Dysfunction junction, what's that function?

[rachg82]

My head is throbbing at the moment & has been all day (turns out even Topamax can't stop the mighty powers of sudden temperature changes + period funtimes), so that's why no Bones review yet or XF Rewatch post today. Sorry, guys. I promise I'll get to them soon though.

I did want to just drop in real quick though to post about a few things before I get to bed:

1. My spam folder is bus-ayyyy this week. One email from my mom snuck through the gates and made it into my inbox today and I deleted it before looking at it, and then I noticed my spam folder receive two more emails within just a few hours (which is what's been happening all week. I just keep emptying it everytime I open it), and I finally gave into my curiosity and looked at them. Yes, I know I shouldn't have. But I just couldn't stand not knowing what at least a couple of them said. Now that I know, I'm back to ignoring them. But I just can't resist sharing a few choice excerpts here so I can record them for posterity. If I ever end up writing that memoir, quotes are totally getting included, because this shit is just gold.



Email #1:

Watch the video about how everyone that killed people and the school shootings were on anti-depressants. Then we will talk.

I do not give a shit how much the dose of that Prozac is I said get off it.

Email #2:

What is tough love? Evil, that is what it is!

(She then included a string of bible quotes to explain to me what "love" is that I'll spare you guys from reading, because the bible doesn't deserve to be associated with her crazyness, for real. Crazy people try to use religion to excuse their batshittery enough as it is)

What have you done? After a few visits to some only God knows who doctor you perceive yourself to be superior to me in wisdom and knowledge about psychiatry and psychotopic drugs and addiction! Amazing thing is, if anyone has that it is me after 31 years of dealing with them and it. Actually 33 years to be exact. I have done it not just for myself and my journey but also to investigate them for research for God.

You told me in your email you wanted respect yet you gave me none and no more than street garbage. I will give you some when you deserve it. I watched a video that said more people kill theirselves from psychotropic drugs than were killed in 9/11. They are what gave me kidney failure and made me act crazy for years. No Rachael I have earned my deserved respect and I am a survivor or doctor abuse and society abuse

(who wants to bet a million dollars that she's gone off her medication again? Because I'm in, all the way. Also, I never claimed to be an expert on psychiatry. What I did say was that I wanted her to seek treatment for her addictions--gasp!--and start taking her manic depression more seriously, i.e. no more quitting her meds suddenly or "forgetting" doses, and no more letting her addictions/abuse of prescription pills exacerbate her manic cycles, etc)

I would never have thought I would be abused by my own daughter, my baby, telling me goodbye becasue I am not worth the ground she walks on. Prozac is a violent inducting and agressive by nature drug that has ruined millions of lives and torn apart thousands of families including ours now.

There is not an ounce of proof any of them do any good whatsoever and they are not a cure and not healing at all. It is an illusion the drug pushers want society to believe. They are very tricky on picking on people who do not want to face life and cannot love themselves for whatever reason. It is okay to be who you are and who God created you to be. There is no way to cure mental illness nor treat it except through God and prayer and time and hope and wisdom and patience and understanding that you and me and everyone are who they are and that is the way it is unless they are hurting others and then we deal with them through the justice system.

The minute you started using it you changed and for the worse. Your whole family thinks so and has seen a huge negative change. Your friends are not your family and whether you like it or not we are your family and i am your mother who gave you your fucking life. Change your tv channel to family shows and disney and get off that shit. It is nice you lost weight but that does not change who you are.

Wow. Just, wow. Thanks for reminding me why I made the right decision, Mom. And also why I'm glad I have cable. Better check out the Disney channel more often! Otherwise I might go shoot up some schools!


2. I bought a card tonight at the store and am thinking of sending it to my sister with a note and a drawing for my nephew. I've already really said all there is to say to her, but I do feel like it might be worth writing down, as sometimes letters get through to people in a different way. And if anything, then my nephew will have something from me (the picture). I just want him to know he can call me, and that I'm thinking of him, if my sister & I aren't talking. I have no idea yet what I'll say in the note to my sister though. I mean, I know how I feel, I just don't know how in-depth I want to get as I feel like I already explained myself once, but she's acting like she doesn't understand, and I don't know if that's really true or if she's just in denial. So I don't know whether I just need to be brief in my note to her & address what I want her to tell Jayden for me, or whether it's worth explaining my position to her again, or what. I just don't know.

3. I thought more today about my ideas for taking a class, etc. I wrote down a few ideas, and I do think I want to look into it. Today I didn't take any action on it though, because I was all migraine-y and didn't do much more than talking on the phone with an old coworker (the one I was going to go to a movie with. She called & we ended up just talking on the phone for about an hour instead. We decided to put the movie off for another week), watching X-Files DVDs, and wishing I could get a head transplant. But hey, at least I made a list! Heh. So I'll look into the ideas I had later and we'll see which one ends up being affordable and convenient on the bus, etc. And hopefully I can make one of them work.

That's all for tonight, because I need to get to bed. No vid of the day this time, because see above, re: needing to get to bed. Heh.

Comments

[seirina.livejournal.com]

but also to investigate them for research for God

*boggles* I'm really sorry she's responding to you this way. :(

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Thanks. She always tends to get extremely God-obsessed when she's manic. I like to imagine God's up there like, "yo, give me some space. You're kinda cramping my style."

[careyleah.livejournal.com]

who wants to bet a million dollars that she's gone off her medication again?

Yeah, that kind of...seems like the most likely explanation here. I'm sorry. It can't be easy to read that regardless.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

It can't be easy to read that regardless

Yeah, it's really not. I do distance myself from it, and sometimes put up a front of bravado like "this doesn't hurt me"--even to myself--because I've been through it so many times before--but it does affect me. It's why I need to cut her out of my life. It's also why I know I need to go back to ignoring her emails, because it's kind of a codependent thing (like reacting to her drama is my "buzz", if you will) to read them, but it's really hard just ignoring your mother when she's emailing you all day. Because it's so easy to listen to that part of you that's like, "but what if her emails to you are all sad & pleading?" But it's not good for me.

Anyway, sorry to ramble at you. Heh. Point is, I was thinking about it this morning & came to the conclusion that Al-Anon is still a good idea. I'm gonna look it up later today. Thanks for being there for me. :)

[sonneta.livejournal.com]

but also to investigate them for research for God.

D: I- she - God- nnnnggh.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

I KNOW. The WTFery, it is massive.

[vash26.livejournal.com]

Email nr. 1: I can't believe you get this type of emails! It seems so absurd for someone to seriously mean it.

Hope you feel better, and your migraine dissolved *hugs*

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

It seems so absurd for someone to seriously mean it

I know. Especially someone who has taken them herself and is bipolar. But she's going through one of her "no one needs medication" phases, so what are you gonna do?

Thanks. :)

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Since you are evidently in "e-mail screening" mode, I was wondering if you got my pm with the link to the chocolate poll? Only two of you still need to fill it out, and I'd like to wrap the whole business up some time soon. Lemme know if you can't find the link or if it takes too much time, and I'll resend it.

I haven't read every single line you wrote lately (dang, lady, you can write) - but those two excerpts are... well... wow. They remind me of the e-mails an aunt of mine sometimes writes the family. So batshit gone that you're torn between laughing at the far-gone silly and crying because it's all so damned sad/annoying/aggravating. Glad you're keeping your chin up!

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Gah, I'm sorry about that. I'll try to fill it out tonight. It totally slipped my mind.

I haven't read every single line you wrote lately (dang, lady, you can write)

Heh, especially when my life gets. . .shall we say interesting? Don't feel bad, even if you can only skim the entries and leave a quick comment letting me know you're there, that's more than enough. The rest is just me getting my feelings out. I don't expect people to necessarily have time to read the whole thing, although it's of course nice if anyone does.

They remind me of the e-mails an aunt of mine sometimes writes

Just be glad they're not from your mother! Whole different ballpark, believe me. But thanks for the support, sweetie. :)

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Okay, I have now finally replied!

. . .and now really want more of that chocolate. *cries* It's not fair I don't live in Europe!

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

And don't feel bad about not living here. We don't have... whatchacallthem--Ding Dongs? And presumably other stuff too, like great second hand bookshops. And Starbucks.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

That is such a good point. How could I forget Powell's? The best book store ever? Or Ding Dongs? *hugs Oregon*

*edited to add: I can't believe you don't have Starbucks though. It amazes me there's a part of the world they haven't invaded yet. Haha. They are so ubiquitous here there's literally A STARBUCKS ACROSS THE ROAD FROM ANOTHER STARBUCKS right by my apartment. I'm not even kidding.

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Heh, I know. I've been to NY a few times, and was amazed how there's a Starbucks on every damn corner. And on the few, very few corners where there was none, there'd be a McDonald's.

There are plenty of Starbuckses (heh) in London, Berlin, Amsterdam and so on, but for some reason they haven't managed to break through in Brussels/Belgium. There's one that opened a few months ago in an airport, and that was HUGE news. But it's in the tax-free zone, so you need to be travelling to get into it. Heh. Same with Subway and Dunkin' Donut, they just fail here. Only McDonald's broke through, and I think it has to give way to the similar (French) Quick in terms of popularity.

What can I say? We're a food-loving nation, yo - just in case you hadn't deducted that from my food obsession. Only good cuisine for us.

Edited because I can't even spell McDonald's right, lol. Twice.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

It's super intense here too, because it's the Pacific Northwest: a.k.a. Caffeine Mecca. Starbucks was founded in Seattle for a reason, believe me. We not only have a Starbucks on every corner, we have a drive-thru espresso stand at pretty much every gas station, regardless of whether there's a Starbucks literally in the same shopping center/parking lot. At my work? There is Starbucks coffee in the cafeteria. Not even joking around here. Haha.

We're a food-loving nation, yo - just in case you hadn't deducted that from my food obsession. Only good cuisine for us

We are too, but instead of "food-loving", just insert "junk" in there, and you've got it in one. Oh, America. Hee.

Except, you'd probably like Portland though, because we do have good cuisine here if you know where to look. But that's because we're a bunch of left-wing bike-riding hippies.

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Oh hey, I hadn't realized you were so far up Northwest. Don't know how I missed that. I'm actually planning to visit Vancouver in a few months. I was kind of considering visiting Seattle or Portland, but I had some trouble last time I tried to enter the US, so I'm not really sure if I want to put myself through that kind of humiliation again.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

YOU SHOULD TOTALLY VISIT PORTLAND. It would be totally worth the border hassle, because then we could hang like homies & I could show you all the boring exciting Portland sites, and it'd just be good times all-around. Plus if you come during June you can ride dorky carnival rides with me because it'll be Rose Festival time. Woo!

(don't make me break out pretty Portland pictures with which to woo you. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO VISIT. Hee.)

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

P.S. But if you can't make it to Portland, still let me know if you really do plan on going to Vancouver, because I've always wanted to visit there myself and could see if I could afford to make it up there too (on Amtrak or something, I guess?). And then we could still at least meet, and I could see where BSG & XF were filmed! I'm not sure if I'd be able to do that, but I could try!

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Hee, I love how my non-European friends sometimes have this completely rural, quaint and medieval image of Europe --this one guy once told me "I'd love to stroll to the market every morning to buy breakfast, a bottle of wine and flowers and enjoy it out in the sun on the cobbled streets with a pretty European girl; but I'd just miss my American TV series"-- when it's you guys who have 'Rose Festival' types of events.

I've looked into it and asked my friend in Vancouver if it's at all doable, and he went "Sure, if you want to spend 8 hours on a train. And 8 hours back." Boo. That's not really an option, seeing how I'm gonna be there for only 3 weeks, and I'll already be spending 3 days of them just to get to Vancouver and go back home. The plan is 2 weeks Vancouver, and 1 week Montreal. Probably from the last weekend of June till somewhere mid July. Gonna try and book my flights this week, so it's pretty much definite.

If you could make it to Vancouver, though, that'd be great! I'm already planning to do lots of BSG sightseeing.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

What, are you trying to tell me you don't all live in castles & villages? Are you trying to ruin my childhood here? (kidding, kidding!)

But hey, man, the Rose Festival ain't quaint! It's got, like, lots of people & events & stuff (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portland_Rose_Festival)!

. . .okay, so it's sort of quaint (Portland ain't exactly NYC, afterall). But it's not actually about roses. We just call it that, because it's the "City of Roses". There is a floral parade though! Hee. Aw.

I'll find out how much it costs to get a passport & train ticket to Vancouver, because I'd love to meet you up there for a day or two. You said it takes like eight hours each way? That would be so much fun! (especially because then I could take a train! You know how I feel about those! Hee)

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Well, we don't, but cheer up, many of us live in quite old to reaaaaally old houses.

Tempting as a floral parade sounds, I think witnessing both the Canadian and the US National Holidays is about all I can take.

And yeah, that's what my friend said. About 4 hours to Seattle, 8 to Portland from Vancouver. Seems really slow though, for a train -- it's what? 250 miles? At 30 miles an hour you'd be able to do a LOT of staring out the window and enjoying the landscape. Okay, just visited the Amtrak site, and yes, shortest trip is 7h45 mins at $88, cheapest fare is $60 but I'm under the impression that you're doing Seattle-Vanvouver by bus then.

Trains do rock though, they're my favourite way of transport. It's been the longest time since I took an aeroplane... I've always taken the train for my last few trips. Granted, those were high speed trains though. (Seriously, 30 miles an hour?)

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

I think witnessing both the Canadian and the US National Holidays is about all I can take

Oh yeah, you'd be around for the 4th of July if you came down to Seattle. Haha. You have to at least cross the border for that, if nothing else. Washington doesn't ban fireworks, yo. You might see people lose a few thumbs!

You're probably right about the train though. My idea's a bit ridic. Hee. I should just fly as long as it's not too much money. I just love trains and so I was all "I SHOULD TAKE A TRAIN!" But then I realized you were right, and was like, "dude, that'd mean an entire extra day of commute time. Let's. . .not."

But I so want to do this! I want to see the opera house, dude!

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

No no, it's not a ridiculous idea at all, I hadn't considered flying either, because the friend had not mentioned it. I think he's trying to discourage me from going to the US. Which might have something to do with the fact that he was there to witness me not responding very diplomatically to the bullying of the US border dude last time. Heh.

I knoooow. All that's left for perfection is Bear McCreary finally caving in to doing a BSG concert in Vancouver, preferably at the exact moment when I/we are there...

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Ha, I think it's funny that you got hassled by the border peeps considering what a hard-ass time my family had getting into Canada back in the day. We barely made it into Victoria for my sister's wedding, seriously. And people always say that border's supposed to be lax! Whatever!

I also love how neither of us thought of flying until now. We're both all, "but the train ride is so long! WHATEVER WILL WE DOOOOOO?" Ha. And then someone else just sidles along, like, "uhhh. . .have either of you ever heard of a plane?!" And we're all, "I don't trust those newfangled flying contraptions, young man! Now you get out of here with your tomfoolery & your crazy ideas before I take you over my knee!"

I WOULD DIE & GO TO HEAVEN IF I COULD SEE BEAR MCCREARY LIVE. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

Pssst. If I meet you there, can we hunt down the spot where Adama buried Roslinbuilt Roslin's cabin and take dorky pictures? Wanttodothatsobaaaaaaaaad.

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, border people ARE lax. That's why one of them used my freshly returned green card as a placeholder or something and only sent it on to the central services a year later... the result being that nasty airport dude went all "YOU HAVE LIVED ILLEGALLY IN THE US FOR A YEAR" on me when I tried to go back a few years later. Which, together with a few other insults, triggered me into asking him why the hell I'd even want to live in the US. Ahem. Oh well.

Hee. Well, it's true. Planes don't fly when Icelandic volcanoes erupt and all. Not cool.

Dorky hill-side pictures? There'll be no escaping it. I will also shout "I'm Queen of the Hill" should I manage to be the first to get to the top.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Hee, I only wish I knew what you looked like so I could complete the bitchface image that puts in my mind. I can see it now:

You:. . .and another thing! YOUR CHOCOLATE ISN'T THAT GOOD EITHER!
Airport Dude: Security!

Planes don't fly when Icelandic volcanoes erupt and all. Not cool.

Ha! See, you can't trust those planes! Just because volcanoes erupt, they think they can just NOT FLY. And it's like, "look planes, we have PLACES TO GO. AND PEOPLE TO SEE. CHOP CHOP."

Dorky hill-side pictures? There'll be no escaping it

Awesome. I have to warn you though. I'm very competitive, and may trip you to get to the top first. Plus I'm closer to the ground too, so you won't see me coming. I apologize in advance.

[sumpta.livejournal.com]

Not to boast, but I've been told repeatedly that my bitchfacing is a mightily scary thing to behold. I think it's because I have a bit of a Madonna face (the Christian icon, not the popstar) which has to make it an unsettling sight.

I'm very competitive, and may trip you to get to the top first.
Oh girl, don't go there. This will only induce much internet wanking and fandom wars. Especially if we could arrange for Mary to be at the top of the mountain to give the first woman the biggest hug.

Anyway, I've just gotten my tickets! I'll be in Vancouver from June 25th till July 9th. And now I'm hoping my house won't get robbed while I'm away because I posted this info on the internetz.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

Woo! Tomorrow I will totally do some research then to find out how much it'd cost me to go up to Vancouver for a day or two during that time (if it's not too costly, I was hoping to make it something easy like fly up there on a Friday evening after work, be there all Saturday, and then come home on Sunday. No idea if that'd be doable, but I'll find out), and I'll let you know.

FYI: If this ends up happening, now we definitely need to make it a thing where we see who can make it to the top of the hill the fastest, and take pictures. Haha. *cue injuries*