I'm still feeling really sad about Tabbers; I had a good, long cry over it last night. Or I suppose I should say this morning, since I stayed up until like seven. I feel like it's my fault, if she's dead. It shouldn't have mattered that we didn't have money, we should've figured out a way to get her the medication sooner, and stuck with it. I thought she was okay, though. I was stupid. I feel so bad about it.
I'm still hoping she'll come home, but Mom's totally given up hope now, basically. It's been four days. She did this sort of thing when Mickey was here, but she never used to, otherwise. It's not normal for her. I kept worrying over her lately too, because she's old, you know? Everytime I'd see her sleeping, I'd double check to make sure I could see her belly rising and falling, and that she was breathing. I don't know, it would be hard enough having her die now of old age (like, the thought that she's never coming back is so upsetting. I don't think people who haven't grown up with the same, one pet, could understand. Knowing that pet is there, every day, as a reliable source of happiness. Having their unconditional love, the way they purr--or wag their tail, in a dog's case--when they're happy, all of it. Just seeing the Christmas tree, and thinking that I won't be seeing her lie under it this year, won't be seeing her act like a kitten and start playing with the wrapping paper and bows on Christmas Eve, it's just too much.), but it's so much worse, because I feel like I could have prevented it, if she died because of her thyroid. God, I just feel horrible about it. Mom's already talking about wanting a new cat, but I don't want a new cat. Not now, anyway. Christ, we don't even know for sure that she won't come home yet. She's all "You two (Corinne and I) are in denial. She's not coming home." and it's like, let me have my denial then, would you? Damn, wait a couple months and give me time. Back off.
( Aside from missing my cat and feeling sad about it though, I'm feeling better today than most of the rest of the week. )