rachg82: (Adama/Roslin arm in arm)
I know it was totally a fiscal no-no, but I just spent almost twenty dollars (tip included) on a GF pizza & Cherry Coke from Bellagio's. I'm not even supposed to have Coke, because of the corn syrup. But, seriously, can't I just chalk it up to an early Christmas present for myself? 'Cause this shit is really good. Like, it makes me want to do my Happy Food Dance & everything. The only other time I've broken that out in the past year was probably over the Mike & Ike candies my nephew gave me the other night. Heh. And then I invented a ~Sugar Train~ & started chugging my way around the living room, all, "Sugar-sugar-sugar-sugar, choo choo!" Because I'm secretly five years old.

Oh, hey, speaking of -- guess who has new pictures of her cute-ass niece & nephew? That'd be me )

As for how it went, hanging with them throughout the weekend, it was nice. I didn't feel pushed into watching them or anything--the first day was my idea, and the second day was Jayden's--and my sister washed my comforter for me (which is difficult to fit into the washers here at my apartments) & paid for dinner on Saturday (in turn, I made the kids lunch & smoothies the next day), so overall there was a reciprocal balance.

And while I'm sure there's some unwritten rule out there about schadenfreude-laced anecdotes & people who've just had a heart attack, I can't help but pass this one along (courtesy of my nephew): apparently my mom came to watch Isabella do gymnastics a while back, and right in the middle of it pulled a giant wooden spoon *out of her purse* and began using it to scratch her back--like I'm saying she'd specifically put it there for ~back-scratching purposes on the go~--then proceeded to pull her shirt up, right there in public, & ask Jayden if he could itch it for her too. Bear in mind, while telling me this story he had to keep catching his breath between giggles, and was all WTF-wide-eyed, like, "I THINK PEOPLE WERE WATCHING. IT WAS REALLY WEIRD! SHE HAD IT IN HER PURSE!" Haha. Story of my childhood, kid. Meanwhile my sister was laughing so hard over this that she was crying, and I wasn't far behind. It's just so HER.

Moving on, I've decided to split my responses to that meme I started into multiple entries, since I'm going ahead with the "three vids per fandom" dealio as well, and I don't want to overload people. We'll do two shows per entry--three episodes & three vids for each--and good times will be had by all. Woo woo.

First up, Bones & Battlestar Galactica )
rachg82: (serenity booth)
Things that happened today:

1. My sister and I spoke )

2. I spent four hours on a round-trip bus ride to nowhere, a.k.a. Hillsboro. A+, self, for catching the wrong bus AND failing to write down the actual ADDRESS or NAME of the place you were going.

Seriously, if I'd been on time, I would've just looked for a church near that cross-street & figured it out (it was an ACA meeting)--I had directions, just not the damned address/name of the building--but getting on the wrong bus in the first place put me back by like twenty minutes, and I am not at all familiar with that part of town or super comfortable with wandering through it in the dark, clueless. So by that point it was already a lost cause, and I was like, "Fuck it. Let's turn around." SO RIDICULOUS. Ugh.

I'm committed to making it to a Saturday meeting if possible, though (it'll take place downtown, where I'm used to going). I really want to make ACA a priority again, even if I can only swing one meeting a week or one every other week. Just as long as it's at least semi-frequent & consistent. My goal for the next meeting is to share at least once & to stop & say hello to people after, rather than just walking out immediately when it ends.

3. I got out of work at 1:30, but still got paid for the full eight hours (tomorrow & Friday won't be paid, but hey, small favors). Oh, and: my manager gave the okay for me to change my schedule on Thursdays to 7 am - 3:30 pm, allowing me to continue seeing my counselor on a weekly basis. He said it may have to change if it becomes an issue (i.e. an inconvenience to others), but I think it'll probably be fine. At least for now. BIG RELIEF. Like, I was just shy of a panic attack while waiting for his response.

4. This should be included in "things that happened yesterday", but hush: I made gluten-free, egg-free chocolate chip cookies. And my beater broke half-way through, so I had to mix it all by hand, which was a ~big production~, what with the pouting & wrist-flapping & soreness & all (in other words: first world problems). So good, though.

5. I got an early Xmas present from Jen, including season 2 of Community, season 6 of Bones, and a tiny stuffed Yoshi. YOSHI IS OBVIOUSLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. Hee. But seriously, yay-ness. I have the bestest best friend ever.

For my Vid of the Day, have some random outtakes:

rachg82: (buffy/faith heart)
I hate when I fall behind here. Can't I just get paid to sit & write LJ entries all day? I mean, I'm just saying -- two birds with one stone & all. Plus, I'd totally be willing.

Every time I go a few days between updates, I end up all, "TOO MANY THINGS!", and as a result struggle to write anything. So, to make it easier on myself today, I'm just going to wrap up some memes & leave RL-related matters for next time. At which point there'll surely be even more things (the beginning of this week was rough, admittedly. I'm pretty exhausted right now, both emotionally & physically. P.S. this job involves WAY more moving of the body than I anticipated. My muscles, they are le sore), but nevermind that. At least I'm posting.

First up, a meme from [livejournal.com profile] lytab5:

Comment to this post with "Five Me" and I will list five things I associate with you. They might make sense or they might be totally random. Then post that list, with your commentary, to your LJ (or just add a reply back to me). Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.

Here are the five things I was given )

And, finally, let's finish that 30 song challenge, shall we?

Days 27 - 30 )


Oct. 27th, 2011 01:16 am
rachg82: (psych on my shoulder)
-I had my interview with the first temp agency today, and I may already have a job. It's not for sure yet, but I should know more tomorrow. The lady I spoke with only found out about the position this morning, so she's going over to the site tomorrow to talk to them. It sounds promising though. It is full time, which carries with it both pros & cons for me at this point, but it's temp-to-hire and a back-office position (document control/electronic filing). I don't know what the pay would be yet, what the dress code is, or even where it's located, but again -- I should know more tomorrow.

-As for what money I'll even use to *get* there on the bus between now & when I get my first paycheck? Don't know that yet either. Nor do I know what to do about my phone bill or power bill, but I'll try to come up with something once I know for sure that the job is a go. I think my apartment manager will probably be more willing to work with me on rent for November, too, if I can tell her I'm employed again. We'll see.

-I want to make sure I can continue treatment/getting medication as I begin working, but that falls into another category of things I don't know yet. I'm probably thinking too far ahead right now, honestly. I need to slow down.

-I used my heat for the first time this season tonight. Ice cold up in here, yo. And by "ice cold" I of course mean fifty degrees. So…not icy at all, then. Heh.

-My back & stomach are still a bit wonky, but feeling marginally better. ETA: Scratch that, ugh. The pain is back. Whyyy.

-I had a pretty emotional dream last night, wherein I reunited with Jayden at my grandma's house, and he ran up to me & hugged me for like EVER, and then as the dream changed he was lying on the ground for some reason, unable to breathe. And I tried giving him CPR, but it didn't work, and he died right there in front of me, with me bawling over his body & telling him he meant "everything" to me and was "the light of my life" and on & on. It was just overall really upsetting. In one of those funky dream ways though, it's probably something I needed to get out, I'm sure. But the feelings it gave me are still lingering. So, y'know, disturbing.

-On a brighter note, I FINISHED MY FIC. If you look out your window right now, you'll probably even catch some pigs flying by.

All I need to do now is read through it one final time, make sure nothing's horribly off, and then I can post the sucker. Whaaat. (P.S. C'MON, SON. Haha.)

Until then, I'll leave y'all with a cracky, season-appropriate Vid of the Day, since I already caught up on the song challenge meme for now. This one's by pavlowsdog. Enjoy:

rachg82: (roslin bitchface)
Ugh, worst part about being on my period? Even worse, perhaps, than the uptick in depression, irritability, and anxiety? The increase in my freaking "Good morning! Not! Muahaha" migraines, that's what. I HATE HORMONES.

Anyway, I'm tired of lying down with an icepack, so I'm in one of those "Y'know what, pain? I can't even hear you. La la la"-moods, trying to distract & detach. Ergo, spam for you lot. Enjoy.

First, another meme (P.S. I plan to answer your questions from yesterday's meme soon, promise):

Lyric Meme

Give me a character or a ship and I will give you a lyric (or a few) that reminds me of them.

And now for rambling:

1. Let me get this straight, this guy gets the death penalty amidst all the controversy (eyewitness testimony? Really, people? Do I need to point out the studies indicating how effing unreliable that shit is?), while these cruel bastards get 4-15 yrs? It's certainly not news to me, but it just sucks to be reminded how frakked the justice system in this country really is, not to mention the safety net for mentally ill/homeless people. My schizophrenic uncle's just lucky to have been in halfway homes & on proper medication for so much of his life, including the medication he takes now to deal with all the side effects from the shock therapy he received back in the day.

I like the comment too from the person who was all, "His dad ~let~ him be homeless and now wants to sue the police?" Yes, because A. his son's life ceased to matter after becoming homeless, apparently, and B. it's super easy to control a mentally ill adult, force them to live where you want, force them to stay on the right medication--or even have good access to it--and get them the help they need after most of the old hospitals got shut down & shelters/ERs across the nation became understaffed & overloaded (I still remember talking to ER nurses & listening to them vent about the system while my mom slept there on a gurney for days, waiting for a single bed to open up in the psych ward). I'd like to invite that guy to actually be related to a seriously unstable individual for a decade or two & then get back to me on that. God. Someday I will learn to stop reading Yahoo comments, but apparently that's still a work in progress.

2. I have several ignorant cooking questions to ask. Fortunately, I have you all to answer them (lookin' at you, especially, Jas) )

3. I haven't talked about Parenthood yet, so I should probably rectify that: cut for spoilers )

4. I watched "When We Were Kings" this week. It had a lot of clips I'd already seen (my dad had a vid of the entire Rumble in the Jungle match when I was younger, which included various bits of news footage from those years. I watched it with him once), but there was stuff I'd never seen too, and it was very entertaining overall. I'd listen to Ali talk all day. We're gonna get it on because we don't get along! Haha. Love him.

5. Facebook continues to be the devil. What's worse than obligatory friendships with people who really aren't your friends anymore? Seeing them talk to each other like BFFs & not include you. It's my fault though. For one, this is why I hide them (then occasionally look on their wall anyway, like some kind of masochist. It's like the Yahoo comments thing), and for two, it's not really obligatory to keep them as "friends" at all. It's just hard to defriend. You know people make such a big deal out of it, will probably tell the others, "Oh, you know, Rachael actually defriended me this week" (cue: "What's with her?" bla bla bla gossip), despite the fact that for all intents & purposes they haven't BEEN my friends for a good year now. It's just so annoying.

6. The guy I talked to at unemployment yesterday said his records showed that I called on the 13th, so the form's deadline shouldn't be an issue. Of course he also kept being like, "They'll honor the date of the postmark, don't worry" and was obviously not paying attention to my question. But I broke it down for him AGAIN, and was like, "The form is going to be postmarked LATE. L-a-t-e, late. But it also said I could call, which I did. And you show that, correct? Which means I'm okay?" And he said yes. So…I guess it's okay. I didn't really trust him though. We'll see. Either way, it still leaves the problem open-ended because I don't know if they'll reopen my claim, but I at least don't want it to be denied because of a postmark date of all things.

BTW, I wasn't really that rude to him, heh. But I'm feeling venty today, so just go with it.

7. I have a phone appointment with the SNAP people this Friday to determine my eligibility for food assistance & state health care. Fingers crossed, folks.

8. My first appointment with Luke Dorf is Monday. The intake lady told me that the crisis team already gave me a preliminary diagnosis of major depression, which didn't surprise me (I've been diagnosed with it before + Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Social Anxiety Disorder). It sounds like I'll be getting a full assessment next week though. The one I got with the psychiatrist wasn't one of those "let's diagnose you" deals, more so a medication check up with a short series of questions. The person I'll be seeing is only listed as a QMHP, though, I think, so I don't know what level of experience to expect or how relevant it'll be to my situation. But I hope it works out.

9. As for a RL update on how I'm doing, the last few days have been somewhat hard, emotionally. Not just for the financial stuff, but thoughts & dreams of family, friends, loneliness, etc. But it is helpful to know I'll be talking to someone soon. I did take a walk yesterday as well, for the first time in a while, which was nice. Sometimes it makes me sad now to be in nature, because I used to spend so much time outdoors with my nephew (we'd go for what we called "expeditions" and what-not, make it into a whole big thing, wandering in the forest, looking for bugs & animals, stuff like that), but it's still soothing to me, and brings my spirits up when I pass by toddlers driving their parents crazy with non-stop questions & the like. Heh. "Why is the dog sniffing that?" "Because that's what dogs like to do." "Why do they like to do that? Moo-oom? Why? Why do they like to sniff? Why--" "Because they just do." "Where'd the sky go? Where's the river?" "We can't see it because of the trees. It'll be back." "When?" Seriously, non-stop, this little girl was. I had to fight myself not to laugh.

10. For my Vid of the Day, here's some more purty music:

rachg82: (rizzoli/isles girls with guns)
OMG, you guys, I don't even know what to do with Rizzoli & Isles anymore. When did it become such a joyous, fantabulous thing? And why must it be on hiatus now until NOVEMBER 28TH? UNJUST, I SAY. I demand hot nekkid first-time sex shenanigans R/I fic recs immediately. And I'm really gonna need the library to hup to when it comes to getting me season 1. Like, for real-real, not for play-play. STOP HOGGING ALL THE GAY, UNIVERSE.

…Um, anywayyy. Heh. Don't mind my flail. It's just gonna get worse from here, I'm afraid, since I'm about to ramble about tonight's summer finale. cut for spoilers, a few run-on sentences, my thoughts, fave quotes, and probably a significant amount of capslock )

-I don't think I've rambled that much about an episode for a while. Ha. (I told you I was experiencing all the feelings)

-Speaking of feelings, I rewatched "Resurrection Ship Part 2" today. It's still amazing. On just so many levels. It basically encompasses everything I love about BSG. And, heads-up, BBC America will be airing it this Saturday, PLUS "Epiphanies." WATCH.

-My resurgance of video game love continues. I played (and beat) Donkey Kong Country today. My thumb is, once again, still numb. Haha. I'll probably carry on with the second & third DK games later.

-My apartments replaced my fridge & kitchen light today. Not exciting, I know, but boring RL info has its place here too, right?

-I had quinoa for breakfast today. Substituted coconut water & added brown sugar, honey, vanilla extract, & a bit of jam. It was--shocking, I know--almost too sweet. Heh. But quinoa generally has like zero flavor on its own, imo. Next time I want to try the quinoa porridge recipe I found online, which uses almond milk & cinnamon. What wouldn't be good with almond milk & cinnamon? I ask of you.

-I should find out at some point today whether my unemployment claim for last week will be reopened/accepted. Please send all your good mojo this way, because I really need it to work out. I'm trying not to think yet of what I'll do if it's denied, because I'm just hoping I don't have to go there. If it does come down to that? I'll have to deal with it then. But I don't want to freak out unnecessarily in the meantime.

ETA: I just checked the website & they said my payment wasn't processed because of a "problem" & that "instructions" would be mailed to me. I'm trying to not freak out right now, but only being partially successful with that. I'm going to call them in the morning, and I just pray I can work it out over the phone. I can't afford to wait around for a letter & fight with the government about this, and I mean "can't afford" literally. I won't have enough money for food, let alone bills, medicine, or rent. I'll have one week's pay on Friday and THAT'S IT. That job never even technically told me I was fired, either, which I think is extremely weird. I'm almost tempted to email or call & be like, "Um, AM I FIRED?" I should be, but shouldn't they have SAID so? Definitively?

-I decided against doing that lj anniversary meme I mentioned before. The questions are too boring. Not that I think anyone was waiting with bated breath for me to post it, but still. Heh.

-Parenthood has its premiere tonight (or "tomorrow", considering I haven't gone to bed yet. Details, details). I'm v. much looking forward to it.

Aaand that's all for now. For my Vid of the Day, here's something I came across recently which completely cracked me up (a looong time being my sister's nanny + being significantly older than my little brother…yeah. I get it):

rachg82: (community my brain is crying)
1. What a way to spend my last day before starting a new job -- getting my ass thoroughly kicked by an all-day migraine. I guess that's my body's way of showing me who's boss? (And here I thought it was Tony Danza.)

It's not surprising, what with the heat + being at the tail-end of my period, but it's still disconcerting. I had to just acknowledge to myself this afternoon that I'm not fully in control, y'know? I can't just *will* my body to be healthy & functional all the time, even if I try my damnedest to help it along. As much as it would suck, there's a chance I could lose another job due to this, and that'd just be how it goes. I'd simply have to deal with it. Hopefully that DOESN'T happen, but bottom line is that it could. And it's very stressful. As it is, all my plans today were totally thrown off. Nothing got accomplished. No laundry, no walk to the store, nothing. And it's okay, because I can work around that (I mean, I can find something decent to wear tomorrow, I have enough to eat for breakfast & lunch, etc), but I'm still in kind of a lousy mood as a result. I think I'm a bit nervous about tomorrow as well, which doesn't help. Not massively so or anything, at least not in comparison to the panic-attackstravaganzas that I used to go through with new jobs/anything people-related, but enough to be noteworthy. I really want a new start, and, just for once, to have that new start go smoothly.

2. I mentioned yesterday that my niece's birthday is coming up (on the 30th), and I feel like it's probably something I should talk about, and need to talk about, but it's hard. I'll admit that I had a good cry over it yesterday. Beyond that, trying to put my emotions regarding family right now into words (especially, re: my niece & nephew) is like trying to pour an ocean into a tiny paper cup. There's just too much there. Though I suppose saying that is in its own way at least articulating something. But I think you guys know what I mean.

3. I worked on my fic a lot yesterday, and a tiny bit today (when I wasn't bed-bound from pain), but only managed to add the equivalent of a drabble, basically. I'm still gonna pat myself on the back for that, though. Every little bit counts, and I am starting to like (read: accept) what the whole thing is turning into, finally.

4. I finished season 4 of Friday Night Lights this morning. As always, I have thoughts: cut for spoilers )

5. I checked two more docs off the list this week -- "Paris is Burning" and "Bus 174." Both can be watched on YouTube (here and here). Paris is Burning is one of those films that makes you grateful someone turned on the camera when they did, because it captured such an important (yet often overlooked) part of recent American history, especially if you're lgbtq. I'm really glad I didn't miss it.

As for Bus 174, it's one that'll stay with you. Just so sad. But it does a great job of not only telling the story of what happened that day, but also the hijacker's life leading up to that point.

For my Vid of the Day, I've got to swipe a rec from [livejournal.com profile] trust_your_hart. This one (by TheDreamhunter72) is just brill, especially the ending.

rachg82: (bsg i salute you)
Ugh, I have been fighting the same non-stop migraine for days now. So over it! I will say, despite the side effects of the topamax, and the fact that it didn't get rid of my daily headaches, it did help lower the frequency/severity of the Super Douchey ones I usually get right around my period. Sucks. I wish there was something similar to it that I could take, MINUS the side-effects. I already took Excedrin AND an Imitrex today, and it still hurts. WTF, brain, get it together. Jeez.

I'm a bit…IDK, meh, too. Okay, but sort of sad, tense, aware that it's a holiday I usually would've spent with my sister & her kids prior to last year, aware that my nephew's birthday is this Thursday, aware that if my uncle were still alive I might've gone over there today, wanting to go to another meeting tonight but unable to unless I take a cab home (holiday bus schedules), and yeah. Stuff like that. Plus I ran out of my anti-depressant on Friday & didn't take the time to pick up a refill on Saturday, so that's probably adding a bit of wonkyness. The pharmacy is closed today though (as it was yesterday), so there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to wait.

I'll probably go lie back down for a while--hopefully that'll help the headache. I've got my TV turned to HLN though, and I'm paranoid to turn away from it because I want to see the live coverage of the verdict if it comes in today (for the Casey Anthony trial). Heh. So obsessed at this point, seriously. I'm still disappointed I missed so much of the closing arguments.

While I'm being whiny though, one more thing: my neighbor's dog? WILL NOT STOP BARKING. Like, for days now. OMG, rage.

Okay, that's all. If I start feeling better, I might update again later, but we'll see.

For my VotD, enjoy some appropriately patriotic singing:

ETA: Okay, my day just got 10x better. There's a Firefly marathon on cable for the next 7+ hours. THANK YOU, TV GODS.

Voice Post

Jun. 28th, 2011 07:33 am
rachg82: (Default)

For those of you who'd like to check out the documentary I mentioned, here you go:

ETA: I thought I'd found it on YouTube as well, but it's only the first couple minutes (with an option to rent the full movie--I didn't even know you could rent things on YT). Still, if you'd like that link anyway, here it is.

rachg82: (dewitt oh no you didn't)
1. Is anyone else but me watching the trial for the Casey Anthony case? I'm pretty hooked at this point, I have to admit. I haven't been watching it the whole time, but I did see the live courtroom coverage today & yesterday, and I caught up on clips from what I had missed online this morning. The prosecution's cross examination of the forensic entomologist today? Dayum. I wouldn't be surprised if he walked out of there limping.

P.S. For those who haven't heard already, Kathy Reichs (yes, that Kathy Reichs) will be an expert witness for the defense, though I don't know when she'll be testifying. At this time, I believe the defendant is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt--not just because of the circumstantial evidence, but because of the forensics--but I'm really looking forward to seeing what she has to say.

2. I got into a musey mojo zone the other night & had a good, long session of fic-writing (up to 1,970 words<--still not much, I know, but at least there's progression), thanks at least in part to a great playlist of songs by Tom Pyrdol. It helped me fall asleep later on my couch, too, after tossing & turning in bed for an hour. Let's hear it for relaxing/evocative tunes!

3. I emailed my resume to that HR chick a week ago & haven't heard back yet. I'm tempted to just walk over in person (maybe she wasn't the right person to contact? I got her name from my friend, not online or anything). We'll see.

4. I'm having kind of a lazy, irritable day. One of those days where you don't want to do anything, look in your fridge/freezer because you're hungry & go "BUT I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS. UGH!", and are just generally being a whiny baby. I'm probably PMSing, but it might have to do with certain things stressing me out in the background too. There's my nephew's birthday in a couple weeks, for one. There's the "I AM SICK OF BEING UNEMPLOYED, BUT DON'T REALLY WANT TO WORK AGAIN EITHER BECAUSE--CHAAAAANGE," for two. There's me acting like I don't care about my weight when I totally do. There's me being frustrated at myself for procrastinating so many things. And, finally, there's the emotional fallout that comes with reading the ACA book. Some of it is *extremely* insightful & fitting--in revelatory fashion, which is affecting in its own right--but then there's also things that drive me up a wall. I am NOT spiritual enough to want to hear about my ~Higher Power~ every minute, nor do I want to live an "ACA way of life" (what does that even mean? If you're talking about The Promises, fine, but SPELL IT OUT), or be told not to take *any* prescriptions (I'm sorry, but I don't agree that taking an anti-depressant is "self-medicating" for a "so-called mental disorder." UGH), or be told I have to attend meetings regularly (again: what does that mean?) & avoid "intellectualizing" in order to get anything from the program. I understand the benefit of feeling your feelings, and same goes for trying to attend meetings consistently, but the language is just so annoying. Especially when you add the spiritual stuff.

That being said, it's definitely worth reading for the things they say regarding family dynamics in a dysfunctional home--it's all pretty dead on, and even helps you see things you didn't previously (though like I said, it is emotionally affecting, so I find that I sometimes need breaks)--so I can put up with the bits that make me roll my eyes. I wish those parts didn't exist though, because it makes me feel more removed from the process than I'd like. It leaves me feeling oddly stressed; I have to separate what I agree with from what I don't agree with, and yeah. It's just difficult.

5. For my Vid of the Day, how about bringing back the "three songs I'm listening to today"-dealio? Not with the s-theme in this case, but just a few picks from the playlist I mentioned above. enjoy teh pretty )
rachg82: (Baltar/Six sky)
It's been a couple days since I updated, so I feel like I should, but I'm having one of those issues where I can't think of what to write & everything I CAN think of sounds boring. So I end up just sitting & staring at the computer screen all "BLAH" like a human question mark. "Entry! Why won't you write yourself? Be a team player!" I hate that.

Anyway, I'll just ramble for a minute & we can all pretend it's interesting.

-I had a really bad migraine the night before last, and as a result I've slept more than I've been awake the last two days. I still don't feel quite "over it" yet--my limbs feel heavy, my stomach is frakked, it's hard to read things, when I went to the store yesterday I had difficulty talking (words came out wrong/stilted), etc. Immediately afterward, I felt simultaneously exhausted & yet extremely relaxed/almost good (migraine euphoria, in other words), but then (and now) I just came back to feeling out of it & vaguely depressed yet not. I'm used to all of it, but it's strange, especially because I don't always experience the postdrome phase so severely. It really depends on how bad the migraine itself is, usually (in this case, it was pretty bad). It's good to know there's a reason for all of it though. I find it comforting when I can understand what's going on with my body. It's kind of interesting, almost. The brain is an odd thing.

-During the few hours I was awake yesterday, I watched a couple episodes of some ghost show on cable (I always end up watching the most random crap when sick, I swear). It was your usual fare of sillyness--every ghost in the world apparently wears white dresses circa the Victorian era--but I heard a quote from one of the women that I liked: "God's delay doesn't necessarily mean God's denial." She said her dead father appeared to her & said that, which--whatever, who knows--but I don't think it matters whether it's true or even whether you believe in God. It's still a nice concept.

-Speaking of things I've heard lately that I liked, here's a few more:

"You make your choices and you live with them, and in the end you are those choices."-BSG

"Sometimes we have to leave people behind so that we can go on--so that we can continue to fight."-BSG

"Success is not a goal. It's a byproduct."-Friday Night Lights

"A friend once said, and I found to be true, that everyday people--they lie to God too--so what makes you think that they won't lie to you?"-Lauryn Hill

The last one is a line from a song, and I've of course heard it before, but it had been a while. I've been talking with [livejournal.com profile] jasminelily about some of the things my mom said to me in those emails, and the likelihood that she was lying about what my nephew said, so that lyric resonated with me.

-Parks & Rec this week was freaking hilarious. "I'm gonna make out with him. On his face." HA. Also: everyone drunk. BEST EVER.

-Community doesn't know how to be anything but awesome, I don't think. ABED WAS HAN SOLO, Y'ALL. HE MADE OUT WITH ANNIE & THEN WAS JUST LIKE, "COOL", AND WALKED OFF. Hahaha.

-I continue to enjoy Friday Night Lights. If I had Netflix, I'd stream it from the beginning, but I prefer living in the 20th century so I don't. Okay, so that's a joke, but it's not far off from the truth. Heh. I do want to rent the first season though. I suspect I will over the summer. There's a few other shows I plan to check out, too, most likely. Probably Farscape, Castle, and maybe Dr. Who. Maybe. I've seen a couple episodes & really didn't get sucked in, but I know a lot of people who are into it, so I'm open.

-Lastly, I'm still slowly but surely working on my fic, though this one has been giving me a hard time. I talked about it with [livejournal.com profile] keenai the other day though, which I'll include here, 'cause that's how I roll )

For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna get my convert-powerz on. It's come to my attention that some of you are still not watching Community. This simply won't do. Hence, I shall provide clips to help make it right. You're welcome.

rachg82: (abed is my homeboy)
It'd be great if my period would at least attempt to start at the same time every month. Now I know why I've been feeling extra emotional for the last day or two, though. I went to the bathroom and was like, "Ohhhh. Okay." It's pretty much a rule at this point that whatever amount of depression/anxiety/unhappiness-in-general I'm feeling normally will be turned up exponentially once period hormones kick in. It's like I have to just build a bunker & wait it out. Like a tornado.

Anyway. I'm mentally burnt out right now, so I'm just gonna give myself a break from talking about srs bsns in this entry & waste some more time on that photo meme.

Here's what [livejournal.com profile] sumpta asked for: "I'd like to see your books, where you keep them or how you keep them. (One bookcase, or spread through the appartment, whatever bookish thing you can think of.)"

I also have requests from [livejournal.com profile] gina227 & [livejournal.com profile] nomnivore, but I'll do theirs in a separate entry later.

I'm gonna be a major over-achiever with this, too, because while looking at my bookshelf I found a few photo albums I'd completely forgot even existed, and so I figured I'd share a few memorable pics from those with you all now as well.

(Oh, and holy criznap, I just found even more forgotten stuff. Photobucket was getting on my last nerve, so I decided to try flickr instead, right? And of course it ended up being an even bigger pain in my ass--sooo back to Photobucket I go--but there were pics from 3-5 years ago on there that I hadn't seen in FOREVER. Thus, visiting the site paid off. Totally sharing some of those too. Get comfy.)

Pictures, pictures--get your pictures here )

And that's it! I'll try to get to the other photo meme questions soon.

For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna go with a song. I first heard it yesterday, and I found it comforting:

rachg82: (tigh/ellen this calls for a drink)
Yep, you read that right--1,000 posts. THEM'S A WHOLE LOTTA WORDS, CHICAS.

(Psst: note the Rocky theme song as my current music selection. Heh. *runs heroically up flight of stairs*)

Obviously, I couldn't let this ~momentous event~ pass by without some kind of tribute. I mean, seriously, if you stretched my entries out one per year, you'd have a millennium of Rachified Rambling. WHAT THE.

Thankfully, I have my Year in Review posts & lots o' tags for lots o' subjects, so taking y'all on a journey down Memory Lane is as simple as pie. (Though, can I just say, pie? Is not simple. WTF, cooking cliches. It should be updated to "simple as ordering a pizza." THAT'S simple. Plus, pizza can also technically be called a pie. HA, relevant.)

Anyway. I thought about how to organize this, and I decided that I wanted it to be something celebratory & fun; the sort of thing I could look back at later for cheering up when needed (similar to my Year in Review posts, but focusing solely on positive things). So, I gathered together a mess of smile-inducing pictures & quotes & other random nonsense from the last 8.5 years and smooshed it all together into one cray cray sentimental entry. It's exactly the type of time-suck project I needed last night, and I hope the rest of you will enjoy it too.

P.S. This misty water-colored event is dedicated to all of you on my flist, most especially: [livejournal.com profile] dosidella, [livejournal.com profile] keenai, [livejournal.com profile] sonneta, [livejournal.com profile] nomnivore, [livejournal.com profile] jasminelily, [livejournal.com profile] auroura76, [livejournal.com profile] maryng, and all the rest of the original Meta/TWoP crowd. Y'all have been with me from the *start*, and I KNOW you're a huge part of why I'm still here. And I do mean that literally. I am so grateful for all of you.

Aiiight, but enough of all that, and let's get down to it.

Like the corners of my mind: 1,000 side effects of verbosity. Damn, this bitch can write )

I don't even want to know how long this will look, considering all the pictures. Heh. *covers eyes & hits "post"*

For my Vid of the Day, let's keep with the theme:

rachg82: (Sarcastic Mulder)

Dear world,

You will notice that this video does not say, "You can also use apostrophes to make a word plural!" Why not, you may ask? BECAUSE IT'S WRONG. There are many girl's with toys in the house. WRONG. That girl's toy is in the house. Yes. Yes, it is.

Unless you're talking about an exception like an abbreviation with two or more interior periods, or a single lowercase letter (simply because a's is less confusing than as, which can wrongly read to the eye as the word "as", though in my opinion this can be solved by capitalizing single letters. Case in point: "I earned two Bs this semester." Perfectly acceptable.), don't do it.

P.S. It's DVDs and 1990s, not DVD's & 1990's. STOP IT.


Misused apostrophes make me raaaage, rage against the dying of the light. That is all.

(Also, that cartoon is so cute. Heh. I like the bat. Jayden and I used to have a thing for them. We'd turn off the lights in his room, get out a flashlight, and do shadow puppets of bats on the wall, making bat sounds.)

P.P.S. On a non-related note: I just called the temp agency about my W2 form, and wow, the lady who works at the front desk there is still such an insufferable wench. "Uhh, we sent those out at the end of January." I know. I just told you I misplaced it & need you to look me up in your records so I can pick up a replacement copy in person. Everyone knows W2 forms are sent by the end of January. Can I pick up a copy or are you too busy filing your nails? "If you know for sure you worked last year…" What? No, I don't know for sure; I got hit over the head REALLY HARD & can't remember all of last year at all. WTF are you on? YES, I KNOW FOR SURE. She even asked me twice. BITCH, CHECK YO'SELF.<--bringing us back to the point, note that the apostrophe there denotes the omission of letters. Yay for continuity!
rachg82: (Adama/Roslin arm in arm)
Such an evil subject heading, ha. Between it & the VotD I plan on posting? Gah. TEARS. I can hardly even look at my icon, heh. ADAMA & ROSLIN ARE TAKING OVER MY BRAIN AGAIN. Big-time.

Anyhoo. I feel like wasting some time; who's with me?

Meme that everyone & their grandma is doing )

…I can't believe how long that took.

Before I go, a few more things:

-My BSG rewatch is up to "Epiphanies." Tyrol is awesome; Boomer breaks my heart; Baltar is hilarious, & his connection to Head Six is fascinating (I could ramble forever about her. I might in my next entry); Tigh is awesomesauce (MARTIAL LAW, Y'ALL. THE SLOW-MO EXIT); Bear McCreary needs to bear my children; Starbuck is a bad-ass, and Helo is the best BFF evah; Leemo is cute; Adama is a carebear, & I want to effing squish him; Laura-"That's *Madam President*, Gaius"-Roslin is a motherfrakking HBIC, and her relationship with Adama makes me like this: ealihgoiahopihaoggh.

P.S. PEGASUS. I've already talked in-depth about why I love this arc so much.<--flaily review o' pensive worship.

-I have three songs/vid ideas to share:

For Adama/Roslin: Day Too Soon, Sia.

For Booth/Brennan: Sway (The Perishers) or Three Wishes (The Pierces).

I have more on the way, but I'll save them for later.

Lastly, here's the evil Vid of the Day I mentioned above (by Sczep84). Must. hold. back. weepy fangirl tears. I can't help it! Her story is so deeply touching & human. I love all of it.

rachg82: (Roslin Kara laugh)
For once, I actually have nothing but positive things to write about. Let's take advantage of this & jot them down:

-I called the unemployment office. I qualify for extended benefits. My weekly amount will *not* go down--I misunderstood the letter--and I am safe for the next 20 weeks. If I still don't have a job by the end of July, I can call back & potentially qualify for the next tier of extended benefits, which also should be the same amount & simply last a shorter amount of time. Hopefully I won't need to do that though. That's still four months away.

I can't even explain how relieved I was when I found out. The call was WAY simple & the lady I spoke with was really nice. The hold time wasn't even nearly as long this time. I just feel really lucky right now, like I can take a deep breath & clear my head.

-I finally, FINALLY put away my fake Christmas Tree. I also cleaned up the pastels & paper that had been sitting on my living room floor--basically unmoved--since I used them with Isabella last year. Doing so meant me looking at these pictures (tw warning), which was the first time I'd seen them (off the computer) in a long time as they had been intentionally flipped over/covered. I feel like it means something (not hugely, in some grand cheesy way, but just a little), putting those pieces away in the closet with all my other old art. Putting it *away*, y'know? It's symbolic. I like things like that.

-Remember how my hair was thinning/falling out last year? I took a shower today--another positive thing; I can't remember when I took one last; I even straightened it afterward with the flat-iron--and the spots where I used to be able to lift layers of hair & see big, random patches of my scalp have almost entirely filled back in. Just goes to show--my doctor was right. She told me hair loss like that can happen anywhere between 3-6 months after an extremely stressful and/or traumatic life event, and in my case she was right on the dot, timing-wise. I'm sure the anemia didn't help either, but still. It's amazing how much stress can affect the body, especially in cases like that, when it doesn't happen until later.

It'll be nice to be able to start complaining about my hair being too thick again. Heh.

-My Bones-friends are rapidly being converted to the wondahs of BSG. First, we've got [livejournal.com profile] bloodwrites, who also gave me joyface by talking about Dollhouse in her last entry (P.S. if you're reading this, bb, I'm sorry I haven't replied yet to answer your request for BSG vids/fics. Hee. I love that I'm the one people think of for that stuff though. I'll try to hook you up soon!), and then we've also got [livejournal.com profile] gina227, who cracked me up with her last entry, flailing about the s1 finale (y'all know how I feel about that Opera House scene! eialhaoilghoighg). I LOVE WATCHING MY FRIENDS GET INTO MY SHOWS. IT'S MY MOST FAVORITE, FAVORITEST THING EVER.

-I went outside today while it was actually still light, got food, and though I don't know yet if I'll eat a second meal before the night is over or not--I still feel good about that. Going outside before dark has become a ~thing~ for me lately. You have to face more people & they can see you more easily and…yeah. It's more difficult. I even smiled & said hello to a neighbor. CRAZY.

-It feels like spring all of a sudden. I already mentioned the Cherry Blossom trees in my last entry, but seriously: it was almost warm enough to take off my jacket out there. I have my blinds slightly open right now (just slightly--ew, bright lighting & people staring in. Heh. NOT A FAN), along with the sliding glass door so my place can actually air out a bit.

It carries positive associations for me, because I was SO determined last spring--right after everything started to really hit the fan--to move on & survive, change my life, and be happy. On one hand, I'm nowhere near "over" things yet, and I still have a long way to go, but I do feel like it has to count for something that I've MADE IT through all of this, that I didn't just bare-knuckle it but I actually *felt* a lot of it--not all, but at least STARTED to--and I'm still here. It doesn't mean the depression is gone (one day of a few positive things/vaguely good mood doesn't equal "I'm all better!"--I've learned that before the hard way), nor does it mean things like Mother's Day or my nephew's birthday etc won't potentially cause problems for me in the upcoming months, but hey, again, it has to count for something that I'm still here. Right? And I've had at least one day again that felt partially good. That's something to appreciate, particularly after many, many days that were not even remotely good. Certainly not under the surface (and of course often blatantly as well). I mean, I can still feel the depression & pain & stress & bla bla bla under the surface now too, but the "good" on top of it feels more authentic/substantial. I don't know if that even makes sense, but there you go.

Of course the ACA in me is fighting feelings of nervousness because of this, like, "THE OTHER SHOE COULD DROP AT ANY MINUTE! YOU ARE GOING TO JINX EVERYTHING IF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE HAVING A DECENT DAY." Oh, issues.

Anyway, that's all for now. For my Vid of the Day, I'm gonna recycle one of my faves from sczep84 in honor of the one-year anniversary for Adama & Roslin sweeping The Shipper Showdown like a couple of frakkin' champs. Let us not forget I even switched my vote from Mulder & Scully. THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE THESE TWO. Also, that's how good [livejournal.com profile] sumpta's campaigning was. Heh. Seriously. That girl was on a mission. Much respect.

rachg82: (Head Baltar)
1. I had a dream last night wherein I was both watching & simultaneously present within what *apparently* was supposed to be an episode of Glee (WTF), and all the characters--none of whom of course looked anything like the people on the show--got together to sing Feelings by Floetry to apologize to a girl in their group for hurting her wittle teenaged feelings or some crap. One even broke out with the spoken word poetry, much to my horror, while they all stood there in a cheesy semi-circle, wearing headbands & looking earnest. And in the dream I was all, "NO NO NO! GLEE CANNOT SING FLOETRY! NOT THIS DAY!" Haha. I was so annoyed.

2. Hey, did you guys know it's Thursday? Wanna know something else? IT'S BONES DAY. I cannot WAIT for tonight's episode, oh my God. It looks so good.

3. Sometime either today, tomorrow, or in the next few days, I have to give in & call the unemployment people about requesting an extension for my benefits. I don't want to do it. I have to do it. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.

4. I'm really into capslock this week. Don't know if you guys have noticed.[/sarcastic] Heh.

5. I had a terrible migraine last night, so I'm already feeling nervous about the "going off Topiramate" thing (i.e. the preventative-migraine meds). I'm down to one pill per day now (I was taking three--I've been tapering off the dose). Then again, it was at the end of my period, and I'd woken up from a long nap + hadn't eaten enough, and yeah. I don't know. I don't really have good choices here. All I can say to myself is that, when I get a job again, I'll find a new doctor & reassess my options. Like I said before, I can always go back on it in the future (if that seems to be the right decision), but in the meantime, I was becoming concerned that the side effects were worsening my eating issues/depression/energy levels. Plus, it's that much more money to spend every month, and the refills will soon be out--hence what started the whole thing.

I guess we'll just see. It's not even that, oh, I can't deal with being in pain, y'know? Clearly, I can. But it's a lot easier when you're unemployed. The problem is that I can't stay unemployed forever and, when you have a job, *that's* when getting the really severe migraines become an Issue<--intentionally capitalized.

But at least over the last year I did make efforts to reduce the stress in my life--if you think about it. That's one of the things my doctor told me to do, when it came to helping the migraines in the long-term. Stepping away from my family IS part of that. If I can get a job, begin sleeping & eating consistently again (i.e. regular/predictable times & amounts), start exercising again, those things will probably also help. And, again, this is something that can be reassessed later. I don't need to ~figure it all out~ right now & obsess, even though that's what my mind always wants to do.

6. On a positive note, I created tags for my Year/Decade in Review posts (I enjoy being organized), and while I was at it I took some time reading excerpts of entries from this month over the years, i.e. March in '02 & March in '03 and so on. It's an interesting way to get perspective on yourself, especially when you're in one of those "I've accomplished nothing & have no chance of getting anywhere!" shame-spirals (truth is, I *have* progressed. I'm better at understanding/acknowledging what it is I'm feeling now; I'm better at standing up for what I need; I'm better at trying new things--like writing fanfic, for instance; it's something I didn't think I'd ever have the nerve to do--etc. I'd say I'm more in touch with myself in general, which is certainly an accomplishment. It's just hard to see sometimes, understandably).

Anyway, I was thinking it'd make for a good meme in case anyone else wanted to swipe it for their lj: take whatever today's date is--in this case, 3/17--and choose an excerpt(s) from an entry posted on that day (or another day that's close, if there's nothing applicable) for each year that you've had your journal. Post the quotes together all in one entry & ~voila~. Instant self-reflection. Here, I'll even go first (possible trigger warning for some of it, as a heads-up) )

7. Speaking of shame-spirals & feeling like a failure, I got to talking with Jen about that yesterday along with the random GLUTEN-hatefest the whole world seems to be in on lately )

8. My BSG rewatch continues. Yesterday, I watched "You Can't Go Home Again," "Litmus," "Six Degrees of Separation," & "Flesh and Bone." Two things: One--"Six Degrees of Separation" cracks me up every single time (No more Mr. Nice Gaius!), and two--"Flesh and Bone" is awesome. AWESOME. "To know the face of God is to know madness." And everything he says to Kara about her childhood? Ahh, so good. The whole thing. Wanna roll around in it.

9. This entry's already pretty long, but I'm sitting on good music & feel like sharing some of it. 3 songs I'm listening to today )

10. And, finally, for my Vid of the Day, here's what I kept thinking of all throughout my rewatch of "You Can't Go Home Again." I still wish Gary the Cylon were a real show, haha. "Get ready to do your stand-up routine in Hell."

rachg82: (bsg i salute you)

Ahem. Sorry about that.

What I meant to say was: remember back in 2009/2010, when I did my BSG recaps for The Oath & Blood on the Scales, & I decided that the arc kicked so much ass it should basically be referred to as an "ass-kicking convention"?

(Let me repeat. ASS. KICKING. CONVENTION. Take a moment to picture that in your mind. Ninjas in nametags, folks. They ain't there to make nice.)

Right, well, tonight's Southland? Was clearly given an invite & made sure to RSVP.

cut for spoilers & flailing )

In other TV-related news, Parenthood was also fantabulous tonight. Not that anyone should be surprised by this either, but hey. Let's talk about it. Thanks for making me cry, show (in a good way) )

For my Vid of the Day, we're gonna rock some BSG up in this ish. This one is by freelancerxo02 (P.S. I wanted to do a two-for-one special & include this in-yo'-face-with-the-darknesssss vid as well, but the embedding was disabled. Frak it all) & focuses on the ass-kicking convention eps I mentioned above. It is AWESOME. Like, crazy awesome. Probably the best vid about these eps I've seen yet. My only complaint is that it doesn't include Roslin's "I AM COMING FOR ALL OF YOU" tirade. Come on. Every bomb, every bullet. *Eyeteeth* That's not the type of thing to leave out.

rachg82: (Brennan I love music)
Oh, sweet baby Jesus. This is exactly what I needed to make waking up halfway through the night (figures--now that there's nothing to do) worth it.

Musical meltdown o' ecstasy in t-minus 10, 9, 8, 7… )
rachg82: (dollhouse sierra shadow)
Life is kind of kicking my ass right now. Cut for venting )

I will add too that I have an idea brewing for another fanfic, which should help. It's actually something I've been kicking around for months, but I think I'd like to actually do something with it now. We shall see. If I do though, I want to wait until at least after Thursday to start it. I've got to decide how to weave in the present Booth/Brennan relationship & what-not. I think I'd like it to largely be about Bones' adolescence this time (i.e. the foster system, specifically, & possibly some of her college experience, though I'm not sure yet). That will probably be the main focus. It hasn't been explored on the show nearly enough for my liking, & even my first fic only skimmed the surface of that time period. I'd really, really like to delve, and then find a way to bring that past to the present in a way that would make Brennan & the others confront/remember it exists again while also bringing new things to light, much in the way that the first couple seasons did. Oh yeah, and I want to fit in that cracky costume party. (Always with the crack) So, yes. I'll let the ideas simmer more, and then we'll see where it goes. I need to make sure I start looking for work & clean & all that, but if writing gets me to sleep less & feel more human again? I'm for it.

I'll focus on another of my favorite movies for my Vid of the Day today. This one's by borefuckingdom (I'd think if you were "fucking", you probably shouldn't be bored. Just sayin') & is about Requiem For a Dream. I know this is one of those super disturbing/depressing ones, but I love it. Because of Kim, because of my mom, and because it's just brilliantly acted & directed. Fantabulous. It hits hard because it *should* hit hard. I like movies & TV shows that aren't afraid to bring it.

August 2017

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