.
Blurred vision? Not really. So, I can cross that one off the list.
Dry, itchy skin? Um, YEAH. It's seemed like it was happenning more so on my period, though. Although I'm done with my period now, and still itchy as all fuck. And I didn't used to get so itchy, anytime (regardless of whether I was on my period), more than a year or two ago. At least, I don't remember it being such a problem. My hands would get itchy, but that was because of the psoriasis. I didn't used to have such fierce itchiness all over my body then, like I get now. I mean, hello, I itched off a mole, people. A mole! And my upper arms and shoulders have been driving me CRAZY, the last few days. They itch right now, as I'm typing this, in fact. Argh.
Slow or poor-healing of wounds. Like with the frequent urination, I'm not sure, because I don't know how slow abnormal would be. I got some kind of scratch on my hand, maybe last week? And it's still there, now. Just finally starting to look like it's diminishing. Is that slow? And, speaking of that mole I itched off, it's still a scab there. Should it be better by now? Or no?
Flu-like achiness. I've never really had achiness, when I had the flu. So I don't know. Does that mean joint pain? Because, if so, I always have joint pain. Mostly in my knees, my hands, and my wrists. And I know I don't have arthritis, because I had it checked. So, I figured it's a cartiledge problem, in the knees, and probably just carpal tunnel syndrome in the wrists and hands (makes sense, after years of violin, video games, and computers). But who knows. And my muscles get sore pretty often, but I attribute that to straining them at work.
Headaches? Oh, gee, never! Heh. Right, that would be a yes. But I've had them as long as I can remember. They started happenning more frequently, when I hit puberty, and started being everyday, around my sophomore/junior year of High School. I had a month, at like 17 or so, when they weren't everyday (this was when I took amitryptoline), but then the meds sort of just quit on me, and I went back to normal. Couldn't ever get them to work again. Other than that, I haven't gone a day without a migraine since. Which makes it an impressive, fun-filled four years and counting, of migrainey good times! Whoo! Heh. They've gotten worse, though, the last couple years. I went from being able to get away with maybe taking excedrin once a day, sometimes twice. And I'd only take three capsules at a time, for the really bad migraines. Now, two only helps if I take them as I feel the aura (I don't see lights--at least not consistently, and not before it starts--but I can feel one coming on. Hard to explain). Three has replaced two for the "normal" ones, and four is all that will do for the bad-ass ones. I'm not happy about this development.
Weight loss. Well, not now, no. I've gained weight, recently. But, before that, I was losing weight pretty consistently, for a year. I went from 112 or so to like 95, with barely even working out. I did change my eating habits, yes, but it was way easier than the time I tried to lose ten pounds, in High School. Of course the depression helped, because my appetite plummeted. But then I started purposefully eating more, trying to gain weight, so my pants would fit (remember that?). Then I didn't need to anymore, but suddenly my appetite was all high. And I gained a couple more pounds, on top of the rest. Now I'm 104. At least the last time I checked. I'm afraid to weigh myself, right now, honestly. And I'm serious, when I say that I'm hungry like ALL the time. It's way annoying. I mean, I'll take my half-hour lunch at work, eat at Crap Donalds, at like maybe six or seven in the evening. Then get off at like ten or so, and be hungry again. Sometimes even with a rumbling stomach! What the fuck?
Feeling sick to your stomach? Definitely. Am I to assume they just mean nausea, though? Or does that include diarrheah? Not to gross you guys out, sorry. Heh. But, well, yeah, both are a problem for me. But, see, once AGAIN, these symptoms could be caused by other things. Like, the nausea could be caused by the Effexor, or the Inderal. Although they don't talk about the nausea that often with Inderal, but common sense would say it's possible, since I think nausea can be caused by low blood pressure, and duh, that's what Inderal does (lower your blood pressure, I mean). But I've had problems with nausea, before the Inderal. A year ago, it was a real problem, when I started the Effexor. But soon as I switched to the extended-released kind, that got better. At least, it looks like it did. It's been so inconsistent, in general, that I can't even tell. Sigh! Stupid, sneaky body. I mean, I was so nauseous at work last night that I had to go to the bathroom, because I was afraid I was going to ralph. The feeling passed, thankfully. But who knows why I even got like that. The Effexor? The Inderal? High blood sugar? Not eating enough, yesterday? The migraine I had, all day? It could be any of those. See what I mean, with the ambiguousness? ANNOYING.
Lastly, breathing problems. Nah. I mean, I find myself taking sudden deep breaths sometimes, but that's when I'm anxious. So, I'm used to that. Those are just the times when I need to calm down, and do the whole diaphramic breathing, or whatever you call it. You know, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Picturing my happy place. Hee. Okay, except not.
You know what I just found, though? While looking that stuff up? They say acetominophen (yeah, I probably spelled that wrong, shut up) can cause blood sugar problems. They don't say whether it would cause it go up or down, though. Or how common that is. But it's certainly something I'll keep in mind, and mention to the doctor. Wouldn't that just be fabulous! If my headaches caused me even MORE problems! Whoo! Now they can also fuck with the rest of my health, via pain pills hurting me! Yay!
I hate my body, sometimes. Like, REALLY.
I suppose I should talk about my day, yesterday? Well, like I said, I didn't feel too great. I got rid of most of my migraine, but as the night went on, the nausea came and I started just feeling pretty lightheaded and gross. Just, like, not right. Almost like I needed to just sit down, or I was going to pass out. Or hurl. One or the other. All hot and shit. It happens every now and then. I don't understand it. It very well could've been a combination of the headache, lots of caffeine and pain killers, not enough good food, and all the work. Because there was a shit-load of work to do, and people everywhere, and yeah. Plus, once you feel bad, and have to keep going anyway, sometimes it almost feels like it compounds on itself and keeps growing. You know, like one thing is bothering you, and everything else starts feeling bad, because of it. And you're like "God, I just want to go home! Agh!" I only worked for four hours, but I swear, it felt like double that.
It was so busy, too. SO busy. We stayed late again, and I was still putting things out from this one fitting room (nevermind the others), an hour after closing. Ugh, so, so, so many prom dresses. And they're all taller than me. With lots of strings to tie, and such. So they take forever to hang back up, because lots of the teens just leave them on the ground. Thanks, guys. Some people hung their stuff back up, though. And I saw one girl actually putting them back out, on the floor. I wanted to hug her. Heh.
My lovah wasn't there, which bummed me out. But I guess it was for the best, considering I didn't look all that hot, felt pretty tired and crappy, and my ride got there immediately anyway. So I wouldn't have had time to stand around and talk with him.
It was worth it, at least, for the money, and because everyone was really nice to me for coming. And just being kind of nice to me, in general. Weird. Heh. Like, there's this one guy there who's always really friendly to me, and I've never been sure if it's just because he's that way, or whether he's flirting, or if he just likes me platonically. But I saw him with another woman and a kid once, so I thought maybe it is that he's just friendly. He's certainly not flirty in a way that makes me uncomfortable or anything, so I don't mind. But, I was him yesterday* (*I just realized I typed that like that, when I meant "I saw him yesterday." I swear, sometimes, I'm dyslexic. Heh. I do that all the time), and he was like "You're closing tonight, Rachael?" and I answered yes, and he said "Well, my day just got a whole lot brighter." Heh, what the Hell? I don't even work with him. And it's not like he has to stay, even if he does close (which he never does), so he has nothing to gain work-wise if I'm there. He's just the kind of guy who says nice things like that.
Then another manager walked by me, and was telling me what there was to do in men's (which is where I originally was going to be, but then they asked me to switch with another girl to be in women's, because I was more familiar with it than her, and men's is easier.), and was like "and, yeah, just do your magic." Heh, magic, huh? Well!
Then Chin Pubes (hee. I guess he's back to the goatee, so I can call him that again. And, wait, actually I'm not sure if this happenned yesterday, or Saturday. Yes, folks, my memory really is that bad. But no matter) passed by, and asked if I was working, and then was like "Oh, I'm so glad."
You like me! You really, really like me![/Sally Field voice]
Hee.
See, and I bet a million bucks that my review and stuff like that would be better, if those managers did it, rather than Peppy, who I hardly work with anyway. Hmph.
I was in a pretty decent mood yesterday, despite getting called in and not feeling great, but there were a few things which got on my nerves. I had to keep repeating myself to people, because I work with a bunch of elderly women, who are like half-deaf. And then there's Honey, whose first language is Farsi, and even though she's been here since the seventies, I almost always have to repeat stuff with her. She speaks English fine, most of the time, but she doesn't listen. And as for the old cashiers, a lot of them are nice--Hell, one of my favorite cashiers is 74, and deaf in one ear--but damn, it can get annoying, when you have to say everything ten times. And Jeannie, the one I just mentioned, jumps about a foot in the air, if I say her name even remotely suddenly. Heh. I'm like afraid I'll give her a heart attack, one of these days.
Honey kind of bugged me, another time, too. I'd been left to take care of this ultra-full fitting room all night (and that's fine, mostly, because on a busy day like that, it makes sense to split people up. Have one person take care of one side of the floor, and vice versa. But, dude, when the other fitting rooms are done, and I'm still swamped, it would be great if ONE person could fucking help me out. Especially since all the cashiers were out of the cashwraps at that point, and one could've stopped folding to help me finish. Ugh. Oh, AND I'd told Honey and another MCA that my fitting room was really bad, so I could use their help once they finished with the others. And the one other MCA had to go back upstairs, so I don't blame her, but Honey totally didn't help, after I told her that. She was all chilling with some folding tables, while I was down there, swimming in clothes.), and so I left the last couple items by the cashwrap, so I could go back to folding. Because, seriously, I'd done EVERYTHING else, and I was tired, yo. And no one had folded yet on that side of the floor. It needed to be done. Someone else could fucking do the last few shirts, especially since they were to be put back in the areas they were in, and not mine. And Honey saw them, and was like "Why just leave them here? Sigh!" Oh, so sorry that you had to help with two shirts! Out of the FIVE HUNDRED I just put out!
Especially since she gets to still use the folding tables to put things out, even though she's not supposed to, because she got a doctor's note saying her hands hurt from the job. Hey, guess what? We hurt from this job too. The managers didn't say it was okay for her to do that, either. Like, she didn't show them the note, and get their approval. She just does it anyway. It hurts my back and shit, to constantly carry loads of clothes out by hand, but I have to do it anyway. All she had to do was wheel stuff out all night, and then put a few out at a time. Much less harsh on the body. So, whatever dude, I didn't need to hear her bitching at that point. Like, no one said you had to put those things out. You could easily turn the other way, and let a cashier or a manager deal with them. Argh.
Thirdly, and lastly, I had to call the Clackamas and Lloyd Center Sears for a customer, again. Oh, how I hate calling those stores. Could their customer service on the phones suck just a little bit more? Yeah, I really don't think so. Before yesterday, the last time I called them, I got disconnected three (three!) times. And transferred to the wrong place, at the other store. Then, yesterday, I was disconnected twice, and when I finally did reach the junior's department, I'd been transferred to the fucking cashwrap. Hello, dumb shits, when someone calls you and asks for the junior's area, they need an MCA! The cashiers can't leave their cashwrap! Why are you transferring people to them?! They do that to me EVERY TIME. Ugh!
I was such a bitch to the guy at Clackamas for it, too. Hee. The third time I called back, I was all "Yeah, I'm STILL trying to reach an MCA in junior's. You've hung up on me three times, and I have a customer waiting, so if you could like transfer me to the junior's department now? That would be great." Hee. He was like "We're having problems with our phones." Oh, whatever. They have the same phones as us. Yeah, they suck, because the reception doesn't work if you go to a different floor, but they won't disconnect people all the time like that. I mean, I can believe it could happen once or twice, but every damn time? Several fucking times, at that? No. It's not the phones, it's the employees. And, furthermore, you should've said you were sorry the first couple times, before I complained. He didn't even say he was sorry, once I bitched him out. He just tried to give an excuse. I hate bad customer service, yo. I was like "Yeah, well, it happens like two or three times, everytime I call." Like, get your act together, asshole. I'd more willing to forgive and give them the benefit of the doubt, too, if they had good customer service, otherwise. But, overall, they don't. Barring a few exceptions, of course. Jerks.
Heh, okay, I feel better now. Gotta get that ranting out, you know? And, like I said before once, I'm sure there's some nice employees at those stores. I just have some curse on me, or something, so I always get the pricks who don't know how to use their phones, when I call.
Moving on, I had a really sad dream last night. I can't remember all of it, just that I was depressed in it, and crying. I think for some reason,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sonneta was there, along with the guy friend I had a crush on in High School. Oh, and we were flying. Heh. But while sitting on something. Weird. I think the reason I was sad was that my guy friend didn't like me back, and I was all "No one ever likes me back! Wah!" My subconscious was conveniently ignoring the whole gayness of him. Heh. Like, subconscious!Rachael doesn't know the difference between him liking the penis and not the vagina, and not liking specifically MY vagina. Hee. Interesting.
I bet I can figure out why I had the dream. First off, I went to bed right after feeling angsty, because I read this sad-ass fucking fanfic ("The Crouching Thing", by Sarah Ellen Parsons). You'd think I'd know better by now than to read angsty fanfics like that, which involve character death (don't worry, that's not a spoiler. You pretty much know right away that someone has died.). But nooooo. Silly Rachael.
Right, so let me remind myself now:
Rachael? If a fanfic has a major character death (specifically when involving Mulder or Scully), or is all about William, and how Mulder and Scully will never see him again, and blah blah blah, stay away! Because you know those fanfics love to KILL YOUR SOUL.
Love,
Your brain.
Okay, then. Hee.
So, right, there was that. And, see, when I researched dream interpretation (my first term project in High School ever! Aww. Heh), they said different emotions have different symbols associated with them in your mind. So, if perhaps you go to bed feeling sad, you might have a dream with a person or object in it from a memory that is associated with sadness. On top of that, I've been talking and thinking about crushes a lot lately, via my lovah, and so it's not that much of a stretch to think that my old crush being in the dream would be a symbol of both that, and the sad emotions I had before going to bed. Because I was once sad about his unavailability. And there you go! God, I'm good! Hee.
Doesn't explain why sonneta was in my dream, of course, but that was just random. Hee. Oh, wait! Yesterday was miss thang's birthday, so she was on the mind too. Ah, it's all coming together now.
I have homework I should do, tonight. I wanted to do it yesterday, but work interfered. Man, I haven't had homework to do in a year! I'm so used to sitting around. I'm like "Wait, I actually have something I need to do? I have to, like, read? Crazy." Hee. Hopefully, I should be able to fly through the stuff, since I think a lot of it will be on Islam. Because that's what he talked about in class, mostly, and he said the first fifty pages (which is what I'm reading) would cover a lot of what was said. So I'm hoping I won't really need to read all that much of it. Heh. So lazy.
But, before I do that (oh, who am I kidding? I still have some procrastinating ahead of me, before I finally relent and do it), I'll post the Picture of the Day: April 7th.
Okay, body, enough with the yawns! I get that you're tired, already. Sheesh. Wake the Hell up!
Before I jump into my rambling, though, I just heard a little tidbit of info that I thought I'd share with you all. I'm watching the local news right now, and the weather guy says if it rains this week (which it will), we'll have had forty days and nights of rain. Haha! We're like the Bible, here. Pity us.
Another thing I heard, which is less funny, was that if the cheap-ass bitches don't agree to up the taxes in Multnomah County, a shit-load of budget cuts in the schools will have to be made. Like, 600 teachers laid off, a 30% increase in class-size, all athletics being cut, and more. Uh, guys, STOP BEING CHEAP BASTARDS! We don't even have a sales tax! The money has to come from somewhere, and that somewhere is taxes! So vote for it! God, I'm glad I'm not in the public schools anymore. Although PCC is affected by the budget cuts too, but not as badly, it seems.
Right, now, back to the rambling about my health.
I wonder if the more recent drowsiness is due to the Inderal. Let's hope not, because I'll have to raise the dose, since it's not helping the migraines AT ALL. I've had bad ones every day, the last three days. But I was ending my period too, so it was to be expected. But still, if I want to see if this Inderal can help, the dose needs to go up. And yeah, I'm a little worried about whether side effects will get worse, in doing so. Not just the drowsiness, but the dizziness also. I've been nauseous a lot lately, too, although I'm not sure if it's all the Inderal causing that, or what. It didn't list nausea as a common side effect. I've sure been having it, though. But I can't remember if it started before I started the Inderal, or after. Darn it all.
I wonder if it's the blood sugar business causing the nausea. And maybe some of the drowsiness. You know, it's a pain in the ass, sometimes, trying to figure out why you feel the way you do, when things can be caused by like five thousand different problems. I mean, for God's sake, look at the symptoms of high blood sugar:
a.. Tiredness or fatigue.
b.. Increased appetite
c.. Increased thirst
d.. Frequent urination
e.. Blurred vision
f.. Dry itchy skin
g.. Slow or poor healing of wounds.
h.. Flu-like achiness
i.. Headaches
j.. Weight loss
h.. feeling sick to your stomach
i.. breathing problems
And, yeah, let's just go through those, shall we? Tiredness and fatigue? Check. Increased appetite? Lately, yeah. Don't know if it's just a coincidence, or what. Like the rest of these. But I have had that.
Next, increased thirst? Definitely. But the thing is, I've been thirsty as Hell for a long time. I thought maybe it was the Effexor. Even though I was really thirsty, compared to other people, before that. But I thought it was because I just got thirsty, at work. Maybe not. I do know it's gotten worse, over the last year. But, again, I thought maybe it was the Effexor. Who the Hell knows.
Frequent urination? What's frequent? Lately, I've felt like I was going more than usual, yeah. But I don't know what's considered frequent.
Blurred vision? Not really. So, I can cross that one off the list.
Dry, itchy skin? Um, YEAH. It's seemed like it was happenning more so on my period, though. Although I'm done with my period now, and still itchy as all fuck. And I didn't used to get so itchy, anytime (regardless of whether I was on my period), more than a year or two ago. At least, I don't remember it being such a problem. My hands would get itchy, but that was because of the psoriasis. I didn't used to have such fierce itchiness all over my body then, like I get now. I mean, hello, I itched off a mole, people. A mole! And my upper arms and shoulders have been driving me CRAZY, the last few days. They itch right now, as I'm typing this, in fact. Argh.
Slow or poor-healing of wounds. Like with the frequent urination, I'm not sure, because I don't know how slow abnormal would be. I got some kind of scratch on my hand, maybe last week? And it's still there, now. Just finally starting to look like it's diminishing. Is that slow? And, speaking of that mole I itched off, it's still a scab there. Should it be better by now? Or no?
Flu-like achiness. I've never really had achiness, when I had the flu. So I don't know. Does that mean joint pain? Because, if so, I always have joint pain. Mostly in my knees, my hands, and my wrists. And I know I don't have arthritis, because I had it checked. So, I figured it's a cartiledge problem, in the knees, and probably just carpal tunnel syndrome in the wrists and hands (makes sense, after years of violin, video games, and computers). But who knows. And my muscles get sore pretty often, but I attribute that to straining them at work.
Headaches? Oh, gee, never! Heh. Right, that would be a yes. But I've had them as long as I can remember. They started happenning more frequently, when I hit puberty, and started being everyday, around my sophomore/junior year of High School. I had a month, at like 17 or so, when they weren't everyday (this was when I took amitryptoline), but then the meds sort of just quit on me, and I went back to normal. Couldn't ever get them to work again. Other than that, I haven't gone a day without a migraine since. Which makes it an impressive, fun-filled four years and counting, of migrainey good times! Whoo! Heh. They've gotten worse, though, the last couple years. I went from being able to get away with maybe taking excedrin once a day, sometimes twice. And I'd only take three capsules at a time, for the really bad migraines. Now, two only helps if I take them as I feel the aura (I don't see lights--at least not consistently, and not before it starts--but I can feel one coming on. Hard to explain). Three has replaced two for the "normal" ones, and four is all that will do for the bad-ass ones. I'm not happy about this development.
Weight loss. Well, not now, no. I've gained weight, recently. But, before that, I was losing weight pretty consistently, for a year. I went from 112 or so to like 95, with barely even working out. I did change my eating habits, yes, but it was way easier than the time I tried to lose ten pounds, in High School. Of course the depression helped, because my appetite plummeted. But then I started purposefully eating more, trying to gain weight, so my pants would fit (remember that?). Then I didn't need to anymore, but suddenly my appetite was all high. And I gained a couple more pounds, on top of the rest. Now I'm 104. At least the last time I checked. I'm afraid to weigh myself, right now, honestly. And I'm serious, when I say that I'm hungry like ALL the time. It's way annoying. I mean, I'll take my half-hour lunch at work, eat at Crap Donalds, at like maybe six or seven in the evening. Then get off at like ten or so, and be hungry again. Sometimes even with a rumbling stomach! What the fuck?
Feeling sick to your stomach? Definitely. Am I to assume they just mean nausea, though? Or does that include diarrheah? Not to gross you guys out, sorry. Heh. But, well, yeah, both are a problem for me. But, see, once AGAIN, these symptoms could be caused by other things. Like, the nausea could be caused by the Effexor, or the Inderal. Although they don't talk about the nausea that often with Inderal, but common sense would say it's possible, since I think nausea can be caused by low blood pressure, and duh, that's what Inderal does (lower your blood pressure, I mean). But I've had problems with nausea, before the Inderal. A year ago, it was a real problem, when I started the Effexor. But soon as I switched to the extended-released kind, that got better. At least, it looks like it did. It's been so inconsistent, in general, that I can't even tell. Sigh! Stupid, sneaky body. I mean, I was so nauseous at work last night that I had to go to the bathroom, because I was afraid I was going to ralph. The feeling passed, thankfully. But who knows why I even got like that. The Effexor? The Inderal? High blood sugar? Not eating enough, yesterday? The migraine I had, all day? It could be any of those. See what I mean, with the ambiguousness? ANNOYING.
Lastly, breathing problems. Nah. I mean, I find myself taking sudden deep breaths sometimes, but that's when I'm anxious. So, I'm used to that. Those are just the times when I need to calm down, and do the whole diaphramic breathing, or whatever you call it. You know, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Picturing my happy place. Hee. Okay, except not.
You know what I just found, though? While looking that stuff up? They say acetominophen (yeah, I probably spelled that wrong, shut up) can cause blood sugar problems. They don't say whether it would cause it go up or down, though. Or how common that is. But it's certainly something I'll keep in mind, and mention to the doctor. Wouldn't that just be fabulous! If my headaches caused me even MORE problems! Whoo! Now they can also fuck with the rest of my health, via pain pills hurting me! Yay!
I hate my body, sometimes. Like, REALLY.
I suppose I should talk about my day, yesterday? Well, like I said, I didn't feel too great. I got rid of most of my migraine, but as the night went on, the nausea came and I started just feeling pretty lightheaded and gross. Just, like, not right. Almost like I needed to just sit down, or I was going to pass out. Or hurl. One or the other. All hot and shit. It happens every now and then. I don't understand it. It very well could've been a combination of the headache, lots of caffeine and pain killers, not enough good food, and all the work. Because there was a shit-load of work to do, and people everywhere, and yeah. Plus, once you feel bad, and have to keep going anyway, sometimes it almost feels like it compounds on itself and keeps growing. You know, like one thing is bothering you, and everything else starts feeling bad, because of it. And you're like "God, I just want to go home! Agh!" I only worked for four hours, but I swear, it felt like double that.
It was so busy, too. SO busy. We stayed late again, and I was still putting things out from this one fitting room (nevermind the others), an hour after closing. Ugh, so, so, so many prom dresses. And they're all taller than me. With lots of strings to tie, and such. So they take forever to hang back up, because lots of the teens just leave them on the ground. Thanks, guys. Some people hung their stuff back up, though. And I saw one girl actually putting them back out, on the floor. I wanted to hug her. Heh.
My lovah wasn't there, which bummed me out. But I guess it was for the best, considering I didn't look all that hot, felt pretty tired and crappy, and my ride got there immediately anyway. So I wouldn't have had time to stand around and talk with him.
It was worth it, at least, for the money, and because everyone was really nice to me for coming. And just being kind of nice to me, in general. Weird. Heh. Like, there's this one guy there who's always really friendly to me, and I've never been sure if it's just because he's that way, or whether he's flirting, or if he just likes me platonically. But I saw him with another woman and a kid once, so I thought maybe it is that he's just friendly. He's certainly not flirty in a way that makes me uncomfortable or anything, so I don't mind. But, I was him yesterday* (*I just realized I typed that like that, when I meant "I saw him yesterday." I swear, sometimes, I'm dyslexic. Heh. I do that all the time), and he was like "You're closing tonight, Rachael?" and I answered yes, and he said "Well, my day just got a whole lot brighter." Heh, what the Hell? I don't even work with him. And it's not like he has to stay, even if he does close (which he never does), so he has nothing to gain work-wise if I'm there. He's just the kind of guy who says nice things like that.
Then another manager walked by me, and was telling me what there was to do in men's (which is where I originally was going to be, but then they asked me to switch with another girl to be in women's, because I was more familiar with it than her, and men's is easier.), and was like "and, yeah, just do your magic." Heh, magic, huh? Well!
Then Chin Pubes (hee. I guess he's back to the goatee, so I can call him that again. And, wait, actually I'm not sure if this happenned yesterday, or Saturday. Yes, folks, my memory really is that bad. But no matter) passed by, and asked if I was working, and then was like "Oh, I'm so glad."
You like me! You really, really like me![/Sally Field voice]
Hee.
See, and I bet a million bucks that my review and stuff like that would be better, if those managers did it, rather than Peppy, who I hardly work with anyway. Hmph.
I was in a pretty decent mood yesterday, despite getting called in and not feeling great, but there were a few things which got on my nerves. I had to keep repeating myself to people, because I work with a bunch of elderly women, who are like half-deaf. And then there's Honey, whose first language is Farsi, and even though she's been here since the seventies, I almost always have to repeat stuff with her. She speaks English fine, most of the time, but she doesn't listen. And as for the old cashiers, a lot of them are nice--Hell, one of my favorite cashiers is 74, and deaf in one ear--but damn, it can get annoying, when you have to say everything ten times. And Jeannie, the one I just mentioned, jumps about a foot in the air, if I say her name even remotely suddenly. Heh. I'm like afraid I'll give her a heart attack, one of these days.
Honey kind of bugged me, another time, too. I'd been left to take care of this ultra-full fitting room all night (and that's fine, mostly, because on a busy day like that, it makes sense to split people up. Have one person take care of one side of the floor, and vice versa. But, dude, when the other fitting rooms are done, and I'm still swamped, it would be great if ONE person could fucking help me out. Especially since all the cashiers were out of the cashwraps at that point, and one could've stopped folding to help me finish. Ugh. Oh, AND I'd told Honey and another MCA that my fitting room was really bad, so I could use their help once they finished with the others. And the one other MCA had to go back upstairs, so I don't blame her, but Honey totally didn't help, after I told her that. She was all chilling with some folding tables, while I was down there, swimming in clothes.), and so I left the last couple items by the cashwrap, so I could go back to folding. Because, seriously, I'd done EVERYTHING else, and I was tired, yo. And no one had folded yet on that side of the floor. It needed to be done. Someone else could fucking do the last few shirts, especially since they were to be put back in the areas they were in, and not mine. And Honey saw them, and was like "Why just leave them here? Sigh!" Oh, so sorry that you had to help with two shirts! Out of the FIVE HUNDRED I just put out!
Especially since she gets to still use the folding tables to put things out, even though she's not supposed to, because she got a doctor's note saying her hands hurt from the job. Hey, guess what? We hurt from this job too. The managers didn't say it was okay for her to do that, either. Like, she didn't show them the note, and get their approval. She just does it anyway. It hurts my back and shit, to constantly carry loads of clothes out by hand, but I have to do it anyway. All she had to do was wheel stuff out all night, and then put a few out at a time. Much less harsh on the body. So, whatever dude, I didn't need to hear her bitching at that point. Like, no one said you had to put those things out. You could easily turn the other way, and let a cashier or a manager deal with them. Argh.
Thirdly, and lastly, I had to call the Clackamas and Lloyd Center Sears for a customer, again. Oh, how I hate calling those stores. Could their customer service on the phones suck just a little bit more? Yeah, I really don't think so. Before yesterday, the last time I called them, I got disconnected three (three!) times. And transferred to the wrong place, at the other store. Then, yesterday, I was disconnected twice, and when I finally did reach the junior's department, I'd been transferred to the fucking cashwrap. Hello, dumb shits, when someone calls you and asks for the junior's area, they need an MCA! The cashiers can't leave their cashwrap! Why are you transferring people to them?! They do that to me EVERY TIME. Ugh!
I was such a bitch to the guy at Clackamas for it, too. Hee. The third time I called back, I was all "Yeah, I'm STILL trying to reach an MCA in junior's. You've hung up on me three times, and I have a customer waiting, so if you could like transfer me to the junior's department now? That would be great." Hee. He was like "We're having problems with our phones." Oh, whatever. They have the same phones as us. Yeah, they suck, because the reception doesn't work if you go to a different floor, but they won't disconnect people all the time like that. I mean, I can believe it could happen once or twice, but every damn time? Several fucking times, at that? No. It's not the phones, it's the employees. And, furthermore, you should've said you were sorry the first couple times, before I complained. He didn't even say he was sorry, once I bitched him out. He just tried to give an excuse. I hate bad customer service, yo. I was like "Yeah, well, it happens like two or three times, everytime I call." Like, get your act together, asshole. I'd more willing to forgive and give them the benefit of the doubt, too, if they had good customer service, otherwise. But, overall, they don't. Barring a few exceptions, of course. Jerks.
Heh, okay, I feel better now. Gotta get that ranting out, you know? And, like I said before once, I'm sure there's some nice employees at those stores. I just have some curse on me, or something, so I always get the pricks who don't know how to use their phones, when I call.
Moving on, I had a really sad dream last night. I can't remember all of it, just that I was depressed in it, and crying. I think for some reason,
sonneta was there, along with the guy friend I had a crush on in High School. Oh, and we were flying. Heh. But while sitting on something. Weird. I think the reason I was sad was that my guy friend didn't like me back, and I was all "No one ever likes me back! Wah!" My subconscious was conveniently ignoring the whole gayness of him. Heh. Like, subconscious!Rachael doesn't know the difference between him liking the penis and not the vagina, and not liking specifically MY vagina. Hee. Interesting.I bet I can figure out why I had the dream. First off, I went to bed right after feeling angsty, because I read this sad-ass fucking fanfic ("The Crouching Thing", by Sarah Ellen Parsons). You'd think I'd know better by now than to read angsty fanfics like that, which involve character death (don't worry, that's not a spoiler. You pretty much know right away that someone has died.). But nooooo. Silly Rachael.
Right, so let me remind myself now:
Rachael? If a fanfic has a major character death (specifically when involving Mulder or Scully), or is all about William, and how Mulder and Scully will never see him again, and blah blah blah, stay away! Because you know those fanfics love to KILL YOUR SOUL.
Love,
Your brain.
Okay, then. Hee.
So, right, there was that. And, see, when I researched dream interpretation (my first term project in High School ever! Aww. Heh), they said different emotions have different symbols associated with them in your mind. So, if perhaps you go to bed feeling sad, you might have a dream with a person or object in it from a memory that is associated with sadness. On top of that, I've been talking and thinking about crushes a lot lately, via my lovah, and so it's not that much of a stretch to think that my old crush being in the dream would be a symbol of both that, and the sad emotions I had before going to bed. Because I was once sad about his unavailability. And there you go! God, I'm good! Hee.
Doesn't explain why sonneta was in my dream, of course, but that was just random. Hee. Oh, wait! Yesterday was miss thang's birthday, so she was on the mind too. Ah, it's all coming together now.
I have homework I should do, tonight. I wanted to do it yesterday, but work interfered. Man, I haven't had homework to do in a year! I'm so used to sitting around. I'm like "Wait, I actually have something I need to do? I have to, like, read? Crazy." Hee. Hopefully, I should be able to fly through the stuff, since I think a lot of it will be on Islam. Because that's what he talked about in class, mostly, and he said the first fifty pages (which is what I'm reading) would cover a lot of what was said. So I'm hoping I won't really need to read all that much of it. Heh. So lazy.
But, before I do that (oh, who am I kidding? I still have some procrastinating ahead of me, before I finally relent and do it), I'll post the Picture of the Day: April 7th.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-04-07 10:18 pm (UTC)I'm still having trouble with the drowsiness from the Inderal (at least, I think that's what's causing it), and while my migraines seem to have abated just a little (maybe from 4 a week to 3), I'm also going to have to increase my dosage. I haven't had any nausea with the Inderal, but I already get really severe nausea with my migraines, so it's hard to say if I'd notice.
Good luck sorting things out.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-07 10:44 pm (UTC)And thanks. Good luck to you too.