No matter what they say
Dec. 11th, 2010 03:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachg82I actually wrote a whole big thing tonight jam-packed with lots & lots of family-related verbosity, but I'm just gonna save it as a private entry for now & may or may not post it in the future. Don't worry, nothing new has happened; it's just some memory-stuff, but y'know, heads-up. I should just write a memoir & get it over with. It'd probably end up rivalling the Mahabharata in length, though.
For now, since I have a migraine & need something to distract me (I slept in wayyyy late today, so I'm nowhere near tired yet), I thought it would be fun to get all music-y with you guys. I love when people rec me stuff (P.S.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
5brokenfingers, I do plan on listening to those songs we talked about over the next couple days & will report back. *salutes*), so I can only assume at least a few of you might appreciate the same thing. Always fun to hear new music, right?
In this case, the playlist will be especially quirky, as it'll be comprised of the songs that either inspired or accompanied the writing of my fanfic. Good times, yes? I'll also be including the poem I quoted in the story (in case anyone didn't know it, though I doubt that's probable) + an excerpt of my writing from when I was 19 which kinda showed up as well + the random XF reference I threw in which may or may not have gone unnoticed. I LIKE TO BE RANDOM. Heh.
#1. Again, I can't imagine anyone doesn't already know this poem, but just in case, this is the one I quoted ("The Second Coming", by Yeats):
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
#2. I mentioned above that an old piece of my writing kinda popped up in the fic, which is also true. It sort of just appeared out of nowhere, and I was like, "oh, all right. Sure, you can play." Heh. The original excerpt is below & came from an essay I wrote when I was 19:
It seems that life itself works as a circle does, twisting like an endless Tilt-a-Whirl ride, turning this way and that, but always revisiting the point upon which it began. Even in death we can see the circle of our life closing in on us, and our past is there with us as we take in our last breath. I feel it now as my future mixes in with my past and can see the single things which have defined its shape today.
#3. "Where is the writer?" I wrote it & then instantly was all, "HA. MULDER. WAY TO BE IN MY BRAIN." (Post-Modern Prometheus FTW! And for those of you scratching your heads right now: I'm talking about the part where Mulder's like, "Where's the writer? I want to speak with the writer." It's right before they go see Faux Cher & get their dance on.)
P.S.
Hee. (aww)
Okay, now that those are out of the way, on with the music:
I'll start with the songs that played a direct role in the fic.
I wrote the "tick tick tick" part first, intending for it to come across like the sounds made by a watch/emphasize each breath or the contraction of a heart/etc, and after I wrote it my brain instantly went to this song & I was like, "YES. PUT BOOM. YES. YES. PERFECT." So, thanks Amanda! Ha.
I was thinking about the fic one day (at my last job, where most of this story got planned. I was very bored there, heh), and knew I wanted some kind of discussion with Brennan & her mom where she would be told she wasn't "wrong" & that she did belong, plus I also wanted a scene where she'd get all Bones-y in a funny kid-type way & was thinking of making the setting a dentist's office, and bam--right as soon as I did, this song came to mind. All I had to do was hear the lyrics "they asked me which one was different & does not belong/they taught me different is wrong." Every dentist & doctor's office in America has a children's magazine with a picture like that. It pretty much wrote itself.
This one had a very small effect, but its influence still showed up. The "it seemed fitting in its way that she was an author"? I LOVE the line in this song, "and might I say it seems so fitting in its way he was a carpenter by trade, or at least that's what I'm told." AGHIOEHAILHGOIAGH. This song fucking kills me. LOVE ITTTTTTTTT.
*edited to add: Come to think of it though, post "The Doctor in the Photo"? This song is actually VERY fitting. Gah. "In a way I'm yearning to be done with all this measuring of truth. An eye for an eye & a tooth for a tooth. And anyway I told the truth, and I'm not afraid to die." I need to go cry now, excuse me. . .
I was SO pulling a Tori Amos by throwing this reference in, haha. It was the "chicken-noodle-soup-for-the-soul (smells like teen) spirit" part, btw. Basically, she's half tame "a rest would do me good right now" and half rock & roll cheerleader (watch the video. They're there). The latter of the two coming in with both her profession (wild journalist = rock & roll) and her looks & bubbly personality = cheerleader. Also, on another level? Taken just by itself, "smells like teen" could = smells like "new" (in the same sense that "young" = "new". Feel me?). a.k.a. she's got that New Car Smell! Hahaha. And he's tired & weary & reboundin' like a mofo.
FYI: I'm totally picturing him moshing & crowd-surfing now. I think it would probably help him vent some of that latent hostility he's been carrying around all season.
"You can't always get what you want." Yet another line I wrote naturally & then was like, "hey! That comes from another thing!" DAMN MY QUOTE-HAPPY BRAIN. Heh.
This isn't the version I shared with my fic (this is), but I love this version too and thought it would be fun to give you guys another one to listen to so this wouldn't be redundant. Obviously Radiohead's is the best (it's the classic version--of course it's the best), but EVERYONE'S heard their version so that would also be redundant. The reason I shared Amanda's cover with my fic is because it was a woman's voice, which matched the tone better for me, plus the mood just really worked for me as well. But I also really, really love this choir version too. Either way, this song was a huge part of the fic for me, and the "I don't belong here" in the section with Angela was solely due to it.
At last, the song that gave me my title. This was also a huge inspiration for the fic. It's been a favorite of mine for years, I personally relate to the lyrics, and while none of them inspired direct quotes in the fic, it's obvious it influenced the style/subject matter if you pay attention. Especially the parts about "one breath at a time." That's very close to the "one second at a time" parts, though those are more so inspired by my own experiences.
Hee. That's all I have to say. Oh, Sweets. (That is btw the viddosidella made for me for my birthday this year. Good times) Also, I already shared the video for Daisy's karaoke song in my last entry, so I'll just direct to the link this time.
And now for the random shit:
These will be the songs that didn't play an overt role in the fic (i.e. show up as a quote, etc), but still influenced the mood in some way or just played in the background a lot while I wrote & will thus probably always remind me of it. Heh. Enjoy!
Bright Eyes is my emo lover and while I actually hadn't listened to this song in a while (I go through phases--right now I'm eating up their other songs. Eventually I'll make my way back to this one again), the lyrics still always stay with me as utterly brilliant, and I can't deny how well they capture the type of numbness/desperation I wanted to convey in what Brennan was going through while in foster care. When people go through a bad period in their life, others just look at it like some big block of time, like a single thing. It's not. A year is 365 days, one at a time. Sunrise, sunset. Over & over & over & over. It's somehow repetitive & tedious & yet simultaneously incredibly hard to get through. Each hour of each day, each minute, and omg I have to do it again TOMORROW? Are you KIDDING? Then you look at the rest of your life, realize that it ends in death no matter what--for all of us--and it's like "WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT?" This song captures that. For each one of us that went through a rough time like that in our youth & kept going anyway? No one else will understand what it took. They couldn't.
I listen to this song alllllll the time. Post "The Doctor in the Photo" it might become a "Go find yourself a new boyfriend for a while, Brennan!" theme song (hee), but prior to now, the "I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over" part has certainly fit with my opinion on how I'd like to see Hannah/Booth end.
I am crazy over this song right now. It's totally how I'd like to see Booth begin to feel about Hannah soon. Haha.
I have been obsessed with this song for weeks now. Also: "Cause we're here one minute--the next we're dead. So, love me or leave me, but try not to need me. . .enough said." TOTALLY BRENNAN. *grabs heart & weeps*
Yet another song that's been on constant repeat lately. Can you tell I've been into her lately? 'CAUSE I HAVE. "I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand. Even if I went with you, I'm not the girl you think I am."<--Brennan's one whole entity, yo. Imperfect, but whole. I didn't want to portray her as half a person waiting to be completed by her soul mate. That was really important to me. I knew I wanted to point things in the direction of them being together, but I hate making EVERYTHING be about that. Like, what, that's all that's important in life? How about instead, *imply* they get together in the future, but make the more important point be that she learns to love & be happy? The story is about her, her life, her friends, her EVERYTHING, including Booth? That's what I wanted. All signs in life don't point to marriage & babies. Like "get here & then you're done! If you don't, you're screwed! Once you're here--it's over!" That's not how it works. A woman is more than who she pairs up with (or doesn't pair up with, as it were).
This is absolutely my theme song for Brennan. If anyone would make a fanvid for it? I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER & EVER.
Totally Brennan's theme song re: the zygote & Booth. Haha. Aw, poor Bren. She just wants to get laid, okay?
Been listening to this one non-stop lately. "Don't give up. Don't give in." Word.
Oh, Brennan.
"Shine your light for the world to see."<--Let it shine, Brennan! Don't be scurred to feel those feelings.
This is just random as Hell, haha. But I've been listening to it non-stop lately.
aaaaaaand EVEN MORE RANDOM. You know Brennan would love this shit, though.
'Nuff said.
Yeah, boyeeeeee. Bringin' it back old school!
THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL. I CANNOT STAND IT. Also, I completely associate it with Booth/Brennan because of this wonderful vid. Guh.
Oh, man. Blamedradiscontact for this one. Hee. She introduced me to it; now I'm hooked. It's so catchy! Plus, hello, I actually am bi (not faux-bi. You know what I mean. Like Katy Perry. *rage*), so lyrics about threesomes do not trouble me. Heh.
This is ridiculous amounts of gorgeous.
Love ittttttttt.
And, finally, our final song of the night. I've actually been listening to a few songs off the Downward Spiral album lately (I know. So cliched. The depressed girl listening to NIN), but this one was at the top of the list while writing this fic. It just fits.
Whew. Now, I know no one could possibly have time to listen to all of those songs in one sitting, but I hope it gave you guys some good options for the future & that you enjoyed any you did listen to (or at the very least found my commentary interesting. Hey, you never know). Peace out, homebizzles.
*edited to add: P.S. I'm super behind on my friends-list, so don't me surprised if you guys start getting a bunch of random comments from me on old entries over the next few days, 'kay?
For now, since I have a migraine & need something to distract me (I slept in wayyyy late today, so I'm nowhere near tired yet), I thought it would be fun to get all music-y with you guys. I love when people rec me stuff (P.S.
5brokenfingers, I do plan on listening to those songs we talked about over the next couple days & will report back. *salutes*), so I can only assume at least a few of you might appreciate the same thing. Always fun to hear new music, right? In this case, the playlist will be especially quirky, as it'll be comprised of the songs that either inspired or accompanied the writing of my fanfic. Good times, yes? I'll also be including the poem I quoted in the story (in case anyone didn't know it, though I doubt that's probable) + an excerpt of my writing from when I was 19 which kinda showed up as well + the random XF reference I threw in which may or may not have gone unnoticed. I LIKE TO BE RANDOM. Heh.
#1. Again, I can't imagine anyone doesn't already know this poem, but just in case, this is the one I quoted ("The Second Coming", by Yeats):
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
#2. I mentioned above that an old piece of my writing kinda popped up in the fic, which is also true. It sort of just appeared out of nowhere, and I was like, "oh, all right. Sure, you can play." Heh. The original excerpt is below & came from an essay I wrote when I was 19:
It seems that life itself works as a circle does, twisting like an endless Tilt-a-Whirl ride, turning this way and that, but always revisiting the point upon which it began. Even in death we can see the circle of our life closing in on us, and our past is there with us as we take in our last breath. I feel it now as my future mixes in with my past and can see the single things which have defined its shape today.
#3. "Where is the writer?" I wrote it & then instantly was all, "HA. MULDER. WAY TO BE IN MY BRAIN." (Post-Modern Prometheus FTW! And for those of you scratching your heads right now: I'm talking about the part where Mulder's like, "Where's the writer? I want to speak with the writer." It's right before they go see Faux Cher & get their dance on.)
P.S.
Hee. (aww)
Okay, now that those are out of the way, on with the music:
I'll start with the songs that played a direct role in the fic.
I wrote the "tick tick tick" part first, intending for it to come across like the sounds made by a watch/emphasize each breath or the contraction of a heart/etc, and after I wrote it my brain instantly went to this song & I was like, "YES. PUT BOOM. YES. YES. PERFECT." So, thanks Amanda! Ha.
I was thinking about the fic one day (at my last job, where most of this story got planned. I was very bored there, heh), and knew I wanted some kind of discussion with Brennan & her mom where she would be told she wasn't "wrong" & that she did belong, plus I also wanted a scene where she'd get all Bones-y in a funny kid-type way & was thinking of making the setting a dentist's office, and bam--right as soon as I did, this song came to mind. All I had to do was hear the lyrics "they asked me which one was different & does not belong/they taught me different is wrong." Every dentist & doctor's office in America has a children's magazine with a picture like that. It pretty much wrote itself.
This one had a very small effect, but its influence still showed up. The "it seemed fitting in its way that she was an author"? I LOVE the line in this song, "and might I say it seems so fitting in its way he was a carpenter by trade, or at least that's what I'm told." AGHIOEHAILHGOIAGH. This song fucking kills me. LOVE ITTTTTTTTT.
*edited to add: Come to think of it though, post "The Doctor in the Photo"? This song is actually VERY fitting. Gah. "In a way I'm yearning to be done with all this measuring of truth. An eye for an eye & a tooth for a tooth. And anyway I told the truth, and I'm not afraid to die." I need to go cry now, excuse me. . .
I was SO pulling a Tori Amos by throwing this reference in, haha. It was the "chicken-noodle-soup-for-the-soul (smells like teen) spirit" part, btw. Basically, she's half tame "a rest would do me good right now" and half rock & roll cheerleader (watch the video. They're there). The latter of the two coming in with both her profession (wild journalist = rock & roll) and her looks & bubbly personality = cheerleader. Also, on another level? Taken just by itself, "smells like teen" could = smells like "new" (in the same sense that "young" = "new". Feel me?). a.k.a. she's got that New Car Smell! Hahaha. And he's tired & weary & reboundin' like a mofo.
FYI: I'm totally picturing him moshing & crowd-surfing now. I think it would probably help him vent some of that latent hostility he's been carrying around all season.
"You can't always get what you want." Yet another line I wrote naturally & then was like, "hey! That comes from another thing!" DAMN MY QUOTE-HAPPY BRAIN. Heh.
This isn't the version I shared with my fic (this is), but I love this version too and thought it would be fun to give you guys another one to listen to so this wouldn't be redundant. Obviously Radiohead's is the best (it's the classic version--of course it's the best), but EVERYONE'S heard their version so that would also be redundant. The reason I shared Amanda's cover with my fic is because it was a woman's voice, which matched the tone better for me, plus the mood just really worked for me as well. But I also really, really love this choir version too. Either way, this song was a huge part of the fic for me, and the "I don't belong here" in the section with Angela was solely due to it.
At last, the song that gave me my title. This was also a huge inspiration for the fic. It's been a favorite of mine for years, I personally relate to the lyrics, and while none of them inspired direct quotes in the fic, it's obvious it influenced the style/subject matter if you pay attention. Especially the parts about "one breath at a time." That's very close to the "one second at a time" parts, though those are more so inspired by my own experiences.
Hee. That's all I have to say. Oh, Sweets. (That is btw the vid
dosidella made for me for my birthday this year. Good times) Also, I already shared the video for Daisy's karaoke song in my last entry, so I'll just direct to the link this time.And now for the random shit:
These will be the songs that didn't play an overt role in the fic (i.e. show up as a quote, etc), but still influenced the mood in some way or just played in the background a lot while I wrote & will thus probably always remind me of it. Heh. Enjoy!
Bright Eyes is my emo lover and while I actually hadn't listened to this song in a while (I go through phases--right now I'm eating up their other songs. Eventually I'll make my way back to this one again), the lyrics still always stay with me as utterly brilliant, and I can't deny how well they capture the type of numbness/desperation I wanted to convey in what Brennan was going through while in foster care. When people go through a bad period in their life, others just look at it like some big block of time, like a single thing. It's not. A year is 365 days, one at a time. Sunrise, sunset. Over & over & over & over. It's somehow repetitive & tedious & yet simultaneously incredibly hard to get through. Each hour of each day, each minute, and omg I have to do it again TOMORROW? Are you KIDDING? Then you look at the rest of your life, realize that it ends in death no matter what--for all of us--and it's like "WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT?" This song captures that. For each one of us that went through a rough time like that in our youth & kept going anyway? No one else will understand what it took. They couldn't.
I listen to this song alllllll the time. Post "The Doctor in the Photo" it might become a "Go find yourself a new boyfriend for a while, Brennan!" theme song (hee), but prior to now, the "I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over" part has certainly fit with my opinion on how I'd like to see Hannah/Booth end.
I am crazy over this song right now. It's totally how I'd like to see Booth begin to feel about Hannah soon. Haha.
I have been obsessed with this song for weeks now. Also: "Cause we're here one minute--the next we're dead. So, love me or leave me, but try not to need me. . .enough said." TOTALLY BRENNAN. *grabs heart & weeps*
Yet another song that's been on constant repeat lately. Can you tell I've been into her lately? 'CAUSE I HAVE. "I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand. Even if I went with you, I'm not the girl you think I am."<--Brennan's one whole entity, yo. Imperfect, but whole. I didn't want to portray her as half a person waiting to be completed by her soul mate. That was really important to me. I knew I wanted to point things in the direction of them being together, but I hate making EVERYTHING be about that. Like, what, that's all that's important in life? How about instead, *imply* they get together in the future, but make the more important point be that she learns to love & be happy? The story is about her, her life, her friends, her EVERYTHING, including Booth? That's what I wanted. All signs in life don't point to marriage & babies. Like "get here & then you're done! If you don't, you're screwed! Once you're here--it's over!" That's not how it works. A woman is more than who she pairs up with (or doesn't pair up with, as it were).
This is absolutely my theme song for Brennan. If anyone would make a fanvid for it? I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER & EVER.
Totally Brennan's theme song re: the zygote & Booth. Haha. Aw, poor Bren. She just wants to get laid, okay?
Been listening to this one non-stop lately. "Don't give up. Don't give in." Word.
Oh, Brennan.
"Shine your light for the world to see."<--Let it shine, Brennan! Don't be scurred to feel those feelings.
This is just random as Hell, haha. But I've been listening to it non-stop lately.
aaaaaaand EVEN MORE RANDOM. You know Brennan would love this shit, though.
'Nuff said.
Yeah, boyeeeeee. Bringin' it back old school!
THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL. I CANNOT STAND IT. Also, I completely associate it with Booth/Brennan because of this wonderful vid. Guh.
Oh, man. Blame
dradiscontact for this one. Hee. She introduced me to it; now I'm hooked. It's so catchy! Plus, hello, I actually am bi (not faux-bi. You know what I mean. Like Katy Perry. *rage*), so lyrics about threesomes do not trouble me. Heh.This is ridiculous amounts of gorgeous.
Love ittttttttt.
And, finally, our final song of the night. I've actually been listening to a few songs off the Downward Spiral album lately (I know. So cliched. The depressed girl listening to NIN), but this one was at the top of the list while writing this fic. It just fits.
Whew. Now, I know no one could possibly have time to listen to all of those songs in one sitting, but I hope it gave you guys some good options for the future & that you enjoyed any you did listen to (or at the very least found my commentary interesting. Hey, you never know). Peace out, homebizzles.
*edited to add: P.S. I'm super behind on my friends-list, so don't me surprised if you guys start getting a bunch of random comments from me on old entries over the next few days, 'kay?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-11 12:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-11 12:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-11 01:08 pm (UTC)By the way, the Scala choir is Belgian. You can hear a bit of our Flemish accent in their English. They've been a huge success abroad ever since we got a bit sick of them here, hee.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-12 05:59 am (UTC)I noticed the accent, hee. Especially in the "what ta' hell am I doing hee-erre."
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-12 12:06 pm (UTC)Problems arise in words that are the exact same in Flemish, such as what (wat), the (de) and here (hier). We pronounce them ever so slightly differently. Some don't even hear it's supposed to sound different in English. I hear it very keenly, even in myself, sadly.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-11 06:57 pm (UTC)Hey, I made an entry about the latest episode of Bones. COMMENT so we can talk about it!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-12 06:01 am (UTC)And thanks. Hee.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-11 07:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-12 06:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-11 08:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-12 06:14 am (UTC)