rachg82: (adelle topher silly)
I went to an ACA meeting yesterday (which I'll probably talk about in my next entry) & also took advantage of the weather to go for a walk & take some pictures in Forest Park. Since that's one of the things I was asked to share for that lj photo meme a while back, I'll go ahead & do that now. )

Anyway, that's all for now. I'm gonna go be lazy on my couch for a few hours.

For my Vid of the Day, enjoy some random druggy shenanigans:

rachg82: (sleepy dewitt)
This weekend has been not at all productive; however, in my defense, my stomach is acting like a jerkface. The thing is: when you're not used to eating very much? You can't suddenly change things around by gobbling up a bunch of fatty crap. BBQ chicken pizza & cinnamon sticks are great & all, but only when they actually *stay in your body* for a normal length of time. Ugh.

TMI, I know. Sorry. Point is: I spent most of the day sleeping (I took an anti-nausea med & those knock me OUT) & pretty much nothing was accomplished. Hopefully I can at least do some laundry & go to the grocery store tomorrow to buy some healthier food options. I think I'll wait on clothes-shopping until Monday.

On a weird note, twice this morning while I was half-awake I thought I heard knocking (well, more like slamming) on my front door, along with my mom's voice yelling & the door knob being jostled. Each time I fully woke up enough to look at the clock (first time was 8:30 a.m. & the second time was around eleven a.m.), but due to me having been only partially awake/still groggy, I couldn't tell later if it had actually happened. Sometimes I have dreams where I'm in bed "waking up", you see (but they're normally followed by typical dreamy stuff). It didn't feel like I was still dreaming though, and I clearly remember thinking to myself that I was going to just ignore her & go back to sleep (which I did). The reason I think it must've been a dream though is that there aren't any emails in my spam folder. I can't imagine she would've dragged her crazy ass over here without writing me some uber nutty nonsense either before or after. Even so, it freaked me out. Once I have the money, I'd really like to move & change my number. I'd still stay in the Portland area, but at least then it would be somewhere my mom/stepdad/sister don't know of. I just want to move on, y'know? Clean break.

In other news: the BSG rewatch continues. I'm done with the first four eps of season 3 (New Capricaaaaa[/flailing]). So good. So, SO good. The "refugees return" scene in particular still kills me (the saluting, the cheering, poor Tigh & Kara all alone--I can't even deal). That whole arc though is just brilliant, period. One of these days I'd like to write up all the reasons why I love it--much as I did with Pegasus--but for now it'll have to wait. I'll just say, it's a prime example for why smart people are drawn to the show. It's not just what happens there, or how it's filmed (wonderfully, btw--the lighting, gah), or how on-point the acting is; it's also about the political issues that are addressed. The occupation, the insurgents, the suicide bombings, the detention center, the refugees dealing with their anger/trauma later, ALL OF IT. It's so layered & not at all black & white. Bad guys do good things & good guys do bad things. I JUST LOVE IT, God.

And if you think I'm messing around, this is all I have to say:

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. My show got invited to the U.N. Did yours? (P.S. They also won a Peabody + Time Magazine named it the best show of the year in 2005 + bla bla etc…)

Anyway, heh. You get the idea. IT'S GOOD. WATCH IT.

Lastly, remember the ongoing commitment/resolution I've been setting for myself when it comes to living? (obviously it's not just about that--it's also about calling a hotline or going to the hospital if I feel incapable of keeping it) Well, the last one was until the end of March. I'm still getting occasional thoughts--I don't think I need to specify. You guys know what I mean--but they're not as frequent/intense. Obviously I would prefer to not have them at all, but it's still progress. That being said, I'm aware that the next few months feel tenuous--not just because starting a new job is potentially stressful for me (change), but because of Mother's Day in May & my nephew's birthday in July. I got through both events last year, though, which is reassuring. Still, I remember how bad my depression got around that time, so my resolution for now is just until the end of May. That feels manageable. At that point, I can extend it to the end of July. Two months at a time, you know? It makes it less difficult, at least for now. I hope I'm in a confident enough place mentally by the end of July, however, to simply say, "I'm here 'til the end of the year, no matter what" like I did last year. Obviously, I did end up calling a hotline in September, so it's not like the commitment somehow means I'm promising I'll *want* to live until that date, but in my opinion my resolution there is largely what got me to pick up the phone in the first place. So, yeah. It's important.

That's it for now. I'm going to either work on my fic or try to go back to bed. For my Vid of the Day, I have a happy tribute to the women of Firefly, made by yfish42. Despite the fact that I forgot to add it to my 2010 Soundtrack, this song was absolutely one of my themes regarding my family last year. I wouldn't have thought to pair it up with this show on my own, but it works nicely.

rachg82: (fanfic turns me on)
All I've been able to eat for days, folks: peanut butter & honey sandwiches. Oh, and the occasional nutra grain bar. That too.

I know I'm not the healthiest person in the world when it comes to this sort of thing, but for frak's sake. Come on. Enough with the douchery, stomach. I'm trying to put food in you. I know you're not used to it anymore, but what's up with the bloated bowling ball of acidy burning-action? That shit ain't right. I feel like I need a pin to pop the air out. That, or someone to go in there & disarm the knife-wielding ninjas. One or the other.

Who knew there was so much room in one's GI tract for acrobatics & sword swallowing? Not to mention nuclear experiments.

(The ninjas made friends. Isn't that nice?)

It is getting better though. I know it's just a result of my period ending + acute stress (everything with my friends & family recently/the SI. It all equals life change & subsequent meltdown in my brain) + not treating my body right in the first place. My skin is all itchy & rashy as well. These things take their toll; I know the drill--though it still somehow manages to always surprise me when it happens ("You mean the nervous system actually affects the body? WHO KNEW?" *rolls eyes*). It'll pass, regardless.

In the meantime, I'm distracting myself with a new endeavor. Blame Thank [livejournal.com profile] fourth_rose, as she's the one who gave me the encouragement. I was talking with her online yesterday about last week's episode of Bones, and the fandom's curiously small selection of PWP fic (we x-philes put you all to shame back in the day, for serious. It was a non-stop smutfest), and voila, now I'm writing a story about Booth spankin' the monkey.


Y'know, because what else would I be doing on a Monday? Looking for work? Jigga, please.

I'm still working on my Brennan fic, don't fret. This is just a detour. It's a fun diversion though, especially because it's good practice for writing something shorter than Anna Karenina-ish in length. (Aw, hyperbole. I heart you.)

There are people outside mowing grass & hammering things, however, and I don't think they have their priorities in order. BOOTH WANTS TO FANTASIZE ABOUT BRENNAN, OKAY? STFU SO I CAN FOCUS.<--this is why I usually write at night.

Also: JESUS FUCK, MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS ARE LOUD. I think they're dropping tanks on my ceiling. It goes beautifully with the honking car & garbage truck that just joined in with the cacophony.

Remind me again why I bother getting up during daylight hours? I need a soundproof panic room for moments like this. I can stock it with a computer, a TV, a sofa, maybe a book or two, some music, and curl up in a cocoon-like blanket of PEACE & STILLNESS & DIMLY LIT VALHALLA-FILLED WONDER.[/secret hermit gang-sign]

Anyway. (ngl, I just put headphones on because the noise was agitating me so bad, haha. My dream one of these days is to just peek my head out the door at the world & yell, "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THINGS? BE QUIET!" Totally rational.)

The story itself isn't that cracky so far though, to be honest. I'm still going to call it PWP though, simply because of the basis for the story. The whole point is Booth rubbin' one out. Ha. Pretty words or not, it's still a porny excuse for a plot.

If the monster truck rally outside decides to move their show elsewhere, I think I should be able to finish the story & post it tonight. Then I'll get back to my longer fic. And look for work & go to the store & attend an ACA meeting & do important things, bla bla bla. Eventually. At least I'm out of bed for more than a few hours at a time. That's something.

For now, I'll entertain you all with the following:

Three songs I'm listening to today )

For my Vid of the Day, I'd like to share this lovely tribute to River (by Mq112358) that I found the other day while wasting time on YouTube. As I've said before, she's the newest addition to my list of Fave Female Characters, and I just wish the show had gone on longer so I could see more of her. This vid uses a song that I adore as well, so it gets extra points for that.

rachg82: (dollhouse dreams)
I'm so bored I feel like I need a survey to fill out or something. Why isn't there more fanfic for Bones being written? I suppose I could write some, but meh. I'm tired. (DAMN ENNUI.)

I just feel like sleeping. And then sleeping some more. And after that? Perhaps a nap.

In my defense, my sinuses & right ear hurt. I'm not sure if it's allergies (I have hay fever & my body basically hates me year-round) or an actual cold, or what, but still. Can that be my excuse?

Of course my jaw also hurts. I REALLY need to remember to wear my bite guard at night. TMJ, stupid! You grind your teeth! Stop acting like you don't know this!

Okay, I'm done complaining now. Promise.

To (temporarily) cure my boredom, let's be narcissistic and talk about ourselves, shall we? I love personality tests, and [livejournal.com profile] softly_me talked about this first, so she started it. We can blame her.

Now, before we begin, join in on the fun & see which type you are.

Since I apparently like to be complicated, I remember getting INFJ a couple times when I was younger (like, teenager/early twenties-younger); however, since I've gotten older I always get INTJ every time I take it, no matter when & no matter where. At least the I-N-J are all consistent. Heh. To be real though, it's not actually surprising to me. For one, INTJ describes me *really* well, in a lot of ways (I laughed while reading most of it. Heh. SO accurate). And where it lacks, INFJ pops in--describing the parts of my heart that ARE there (that my trusted friends see), the things I do care about, the way I choose specific people to confide in, and the fact that I naturally am drawn towards writing, etc. I think, in the end, I'm a funky-ass hybrid mix of the two.

In other words: God help me & those I associate with. Haha.

Except I totally agree with & am proud of the fact that it said my relationships are characterized by consistency, communication, directness, and my ability to "work at" them. That is absolutely true. I may not have a million people in my life, but those I do keep? I take very seriously.

Anyhoo, moving on: I have another song-that-needs-to-be-a-fanvid for you guys. Of course none of these will probably ever be made into vids, but PISH POSH. No matter. Consider it like a really slow-going WIP fanmix. Ha. Aaand to make things even more interesting this time, I'm not even gonna tell you which pairing it's for/whose pov it's meant to be from. I wanna see who can guess correctly. Get to it!.

Lastly, it looks like my subconscious isn't done torturing me yet. I hope you all don't mind me talking about it here. If you do, just skip it. My brain doesn't think Europeans can drive )

I think I'm gonna spend a few hours now watching TV, but what to watch? I'm feeling a strange & utter random urge to watch Sex & the City. I think it's *just* light & fluffy enough to fit the bill. I need something cracky right now.

For my Vid of the Day though, I'm gonna go with something totally different. Remember when I used to talk about Dollhouse on here all the time? Let's bring it back for a moment. THEY MADE THEIR OWN FANVID FOR IT, Y'ALL. How have I never seen this before?!

rachg82: (sleepy dewitt)
I'm experiencing a great deal of ennui. January is very underwhelming thus far, despite my efforts at hyping it up. You know I try. I am looking forward to new television (Parenthood & Southland both return tonight, people!), that's still true, but I'm not doing a terribly good job so far at pulling the whole "we're gonna make it after all!"-Mary Tyler Moore routine, hat up in the air, taking 2011 by storm. I'm back to eating once a day, though at least now I'm sometimes snacking in between (hey, progress. Give me a little credit. Like, right now? Two slices of cheese. ~Tada~), don't remember the last time I showered (that's bad, right?), am barely looking for work, and yeah. In the Bell Jar still, not gonna lie.

But I'm trying, and I suppose some would tell me to be less hard on myself for not accomplishing more at a faster pace, considering where I'm coming from (emotionally). Of course the depression isn't going to go away overnight. Of course behavior doesn't change overnight. New Years Eve is symbolic. Resolutions aren't magic, not when you're dealing with some serious obstacles.

Still, all I want to do is lie around in my pajamas all day, sit in front of my computer, & sleep. Walk up to the store? Um, why would I do that? IT'S COLD. Instead, I can sit here & plan a 1994 song soundtrack for my livejournal ([livejournal.com profile] dradiscontact doubts the pwnage of that year. She needs to be educated). Or think about how #1 Crush would make a perfect multi-fandom vid for Mulder/Scully, Booth/Brennan, & Adama/Roslin (IT SO WOULD). Or how Sober would make a really kick-ass Kara vid. Or how someone with balls should make an atheist vid for Brennan (I can make several suggestions for this: Terrible Lie, Dear God--especially Dear God--or Heresy<--would traumatize Booth). Or how I want to write a Booth/Hannah fic, solely to break them up. Haha. But not meanly! Just because. I have IDEAS, okay? But I also have ennui, and it is killing my mojo. Like I said before, I also had other fic ideas & none of those have been put into motion yet either.

No, instead I'm just sitting here. 'Cause, like, here's my ideas on one side, right? *sets them down* And here's my interest & motivation on the other, wayyyyyy far away. *sets them down too* See what I mean? They're there, but I. . .have. . .to. . .stretch. And I'm le tired.

*collapses in weary heap*

. . .yeah.

This is me every time I so much as walk outside to get food: "Do I go to Taco Del Mar or Taco Bell? One is like one block away & the other is, like, five blocks away. My face is cold."

I still haven't taken a walk yet this year (I mean a jaunty woodland walk, not a "tacos ahoy!" walk). I used to walk for hours every couple days. GET WITH THE PROGRAM, SELF. Ugh. Fucking lazy.

Anyway. What was even the point of this entry? To beat myself up? I have no idea. I guess just to admit to the fact that I've become a sloth? Or that I still am one, which you guys already knew? (Which, by the way: Oh my God, watch this. "Don't call us slow! Don't call us slooooow!" Hahahaha) Whatever. I think the first step in fixing this is simply getting up earlier in the day. At least today I got out of bed at 12:30, which if you'll believe it, is actually better than I've been doing. I know the dream of the '90s is alive in Portlandia and all, but seriously. I need to wake up in the morning. If I do, maybe I can actually motivate myself to DO things. Like, in addition to entertaining y'all, which--don't worry--will always be a priority. But I need to live a life too. Find work, eat, go outside when it's light sometimes, stuff like that.

Little by little, we'll get there. Right? Right. *tosses hat in the air*

Vid of the Day today is by Rhyess and is a great, quiet little character study of River. The song fits perfectly, which as you all know is muy importante to me, and that plus the editing lends it a great air of confusion; misfiring signals & overstimulation; a woman caged & yet full of power; inside her carrying a smart & once happy little girl who got robbed & lost along the way.<--all how I'd describe her character. Beautiful.

rachg82: (Brennan special snowflake)
I'm so excited. Not only does Southland finally, FINALLY return this week on TNT (alieahoihoiheaigh), but Parenthood does as well. Jump onboard, folks. You won't be sorry. (For realio--we're talkin' a mini Bones/Zack, here. I want to cuddle him forever & ever. Not to mention Lauren Graham. What more do you need? Aaaand if that doesn't work for you, Southland has Regina King. With a shotgun. Bam.)

P.S. for those who want to catch up? ON DEMAND. Check it.

It's also possible I may be giving The Closer a chance, simply because Mary McDonnell's character & Kyra clearly need to make sweet, sweet sapphic love down by the fire. Bow chica chica *oonst oonst*. . .


In other news: I've been considering my next fanfic and it may or may not involve alcohol & a cracky costume party (take my idea & I'll pull a Stabby McKnifey on ya[/impotent & endearingly non-threatening affect]). We shall see. I was chatting all evening with [livejournal.com profile] keenai on New Years Eve, and told her I'd been planning for Brennan to dress up like either Margaret Mead or some tribal type and she was like "SNOOKIE!" and I died laughing. NO PROMISES though.

I'd also like to do something where she & Cam become besties. I have many ideas. Too many, frankly. CUT IT OUT, BRAIN.

I think I'm going to take a long jaunty woodland walk tomorrow so they can all simmer.

In other, other fannish news: remember the 51 Things Picspam I did last year, comparing what X-Files, Bones, Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse, & Battlestar Galactica all had in common? And how I kept adding to the tag as time went on? Right, well, time to add to it again )

While I'm jumping headfirst into my newfound River love too, I had to share a few more reasons for those of you who haven't watched Firefly yet to give it a chance. Summer Glau + space = win. Simple equation. )

In non-fannish news: My sister emailed me to say thank you for the gift I sent my nephew & niece, but managed to still be all mindfucky about it (not a surprise). Doesn't know why I deleted her off facebook. Really, Corinne? Really? After everything? After the tantrum, the abusive insults, the betrayal of trust? Ugh. And of course no mention of having the kids call me/etc, despite the fact that my gift invited them to contact me directly. Nope, of course it's about her wanting to talk to me & that's it, and how it's a "shame" I won't do that. Sorry, that's not happening right now. Go away. Talking to you equals a predictable cycle of drama & fuckery & I'm just so, so over it. Not to mention how over your games I am and how you keep your kids away from me when I don't let you have your way. Go screw yourself.

Ahhh, that felt good.

Needless to say, I didn't bother responding. I'm just in no mood to engage her right now. She needs to get a grip if she's going to ever re-enter my life. I thought when I began talking to her again in August that we could try having a relationship even though she was still wrapped up in my family's drama & hadn't gotten herself help, but it didn't work. I think it's kind of like when you're a recovering addict, they tell you to step away from friends who are still drinking/using/etc. I can't move on if I'm still constantly being pulled down by people who are drowning & have no intention of reaching for a lifevest, especially when they want to push me under as well. Which is exactly what my sister does, and then she blames me for caring afterward. It's just not okay.

I've just got to allow myself a clean break. Move on. And have faith that someday, one way or another, I will see my nephew & niece again. I don't know what will happen in the meantime, but I'm going to try--for once in my freaking life--not to overthink it. I need to focus on me. I NEED TO. I've got to take care of me, which I haven't been doing that great a job of for quite some time now. Whatever happens, I need to have faith Jayden will know I always loved him. That's what matters to me the most, honestly.

Wrapping this up, let's go with an Angel Vid of the Day (by iBadFred) to round out the "strangely literal & abrupt women" love affair above. This vid is like an HBIC wet dream of ass-kickin' goodness & is seriously making me question my own judgment as to why I don't own season 5 of this show on DVD yet. What the Hell, self.

rachg82: (dollhouse nerd-love)
1. [livejournal.com profile] dradiscontact and I are still rockin' our Fangirl Festivus celebrations. We've now polished off the Christmas episodes of My So-Called Life, Community, Bones, and The X-Files; consumed a mass quantity of XF eps in general; finished off Firefly (minus the movie--that will come later this week); and watched more National Geographic documentaries than is probably healthy for either of us. I know how to make fried jelly sandwiches now. Did I mention they come with powdered sugar on top? LIFE IS GOOD.

2. I took Coda to Saturday Market & Voodoo Donuts this weekend, which was fun--albeit rainy. I let her know that was her first initiation rite to Portland, though. (the standing in the rain, that is, since Voodoo Donuts had a line wrapped around the building) We've been chillaxing since--as hinted at above--but the next plan will probably include either the Chinese/Japanese/Rose Gardens, exploring other sections of Portland like the Hawthorne district etc, or taking a tour of the Shanghai Tunnels. We'll see. I wish we had a car so we could do more, like go to the beach or Mt. St. Helens etc, but what can ya do.

3. I finally applied for a few jobs online & even wrote down the info for a few more, which I can apply for at the employment office in person. The entire job-finding/searching process still stresses me out enormously, but hey. At least I did something.

4. Speaking of stress, I'm really glad to not be alone this week. As it is, I started crying when I went online to buy my nephew & niece a Christmas gift. It helped to have someone here with me. For one, I don't have the money to buy them separate gifts. Not the kind I usually would anyway, once you include shipping. Number two, the gift I did buy? Wasn't anything expensive. Number three? I won't be there to give it to them & I don't know how they'll feel about that or what's being said to them about it. It's just really, really hard. But as Coda pointed out to me, I can send them more things later. That helps a little. UGH, HOLIDAYS. They take your pain & just exponentially multiply it.

To be real, though, the whole "stay alive until at least the end of the year" thing? A lot easier when I'm being distracted by company/playing hostess. This is very, very good timing and I'm grateful.

For funsies, I'll also share a few pics I've taken of our hijinks this week. )

5. Re: Firefly, btw? So far (again, minus the movie), I thought it was great. River is totes my fave, but I expected that so it wasn't really a surprise. Best be believin' there'll be icons on the way. I want one of her hugging that coffin, not to mention her with that twig/gun. She is frakking epic.

My Vid of the Day is by one of my fave vidders out there: blimvisible. All her vids are worth watching, even if you don't watch the shows in question. This vid is partially what got me more interested in Firefly, for instance. And that's coming from someone who'd already watched (and loved) every other Joss Whedon show anyway, but who for some reason just wasn't sure about the whole "cowboys in space" theme. Words: I gladly eat them.

rachg82: (bsg tigh sea)
Well, at least now I've filed for unemployment. I should've done so immediately, but the service was temporarily down when I first tried, and after that I honestly wasn't really functional myself for a while there. It didn't matter as this whole week (my first week not working) is a waiting week anyway, but still. It's good I got it done. Now I just need to register for the thingamabob for finding work and wait until Sunday so I can claim this week as the joyful waiting week (i.e. the one I don't get paid for). Next up, food stamps. Yay.

Actually, first up before that: shower. I figure that might be good since I haven't taken one since Saturday. And then food. No, Rachael, not cereal or a slim-fast shake. Actual food. And then laundry. And hopefully a walk to the park as I really, really want one. But food first so I don't, y'know, pass out. (seriously, I have been having the heaviest effing period ever, and it is SO not helping my tiredness. It's like, "Need to eat! But I have no appetite. But I need to eat! But I have no food. But I'm too tired, poor, & depressed to go get food! FUCK IT, I'LL JUST GO SLEEP.")

Ten (non-existent) bucks says my diet will move along like GANGBUSTERS now that I'm unemployed. Um, bright side?

It bothers me that only two coworkers have written me so far. Not even Nicole has, who has me friended on Facebook and has updated her own status since (talking about work like everything's normal, not even mentioning my absence). I guess it shows you who actually cares about you, eh? I'm just kind of surprised is all. She sat next to me & talked to me everyday, and I thought we were friends. She asked me questions constantly & I helped train her on non-purchasers only a month ago. Now I wonder if that was all just fake. I figured I'd at least get a simple "hey, are you okay?" message from her. Same goes for Marie, my "Work Mommy Version 1.0". Whatever. Sometimes I just don't understand people.

At least the two who did write me are there though. I do appreciate them. I may go to a movie (if/when I can afford it) with one of them soonish, but we'll see. It's the one who was a little batshit about race before, but I'm willing to give her a second chance because I know she's bipolar and she's normally never been crazy acting like that otherwise. I know from personal experience my mom would get like that too if her meds weren't right or she was manic, so I'll cut her slack & see if she gets that way again & whether she's worth dealing with (depending on the circumstances--i.e. what's causing her behavior and what she's doing to address it).

Continuing my "get my emotions out with no filter" project from before, I wrote a little bit more today. I think this is good for me, and I'm going to continue it until it feels like the right time to stop. Everything's still sort of pent-up inside, and if this is what it takes to get it out, so be it. It doesn't matter if some of it makes sense only to me, or if others relate to it, or if it's good, or if it sucks. It only matters if it's true.

To my sister. . . )

For my Vid of the Day today, I'm going to go with an Angel vid (by visitjessiechan) in honor of the conversation I had with [livejournal.com profile] dosidella last weekend about how much we both loved the Illyria arc in season 5. Oh, Amy Acker. Way to rip my heart out in grief with the loss of one character & then make me fall in love with the one who killed her. What's THAT about?

rachg82: (baltar loves living)
All right folks, I've got a few brief announcements to make before I go make my couch's acquaintance & prepare myself for some Bones-filled funtimes:

Announcement #1: [livejournal.com profile] sumpta is the biggity-biggity bomb. Wanna know why? Because when I came home today, I checked my mail & found a box of Belgian motherfrakkin' chocolate waiting for me. Not only that, but two of them are truffles. MY FAVORITE KIND. [livejournal.com profile] sumpta, just so you know, if you didn't live so far away, you would totally be getting some right now. Just sayin'. (also: It's completely your fault when I gain these 20 pounds back. Heeee. P.S. I love your elaborate list of BSG chocolate questions! Haha. I will fill them all out and post my answers here as soon as I try each one out, but I have to pace myself so I don't pass out in a sugar coma or something. Oh, but what a way to go!)

Announcement #2: So, uh, guess who might have glaucoma? Yeah, possibly me. THANKS A LOT TOPAMAX, WITH YOUR WACK-ASS SIDE EFFECTS. )

Announcement #3: I haven't talked to my sister since her 2 am phone call on Saturday night. Of course I should probably add that I unplugged my phone all Sunday because I knew I couldn't risk any added stress that day before returning to work on Monday & didn't want to deal with hearing from her, so it's possible she tried calling then, but I doubt it. Point is, she hasn't tried calling since. I can't decide which description would apply to her more right now: punk-ass bitch or bitch-ass punk. (bonus points go to anyone who knows where I got that from, heh) And no, I'm not interested in any "aw, but look at it from her side" perspectives. I'm strictly in a "I am wicked irritated & want to smack her across the face" state of mind at the moment. So, you know, fyi. I know we'll make up eventually, but God damn, so annoying. On the other hand though, I'm so exhausted caring about family stuff lately that I can't get myself to think about it or care about it for more than like two seconds before I'm just like, "God whatever, I'm gonna think about something else now." I'm just sort of cared-out, you know? Kind of numb. Maybe that's a good thing? Or does that make me somehow heartless or bad? I don't even know anymore.

I do know when we talk again though that I'm still sticking to what I told her before, which is that I don't want to hear about her marital problems anymore. Eventually she's going to have to get that through her head. I do at least have faith that she can though, but I'm just not sure how long it'll take is all. I just can't be there for her anymore though when it comes to him & his abusive crap, because it doesn't help her; it just hurts me. She needs a professional to help her, bottom line. And it's not fair of her to keep asking me to make things better when I tell her I can't, and I tell her it stresses me out, and have told her what I think she should do & she doesn't listen. After a certain point, you exhaust your right to ask for a person's shoulder to cry on when you keep making stupid decisions. It's sad & I feel bad for her because I love her, but it's been going on for so many years now & I just can't handle the strain anymore.

All right, it is now about twenty past eight and I think that is a sufficient amount of time for my DVR to let me watch Bones with no commercials. Hee. Genius, I know.

For my Vid of the Day, how about we pay tribute to one of my favorite female characters of all time? Flist, may I present to you Anya "Lame-ass Made-up Maiden Name" Harris? *does the Dance of Capitalist Superiority in her honor*

(psst, this vid is by charlierwj for those keeping score. Enjoy!)

rachg82: (booth/bones heart)
Why am I updating when I'm so exhausted I feel like I'm going to fall asleep in this chair? Sometimes sense-making & I don't get along so well.

But I do have a few things I feel like writing about, so let's see how quickly I can get through them before I actually do pass out on my keyboard, shall we?

Ten random things of randomness )
rachg82: (Buffy alone)
Before I start this entry I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for being so supportive after my last post. It really means a lot to me. I'm just gonna leave this one public though, because after I give an update on how I'm doing, I'm going to do some memes to distract myself. I need some semblance of normalcy and there's nothing more "normal" for me than rambling about television. So.

Real Life update & thoughts on what I can take from all this )

A couple TV memes to take my mind off things (involves fangirling for X-Files, Bones, & BSG) )
rachg82: (dollhouse nerd-love)
Three things:

1. Meme stolen from [livejournal.com profile] torigates: Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one reason why I like you. Then repost this and spread the love

2. My reactions to Avatar. *puts on analysis hat* )

3. Dollhouse: Getting Closer )

4. Bones: The Dentist in the Ditch )
rachg82: (adelle topher hug)
So, today was much better. My desk had been decorated with a big "Happy Birthday" banner when I got to work & there was a card waiting for me as well. Then everyone proceeded to tell me Happy Birthday all day long like yesterday never even happened, heh. The best part though was my cubicle neighbor who kept saying it everytime he walked by my desk (and I mean every time, ha), and who randomly would interrupt me in the middle of working/talking to someone to be like, "Hey Rachael?. . .Happy Birthday." Haha. Random shit like that always kills me. And by the 3rd or so time he did it, it was making everyone else around me laugh as well, so that was fun. *loves her coworkers*

Now, as promised, here's some more TV Ramblage for your reading pleasure. I haven't watched tonight's Bones yet (I keep falling behind! I am failtastic), and I still want to finish my thoughts on Caprica, but in the meantime here is my review of Dollhouse's much-talked-about unaired season one ep, "Epitaph 1", as well as a general review of last week's Bones. And I say "general review" because for once in my life I'm going to try to review a Bones episode without the benefit of a rewatch or nerdy note-taking. Check me out, ma! No hands!

Dollhouse: Epitaph 1. ATTENTION JOSS WHEDON: Why could you have not kicked this much ass from day one? )

Bones: The Proof in the Pudding )
rachg82: (baltar loves living)
The calendar is trying to tell me that I'm 28 years old today. Well, yesterday actually since now it's past midnight, but whatever. I personally think it's lying because I swear I was just 21 last week. Damn, time is some weird shit, you know? One minute you're this:

. . .and the next minute you're two years away from 30 and wondering how the hell it happened. What's that about?

Anyway, so my birthday was all right I guess. Kind of sucky, but it had its positive moments as well. )
rachg82: (dollhouse dreams)
All right, who's in the mood for some TV Ramblage? Because I've got a two-for-one Bones & Dollhouse special for you all today. I actually also wrote up a whole thing for RL/Family stuff too, but now that I look at it I think it'd just be too much to include all in the same entry. So I'll post it in a separate entry right after this. And then you guys can read it or skip it as time allows. Sound good? Good.

Bones: The X in the File )

Dollhouse: The Attic )

Vid of the Day: Sweet dreams are made of these )
rachg82: (hbic dollhouse)
Re: why I'm excited tonight? Three reasons:

1. The girl I've been filling in for at work has finally returned, thus allowing me to return to my normal position and escape from all the shady, lying, whiny non-compliant bitches customers that make me want to bust a cap in someone's ass. Also? It means I can finally start getting caught up on my own work, freeing the perfectionist in me to relax & stop breathing into a metaphorical paper bag everytime I think about how far behind I am. Good times!

2. Bones is back! And I'm particularly excited to watch tonight's ep. ([livejournal.com profile] britishwannabe1, I know you're right there with me on why!)

3. Dollhouse tomorrow night! Hells yes, I CANNOT WAIT. This show has gotten so damn good the last few weeks that I don't know how I'm going to deal with the fact that there are only two episodes left. Gah. To the BSG fans on my flist: you know that scene with Adama & the paint? Right. ~That may be me next Friday~. Haha. Okay, so no, not really. But still. THERE WILL BE POUTING, OH YES.

And speaking of Dollhouse, I finally watched Epitaph One this week and also finished getting caught up with season two, and I am just about bursting at the seams to flail all over the place about it. Seriously. I took notes and everything. And you *know* that's when I mean business with my recaps/reviews. WHEN THERE'S NOTES. Ha.

To make it easier though, I'm only gonna write about one of the episodes tonight ("Stop-Loss"), as I know I'll have A LOT to say about the next few, and while I may type up to 100 words per minute, girlfriend can still only write so much in a single sitting. Heh. Like, cool your jets there, Longwinded McGee.

Oh, and P.S. While I'm at it, I'll also throw in my reactions to last night's Modern Family too. Which I am still loving, btw.

Real quick before I do that though? I thought I'd chime in on ConanGate while I had the time:

Dear NBC,

Stop being such a bag of douche. You're embarassing yourself.

Yours truly,

~That is all~. Heh. And now for the TV Ramblage!

Modern Family )

Dollhouse: Stop-Loss )
rachg82: (frak earth)
"Rachael," I can hear you all thinking, "what the hell are you doing up at 4:30 in the morning?" Well, this is what happens when you have a migraine and sleep all day. Kinda throws the whole "sleep at night" thing off. So I figure since I'm up anyway, I might as well post something, right?

It also gives me the chance to vent a few things that are bugging me. )

On a more positive note, once my migraine finally went away & I dragged my ass outta bed, I spent some time tonight watching a bunch of season 3 Buffy eps (hence the subject heading), which was super enjoyable as I hadn't watched them in a long time. "Doppelgangland", "Choices," "The Prom," and "Graduation Day Part I and II." Not a bad way to pass a few hours, all things considered. I'd forgotten how much fun "Doppelgangland" was in particular. "I'm eleven hundred years old, JUST GIVE ME A FREAKIN' BEER!" Haha. Oh, Anya. How I love you.

After my DVD-fest, I also spent an hour or so tonight messing around with icons. Two new BSG ones and also two Buffy/Faith icons as well:

Nothing amazing, no, but I'm still getting the hang of the whole icon-making deal, and am working with the most basic photo-editing software in the world, so hey. Basic or not, I kinda like them, and had fun making them, so I figured I'd share.

Now I'm finally getting tired though, so I'd better end this & get my butt to bed. Before I do though, here's your vid of the day. )
rachg82: (Gilmore Girls Santaburger)
Today's been a good day overall, I have to say. I didn't have to go to work, I continued my marathon with Gilmore Girls & Buffy (I decided to leave X-Files & Bones for last), and this evening I made a batch of the best cookies in the history of the world (peanut butter cookies with reeces peanut butter cups stuck inside). Seriously, I know I'm prone to hyperbole and all, but they are freaking ridonkulously good. It was really funny too, because I NEVER bake anything from scratch, like ever, so when I told my mom what I was doing over the phone, her response was all "by yourself?" With this like ~concerned tone~. Haha. I was like "I'll be okay, I promise."

I had a funny trip to the store too. First off, I got hollared at on my way home, which made no sense at all because A. I didn't even take a shower today and I just had my hair thrown up in a messy ponytail, and B. I had nothing even remotely approaching sexy on as I was all bundled up against the cold. And yet I got the drive-by action anyway, plus this super entertaining exchange with the cashier before I left:

Cashier: How old are you?
Me: *eyes him* Why?
Cashier: Well, 'cause I can't really tell, I was just curious, and uh. . .
Me: 27. How old are you?
Cashier: 19.
Me: Good to know.
Cashier: I just wanted to know, 'cause like, you never know when you might need that info.
Me: Uh-huh
Cashier: There might be some life or death situation or something.
Me: Right
Cashier: Like, what if you were being mugged out in the parking lot, and the guy was like "I need to know how old you are or else!" I could help!
Me: Well, if that happens I'll think of you.
Cashier: Yeah, yeah. Well, um, Merry Christmas!

Hahahaha. Most random moment of random ever. WAY TO HIT ON A WOMAN BY ASKING THEM THEIR AGE, DUDE. NOT SO SUAVE. But, hey, you gotta hand it to him with the save there. What if you were being mugged! Hee. The person standing behind me in line was just like "WTF?"

Anyway, so that was my day. Now I'm gonna mix up a mug of hot chocolate & then get my little butt to bed (my family isn't getting together until early afternoon tomorrow, hence why I'm not in bed already). Before I do that though, I felt inspired to share a few of my favorite moments & lines from the episodes I already watched today (and of course there'll be a Vid of the Day as well, this time one for each show because I like to spoil you all like that).

Buffy )

Gilmore Girls )

Vid(s) of the Day )
rachg82: (Naughty Booth)
All right, guys, I've got a mission for this entry. I have exactly one hour before I need to get ready to go shopping with my sister this afternoon, and I'm going to test myself to see if I'm able to finish an entry in that amount of time. I keep writing and deleting what I write lately (hello, perfectionist), causing me to take a million years to finish one silly entry, and it's just gotta stop. So. Today I get one hour, and if this entry has typos or isn't perfect, well then so be it.

Today I'll be delivering the post-Bones squeeage I promised, plus give some quick comments on other shows I watched this week. *sets timer* It's go-time, yo! Hee.

Real quick first though: Have you guys heard that there is going to be a Sweet Valley High movie? I got a little too excited when I heard that, not gonna lie. Ha. I was so into those books as a kid though, like really. Not only did I read the high school ones, I also read the books about them as little kids, and the university series (which I was completely obsessed with, btw). I even watched the short-lived tv show for crying out loud. It was totally Fandom-Crazy Rachael, Version 1.0. And I'd be embarassed by this admission, but I don't have nearly enough shame for that. Heh. Seriously though, who here from their late twenties and older didn't read those books? Everyone I knew as a kid was into them. So yeah, I'm sure the movie will completely suck, but I will totally be at least renting it. Heh. Especially if they set it in the late eighties/early nineties time period it was meant for, so we can all revel in the cheese-tastic Valley Girl drama & fashions. Which they'd better, because I can't imagine my Wakefield twins with cell phones and shit. It just wouldn't be right.

This week in television: Bones, House, Glee, Dollhouse, and Mad Men )

August 2017

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