The world is just illusion, always trying to change you

I'm having a hard day, guys. It's okay, but this is just a pre-emptive disclaimer of sorts. I feel a little bad about posting such heavy stuff so soon after new friends came along, like there should've been a warming-up period or something (heh), but what you see is pretty much what you get here (and that's something I like about my journal. It's honest & it doesn't beat around the bush). I know I don't have to apologize for having emotions, of course, especially since it's not like I don't also have my fun & superficial posts, but yeah. Occasionally I do get that "maybe I should hold back more" impulse. Then I tell it to frak off & write another novel-length post or two. (As one does.)

I also need to say ahead of time that I'm feeling particularly sensitive & triggered by a few things today, so I kind of need this entry to be a safe space for me. In other words, I just need to talk about some stuff on an emotional level & not worry about anyone pointing out logical errors in my thinking or anything else. I already know there's logical errors; emotions are, as we've already established, STUPID. But, as keenai says, they must be dealt with. Plus you guys know my default state is set to "overthink everything--don't miss a thing!" 24/7 anyway, so it's not like any of these emotions will somehow NOT get filtered through a rational lens of obsessive perfection on my own. That's the whole reason I need to make a point of feeling my feelings with no "but, Rachael, I think that's unfair/wrong/untrue to say" type feedback. Trust me, my brain will take care of that for you. Just let me get this all out, okay?

All right, with that all being said, I've got a few things I'll be rambling about:

-Bones (i.e. the episode last night)
-my stepdad
-my mom's wasted life
-me being a weirdo & how it sometimes makes me sad

As a heads-up, this might be triggery for others too. So it's okay to skip if needed.

P.S. Random, I know, but there's also going to be some pictures in here too. For anyone wondering what my mom looked like at nineteen, now's your chance! (heh)

( The feeling as though you never belong )

Thanks for anyone who actually read any of that. I do apologize for knowing so many words. Heh.

For my Vid of the Day, I'd like to post a song that always cheers me up when I'm feeling like a freak. It says everything I couldn't say above:

"Randomness with Rachael" (Watch on YouTube)